The next morning we went about the tasks at hand; the obituary, the ceremony, buying a plot, buying a headstone, etc. So such more than any couple 25 and 26 years old should have to be doing.
Dylan's ceremony was held on Saturday September 22nd, 2001 at St. Marks church.
We had many many family and friends there to help support us but it just did not seem like enough.
It was a nice ceremony one very very fitting for my child. The Pastor spoke so beautifully about a child who never really "lived" It was as perfect as yu would want your child funeral to be.
Due to the cemtery keepers vacation we could not have Dylan's funeral the same day, so we planned it for the next week. It was comforting having Dylans tiny little urn in the house for those few days.
We buried him at Wildwood cemetary. We decided to have our names engraved on the stone as well so that he would be with us even after we are gone. Again, Pastor Dean spoke so sweetly of my Dilly Bear as if he has known him for a lifetime. Then came the heart wrenching part...comitle!
As Pastor Dean began to speak, "Ashes to ashes..." I could not take it anymore and fell to my knees and cried. This just can't be this just cant be. I opened Dylan's keep sake box where i held his urn, gave the urn a kiss and wishered to him how much I love him. with that I gathered all the strength I could and placed my Dilly Bear in the earth. It was very hard to do, but it was what I needed to do, and I immedietaly felt I had done the right thing. No one else wanted me to do it, they all wanted the cemetery keeper to do it after we left. This is my child! I will see him to his final resting place!
We closed with the Lords prayer and then went to lunch with my husband, son, parents, inlaws and my sister.
Then at my 6 week post-partum check-up I received the autopsy results.
"Marginal cord insertion with a tortion in the cord"
What that meant I had no clue. So we stopped in by my mom at work (she is an ICU nurse) and gave her the results hoping to find some answers. She photo copied it and took it down to the lab to ask them.
While she waited for them to read it in "english" to her, I began my quest on the internet.
I found a wonderful site that explain just what I needed to know in plain english.
I found The Pregnacy Institute, and many other Pregnancy loss informational sites.
So thats just the tip of the ice berg about My 'Dilly Bear'
I am a survivor though. I do not want anyones pitty or despair. Yes, I have lost a child but that does not mean I am fraile. Please mention my xhild to me I promise i will not be reduced to a heap of tears. To talk about him is to rember him, and God so help me as long as I have life in me...I will never ever forget him. He IS a part of me and always will be.
he IS my
Dill-y Bear
I love you Dylan