Disclaimer: Hikaru and Akira aren't mine (nor is the song used in the title, though it's not in the fic at all.)
Author's Notes: Random PWP lemon, even if it took a few pages to get into the PWP part of it. Three cheers for mindless gratuitous sex! (Explanation for this fic is in the endnotes.)
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Hikaru sighed and stared out the window of his small apartment. It was raining hard outside, and he could almost feel the chill even through the windows. All in all, it was as gloomy as one could expect a rainy day to be.
There was a knock at the door, and Hikaru rose from his bed with a small exclamation of surprise.
�Who�d be coming to see me right now?� he wondered aloud as he passed through the tiny makeshift living room towards the door. �It�s raining out! And Waya just left an hour ago, so he wouldn�t be back already.�
Shrugging to himself, Hikaru opened the door and couldn�t stifle a surprised noise.
�Touya?�
�M-may I come in?� Akira was shivering in the hallway, his clothes wet from rain. He wore no coat, and he was without an umbrella. His wet bangs hung in his face, partially shielding those piercing green eyes that Hikaru knew so well.
�Y-yeah, sure. What happened to you?� Hikaru led Akira over to his tattered brown couch and then began digging in a closet for a clean towel. �I thought you knew better than to go running around in the rain.�
Akira didn�t answer. He sat hunched over on the couch, rubbing his arms and staring at the floor. Hikaru wrapped a fuzzy green towel around Akira�s shoulders and sat down beside him.
�Touya? Y-you okay? You look kinda...weird.� Hikaru shifted in his seat. He knew that Akira was often very quiet, this, however, was a different sort of quiet. But if something was wrong, why didn�t Akira just tell him? They had moved beyond being merely rivals by now. Hikaru considered Akira one of his best friends....and, truth to tell, he had been feeling something beyond friendly to Akira lately.
�It�s...nothing.� Akira sighed and wrapped the towel closer around his body with hand while flipping his bangs out of his face with the other. Hikaru had the sudden thought that, even with his bangs wet and dripping into his eyes, Akira was oddly beautiful.
�Come on, I know when you�re upset.� Hikaru leaned in a bit closer. �Is--is it something with your father?� The Meijin had been in the hospital of late due to heart trouble and Hikaru knew that his father was a constant source of worry to Akira.
�No, he�s all right.� Akira ran another hand through his hair. �I just came from the hospital, actually. I left my coat there.�
�Why?� Hikaru questioned, trying to keep his voice gentle. Akira didn�t answer right away. Finally he turned his face to look at Hikaru.
�I don�t really know. It�s...strange, I suppose. It was just...I had a very stupid feeling all of the sudden. I had just finished talking to my father and I left the room to get a drink. And--and while I was walking down the hall, I saw two people walk by me with their hands clasped, and it occurred to me that it�s been a very long time since anyone ever took my hand.� Akira shook his head bitterly. �There, you see what a stupid thought that is, now that I�ve said it. But I don�t touch people very often, and no one touches me, and...I don�t know. I just felt something then and suddenly I found myself standing out in the rain. I was going to go back to the hospital, but I--I just didn�t feel like it, so I used the change in my pockets to call my father in the hospital and tell him I was going to visit a friend. And well....I didn�t want to lie, you see, so.....so I just came here.� Akira sighed and put a hand to his head. �That was the most ridiculous explanation ever. I apologize, Shindou, I don�t know what�s wrong with me today.� Akira stood abruptly. �I should go.�
�Hey, wait!� Hikaru grabbed Akira�s hand, intending to pull him back down on the couch, and the other boy froze, his eyes wide. Hikaru realized that Akira was still shaking, but this trembling did not appear to be from the chill.
�Let go, please.� There was something lying beneath Akira�s words when he spoke, an almost pleading note.
�I was just--� Hikaru began, but Akira didn�t let him finish, already trying to pull away. His face was turned away from Hikaru.
�Please let me go, Shindou,� Akira said, and the panic that was clear in his voice confused Hikaru to no end.
�Didn�t you just say you, uh, you wanted to be touched?� Hikaru said, though not even quite sure why he said it.
