~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twas
the night before Christmas,
And all through
the Watchtower,
Not a hero was
using,
Even one of
their powers,
Diana and Hawkgirl
hung ornaments on the branches while Superman lit candles on the tree. “I wanna
put the star on top! Please? Please please please?!? PLEASE?!?!” Flash got on
his knees, pleading.
Superman laughed
and nodded. “Of course, Flash.” Flash let out a squeal of joy and went to go
get a ladder.
Flash hung the
stockings by the chimney with care,
15 for himself,
and one for each other Leaguer there,
“And a stocking for
me……..and one for Diana, and another stocking for me, and another for
Shy…………………”
“What’s the big one
for?” asked Diana, pointing to a giant stocking hanging to the side. “That
one’s for Santa to put Pamela Anderson in,” Flash grinned.
J’Onn was
dressed from head to toe in red,
While visions of
Oreos danced in his head,
“You guys all got
my list of what I wanted, right?” J’Onn questioned. He was dressed in red
feetie pajamas, as they were quite warm and fuzzy. Green Lantern laughed
holding up a list that read “Oreos, Oreos, more Oreos……………….”
And Shy and her
mace,
And Lantern and
his ring,
Sat and listened
to Batman complain about the whole thing,
“I hate Christmas,”
Batman grumbled. “It’s another way for manufacturers to squeeze every penny
they can out of unassuming consumers.”
Shy sighed and
shook her head. “I’ve never heard you say so much before Batman, eggnog really
loosens the tongue huh? Next thing you know, you’ll be telling us who’s behind
that mask.”
Batman stared at
her. Then threw the glass of eggnog in the sink.
“And these
manufacturers also………….”he continued. Green Lantern groaned and shook his head.
“Shy, pass me the eggnog. I’m gonna need if I have to listen to this all
night.”
The clock struck
ten, causing the Leaguers’ to go to bed at the Flash’s insistence.
“IfyoudontgotobedthenSatntawontcomeandAH!” he darted back and forth from one
person to the other, speaking rapidly. “Thentherewouldbenopresants!”
Batman groaned and
shook his head. “There’s no such thing as Santa,” he grumbled.
Flash froze and
turned towards Batman. “How DARE you say that about his jollyness!” he turned
and marched off to his room. Everyone stared at Batman somewhat surprise at his
harshness. They all headed slowly off to their rooms.
When
out on the roof there rose such a clatter,
Batman sprang
from his bed to see what was the matter,
Batman heard
clanking on the roof overhead and bolted out of bed. “Intruders,” he growled.
Away to his
closet he flew with a dash,
To put on his
cowl, and go wake the Flash,
He threw on his
cowl and cape and buckled his belt. He then raced over to the Flash’s room and
burst through the door. “Get up!” he hissed, shaking Flash. Flash grumbled and
rolled over. “Five more minutes Mommy...”
Batman stared at
him a moment then shook him harder. “Ow-Hey! What gives?” Flash grumbled and
opened his eyes. “Bats? What are you doing here?” Flash stared. “And in your
boxers?”
It was true. Though
Batman had thrown on his belt and cowl, he hadn’t had time to change. “Couldn’t
you have put on a robe or something?” Flash shielded his eyes.
“We don’t have
time! Intruders!” Batman exclaimed, dragging Flash out of his room and down the
hall.
“Hum…………no time to
put on a robe, yet he manages to get on his cowl and belt.” Flash muttered.
The
moon shone on the floor,
Gave the luster
of mid-day to the shiny chrome door,
Flash and Batman
snuck through the hall. “Shhh…………….”Batman hissed. “We can’t be heard or
seen."
Flash rump stuck up
from under the tree. "Gotta make sure there's enough room under the
rockin' Christmas tree!"
When, what to
Bats wondering eyes should appear,
But a ship of
some kind, and eight tiny reindeer,
“Those eight
extensions must be weapons of some sort.” Batman growled.
With a little
old driver, so lively and quick,
Flash knew in a
moment it must be St. Nick.
“Bats! It’s Santa!
I knew he existed! HA!” Flash stuck out a tongue at Batman.
More rapid than
eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled,
and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now,
DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONDER and BLITZEN!
“It’s an imposter
Santa!” Batman exclaimed. “Probably Joker, or Lex Luther!”
Flash stared at
him. “You should get a lump of coal, you Christmas Atheist!” Batman gave him a
look. "We need a plan."
Suddenly Bats had
it.
the top of the
porch! to the top of the wall!
Attack them,
attack them, attack them all!
As batarangs during
fights fly,
And Hawks and
Lanterns take to the sky,
So up to the
chimney Batman did flew,
Poised with a
flowerpot to conk you-know-who,
And then, in a
twinkling, Flash heard on the roof
The prancing and
pawing of each little hoof.
"EEEEEEE!"
