|
Date: 12/17/00 4:05:00 PM Central Standard Time
From: [email protected]
UF: "You Sleigh Me"
BY: Susan Ellen Field
Disclaimer: all Fk characters belong to JP, and a whole lot of other folk, I
only borrow them ,well basically cause I can (G)
Dedicated to all my UFfer buds whom I love dearly :)
I was going to buy that new Ronco beta reading machine, but decided to make
you all suffer and read it as it was written... LOL!
(insert everyone thinking"Oh man!! does Walgreens still have any Beta reading
machines still in stock?)
For those interested in purchasing one call: 1-800-your putting me on.
And now onto the story you all pleaded for... :) Or was that pleading for no
story? you know I always get those two mixed up..... :)
"Jingle Balls, Jingle Balls, Jingle all the way" :)
The sounds of singing and merriment echoed into the streets,as the happy
UFfers gathered around the tree *hanging* ornaments.
Suddenly,there was a clatter!! Jules sprang up to see what was the matter!
"What the hell was that?" she exclamed.
"Well,sounded like something fell outside".Susan said, stating the obvious!
The Uffers ran towards the window.Sure enough, something or someone had
fallen and was laying outside on top of the pile of discarded beer bottles!
The Group ran outside, and were stunned at what they saw.
"Oh My Gosh!" said Janet."I think its Santa UFfmas!"
"What does he look like?" yelled out Rae.
Janet screamed back"beard,moustach,laughing eyes".
"Oh My gosh! could it be?" Rae thought to herself.....
Janet,Turning the large man over saw that it wasen't who Rae thought it
might be,LOL!! it was indeed Santa UFmas!
Julia and the others ran outside and gathered around the slumped figure.
"We need to get him inside!" said April.
"What do we do now? what happens to UFmas now?" Asked Shan,who had checked
out the sleigh and found it to be empty.. not even a reindeer in sight! Or
that Tofu cake she specially ordered.
Getting the still form of Santa UFmas all snuggled in front of the fire, they
looked worried...with so many things on each of thier lists, and Santa UFmas
here, with an empty sleigh, well, they were all going to be screwed! and not
in the way an UFfer needs to be!"
The now sad group Gathererd round the fireplace.
"Fear not Buds!! for I will tell you a story'.. Said Susan,sitting in front
of them.
"Thats what we are afraid of" said Julia out of the corner of her mouth.
"Fellow UFfers," Susan began,,,, I shall relate a UFmas story that happened
along long time ago....
Place: The North Pole,where time itself has no meaning , like this
story......
****************************************************************
The UFelves hurried.It was almost UFmastime and they were way behind on
production...
"Just got this e-mail from Santa UFmas...Says that we need to speed things
up!"
Said Gail running in and out of the workshop.
"UFelf Jules printed out a copy of the latest list of names of good and bad
UFfers,plus a few assorted FK folk :)...
"Whats the rush? she said. everyone on this list has been bad!"
"YES!" said UFelf April."But bad in a *good* way if you know what I mean!".
The other Uffish elves smiled at that.
They scrolled down the list of requested gifts..... it was the usual
things... leather,whips, chains, handcuffs,see-thru knighties,purple
thongs....
"Okay, who is next on the list?" Julia asked.
"Got this note from a L.Lacroix,wants us to deliver a pocketwatch with the
inscription"Forever" to his son".Jules said, reading from her printouts.
"Hey wait a minute!" said UFelf Lora."Isn't that the same watch that got
returned last year, with the note that said:
"Please send this back to my Dad, and tell him I'm not coming back, just
wanted to say thankyou?"
"Yup!!" same one!! I tell ya, this has been going on between them for a long
time!!"
"LOL!! yeah" said UFelf Lorelei."Remember the time we had that sun-dial
coming up and back from them?"
"Yeah!!" interjected Sandra."And how about that grandfathers clock?" Boy!!
was that ever a load to haul up and back!".
"Well, okay, we deliver that watch one more time, but I draw the line when it
gets to be "Big Ben"!" Said UFelf Laurie.
Well after making April pile everything into the one horse open sleigh # 11,
the gang was Dashing through the snow, to make it over to Santa UFmas's
house,where he had to take everything all around the world,drop it into thier
abodes, and still make the 11:00 Pm IRC chat! (chatrooom #winterwonderland)
LOLOLOL!
Suddenly a severe snowstorm hit!! The UFelves couldn't see a foot in front
of them!(cause if they did, this wouldn't actually be a UFmas tale, but a
horror story... i mean, if you were driving in a severe snowstorm and were
actually looking for a foot in front of you, well, you get the picture!
anyway,they couldn't see a road in front of them either!
THWAP!!!..............!!!!!!!
"We hit something!!" Shouted Lorelei!
"Oh my gosh!!" she is right!! Screamed out Jules."There is something laying
there in the snow!!"
Everyone got out.
"Oh man!!" said UFelf Lora."I think its Rudolph!!
"How can you be sure?" Asked UFelf Rae.
"Look here" said Julia turning *It* over...
"Red nose!!"
(yes folks, that Rudolph was one hard drinking Reindeer) ! a collection of
empty Beer cans lay on the snow next to him.
"Oh My gosh!!" you mean we "Sleighed" Rudolph?" Cried out Lora..
