When studying the ways in which various cultures view love, Dutch Behavioral Scientist Geert Hofstede found that two major types of societies emerged: those that practiced Individualism, and those that practiced Collectivism. In a collectivist society, individuals belong to groups, looking after the interests of all their members in exchange for loyalty. In these societies, there is reduced privacy, group decisions override individual decisions, and a person's identity is defined by their place in the social system. In an individualist society, on the other hand, people look out for the interests of themselves and their families only. These societies view rights as being more important than duties, stress greater personal autonomy and the superiority of individual decisions, and believe that a person's identity is defined by their individual attributes. Hofstede found that the countries with the most individualistic societies were Great Britain, Canada, the Netherlands, New Zealand, and the United States. The most collectivist societies were Venezuela, Colombia, and Pakistan.
Another researcher, American psychologist Alan Waterman, studied the beneficial effects of individualism on love. He discovered that young adults who had resvolved an identity crisis were more likely to be involved in an intimate relationship. He also discovered a positive relationship between self acceptance and being in love, finding that increased self acceptance was correlated with more frequent love experiences and greater satisfaction and enjoyment. Waterman also examined the equity principle, which states that the outcomes of a relationship should equal the investments put into it, finding that it was related to greater sexual contentment and less extramarital sex once a commitment had been made.
Although Waterman did discover many beneficial effects of individualism on love, his findings did not turn out to be all positive. He also found that individualists' love was often more narcissistic, and that they were less fond of their partners. He also discovered that, because it was so oriented toward the individual, the equity principle was sometimes counterproductive. It caused people to rely too much on external rather than personal or intrinsic rewards, and often led to less love and trust toward their partners. Because of this, the divorce rate was found to be considerably higher in individualistic countries.
In conclusion, the differences between individualism and collectivism play a critical role in romantic love, both in the United States and around the world. Because we live in such a highly individualistic society, Americans often see love as a way of expressing our individuality. Our individualism is so deeply engrained in our lives that it informs our beliefs about love. The following table lists some problems that Americans often experience when attempting to reconcile their individualistic ideas with their ideals for a love relationship:
| 1 | Love can cause a person to lose his or her self and feelings of personal autonomy. This leads many Americans to feel used and exploited. |
| 2 | Satisfying the autonomous needs of 2 individuals can be difficult. |
| 3 | Our spirit of individualism makes it hard for either partner to justify sacrificing or giving more than they receive. |
| 4 | Americans have trouble balancing their personal freedom with their obligations and requirements toward their partner. |
References:
Sternberg, R.J. & Barnes, M.L. (1988). The psychology of love. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.
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