Part 5: Computer Addiction
Today my computer was broken, it would even turn on. Let me tell you I FLIPPED OUT. Yesterday my dad rana cleaning program on my computer and it killed it. Thankfully it's back now. But I realized that I am completely addicted to my computer and when I don't have it I totally get messed up and strange things happen, which I will go into more detail later.
I never thought that I was addicted maybe mildly obessed but today was so werid. It might have been a mix of boredom and female hormones. But when it didn't start I flipped and called my dad. Next thing I knew I was crying hysterically. Yes CRYING over my computer. Then there was that sense of lost. My brother didn't help either. I think he enjoys seeing me upset. Not like that's mean, but I never get upset, and I think that seeing me upset proves I'm not perfect and makes him feel better about himself. But whatever I almost killed him when he just sat there smiling. I seriously picked him up by his shirt collar and threw him. Which is VERY weird.
I think not having my computer totally throws off my way of life. People say "I can't live without my computer, but I really CAN'T live without my computer. I think I'd die, like I almost did today. My mom was mad at me, she didn't understand, no one did. My dad was really comfused, I was even confused and I couldn't figure out why it just made me tick. I compared it to something that each peron was absolutely addicted to and then it suddenly being gone. Not that we only have one computer, my dad told me to use his, but I couldn't I don't know why. It felt like a betrayal, I needed MY computer my baby. Everything on it is personalized for me. I made it the way it over the years. I knew everything about it. I know what it can do and where everything is. Anything else would not be acceptable.
Everyday I go on my computer. I go visit the sites I usually visit and chat with all my people. Not to meantion listen to music and basically see the world through my computer. It's amazing how one small man made object can effect a person so much. I do this everyday, religiously. I don't know how I survive when we go away on vacation. I think it's because i'm always occupied I don't really miss it that much.
Okay I think I'll tell you more about the strange things that happend to me. When I finally came to the conclusion that I'd have to wait until my dad came home to fix my computer, and that I wasn't going to use any other computer I got so angry I decided to go back to sleep. Of course with my mom and brother screaming at me I slamed the door and then they left me alone. Of course it was like 3 p.m. and I had just wonken up about 2 hours earlier. I had previously watched 5 hours of the history channel, Beyond Egypt marathon. So yes I know a lot about that stuff now. But anyway there was too much light for me to actually sleep. So I listen to a cd for an hour. There was still too much light so I decided that I was fed up with the light and decided to take care of it. I shot the sun down and it will now be night forever. No Just Kidding! I actually just made a make shift cave for myself. I have a bunk bed so I took some small blankets and covered the bottom. I had to use three blankets to get all the light out. Then finally I went to sleep. I woke up for dinner feeling better. After dinner is when I usually go on the computer if it's a school night. But seeing how there was no computer, (this is where I get all thrown off), I had nothing to do. So I walked around my kitchen doing absolutely nothing for 15 minutes. Then I sat and stared at an empty wall for 10. Then finally went totally awhol and played a game of monopoly with my brother. Then my dad came home and I sat in my room and wated tv until he called me.
Finally it worked, but all my settings were messed up. I got this huge knot in my back and started to get pains in my stomach, I also got really irritable and pissed off. It's like, you can beat me up and tear my heart out; just don't touch my computer. I was trying so hard to control myself, when all I wanted to do was scream.
An hour later I think everything is back to normal. Well except my keyboard. I use my computer so much the letters are worn away. My dad isn't as computer literate as me, so he wrote in the letters with perminant marker. I just spent two hours trying to get the marker off with nail polish remover, water and orange glow. A lot of it came off, but I'm still pissed off about it.
So now I know it is possible for someone to be addicted to their computer. And I really go through withdrawl when I don't have it. I just can't imagine what would happen if it broke forever. I wonder if they habe support groups for this knd of problem. "Hi I'm Kim and I'm addicted to my computer."
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