"Dinner's On Me!"
By April Hackett & Susan Field
c1997
"Nick, I need to make a stop," Schanke blurted out as the two detectives approached a sprawling outdoor mall.
"Schanke, we don't have the time."
"Come on, Nick. I need to make a pick-up. It won't take more than a minute," Schanke interrupted, gesturing toward the storefronts looming on their right.
Giving his partner a pained glance, Nick sighed, "All right," and pulled into the drive.
"Just pull up here," Schanke directed, pointing at an open parking space in front of the dry cleaners near the end of the mall. As he climbed out of the Caddy, he said, "I'll be right back."
"Sure, Schanke," Nick replied, putting the car into park and leaning back. It wasn't anytime before Nick had slipped into another flashback, so he failed to notice Schanke's destination.
It was a short time later when Schanke pulled the passenger door open and sat down with a pizzeria box in his lap.
"You're not getting into my car with that!" Nick growled and leaned away from the aroma coming from inside the box.
"Come on, Nick. I'm hungry. Besides, I've already paid for it." Schanke brought the box up to his nose and took a big whiff. "Ahhh, pepperoni with extra cheese and garlic," he sighed with obvious contentment evident in his voice. "It wouldn't hurt you to try some, you know," he urged, glancing over to his partner.
"I think I'm going to be sick," Nick muttered, rolling down his window.
"Come on, let's go."
Nick started the Caddy and pulled it back into traffic. Leaning against the door, he sped toward the Raven, wishing he could whammy every street lights from here to the club into staying green.
"Ah, Nick? Could you roll your window up? You're cooling off my pizza," intruded upon his thoughts. With a murderous look, which Schanke missed, Nick growled his opinion about that suggestion and stomped on the gas pedal harder.
Nick was growing distraught. Out of the 6 streetlights they'd encountered so far, 4 of them had turned red just in time to insure he had to stop. Thank God they were almost to the club. He was considering the consequences of flipping on the siren for the rest of their journey when Schanke decided he couldn't wait to sample his dinner any longer.
The aroma rising from the pizza box was driving Schanke crazy. Their hectic schedule had insured he had missed any opportunity for supper, so he took a chance and ordered the pizza before they left the station. Schank figured, or at least hoped he would be able to talk Nick into making one stop on the way to the Raven. A happy smile graced his lips as he cracked open the lid and gazed on what was for him, the fifth wonder of gastronomical delights.
"Schanke, don't open that..." Nick started to say, when Don pulled a piece of pizza out of the box and brought it up to his nose.
"Isn't that a heavenly smell, Nick?" Taking a deep breath, he drooled, "There's nothing like a large slice of pepperoni pizza." Don suddenly had a wicked notion and thrust his dinner under Nick's nose. "Don't you agree, partner?"
The sudden assault of garlic produced a strong reaction from Nick. He stomped on the brake and threw the car into a slide, heading for the curb. As soon as it jerked to a stop, he dropped the Caddie into park and abandoned ship. Turning back to the silent car, Nick looked gingerly inside. Schanke was sitting in the passenger's seat wearing the pizza plastered to his chest. He turned his head toward Nick and gazed at him with a vague, stunned expression on his face.
Nick wrinkled his nose when another whiff of garlic floated by. Pinpointing where the offending smell was originating, he glanced at his right shoulder and saw a large piece of pepperoni stuck to his jacket. "Aarrgghh!" he hissed in exasperation and carefully picked the offending food particle off like it was a dangerous life form.
"Nick, why the hell did you do that?" Schanke calmly asked, looking at his partner in amazement.
"What..." Nick countered, as he leaned down to look back in the car. Noticing the mess covering the front seat, he wrinkled his face up in disgust and began picking bits of pizza loose and tossing them out onto the street.
"What... Nick!" Schanke yelled, then took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Man oh man. What am I going to do about my shirt?" he muttered under his breath, leaning forward to let the pizza fall back into its box. "Myra is going to be furious!"
"You won't have to tell her what you had for supper, that's for sure," Nick quipped, then wrinkled his nose again as he pulled another big glob from his seat and tossed it behind him.
A drunk staggering down the sidewalk glanced at the green Caddy angled haphazardly next to the curb. Clumsily bending over, he looked through the window and saw Schanke covered with bits of pizza.
"Hey, man. You know (hick) you're supposed to (hick) eat that, not we...ar it," he belched.
"Yeah, thanks for the tip," Schanke sarcastically replied through the glass.
Shrugging, the drunk stumbled around the front of the Caddy and watched as pizza bits came flying out of the car. Tapping Nick on the shoulder, he belched, "Hey... man, don't y...ou (hick) know you'...re litterin'?" When Nick stood up, the drunk waved a dirty finger under the detective's nose and said stiffly, "We got ...to do (hick) our part, you (hick) know." He then staggered back to the sidewalk and shuffled on down the street.
"Yeah, Nick. Quit littering and get in the car!" Schanke groused. "After all, you are a public servant," he added, then scowled when another large piece of cheese and sauce fell from the front of his coat onto the box that was sitting in his lap.
Glancing skyward for divine help, Nick climbed into the Caddy and resumed their journey to the Raven.
"Be careful how you get out of the car, Schank," Nick quickly stated as Don opened the passenger door. "I don't want any more of that stuff in my car than is already there."
Schanke muttered something under his breath about opinionated, pig-headed partners and straightened up. "Okay, you happy?! I didn't get any more food on the �precious, cold as Hades in the winter' car!!" He slammed the door and stomped toward the entrance to the Raven. Nick, torn between needing to clean the smell out of the Caddy as soon as possible or clean the smell off himself as soon as possible, chose himself and followed his fuming partner into the dimly lit club.
