Disclaimer: This story is (C) to its original author, I do not intend to offend the writer, think of this as another form of C&C, any random mention of songs, books, games, tv shows, movies and so on are all coincidental and all (C) to their original creators

(Satellite of Love)

Joel Robinson wandered into the bridge of the SOL, according to the clock it was 4AM, and Crow and Tom were throwing a party, banners and posters littered the walls and Metallica anthems blared out of the large speaker system. "What the sanscratch is going on here!?" he asked in his sleepy tone. "Oh we're celebrating the final end of Season 7!" replied Crow as a he filled a glass with WD-40. Tom's bubble-head was filled with different coloured candy-balls and he said to Joel "Want some?". "No thanks it is 4AM and you guys are playing that music so loud I can't hear myself sleep!" replied Joel. "Oh sorry, but we're just so happy I mean that year was pretty painful" added Crow chirpily. "Year? It lasted about a month!" said Joel sourly. "Yeah but it felt longer" reflected Tom. The yellow commercial light started flashing and Joel tapped it saying "We'll be right back!".

(Insert Commercial Here, you can still hear the Metallica song in the background)

(Four Hours Later)

The SOL bridge has been tidied up and Joel looks much happier. "So how went the party?" asked Joel. "Good, not great, I think we may have 'accidentally' destroyed your Invention Exchange" replied Crow. "What!" said Joel. "How was I supposed to know it was flammable?" asked Crow. "Never mind" said Joel as the Mads light started flashing. "Bebop and Rocksteady are calling".

(Deep 13)

"Hello my lab rats, are you looking forward to this weeks experiment, naturally I know you are eager to do an Invention Exchange but the funding has been getting tight, I'm down to the last two parts of Frank's body, and I'm sure no one wants that bit!" said Dr. Forrester quickly.

(Satellite of Love)

"What bits are left?" asked Crow before Joel could hush him. Forrester grinned evilly and Crow suddenly muttered "Never mind". "Today you will cross into uncharted territory as for the first time on MSI:3K you will riff one in the long line of Marissa Picard Star Trek Fics and I hope you find it as grotesque as 'Artemis's Lover' as well as many other Fics I could mention" explained Forrester. "Oh great as if the universe wasn't screwed up enough" said Tom. Suddenly a cacophony of lights and klaxons filled the bridge and Joel yelled "We got FanFic Sign!".

(Door Sequence)

Door 7 = A Dog Bone, Naturally!
Door 6 = A DVD Collectors Set Of All Four 'Deathstalker' Movies, You Laugh And Pass On!
Door 5 = A Line Of Text Saying '42 MSTings Down' Shrugging You Move On!
Door 4 = An Advert for SonicBlues Groaning At The Shameless Plug You Proceed!
Door 3 = A Page Of Cheat Codes For Star Trek: Elite Force Which You Scribble Down!
Door 2 = The Ghosts Of Sci-Fi Movies Of Old Howl As You Pass!
Door 1 = A Blue Wormhole Warps You Into The Theatre!

(The Theatre, A Row Of Seven Seats, Usual Cast Arrangement)

>My name is Marissa Picard. All right, my real name is Marissa Forrest,

Joel: She's a rep from Forrest Furnishings
Crow: She's a temp from Dr. Forrester
Tom: She's all that and more!

>but I tell everyone my name is Marissa Picard.

Joel: Because secretly she's Jean-Luc's love-child!
Crow: Which is probably true
Joel: (Remembering) Oh yeah!

>That�s because my real father is not NOT NOT NOT!!! the guy who sits at the breakfast table every day and eats eggs with runny >yolks (eeeewwww!!!)

Tom: What's she got against eggs, I mean I think she's a Demon Hellspawn but I wouldn't say it!
Joel and Crow: ...

>and is losing his hair. My real father is the captain of a big, big, ship, and goes on all sorts of adventures,

Joel: Yeah there was this one time on Risa were he found something that could destroy a star
Crow: (Stoner) Yeah! Crazy shit man!