�I didn�t say that,� Akira replied stiffly. �I--I said--� He shuddered. �It can�t be you, Shindou. If you....� He shook his head. �But that�s not an important thing. Let me leave, please.� Hikaru heard the unspoken or... at the end of his sentence.
�Or what?� Hikaru asked curiously, and Akira flinched at having his intention so clearly read. �Touya?�
�I didn�t say �Or,�� Akira replied softly.
�But you meant to,� Hikaru half-accused, and Akira whirled to face him. There was wetness gathering around his eyes.
�How do you know what I meant?� he hissed. �How do you know anything at all? You�re--you�re not serious about anything at all and you never seem to pay attention when you should be and--and I--I--� Akira swallowed hard and his legs gave out. He sank down on the couch beside Hikaru. �Please....just let go of my hand. I can�t stand your touch.� There was no malice in his voice; but rather a strange sort of defeated quality.
�Why not?� Hikaru couldn�t keep the hurt out of his own voice. �I--I kinda thought we were friends.�
�We are!� Akira�s voice was earnest. �It�s--it�s just....I don�t feel like myself when I�m around you. I feel....I feel like....�
�Like what?� Hikaru prompted when Akira�s pause went on a few moments too long.
�Like doing this.� Akira whispered, and he leaned forward and kissed Hikaru on the lips.
The kiss was awkward and Akira was clearly inexperienced in such an area, but somehow the touch of Akira�s lips still sent small jolts of fire down Hikaru�s back. He barely noticed when he found himself falling into the kiss, barely noticed when his mouth opened and his tongue mingled with Akira�s. Warmth seemed to fill him and he clenched Akira�s hand just a bit tighter in his own. At that touch, Akira broke off the kiss with a soft gasp. Immediately, the other boy stood and bowed, wrenching his hand from Hikaru�s grasp.
�I�m sorry,� Akira said quickly, and he turned, obviously intending to leave. Hikaru jumped to his feet and grabbed Akira by the shoulder.
�Wait--where are you going? I--I mean, after that--�
�I told you, I�m sorry,� Akira said stiffly. �I didn�t mean for that to happen. I should leave.�
�You don�t have to.� Hikaru shifted, suddenly nervous. �I--I kinda liked it.�
Akira froze again, and he looked up nervously at Hikaru.
�D-did you?�
�Well...yeah. I did. I�ve kinda...� Hikaru shifted again, uncharacteristically nervous. �I�ve kinda been thinking about doin� that kind of stuff with you for a while. I--I like you.�
Akira stared at him wide-eyed. Emotion shone clearly in those eyes, something just beyond longing, the look of wild hope fulfilled mingled with a fear of deception. It seemed that he might have stood there forever, staring and shaking, not daring to voice his hope or his fear, had Hikaru not taken a step forward and kissed him.
Akira responded immediately to the kiss, wrapping his arms suddenly around Hikaru and pulling him closer. All at once he seemed just as desperate for Hikaru�s touch as he had seemed adverse to it before.
Hikaru broke the kiss, momentarily surprised at Akira�s forcefulness. He touched a hand to Akira�s face.
�Your skin�s freezing,� he said quietly.
�I know,� Akira replied. There was a moment�s pause as Akira weighed his options before finally questioning, �Would you...warm me up?�
�I could get you another towel...� Hikaru started to break Akira�s embrace to head for the closet, and Akira laughed, taking him forcefully by the hand.
�Not that way.� Akira met Hikaru�s gaze steadily. �Did you really mean it, when you said you like me?�
�Y-yeah! Of course!�
�Do...do you love me, then?� Akira managed a quiet. �Because I love you, Shindou. I have loved you since we were twelve. That�s why I didn�t want you to touch me. Because only you could make me tremble at a touch.�
�I....I think I love you,� Hikaru said, feeling as if the words were somehow inadequate for the emotion he wanted to express. ��Cause...well, I think about you a lot, Touya. You�re smart and--and you�re so, well, pretty, and great at Go....I really admire you. But I felt like that even when we were rivals. Now that we�re friends, I�ve been feeling like...I dunno, different. Like there�s something more to you than what everybody else sees and only I know it, and I like it.�
Akira seemed satisfied by that, because he kissed Hikaru again, almost hungrily. The towel slipped off his shoulders and fell to the floor. Akira didn�t even notice it.
