Self-portrait
Existentialism?
Surely you jest, you must be joking.
Nobody does anything like that in my house, oh no.
We're a happy, normal all-American family
- Mommy's on Prozac, Daddy's on Mommy's best friend,
Just last night I caught Big Brother smoking a joint.
The cat's a cleptomaniac and my dog's a Satanist.
And me?
I just take it up the ass.
Yes, we're your typical American family, we are.
You won't find any of that barbaric stuff here
- No love, no respect, no communication, no life.
Only the good things for my family.
We've got cars and credit cards and even
A brand new whirlpool.
I'm going to sit in it, you see.
I'm going to sit in that brand new white whirlpool of ours,
And then I am going to shit.
I'm going to shit on the car and the credit cards.
I'm going to smoke Brother's doobage.
I'm going to buy my cat everything it wants and
Kill the neighbors for Fido.
I'm going to embrace existentialism and
Ride the big thicks ones 'til I can no longer sit.
I'm going to take all the Prozac and plant it in poppy fields.
I'm going to scream "Fuck!" on the answering machine
- fuck Fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!
And then, when I am done,
I am going to sit back and relax
For then, I will truly be free.
sashay.