RantCampaignPain

The Campaign of Pain
       With another presidential election in the not so distant future it's time to break out with another rant, all politcal and shit.

    Should gay marriages be legal? Hell yes. Why? Well for starters alot of states don't clearly spell out what marriage is. Most state laws don't say this must be man and this must be woman. So horray to the gay's for out smarting the system and finding a loop-hole. Sencondly, gay marriage would probably lower divorce rates. Why? Because these people have been waiting for this, they're fighting for it. Most people just figure, ok yeah let's get married. Five years later they get a divorce because Rodger leaves his socks lying around and the toilet seat up and Diane doesn't put out enough. Stupid. In fact I say we should out law straight marriage for a while, turn the tables a bit let everything be fair and equal for once. Let this little baby booming bastards know what real love is, let em fight for their right to join in holy matrimony. Thridly, gay couples can't breed which I think is wonderful because to many people are breeding what they can't feed and that shit has to stop. So gay marriage promotes shuffling kids out of the system and into good, unconventional homes. Besides, gays are Americans. What's the American dream? To buy a house, start a bussiness, get married, have kids, dogs, picket fences and eat apple pie while watching baseball. They're Americans let 'em act like it. Hell maybe even later we'll let 'em shoot some indians. Some people say gay marriage is unnatural well all I can say to that is half the shit you eat in a day is unnatural, deal with it.
     Onwards to the promised land of welfare feed over bred fetal waste which we call our population. Our population is fucking massive. People are stacked up in corners like cordwood in this bullshit we call suberbia. There are to many fucking people in this country. Why did we have some 11 thousand gun murders (not to mention however many axe murders, knife murders, vehicular manslaghturers, or angry spouce weilding a 2x4 murders) last year? Because the orrigins of war have been traced back to population control. Consider it urban civil war, genocide, population control. There are to many people per square mile. Solution? Thirty to thirty five percent of the unmarried population between the ages of 13 and 35 should be sterilized. This alone should cut down on teen pregnancy simply because less teens will be able to get pregnant. Secondly people shouldn't be allowed to breed without a licence. Just like certain species of strange, exotic, or dangerous animals can't be bred or kept in the United States without a licence people shouldn't be allowed to breed without a licence. This would make people think before they get knocked up. Children would be considered valueable. Orphanages would shuffle kids out of the system faster than Sally Strothers can eat a pound cake. The population would shrink which means more food, clothing, shelter, jobs, healthcare, education, ect, for everyone. Less polution, less crime, less vagrency, less murder, less poverty, less illiteracy. Imagine an America with a low crime rate, clean air, children who are wanted, inexspensive healthcare and education, low poverty, low rate of unemployment....
     And of course legal marrijuanna for everyone, well everyone over I don't know, we'll say 18. And the damn drinking age could be lowered to. As the American family moves off the street and back into their homes with the spacious back yards and pleanty of everything to go around people would grow up being more responible because unfit parents wouldn't be able to have children because they wouldn't be able to get a licence for it.
     Oh and another thing, who says every inch of American land needs to be colonized. Why don't we leave some damn room for the shit that was here first, you know rocks and trees and plants and streams and nature shit? People are bitching about being attacked by bears, or deer, or other wild life, or having their dog pegged off by a mountain lion. Going into the woods for no aparent reason what so ever other than to just wander around and then shooting a bear because it attacked you is bit like going to Spain walking around a neighbor hood for awhile then wandering into someone's house and shooting them when they ask you what the fuck you're doing in the middle of their living room. It's stupid. The bear was there first, that bear lives there. You wander into my house unannounced and i'd fucking maul your ass to. But i'm giving bears a bad image here, there are very few bears who actually attack people, basically if you're wanding around aimlessly somewhere you shouldn't be in the first place don't blame the bear when you get mauled because you shouldn't have been there in the first place. Everyone gets all upset about oh the tigers are dying off oh the poor tigers... Half the world's tiger population lives in a Navada and that's a damn fine place to live (atleast until some ass wad hits you in the nose with a microphone). That little bitch Roy got what was coming to him to, hit me in the nose with a microphone and it'd bitchslap your crusty ass all the way back to Germany to.
