Author’s Notes: Depressing Ryoga songfic #4! After the last one, I was going to leave Ryoga happy with Akari, but I don’t really like Akari too much (I only put her at the end of my last songfic because she was the only character I could plausibly stick him with in a few sentences.) In this fic, I have attempted to give Akari more personality than a cardboard box, which may make her slightly OOC. I promise I'll end one of these happily eventually.
Disclaimer: As usual, no one’s mine, and the song “Loving this Way” belongs to Collin Raye, and his record company, and the writers, etc.
It had been just over a month since Ryoga had come across Akari’s farm after fleeing from Akane and Ranma’s wedding ceremony. In that month, Akari had shown him affection like he had never known before. But it hadn’t changed anything. No matter how much he wanted to, Ryoga found that he couldn’t love her, not the way she loved him. And, as much as she tried to deny it, Akari knew it.
“Ryoga-sama.” Akari stood in the doorway, watching him. Ryoga turned to face her, but found that he couldn’t meet her gaze. “Are you....okay?”
“I--” Ryoga stopped. What could he say? He wasn’t okay. He hadn’t been okay for a month. But he couldn’t tell her that....Ryoga had already had his heart broken. He wasn’t going to break Akari’s.
“I know.” Akari lowered her eyes. “I--I’m sorry, Ryoga-sama, but....I know there’s something wrong with you. You’ve been so sad this past month. I-I tried to cheer you up, but...” He shook her head, unable to speak further.
“Don’t cry.” Ryoga sighed and walked over to her. “You don’t have to apologize to me. You haven’t done anything. It’s--it’s my fault. I’ve tried as hard as I can, but...”
“But you still love Akane,” Akari whispered, her voice sad.
“You....you knew that...?” Ryoga stared at her in shock.
“I knew,” Akari sniffled. “I’ve--I’ve known for a while. I saw the way you used to look at her. I used to tell myself that you looked at me the same way. But I can’t anymore. Every day, you sit by the window and sigh and think about her. And no matter what I do, I can’t make you happy. I can’t be Akane.”
“You shouldn’t have to be Akane,” Ryoga told her. “The--the problem’s not you, Akari. It’s all my fault. I should’ve known that Akane would end up with Ranma in the end, but....I guess I just never wanted to admit it. I should’ve known from the start that I didn’t have a chance with her. But I was so...lonely...”
“Then....was I too late?” Akari clasped his hand, tears shining in her eyes. “If you had defeated Katsunishiki earlier, would you have loved me?” She looked down at her feet. “I guess it doesn’t matter. I love you, Ryoga-sama, but--but I can’t keep you here against your will.”
“Akari-chan...” Ryoga wasn’t sure he had heard her correctly. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying...I want you to go.” Akari straightened, a proud look on her face. “I won’t let you be miserable, but you will be if you stay here. And if you’re unhappy, then so am I. Maybe if you leave, you’ll find someone who can make you happy.” She smiled at him through her tears. “And maybe that someone will be me. But you won’t know unless you look.”
“But I can’t just leave you,” Ryoga said softly. “I mean, won’t you be lonely? I can’t just....walk away. This isn’t your fault, Akari-chan. It’s mine. Maybe if I stay with you, I’ll--”
“You’ll still be sad.” Akari stroked his cheek tenderly. “It won’t help me if you’re sad. I think you need to find some things out yourself. Even....even if you have to leave me. At least you’ll be happy.”
“But you won’t be,” Ryoga said glumly. “I don’t want to break your heart, Akari-chan. I know how it feels. I don’t want to hurt you. Not like I’ve been hurt. But... I think you’re right. If I stay here, I won’t be able to love you. Not the way you deserve to be loved. I can’t do that to you. But I won’t forget you, I promise.”
“Oh, Ryoga-sama!” Akari threw her arms about his neck and sobbed. Ryoga squirmed uncomfortably, feeling lower than a snake.
“Don’t cry, Akari-chan,” Ryoga said in a strangled voice. “You know I can’t stand it when you cry. I might not be able to leave if you don’t stop...”
“You have to leave,” Akari said with finality. “But--but I’ll miss you. I’ll miss you so much!” She shook her head. “I don’t want you to go....but I can’t let you stay.”
“I didn’t ever think it would happen like this,” Ryoga murmured as he detached Akari from his neck and wandered over to the door, where his backpack lay. “I thought that I could forget Akane. But I guess....I guess some things you just can’t forget.”
“I know,” Akari said in a subdued tone. She walked back over to Ryoga and gave him a brief hug. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Ryoga-sama.”
“I hope you find someone who deserves your love, Akari-chan.” Ryoga had to look away so that she couldn’t see his tears. He opened the door and stepped out.
Akari stood in the doorway, watching him as he left. It took all of her self-control not to call out and run after him, to stop him from leaving. She knew that if she only asked, he would stay. But she couldn’t ask that of him.
“Ryoga-sama...” she whispered brokenly. “Good-bye.”
Ryoga felt Akari’s eyes on his back, but he refused to turn and look at her for fear that his resolve would crack and he would run right back to her. But he knew that he couldn’t. It would only bring them both more pain.
“Good-bye, Akari-chan...” he said softly. His words were carried away by the wind as he trudged away from Unryuu farm. He never once looked back.