>and one day he�ll come to my house and take me away from my boring life, and he isn�t losing his hair because he shaves it all off on >purpose. So there!!!!!

Tom: Actually I was proud that Captain Picard accepted his hair loss, unlike some people!
Crow: (Angry) It's a techno-weave!

>But until my real father comes to rescue me, I have to do what my false parents tell me to. That means I have to go to school every >day,

Joel: Don't you hate when you are forced to go to school!
Crow: So she KNOWS what we only SUSPECT about our parents!

>where I am in the ninth grade. I hate everything about Dominion High School.

All: (Chuckle)
Tom: I suppose the head teacher is called 'Weyoun'
Crow: That would be Way-out there!
All: (Groan)

>In the first place, it has a dorky name! In the second place, the people there suck, especially the cheerleaders. They think they run the >whole school, just because they�re the pets of the Girl�s P.E. coach, a horrible old bat named Mrs. Founder.

Joel: Who was assissted by Mr. Uknown Sample!

>So now I�m trudging down the street and now I�m turning the corner past Terry Knorr�s gas station

Crow: I get the feeling this is supposed to be symbolic!
Tom: It isn't working!

>(which was taken over last week by some big new company and they�re putting up the new sign: Diesel Nine).

Joel: Paramount reveal the true source of the Enterprise's power!

>Now I�m crossing the street and walking under the arch at the entrance to Old Dom High. Everybody calls the entrance the >�wormhole�

Crow: (Jack O'Neill) Wormhole, little worms digging holes!

>because just before the first day of school, Miles and Julian, they are such RETARDS,

Tom: They're the ones who keep the station spinning, well Miles anyway!

>dug a hole there and covered it with leaves so all the kids would fall into it, and it turns out it was FULL! OF! WORMS! It was so gross!!! >So the principal, Mr. Sisko, gave them detention, but it didn�t help, because Miles and Julian are still up to their old tricks and nobody >is safe. I swear, they are sooooo immature!!!!

Joel: Ok you know what this is like, Sisko's fever dream in 'Rapture'
Crow: Except that episode made sense

>But even Miles and Julian are better than�oh no, there they are, dead ahead, the cheerleaders! I hate them! They are soooo awful!!! >I�ll tell you their names, although it makes me want to gag to even write them.

Tom: Flesh Gordon and the Cosmic Cheerleaders now appearing at a Space Station near you!

>There�s Erin (she�s always tilts her head at this weird angle when she talks to you, like she�s a retard or something!) And there�s >Keevana (who pretends to act all nice, but she�s really, really mean!) And there�s Yasmin. I can�t understand why she�s even a >cheerleader, because she�s soooo ugly, and the others are all pretty, especially Keevana. Yasmin doesn�t even pretend to act nice, she >just acts mean all the time to everyone, especially Keevana, but that�s probably just because Yasmin is jealous!!!!

Joel: (Keevana) You're just jealous 'cause I got the bigger part!

>And I almost forgot to mention Wanda, the head cheerleader. Ugh! She makes my skin crawl!! She�s even better at acting all >fakey-nice than Keevana. (I think Keevana is just copying Wanda. They all just copy Wanda like they can�t even think for >themselves or something!) The fifth cheerleader is Kelly Anna. I think she�s actually nice for real, but she has to be mean like the >others, or none of them will be her friend anymore.

Crow: So who are they figments of, the Dabo Girls?
Tom: The Pah Wraiths?
Joel: The Prophets?
Crow: Answers on a postcard to 'Haven't a Scooby Competition'

>Okay, now I�m just going to walk by them and act like nothing is going on. I�ll just ignore them� As I pass, I notice that Keevana is >putting on fingernail polish. Blue fingernail polish! Like I suppose that�s in fashion or something. Then Yasmin glances at me (ugh, >she is soooo ugly) and sticks out her tongue and pushes Keevana right into me!!! And that yukky blue fingernail polish gets all over >my brand-new sweater!