�Then warm me up, Shindou. I want you to touch me. If anyone will, it should be you. I want it to be you.�
In that moment Hikaru realized exactly what Akira wanted, and he felt a mix of anticipation and fear run through him.
�A-are you sure?�
�Yes. I�ve been sure for years, Shindou, even if it seemed to only be a foolish dream. So make me feel warm again.�
That soft reassurance was enough for Hikaru, and together they made their way into his small bedroom. Akira barely seemed to notice the mess on the floor or the crumpled sheets as he crossed the room to close the blinds on the window. Hikaru, not sure what was expected of him, sat down on the bed and watched Akira. Somehow, the other boy seemed out of place in the dingy room. Hikaru�s bedroom had always matched Hikaru--a bit messy and tattered, and nothing like Akira�s always clean, always perfect room. Akira seemed like a pale anomaly in Hikaru�s apartment, his skin too white for that old brown couch and the tousled blue sheets of the bed.
With one slim hand Akira closed the blinds before turning to face Hikaru. His deep emerald eyes were shining again. with that mix of fear and longing, and when his face lit up with a soft smile Hikaru felt a deep resonating chord strike in his heart as he realized that, despite the drab colors, despite the messy floors, at that moment there was nowhere else Akira wanted to be other than in that apartment, in that bedroom, closing the window blinds and staring at Hikaru.
Akira carefully took three steps forward and then he was leaning on the bed, and then he was kissing Hikaru on the lips. Hikaru wondered at the sudden experienced feel of Akira�s kiss, though the other boy�s lips were just as awkward as they had been that first time. Akira had never done anything of this sort before, but his feelings were in it now, and that made all the difference. Hikaru heard a soft rustling sound and knew without looking that Akira had slipped his shoes off.
�Is this okay?� Akira asked hesitantly as he ran a hand under Hikaru�s shirt. Hikaru�s reply was a kiss, and Akira fell into him, pulling Hikaru close. Hikaru fell back onto the bed, his shoes dropping to the floor. Akira, perched above him, leaned down and began to pull off Hikaru�s shirt. Hikaru allowed him to do so, and the shirt was discarded with barely a second glance.
Akira paused a moment to drink in the sight of Hikaru�s bare chest before leaning in and kissing the other boy�s neck while his hands explored Hikaru�s body. It felt strange, to be touching Hikaru in such a manner, yet it felt good too. Akira could still hear his own heartbeat, sounding as loud as a marching band in his ears. Even as his hands ran along Hikaru�s bare skin he still could barely bring himself to accept all this as reality, to believe that what he had considered an unachievable dream had come true. It seemed to him that at any moment Hikaru would grab his wrist and tell him to stop, to go away, that it had all been a mistake and he never wanted to see Akira again. Such thoughts ran continuously through Akira�s head, almost tiring him out with their worries and fears and whispered nightmares, and he momentarily buried his head in Hikaru�s neck, taking in the smell of his hair and skin, reminding himself yet again that this was real, this Shindou, and he would never be so cruel as to lie about such an important thing.
Hikaru seemed to sense Akira�s doubts and responded to them by reaching up and beginning to unbutton Akira�s shirt. Akira momentarily tried to help him, but his hands were still trembling and so he could only bring himself to stare at Hikaru and shake as Hikaru slipped off his shirt.
The moment the cloth fell away from his shoulders Akira felt as though a fire had been lit in him and he ran his tongue down Hikaru�s chest, enjoying the feel of Hikaru moving beneath him. His reached up and ran his tongue over one of Hikaru�s nipples and heard Hikaru emit a soft moan. Akira took the sound for a good sign and ran his tongue around Hikaru�s nipple while he used one hand to lightly tease the other nipple. His free hand moved down to unzip Hikaru�s pants.
Hikaru moaned again as Akira teased his rapidly hardening nipples. Akira bit down softly on one of the hardened nubs and Hikaru gasped. Akira immediately ceased his ministrations.
�Did I--� He began nervously, and Hikaru shook his head.