"Now what do we do?" Asked worried UFelf Sandra."Santa UFmas needed him to
guide *his* sleigh tonight!".And ours is broken!!!
(At this point in the story, I bet your wondering a few things,aren't you?
like, where is this all leading to? why am I still reading it?",all this and
more might be answered along the way... but dont count on it!).....
Suddenly,The UFelves spotted something in the snow up ahead....
"Its a snowman!! Shouted UFelf Lorelei,as she reached it.
"Look!!" it has glowing yellow eyes!!" said UFelf Sandra.
At that very moment, the Aurora Bourealis lit the sky above,and the
*Snowman*pulled out his sunglasses!!!
"Hey wait a minute!!" Said UFelf Jules."Snowmen can't do stuff like that, i
smell something rotten in *Denmark!!* :)
********************************************
(Well UFfer buds, I suppose your wondering whats *UP* with that snowman?
Especially since to this point we dont actually know if he is anatomically
correct!).
UFelf Julia pulled out her laptop and quickly made a fast online purchase.
A few minutes later a package dropped from the sky by a fast flying figure
with long wavy black hair and facial stubble.....( UFelf Rae looked up,she
shook her head, nah, couldn't be!!"....could it?"
The group Set up thier Ronco instant tent for $9.95, and cause they ordered
fast they got a set of ginsu knifes.
Safely hidden within the interior of the tent,The *snowman* melted and
standing before them was a tall blond with blue eyes..
"Hello!" he said in an accented voice."My name is Nicholas!"
UFelves April and Susan stood there, with silly grins......
"Ufelf Jules went up to him and said "Say, you wouldn't happen to be the same
Nicholas we have on our delivery list would you?"
Nicholas rolled his eyes around."Oh Gads, tell me dad isn't sending me that
watch again!,I really wanted that new and improved pit of condemmed bimbos!"
"Sure is!" Said UFelf Lora.
"If you dont mind me saying so, The snowman disguise is all wet!" Said Gail,
coming in and out of the tent carrying buckets of melted snow.
(and now back to what Nicholas was answering lora before Gail came in and
out!)
"Well, thats exactly why i was here.I have been hiding out in the guise of a
winter snowman,figuring its the one place Lacroix wouldn't find me till he
got some new gift ideas going!"
(Just then,Lucien Lacroix made a surprise guest appearence in Susans Story!!!)
"So Nicholas! you thought I wouldn't find you,here amongst all this snow and
ice?"
"Well, i was kinda hoping'...
"I will always know where to find you!! you will always be mine eternally!"
"Er, Dad? could we just leave that for an episode? you know, the ones the
fans gotta watch on tape cause TPTB are dummys that wont give the viewers
what they ask for"?
"Well, If we must Nicholas"....
"I hate to break up the family reunion" Said Julia, But we UFelves are on a
*tight* schedule, and We have got to get going,either of you guys got a cell
phone to call AAA?
"Lacroix wispered into his childs ear' "Tight? did she say Tight?"
Nicholas smiled...Lacroix, dont spoil the surpise gift i have for you
later"... he said....
(that slash moment was brought to you by Sleazo,the company that provides all
your slash needs for a low monthly fee"....
Just call 1-800- Whassup
"What seems to be your problem my dear?" Lacroix asked..
(It was then, that Julia related the sad tale of how thier sleigh crashed
into Rudolph...
"Not to worry my dear, Nicholas and I can make your deliverys to Santa
UFmas',while you wait for the tow truck!"
***************************************************************
"And that was how UFmas was saved by Nick and Lacroix' Said Susan as she
passed around the popcorn.
Suddenly, Santa UFmas opened his eyes.
"Look!!" Santa UFmas opened his eyes!" Shouted Rae.
""Hey Rae!!" Read the line Susan typed in !!) Said Julia as she reached for a
drink to wash down the popcorn.
"Where am I" said Santa UFmas as he sat up.
"Its okay Santa UFmas, your here in Susan's story!" Said April.
Santa got a sick look on his face and then told them what happened..plus he
had tasted one of Susan's popcorns kernals.
"I was on the way to deliver my packages, when two figures bumped into my
sleigh".."One was shouting"I'm not coming back to you".. the other was
shouting"you will always be mine eternally"...
Anyone got a beer? Santa UFmas asked...
Several six packs later, he finished the sentence....
"Packages and Reindeer fell all over town, and i plummeted down here!" Burp!!!
The UFfers looked at each other... could it be? could who they were thinking
of actually have caused snats Ufmas to fall?
Just at that very moment, a knock came upon the UFfers door...
"And who might you be?" Jules asked through the peep hole :)
"Its Lacroix and Nicholas my dear"...
Needless to say, Jules opened the door swiftly.. and later after every Uffer
meeted and greeted,The pair apologised to Santa UFmas,not only for causing
his sleigh to crash, but for making him become a part of Susan's story...
Nicholas stepped forward and said"Santa UFmas"...with you being high as a
kite,
"May we guide your sleigh tonight?"
Then how the Uffers loved him, they all shouted out with glee
and you know......lalalalalalala
Nick and Lacroix saved UFmas...and remember not eat yellow snow"....
lalalalalalaala
The End.....
To all my UFfish friends near and far...
I wish you all a very happy and Healthy Ufmas...
and a hearty Good knight!!! :)
HUGS!! Susan
|