Joel: (Marissa) This is my new grey pyjama suit!

>This is the last straw! I get off the ground and scream at Keevana. �Look at what you did now! You stupid moron!�

All: (Marissa) I'll harm you!

>Keevan gets up, fixes her hair (man, she is soooo vain!) and says, �Stupid moron, yourself. It�s an improvement. It makes your >sweater look less barfy.�

Tom: She puked all over my favourite dress!
Crow: Her dress is half man, half dog?
Joel: And it's her own best friend!
Tom: The 'Spaceballs' riff ladies and gents!

>All the cheerleaders laugh. I can feel my face getting red, and they laugh at that, too. A crowd has gathered around us, and Miles and >Julian are laughing.

All: Tee Hee Hee!

>"We saw everything,� Miles says. �It was Yasmin�s fault. She pushed Keevana.�

Joel: (Yasmin) Was not!
Tom: (Keevana) Was too!
Joel: (Yasmin) Not!
Tom: (Keevana) Too!

>�Shut up, dorkface!� Yasmin says.

Crow: Yasmin shows the height of her intellect!

>�Dorkface?� Julian says. �Better than being a dogface!�

Crow: (Yasmin) Ohh they're using big words better find a dictionary!

>I smile as everyone laughs at Yasmin. Serves her right. Yasmin gets really mad and grabs my hair and yanks it! So I kick her in the >shins and she starts hopping around and yowling like I killed her or something. Miles and Julian are laughing harder and cheering >me on! So I kick Keevana, too, even though she didn�t really do anything, but she still deserves it.

Joel: (Marissa) She just happened to be there so I kicked her!

>�Hey, what�s going on here?� someone with a stupid voice says. I look behind me. Oh no! It�s Renny Kaplan, one of those big morons >from the football team. Renny is so stupid that he thinks he�s Keevana�s boyfriend, even though she always says mean things about >him behind his back.

Tom: So he is her boyfriend then!?
Crow: Pretty much!

>Renny pushes Julian, who says, �hey, what did I do?�

Joel: What didn't he do?

>�Who kicked Keevana?� Renny says. Keevana just smiles at me, like she thinks she�s the princess of universe or something. She really >makes me sick when she smiles like that!

All: (Singing) Here we are born to be bitches, we're the princesses of the universe!

>Julian pushes Renny back and Miles jumps on Renny. Even together, Miles and Julian can�t fight Renny, because he is really big, but >they don�t seem to care. Now the crowd is yelling and screaming for somebody to kill somebody else, although everyone has different >opinions about who should be killed.

Joel: If Quark was here he'd make a 'killing' on the bets!
Crow and Tom: D'oh!

>Well, the fight doesn�t last long, because here comes Mr. Sisko and he sure looks like he could kill somebody. �What in hell is going on >around here?� (Somebody should tell Mr. Sisko not to swear around kids, but he does it all the time.) �Mr. O�Brien! Mr. Bashir! Mr. >Kaplan! In my office! Now!�

Joel: (Sisko) And I want a Raktajino on the double
Crow: (Waitress) What's Raktajino!?
Joel: (Sisko) It's Klingon Coffee!
Crow: (Waitress) We don't serve that here!
Joel: (Sisko) Ok I'll have a Tarkalean Tea then
Tom: The 'Trials and Tribble-ations' sketch people!

>Well, I don�t think it�s fair that Miles and Julian should get in trouble, so I speak up. �It�s not their fault, Mr. Sisko! Yasmin and >Keevana started it!�

Tom: (Sisko) Don't diss ma bitches or I'll slap your white ass!
Joel: Tom...!

>"Fink!� Yasmin screams. Keevana just pouts and tries to look innocent, like she always does, especially around Mr. Sisko.

Crow: (Yasmin) It wasn't me really Ossifer!
Joel: (Sisko) Tell it to the magistrate!

>But Mr. Sisko is too smart for Keevana. �Why are you young ladies always in the middle of everything that happens around here? All >right, come with me. And you, too, Marissa.�

Tom: (Sisko) And you two redshirts there as well!