     Moving along now. ?Alright all you whiney bitches screaming about jews killing Jesus, fuck you. That's what I say to you, I say fuck you. Blaming people in the here and now for things that happened long long long long time ago is bullshit. That's about as annoying as black people today getting pissed off about slavery. You just want to slap them and say "bitch you never picked any cotton and I never whipped your ass so stop being a whiney bitch, you don't like the fact that there was slavery, then fuck you, send your ass back to Africa and you can go deal with a pissed off lion, bitch, stop blaming me for shit that happened over two hundred years ago or i'll shove that cell phone up your ass and you can go back the the mother land and fight with Sally Strothers for some jelly rolls and go die of aids like everyone that got left in Africa back in the day. Consider it endentured service." Was slavery right, hell no, but without it we wouldn't have racial diversity. Is modern Africa a wonderful place to live, hell no. Besides, alot of Africans sold into slavery where sold by other Africans. They said we don't like this guy, you can have him. And the white people said, alrighty then bitch get your black ass on that boat, we gonna go build ourselves the promised land where little black kids and little white kids and little hispanic kids can all eat at McDonalds togeather. Besides, i'm only 3rd genoration American, my family wasn't even here durring slavery so I want to stop hearing about it. And if blacks can say the N word then I should be able to say the N word, that's segrigation of language and I don't apreachiate being lingually descrimated against. If I can't say the N word then blacks shouldn't be allowed to say the C word, because i'm not a Cracker, i'm a Gringo Star, I live next to Mexico for christ sakes. Back to the jewish thing. Ah fuck it I forgot where I was, I think I made my point and an ass of myself, oh well. I'm not racist i'm a realist god damn it, you don't like the truth then piss on you and die.
     So where was I going with that jewish thing... ah yes the movie The Passion of Christ. Some people say it's to bloody, to violent... It's a freaking crusifiction, they beat the crap out of the man and tacked his ass to a cross with nine inch metal spikes, it's suppost to be bloody and violent hence the word torchure. It's not like they whipped him with a wet noodle then gave him a nice perch on a grassy mountain overlooking a peaceful little town where he could converse with bunny rabits and eat chocolate and everyone had a jolly good time hunting for eggs. As far as the story goes he died for our sins and let me tell you if one laywer where to have his sins beaten out of him with a cat of nine tales whip with broken pottery encrusted tassles it'd be a hell of alot bloodier than that movie was. Considering the amount of crap the average American swine does everyday i'd say according to that movie Jesus got off light as far as paying for our sins go. So there's some food for thought, how do you like them apples, shiney aren't they.
     Anyways on to more joyous things, let's bitch about Easter, a nice pagan holiday taken over by Catholics and greeting card companies. The Spring festival, bunnies and eggs, and flowers and baby chickens. Let's exsamine the terminology here, to SCRUMP like bunnies, well bunnies must represent shagging. Eggs = fertility. Flowers bloom, and baby chickens... well god damn any idiot with a 3rd grader mentality can see that Easter is for fucking. Yes there's the whole christian thing all bloody and happy and Easter like as described above... and this is why Easter is a christain holiday with bunnies for shagging and eggs for fertility and blooming flowers and baby chicks because... actually chicken and eggs and flowers and rabbits don't have much to do with the Christian story do they? Must not really be a Christian holiday... hmm... in fact the roots of Easter are just as Godless as Halloween. It's the spring festival, it's about fucking, it has nothing to do with Jesus. And it's conviently placed on a Sunday because the Bible says that Jesus was Jewish and he was put in a tomb before sun down on a Friday and rose three days later on a Monday, and that's why we have Easter SUNDAY, becuase the Christian Easter should take place on a Monday but people aren't to keen on going to church the day after they went to church so we lie and call it Easter Sunday. Or perhaps it's because the pagan spring festival should be on a sunday and we don't want one holiday right after another because then people would get more time off from work. And this is how we've taken a perfectly good pagan holiday and a perfectly bloody but good Christian holiday and mixed them togeather to make a nice lovely whitewashed American holiday that everyone loves and makes fat ugly rich people in high places even richer.
     Can you feel the love? Well this is getting long and drawn out and i've probably offended Jews, Christians, Catholics, Blacks, baby boomers, indians, married people, Sally Strother, fans of Sally Strothers, lawyers, murderers, friends of illiterate people, people mauled by bears, fans of Sigfried and Roy, Americans, Spainish people, bunnies, flowers, baby chickens, eggs, republicans, afew democrats, and a handful random people off the street (unitentionally of course) in the pursuit of truth comedy and the American way... so as they say in the song go fuck yourself and fuck your neighbors to (cause that's what Easter is really about).

... wondering why I didn't offend any illiterate people... because they can't read the rant, they're illiterate! Sign the guest book and prove that you're not one of them.