Flash grabbed Batman and began to dance him around the room. "Santa's here
with Pamela! Santa's here with Pamela!"
"Let go of
me!" Batman freed himself from Flash in disgust.
"If it really
is Santa, you have to dance with Diana." Flash huffed.
"If it's really
Santa, I'll tango with YOU. Cheek to cheek." Batman muttered.
As drew away
from Flash, and was turning around,
Down the chimney
the Joker, thought Bats, came with a bound.
"GET
HIM!" Screamed Batman. He jumped on the figure and began to give him a
traditional bat-beat down.
"BATMAN
NO!" Flash screamed, trying to pry Batman of the soot-covered figure.
He
was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes
were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
He also now had a
black eye, from where Batman had punched him.
A bundle of toys
lay near scattered in a sack,
At the sight of
these toys Batman was taken aback.
Batman froze as he
stared at the man. Why would Joker carry toys with him?
“TWSTED FREAK!”
Batman screamed, pounding him harder.
“BATMAN!” Flash had
only one choice. He grabbed hold of Batman’s arm and bit him.
“ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH”
Batman screamed “You crazed little red hamster!”
"Batman, look
at him! Stare at the man behind the beard, look at his face!" Flash
pleaded
Batman grabbed the
man's face and stared at him.
His eyes -- how
they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were
like roses, his nose like a cherry!
“Wow, he’s nose is
like a cherry!” exclaimed Flash. “Is it edible?”
The man looked at
them strangely.
His droll little
mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of
his chin was as white as the snow;
Batman gave the
beard a few good yanks. Either it was real, or stuck on good.
The
stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it
encircled his head like a wreath;
“Santa, your in a
no smoking satellite.” Flash informed him. “I’m afraid I’m gonna have to ask
you to put out the pipe.”
He had a broad
face and a little round belly,
That shook, when
he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
Santa laughed as
Flash said this, letting out a deep “Ho ho HO!”
“EEEEEEE! Santa
laughed at me!” he cheered. “Laugh again, that was so Santa-y cool!”
Santa gave him
another odd look
He was chubby
and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And Flash
laughed when he saw him, in spite of himself;
A wink of his
black eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave Batman to know he had nothing to dread;
Batman stood
frozen. It was actually Santa Claus. Santa. In the flesh.
He spoke not a
word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all
the stockings, as Flash called Batman a jerk,
“See?!?” Flash
smirked. “I knew it, Batsy! TTHHHHUPPPP!” he stuck out his at Batman. “Big
jerkhead.”
“I beat up
Santa…………..”Batman moaned, pulling up his boxers.
Santa placed an
understanding hand on Batman’s shoulder and handed him one of his gifts, a book
title, ‘Ridding Yourself of Paranoia for Dummies.’
Batman groaned.
“Everyone’s a critic.”
Santa smiled and
stepped back into the chimney.
And laying his
finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod,
up the chimney he rose;
“Whoa……………..”Flash
stared. “Ok, not fair. Even Santa has the power of flight.” he looked
thoughtful a moment. "Do you think Santa has heat vision too?"
Batman sighed and
shook his head. “Let’s just…………….go to sleep. Though I doubt you’ll get any,”
he said, stepping between Flash and the Christmas tree. "Go to your room
young man."
"Aw
poo..........."
And
the next morning laying under the tree,
Was something
Batman never thought there would be,
Everyone filed out
of their rooms and began to get their presents out from under the tree. J’Onn’s
packages all looked similar, square packages that were slightly lumpy.
“I think I know
what these are...”J’Onn grinned.
Batman picked up
several packages - one from Diana, one from Hawkgirl... ”Clothes,” he smiled
knowingly. “Books.” He stopped when he got to the next lumpy, rather poorly
wrapped package.
The package read,
“To Batman, from Flash” and was wrapped in bright red paper. Batman carefully
unwrapped the gift and froze. It was something he had wanted since he was a
child, something Santa had forgotten to bring one year………
A baseball mitt.
Flash noticed
Batman staring at him and smiled. “I wrote to Santa and asked him for something
to help you believe in Christmas again……he recommended that. Do you like it?”
he asked hopefully.
“Flash………….this is
the best Christmas gift I have ever received. Thank you.”
All the presents
had been opened and the Christmas music was playing. Diana approached Batman,
who standing in a corner, tossing a ball up and down and catching it in his new
mitt.
“Care to dance?”
she asked, holding out a hand. Batman smiled slightly. “I’d love too. But
you’ll have wait for the second dance……….” He smiled approaching Flash. “A Bats
word is as good as gold.” Flash grinned as he and Batman began to tango.
That was the only
time Batman danced with a man.
If there’s one
thing I hope you learn from this write,
NEVER ATTACK MEN
WHO COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY CHRISTMAS NIGHT!
THE END