>�Me? Why me?� But Mr. Sisko just gives me a look, and nobody disobeys that look, so I start to follow the little parade, when suddenly >Wanda steps in front of me and hisses, �We�ll get you for this!� Erin tilts her head and smiles, and Kelly Anna just looks sad.

Joel: (Buzz Lightyear) One minute your defending the whole galaxy and then you're appearing in lousy Fiction with this lot!

>***

Crow: Not 'Starring' anyone more like 'Camera pointed at'

>Now I�m sitting in the room outside Mr. Sisko�s office. Miles and Julian are in there, probably getting chewed out. Yasmin is popping >her bubble gum noisily and staring at me like I grew a third head or something (she is such a freak!)

Tom: She's the one with a third head, I didn't even see the second!

>Renny is telling Keevana how sorry he was for getting her in trouble, too, but Keevana is just brushing her hair and ignoring him.

All: Mitchell!

>The door opens and Miles and Julian come out. They are grinning like this is all a big joke or something! Mr. Sisko�s voice booms out of >his office: �Miss Forrest, you�re next.� Miles goes, �dum de dum dum� (what an old joke, like my parents probably did that when they >were in high school!) and Julian whispers, �Mrs. Flounder is in there, too!�

All: (Chuckling)
Joel: She's floundering for a punishment to give them!

>I get out of my chair and walk towards the office. �Mrs. Flounder� is what everyone calls Mrs. Founder, but never to her face. Sure >enough, there she is, wearing her orange gym suit like she does every day, sitting next to Mr. Sisko�s desk with this totally snotty >expression.

Crow: (Founder) Sorry some gelatinous substance seems to be covering my face!

>Mr. Sisko picks up the baseball from its holder � he always has that baseball on his desk, like I think he used to play baseball in college >or something � and he totally chews me out.

Tom: Eeww, shouldn't we have Lemon Sign!?

>�I�m sick and tired of this war you kids have going. It�s going to stop, now! Anyone who I catch starting any more fights will be >suspended. Is that understood?�

Joel: (Marrisa) What was the question?

>And Mrs. Founder tries to convince Mr. Sisko that the cheerleaders aren�t to blame. But I don�t think he�s really convinced.

Crow: (Sisko) I'm the god here not you...oh wait!

>Then Mr. Sisko tells me I have to see the school counselor, Miss Dacks (although she always tells us to call her Ellie). Like talking to a >counselor ever does any good! As if!

Tom: At least it's current!
Joel: How so?
Tom: If it was written earlier it would've been Jazzsinger or something
Crow: Way obscure!

>When I get there, Julian is sitting on the chair outside her office, too. He�s all happy and swinging his legs back and forth, but that�s >because he�s in love with Miss Dacks, like a total retard! She�s old, like 25 or something!!! I admit, she looks like a teenager, because >she�s short and stuff, but man! Julian is such a goofball.

Joel: We'll we did watch the show for seven years, we know what he is like!
Crow: Ok guys Ezri or Jadzia?
Tom: Well Jadzia was like a supermodel but Ezri was cute in her own way
Joel: Jadzia definetely

>So I talk with Miss Dacks, like that�s going to do any good. She�s all like, �Marissa, I undestand how trying the teenage years can be.� >And I�m all like, well I don�t say anything, but in my mind, I�m all like, �you never went to Old Dominion High School, do you? Your >high school might have been bad, but mine is THE WORST HIGH SCHOOL EVER!!!!� But I don�t say anything and Miss Dacks finally >lets me go! Freedom!

All: They can give us counselling sessions but they can never take OUR PSYCHOSIS!

>Okay, so I finally get out of the counselor�s office and back to classes. My first class is computer science. That�s good! At least some of >my friends are there! Like Frank, we call him Frankenstein because he�s a total computer geek and stuff. And Kerry Norris. She�s this >girl who�s kinda scary at first, cause she�s all tough and gets in fights, but when you get to know her, she�s actually nice. And she >hates the cheerleaders even more than I do!

