Things They Would Never Say

Ashley says: This is a collection of hilarious “Things they would never say” that I found while browsing through the messageboards at www.dccomics.com.

Enjoy! Oh, and make sure you’ve used the bathroom recently. Some of these….well…..you’ll see!

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BATMAN: I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gay!

BATMAN: This looks like a job for Superman!

JOKER: Two-Face season!
TWO-FACE: Joker season!
JOKER: Two-face season!
TWO-FACE: Joker season!
JOKER: Joker season!
TWO-FACE: Two-Face season!
JOKER: Joker season!
TWO-FACE: I say it's Two-face and that he does have to hit me now! So hit me now!
*thwack!!!*

NIGHTWING: Great googly moogly!

ALFRED: Dude.

TOURIST: This is so cool! I'm in Gotham City! The home of Batman!
GOTHAMITE: Who?
TOURIST: C'mon! Batman! The Dark Knight! Serves in the Justice League! Fights crime!
GOTHAMITE: Doesn't ring a bell.

Batman: The name's Man. Batman.

Batman: I need a new Batsuit; this one doesn't go with my eyes.

Batman: Oh Goody!!

Batman: (as he races through Gotham) Skippy, skippy, skippy, skip!

Robin: Bruce, The Joker has just escaped from Arkham!
Batman: Let the police handle it, Robin. I have a date tonight.

 

Batman: "I'm cookoo for Cocoa Puffs!"

Batman: Superman, you're my best friend.

Batman: Sure Nightwing, I'd like to hear your opinion.

Batman: Mr. Freeze is building a giant ice cannon. I don't think he has anything sinister planned.

Alfred: Shall I get your Batsuit ready sir?
Bruce: Not tonight Alfred. I'm going to try out my new Playstation.

Gordon: Batman, the Scarecrow has robbed several banks.
Batman: I'm really not interested, Jim.

Batman: Superman, can I be your sidekick?

 

 

Batman: Yipee!

 

Bruce and Alfred at Blockbuster—

Alfred: Hmm, Batman Forever, or Batman and Robin, sir?
Bruce: Let's go with The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Alfred.
Alfred: Ooh! The Lost Boys!
Bruce: Oh, fudge! I'll just buy the whole store.

 

Alfred: "Bruce, all the other cars were acting up so I took the Batmobile grocery shopping today."

 

Bruce: Alfred, I have decided a change in my identity is needed. From now on, I will be known as Pigeon Man.

 

Batman: I never wanted to be a vigilante! I always wanted to be...a lumberjack!

 

BATMAN: Curses! The batteries have run out!
NIGHTWING: The Energizer Bunny outdoes the Batbattery! It just keeps going and going and going and going...

BATMAN: WASSUP!!!!!!!!!

BATMAN: Word up, yo.

BATMAN: Alfred, it's time for the Batunicycle!

 

Batman: What would Underdog do in a situation like this?

Oracle: (reading outloud) Thank you for purchasing Windows for Dummies....

Nightwing: What??? You want me to climb all the way up there???? I'm not climbing up no trees for no cat. Uh-uh.

Batman: I will no longer rule the night by fear. I will now rule it by DANCE!

Batman: AH HA! There he is. I found you Waldo. Your striped shirt gave you away.

Dinah: Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good.

 

Batman : A bat? What was I think now I want a scary name. Something like Elongated Man, Captain Marvel, I know from this day on I shall be know as Goldfish Man!!!!!

 

Batman: You mean....you put down your rock and I put down my sword and then we can kill each other like civilized people?

 

" Where's my fuzzy bunny slippers?"

 

"Nananananananananana: Baat-maaaaan!"

 

Batman: Dude?
Alfred: Dude.
Batman: Duu-uude!
Alfred: DUDE!
Batman: Sigh... dude...

Batman: "Alfred... what do you mean about this tutu not matching my cape?"

 

Bats: Wow! That was fun! Lets do it again!

Bats (singing along to the radio): "Don't worry, be happy."

Bats: "I think I'm getting to old for this."

 

Rejected ideas from Batman's journal:

Pigeonman
Sparrowman
Blue Jayman
Pizza Delivery Man
Alligatorman
Frogman