�No! It--it felt good.� Hikaru�s face was flushed already and Akira had no doubt that his was as well. The chill that had settled on his skin from being outside was already fading. He carefully moved down to run his tongue over Hikaru�s nipples again, and a few droplets of water fell from his still wet hair onto Hikaru�s skin. Akira felt one of Hikaru�s hands move to unzip his own pants and he repositioned himself in order to give Hikaru better access.
Hikaru took Akira�s movement as an assent as he unzipped Akira�s pants and began to pull them down over the other boy�s hips. Akira�s breath caught for a moment as he felt Hikaru�s fingers brush the skin below his waist, grabbing onto the elastic of his boxers along with the fabric of his pants. With one movement Hikaru pulled Akira�s pants and boxers off halfway, and Akira easily took care of the rest before moving to take off Hikaru�s pants. That was a bit more tricky, as Hikaru was still lying down, but it was managed with minimal difficulty, and in moments they were both free of any barriers between skin and skin. As Akira lowered himself back onto Hikaru�s chest, kissing and caressing, Hikaru paused to drink in the sight of Akira�s naked body.
As Akira�s tongue ran along his chest and Akira�s hands began to tentatively move towards lower, unexplored regions, Hikaru stared at the other boy�s body and realized that he was undoubtedly the first to see this sight in a very long time. Akira�s body was pale and slim, the skin still a tad lighter than normal due to the cold of being out in the rain. That body seemed to Hikaru to be like an expanse of undiscovered country, an untamed soil that had never yet been explored by anyone besides its own secret inhabitants. It was a land unknown, its secrets and hidden cornices locked up tight with an emerald key. One didn�t explore such a land carelessly, one did not run roughshod over that untouched wilderness. One had to be invited in, and then tread lightly. Hikaru felt almost reluctant to touch him, almost afraid that such soft pale flesh would bruise under even the gentlest of fingertips.
Akira paused in his own explorations to face Hikaru again. The shining green eyes were darkened now by worry as he searched Hikaru�s face. He didn�t speak, but Hikaru still understood all that Akira was too frightened to say aloud. Why haven�t you touched me yet? Is there something wrong with me? Are you disgusted by me somehow, and so you won�t put your hands on me? I love the way my hands feel when they run over your skin, and now I want to feel yours running over mine.
Hikaru took a deep breath and smiled, and reached up to get his first touch of that foreign soil. His fingers lightly stroked the back of Akira�s neck, tangling themselves in the fine dark silk of Akira�s hair. Akira�s eyes grew bright again as Hikaru began his careful expedition over the undiscovered land that lay before him, tracing Akira�s sides, running along his chest, carefully moving over his nipples, the exploration barely slowed by Akira�s position of leaning over Hikaru. Akira lay down so that he was beside Hikaru and they moved in close to each other, both eager to traverse by touch the body of the other.
It was Hikaru who found the deepest secret first as his hands traced circles along Akira�s inner thigh, moving higher until they rested at the base of Akira�s cock. Hikaru carefully ran a hand along Akira�s length and he felt Akira shudder as a wave of pleasure coursed up his spine.
�Sh-Shindou,� Akira choked out, and Hikaru pressed a finger to his lips.
�Can�t you even call me by name?� he asked and Akira smiled shakily at him. Hikaru ran his fingers over the other boy�s length again, and Akira swooped in for a kiss. Hikaru wrapped his arms around Akira and pulled him close, then gasped quietly as he felt Akira�s slim fingers touching his own hardness.
�I haven�t ever done this before,� Akira said, his voice hushed. �Am I doing it right?�
�Perfectly,� Hikaru panted. In truth, Akira�s caresses were clumsy at best, but the simple knowledge that those were Akira�s fingers and the strange sort of smooth grace they had, that same grace that was in all Akira�s movements, made the touch just as effective as if it had been given by the most experienced lover in the world. Akira�s strokes increased in their pace and Hikaru felt pleasure already begin to burn up inside him. After a moment of staring at Hikaru, Akira removed his hand and slid down lower on the bed. Hikaru had barely a chance to look at him in wonder before Akira�s mouth closed over his cock.