Tom: Do all ugly girls instictively hate cheerleaders?
Crow: It's all genetics!

>That�s because of her boyfriend, who also is in our computer class, is this tall, skinny kid named Frodo. Well, that�s not his real name, >but he hates his real name, and he�s always reading books and stuff like Tolkein, so he tells everyone to call him Frodo. I can totally >relate to hating your own name! So I totally like him already!

Joel: Well I have to say I totally relate to how garbage this Fic is like how much more wacked can it be!?
Crow and Tom: We can relate we totally get you already!

>The weird thing about Frodo is � get this! � he�s Mrs. Founder�s son! Isn�t that weird? Like I can�t even imagine Mrs. Founder being >married, but she must be, or else she wouldn�t be �Mrs.,� right? I don�t want to even think about her getting pregnant. THAT IS TOO >WEIRD. Okay, it�s gone from my brain forever!!! Whew.

Joel: Frodo - Odo - Oh I get it!
Crow and Tom: I wish you'd tell us!

>Anyway, the weird part is that Wanda, the head cheerleader, is like totally in love with Frodo, even though he isn�t really cute or >anything (even though he is nice). It�s probably just because he�s Mrs. Founder�s son, but still! It�s creepy. Wanda follows Frodo >around like she thinks he�s a god or something. Is that entirely bizarre, or what?

All: We can like totally relate!

>Like, there was this one time at lunch when Wanda was following Frodo around and being a pest and then Kerry threw her whole >lunch tray at Wanda and they started fighting (well, really Kerry was the only one fighting cause she can totally kick Wanda�s butt).

Joel: Yeah she like totally kicked her butt can you relate?
Crow and Tom: (Sighing) Stop that now!

>When Mr. Sisko barged in and demanded to know who started the fight (man, Kerry gets in trouble with Mr. Sisko all! the! time! like >more than Miles and Julian, even!) I lied and said Wanda started it. Okay, Mr. Sisko didn�t believe me, but that�s when Kerry and I >became friends. Now that I think of it, that might be the reason Wanda hates me so much. Oh well.

Joel: (Marissa) Till I find new ways of screwing the Universe
Crow: Literally and Figuratively!

>So I guess I should tell you what happened next. Class ended and I went out to the quad, like always. Frank and me and Kerry and >Frodo sat down where we always sit, and guess what! There they were, right on the other side of the quad, tilting their heads and >whispering. Yasmin, trying to suck up, like always (she is sooooo disgusting!!!)

All: We can totally relate it's like so grotesque!

>Keevana and Erin, whispering to each other, tilting their heads and looking at us. They are freaks! Kelly Anna sitting at their table >like she�s a prisoner. I feel sorry for her. And Wanda, right in the middle, running everything, acting like the Queen B. And I don�t >mean bee!

Joel: Wanda is Queen of the Deranged!

>So we�re sitting there, and then we hear this noise. Buppp buppp bupppppp. And someone drives through the hallways, between the >lockers, right into the quad! On a motorcycle! Like, you�re totally not supposed to drive a motorcycle onto the quad! What freak did >that?

Tom: When did this turn into a Bab 5 crossover!?

>And what is going to happen when Mr. Sisko finds out he drove a motorcycle onto the quad, like you�re TOTALLY not supposed to do? It >will be like World War III! You just don�t piss off Mr. Sisko.

Crow: Yeah he has 5000 photon torpedos and he isn't afraid to use them!
Joel: I thought they where an illusion created by...!
Crow and Tom: Shut up Joel!

>So there�s this kid on the motorcycle, only he�s not a kid. He�s like maybe 19? Too old to be hanging around a high school, that�s for >sure. He�s REALLLLLLLY ugly. Like he makes Yasmin look good by comparison! He�s like tall and skinny and has REALLLLLLY bad >acne and he�s wearing this black leather motorcycle outfit. He�s revving the motorcycle like he�s really bad or something. What a >faker!