Upon entering, Nick noted things seemed to be a lot quieter than usual. Hurrying to catch up with Schanke, he quickly realized a large percentage of the crowd were either standing at the back of the club or moving that way. "Hey, come on. Give me a club soda, will ya?" Schanke insisted, waving his arm at the bartender. He didn't realize he was also waving the garlic smell over everyone within a 15 feet radius by doing so. He turned to Nick when he approached and complained, "I'm surprised this club is still open if this is their usual service."
Walking up to stand next to his partner, Nick noticed more of the crowd melting into the shadows, the differing degrees of disgust clearly playing across their faces. He didn't blame them; if it were that easy to escape the garlic's stench, he'd be doing the same thing. Giving Miklos a hard glare, he replied, "He probably just didn't hear you over the crowd noise, Schank." Nodding to the other end of the bar, Nick continued, "I'm going to speak with Janette for a moment."
Sliding up to Janette, Nick leaned toward her to kiss her, when she brought one gloved hand up between them. "Please, Nicola. Not with that disgusting smell all over you!" She softened a bit when she saw the hurt look cross his face. "Might I suggest, you make use of my bath? There's still some of your clothes here, for emergencies as it were."
Janette wrinkled her nose, and made an unpleasant sound deep in her throat when another whiff floated by as Schanke walked over to join them. The front of his shirt was wet where he had tried to remove the stains with the club soda. "Myra is going to kill me!" he exclaimed as he pulled the front of his shirt away from his body.
"Detective Schanke, I believe it would be best if you also make use of my bathing facilities. Miklos," she glanced at the bartender, who was standing as far away as possible, "Will run down an extra set of clothes for you to wear."
"Thanks Janette, that would be great," Schanke admitted and headed for the hallway leading to the back rooms.
"Merci, Janette," Nick purred, lifting one of her gloved hands to his lips.
"Later, Nicola, please!" she insisted, withdrawing her hand before he could contaminate her. "Go, please... before you completely ruin my business for the evening, not to mention upsetting my constitution." She pointed toward the back of the Raven and waved her fingers in the general direction she wanted him to go.
With a small smile, Nick moved past her, heading for the back hallway. Just before he stepped into the darkened corridor, his master, LaCroix stepped out. "What is that offending odor, Janette?" He slowly asked, as he carefully sniffed the air. Still sniffing, he turned toward his wayward son and wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Trying a new after shave, Nicholas?"
Nick's scowled, then smirked, "What, you don't like it, LaCroix?" "If this is a new method of distancing yourself from the community...." Moving down wind, he continued, "...don't you think it's a little extreme?"
Catching another aromatic whiff rising from his clothes, Nick grimaced, then sighed. "It's not permanent, LaCroix," and turned to head into the hallway.
"That's comforting to know, Nicholas," followed him into the corridor.
"Surely we can find another one like it, Schanke?" Nick asked as they stepped into the Raven's main room sometime later.
"Nick, I can't take that chance. Myra's mother gave me that shirt. If she found out I trashed it, my life on this earth wouldn't be worth a pile of horse manure."
"But, do you have to bring it with us?" Nick lamented as Schanke stuffed the offending article into a paper bag.
"Oh, quit whining. This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't tried to plaster us on the inside of your windshield," Schanke acidly stated. "Me?! Who was it that brought the pizza into the car in the first place?"
Nick shot back, his ire beginning to climb.
"Boys, please. Take it outside. I'm trying to run a business here," Janette commanded, stepping between them and linking arms with both men as she walked them quickly to the door.
Nick took a deep breath and nodded. Running a quick hand through his hair, he apologized. "Sorry, Schanke. Let's just forget the whole thing happened. Okay?" Taking the bag from Schanke's hand, he passed it over to Janette. "Here, Janette. You can take care of this for us, can't you?"
"I..." Looking from Nick to Schanke, Janette smothered her annoyance and grimly smiled. "Oui." Holding the foul smelling bag at arm's length, she glared at Nick and growled, "I'll remind you about this... later!"
"Wait a minute... What about my shirt?" Schanke began, when Nick interrupted. "I'll buy you a new shirt. Come on Schanke."
Climbing into the car, Nick commented, "I'm going to have to get the Caddy cleaned, but I guess it could be worse."
"Yeah, a lot worse," Schanke added, as they pulled into traffic and headed back to the station.
A short time later, Nick slowed down when a large delivery van filled the lanes in front of them. Since they were fairly close to their turn, he didn't try to pass. Suddenly, the van came to a shrieking stop, followed by first one then two sounds of bending metal. Nick looked out over the bent front end of his precious Caddy to see the back doors of the large truck burst open, dumping cases and cases of stuff onto the car.
Upon impacting the green hood, the truck's cargo broke open, coating the entire front end of the car in broken cardboard and large, pepperoni pizzas. A horrible sound rose into the neighborhood as the front half of the Caddy disappeared from sight, while more boxes marked �Angelo's Pizzeria' continued to fall from the van.
"Yes, folks, this is your friendly traffic reporter warning you away from Bloor and Bathurst. There's a three car pile-up blocking the road right now - not to mention several thousand partially frozen pizzas." A brief giggle sounded across the airwaves, then the reporter, coughing back his laughter, continued. "There doesn't appear to be any casualties. The occupants of the rear vehicle have declared everyone is fine, though they haven't emerged from their car yet." More giggles spilled over the airwaves as the reporter continued. "It appears one or more of the windows were down on the rear vehicle at the time of impact. Hope the occupants like pizza!" sputtered over the radio. The cackling, belly laugh coming from the chopper was quickly cut as the station went back to broadcasting music.
"*Man o' man o' man!!* Nick! Myra is going to kill me!"
The End
[email protected] or [email protected]
[email protected]
unnamed