Slowly, Akira ran his tongue over the head of Hikaru�s cock, getting it wet with saliva. Hikaru shuddered and clutched at the bed sheets, a soft moan escaping his lips. Akira quickly glanced up at him, momentarily worried, but Hikaru smiled.
�T-that felt good,� Hikaru said. �Don�t stop.�
Reassured, Akira returned his attention to Hikaru�s length. He carefully placed Hikaru�s cock back in his mouth and began to suck lightly on the first few inches as one of his hands grasped the base and began to stroke the rest of Hikaru�s length. His mouth moved easily along the wet skin, and his hand began to stroke the rest Hikaru�s cock in perfect tandem with the movement of his mouth. Hikaru writhed against the bed, sweating and panting, biting back moans of pleasure. Akira could practically feel Hikaru reaching orgasm, and he pulled away.
�Hey! Why�d you stop?� Hikaru asked, his voice strained. The waves of pleasure that had been coursing through him had built up and he felt nearly ready to burst.
�That was just to make things easier,� Akira said. He looked a little embarrassed. �I--I assumed you don�t have any....lubrication of any sort around here.�
Hikaru stared at Akira�s face for a moment before laughing and wrapping his arms around the other boy.
�Did I say something wrong?� Akira wondered.
�Nah, it�s just funny.� Hikaru kissed Akira on the cheek and switched positions with him, laying Akira carefully back on the bed. �Here we are, about to...you know, and you�re blushing.�
�You can�t even say it aloud, and you�re about to do it,� Akira pointed out, smiling.
�I guess you�ve got a point.� Hikaru kissed Akira again, even as he carefully placed a finger into Akira�s opening, widening him. Akira�s gasp was swallowed by Hikaru�s lips on his. A second finger joined the first, and Akira�s kiss suddenly became full of urgency.
�Tell me if it hurts, okay,� Hikaru said gently as he pulled away from the kiss. Akira understood immediately what to do and turned around so that he was lying on his stomach. Hikaru smiled ruefully down at him as he positioned himself. �Y-you know....I�ve never done this either. I mean, not this way. I don�t know if I�ll do it right.�
�I don�t care,� Akira said. �I told you before, Shindou. As--as long as it�s you, I�m happy. As long as it�s you.�
Hikaru nodded. With one hand he wiped some of Akira�s saliva off his cock and slide some of it around Akira�s opening. Swallowing hard, he carefully entered Akira. Beneath him, Akira shuddered and Hikaru heard the other boy bite back a gasp of pain.
�G-go on.� Akira�s voice was slightly strangled. �I�ll tell you if--if it starts to hurt too much. Just...please...� The pleading note was in his voice again, and the mere sight of him, his hair wild around his flushed face, his white skin covered in sweat, his pale fingers clutching at the bed beneath him, made Hikaru feel as if he was on fire. He thrust in once, twice, and a moan of pleasure escaped Akira�s lips.
As he moved inside Akira, Hikaru found his eyes being drawn to the other boy�s body yet again, to the smooth curve of his spine and the fevered gleam in his dark green eyes. Seeing him and knowing, knowing, by Akira�s own admission, that no one else had ever seen this sight, that no one else had ever been allowed the pleasure of exploring Akira�s untamed wilderness, that no one else had seen so much of that bare skin, that no one had ever touched Akira in this way before, was almost too much for Hikaru�s mind to grasp. And knowing, too, that Akira had wanted no one to see, to touch, that ivory skin, no one but Hikaru, only made the sensations Hikaru felt appear stronger, deeper.
Akira clutched at the bed again as Hikaru thrust deep inside him. It had hurt at first, but as he relaxed it began to feel very, very good. He had almost gone soft with Hikaru�s first painful entrance, but his cock was already hard again, and he could almost feel himself throbbing as he struggled to remember to breathe. His only mild disappointment was that he couldn�t see Hikaru�s face, but for now that didn�t matter. He was feeling Hikaru�s touch still, and even if Hikaru was inexperienced in the actual act of sex, it didn�t matter. The mind was still the strongest organ in the body, and Akira�s was filled with visions of Hikaru, the Hikaru he had loved for too long from too far away. No matter how clumsy, how unsure Hikaru�s movements were, they were still pleasurable and still beyond criticism, because nothing else mattered besides the fact that it was Hikaru inside of him, that it was Hikaru�s taste that still lingered on his lips, that it was the phantom touch of Hikaru�s fingertips that he could still feel on his skin.