Tom: He doesn't have acne, he is pigmentally deformed!

>Wanda is like looking at him, and he like winks at her. GROSS! Does he think Wanda is hot or something. I am about to puke, but >them Wanda walks up to him � like she knows him or something? � and they say something I can�t hear and before I know what�s >going on, she�s hopped on the cycle and they�re gone!

Joel: Into the future!

>So now here�s me and Frank and Kerry and Frodo looking at each other, wondering what is going on? I�m not even sure. But we�re >looking at each other and thinking: this can�t be anything good. Then somebody runs over and plops down on the bench next to me! I >practically jump out of my skin! It�s Julian, that freak!

Crow: Sorry I gotta do it!
Joel and Tom: Ok! (Cover ears)
Crow: We can like totally relate!!

>�Was that Gil?� Julian says. �Never thought I�d see him here again.�

Joel: Yeah especially after the Petreka Nebula incident!
Crow: A minor skirmish!
Joel: Which lasted 18 years!
Tom: I think we went over-quota on the DS9 in-jokes!

>Miles is right behind him. �Wait till old man Sisko finds out about this. He�ll just be a smear on the pavement.�

Joel: Yeah especially when those nasty Carsalesman show up!
Tom: Stop it with the obscure stuff!
Crow: That's what makes the show!

>Julian laughs. I�m confused. �Do you know that freak on the motorcycle?� Kerry nods. Sometimes I forget I�m only a ninth grader, >and most of my friends have been here longer than me. �That�s Gil Dukat.�

Crow: Hah! They couldn't think up a better second name HAHAHA!

>�He used to work at the gas station across the way, when it belonged to Terry Knorr,� Frodo adds.

Tom: Until the evil Diesel Nine got control!

>�I heard he killed someone,� Frank says. �That�s how he got kicked out of school.�

Joel: Just one, he killed an entire planet nearly!

>�Hmmph,� Frodo says. �He just flunked his classes. But he likes to tell everyone he killed someone. He�s all talk, just ignore him.�

Crow: (Gil) Wanna buy a car!!
Tom: No thanks!
Crow: (Gil, depressed) How my gonna support my family if I can't make a sale!
Joel: Wrong Gil!

>�That�s right,� Kerry says. �Mr. Sisko has kicked him off the campus twice. Don�t let him scare you, Marissa. He isn�t as tough as he >acts.�

Tom: And you're as annoying as you look, sound, smell and act!

>I nod. The bell rings for the next class. I pick up my books and leave the quad, but I can�t stop thinking about Wanda and Gil Dukat >and what schemes they might be hatching. And I�ve made enemies with Mrs. Founder, too! This is not good. I wish my real father >would come back and take me far, far away from Dominion High School.

All: A long time ago, in a high school far away!

>TO BE CONTINUED�

Joel: You expect us to concede!?
Crow: (Marissa) No I expect you to cry!
Tom: Let's go!

(All Exit)

(Door Sequence)

1..2..3..4..5..6..7

(Satellite of Love)

"Ok guys, we're back with a new season of rubbish Fics and it could also be our last!" said Joel. "That's what they said the last seven times" piped Crow. "Yeah but there is a series lack of high quality crappy-ness that best suit our tastes" added Tom. "Plus all the better MSTers got there first" grinned Joel. "Well till next time!". The crew of the SOL wave as we cut too...

(The Real End)...Well Season 8 and finally a Star Trek fic, as many of you know I love Star Trek so I loved MSTing this thing, while I don't understand why it was a parody rather than an actual set-on-DS9-fic I have to say it wasn't completely horrible but I do hate Marissa so therefore she must be MSTed! send all C&C to [email protected]!

Stinger

Now I�m sitting in the room outside Mr. Sisko�s office. Miles and Julian are in there, probably getting chewed out. Yasmin is popping her bubble gum noisily and staring at me like I grew a third head or something (she is such a freak!)