Hikaru thrust into him again and Akira heard his own pleasured moan echoed by the other boy. He closed his eyes briefly and imagined Hikaru�s face in his mind, the same flushed face he had recently kissed, and he imagined his own hands still on Hikaru�s body. He felt Hikaru�s hands touch him lightly, almost massaging him. The emotions and sensations built up, whirling around and burning hot, and he could only cry out Hikaru�s name as he climaxed.
Hikaru felt Akira shudder softly under his hands as the other boy came, and he could only stroke that trembling skin gently as he continued to move in and out of Akira. Akira was still shaking lightly from the aftershocks of release, and when Hikaru made as if to stop Akira urged him on. Hikaru�s own release was quickly approaching. Akira trembled lightly beneath him, panting hard, sweat dripping off his body, his bangs wet and falling messily into his face. Hikaru�s own breathing became lighter, more fevered, and with a loud cry he came.
Shaking slightly himself, Hikaru pulled out and fell onto the bed beside Akira, who swiftly rolled over so that he was on his back once more. The sheets were stained with sweat and cum, but neither boy noticed. Hikaru wrapped his arms around Akira and pulled himself closer to the other boy as they both waited for the shaking to die down.
They remained that way for several minutes, silent, simply holding each other and breathing, occasionally kissing or stroking each other�s hair. It hadn�t been perfect, and they knew it. It had been clumsy and awkward, but wonderful nonetheless. In a way, it seemed that it had been perfect. And the next time, whether better or worse, would be perfect as well, and the next, and the next, and all of the times to come after that, as long as it was the two of them, together. Now in the aftermath it seemed that all there was to do was lie in the fading glow of the moment.
It was who Akira broke the silence at last, his voice still a slightly strained whisper.
�Do...do you love me?�
�Of course,� Hikaru replied, his voice equally hushed. He wasn�t sure why he felt the need to be quiet now. It just seemed that now, after everything was over and they were basking in the sweetness of the moment after, he should keep his voice down.
�Will you say it?�
�Why?� Hikaru looked curiously down at him. �I said it before, didn�t I?�
�You weren�t sure then,� Akira replied. �You only said �I think.� So say it, and be sure.�
�All right then. I love you. I�m sure of it.� Hikaru kissed him softly on the forehead.
�Good.� Akira seemed satisfied. �I love you too, Shindou.�
�I thought I told you to call me by my name,� Hikaru said, his tone lightly teasing. �You even called me �Shindou� when you--�
�Force of habit,� Akira admitted, smiling. �I never thought you would want me to call you by your given name....Hikaru.� He almost stumbled over the simple word, unused to saying it. �So will you call me Akira now?�
�Sure, if you want me too.�
�I don�t really care. Call me whatever you like.� Akira closed his eyes and smiled. �The name isn�t what matters.�
�I know.� Hikaru tightened his embrace and closed his own eyes, letting drowsiness envelope him. �Did I tell you you�re beautiful?�
Akira didn�t answer right away, and Hikaru, who was already feeling the first vestiges of sleep creep over him, assumed that the other boy had already fallen asleep. He was just falling asleep when Akira�s reply came, low, contented, drowsy but still perfectly clear,
�Did I tell you...that you are as well?�
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Okay, explanation. This idea came up originally as part of a fic I'm on-again off-again working on. That's where the Touya meijin thing comes in, you see, though in my fic he's dead and Akira's not coping very well and goes over to Hikaru's looking for mindless comfort sex. However, said scene wouldn't be until several chapters in and I may not even get that far, but I kinda wanted to write the scene, so I tossed together this little thing. Yes, I know it was sappy, so sue me. I just felt like writing something lemony fresh. (And since ff.net won't let me post it there--ruddy bastards--any feedback would be appreciated. Except that of the flame-y kind, which will be answered with scorn, derision, and a hacksaw.)