Disclaimer: Digimon belongs to Toei and other people who aren't me (I know you're shocked.) The song "Open Up Your Mind" is from the anime Saiyuki and belongs to yet more people.
Author's Notes: Ooh, I wrote a Digimon fic! Surprise, surprise. But I heard the song and thought the words sounded perfect for a Ken songfic. Or maybe I'm just obssessed. And this is a YAOI fic, people. You know, guys with guys. If you don't like that, I suggest you stop reading now. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Ken watched nervously from a distance as the other Chosen Children destroyed yet another control spire. Miyako and Daisuke were congratulating themselves on a job well done, and even the normally serious Iori seemed pleased.
“You could go help them,” Wormmon suggested from where he stood at his partner’s side. “Daisuke already said that he wanted you to join them.”
“Just because one person extends an invite doesn’t mean that the rest of them are willing to do the same.” Ken’s troubled eyes traveled over the group. “How could they forgive me so easily? It’s impossible.”
“Don’t give up, Ken-chan,” Wormmon encouraged. “I know things seem really hard right now, but I believe in you. I know they’ll forgive you.”
“You only say that because you love me,” Ken told his Digimon, his indigo eyes full of shadows. “Though I don’t know how you still could.”
“I’ll always care for you, Ken-chan! You’re my friend!” Wormmon said vehemently.
“I know.” Ken managed a sad smile. “And I thank you for it, old friend. Without you, I’d probably still be destroying the Digital World. But....you forgave me easily because you love me. What I’m trying to say is that the other Chosen Children don’t. They could never forgive a monster like me.”
“You’re not a monster!” Wormmon said, sounding shocked that his partner could even think such a thing. “You used to be, but you’ve changed now. Isn’t that enough?”
“No.” Ken sighed and sat down, putting a hand on Wormmon’s head. “It’s hard to explain. Humans aren’t as forgiving as some Digimon are. I can’t just say that I’ve changed and expect everything to be just as it would’ve been if I had never been the Digimon Kaizer.” He shuddered at the unwanted memory. “I’ve done too many horrible things to expect that all my sins could be washed away as if they were nothing. But it’s okay, Wormmon. I’m not upset.” His troubled eyes traveled back to where the other children were still celebrating. “This is my penance. I don’t deserve friendship and acceptance so easily. So I’m patient. Maybe....maybe one day, if I’ve repented enough...” His voice held a wistful quality to it that made Wormmon’s heart ache.
Wormmon nuzzled Ken’s shoulder, startling him out of his reverie.
“What was that for?” the black-haired boy questioned.
“You looked so lonely just now,” Wormmon told him. He fixed Ken with large, serious eyes. “I don’t want you to be lonely.”
“Thank you.” Ken smiled, but his face was still touched with sadness. His eyes turned back to the Chosen Children....to one Chosen Child in particular.
“You wanted to join the others with him, didn’t you?” Wormmon asked gently. Ken started.
“How--how did you...?”
“You’ve been staring at Daisuke like that for a long time,” the little Digimon said. “I’m your best friend, Ken-chan. I can tell when you’re upset about things like that.”
“You know me too well, old friend.”
Ken glanced back at Daisuke, his gaze full of longing.
“He--he was the first person to be nice to me in a long time,” he said slowly. “I’ve never had many friends, Wormmon....for the longest time all I had was you. But--but do you think it’s too much to ask, to want someone to be my friend....and to be maybe more than that? Even if it’s another guy?”
“If you love him,” Wormmon said gently, “then it shouldn’t matter, should it?”
“No...” Ken replied, so softly that Wormmon could barely hear him. “It shouldn’t. But real life doesn’t work that way.”
“You look so sad, Ken-chan,” Wormmon murmured. “Why? I don’t understand.”
“It’s a difficult concept, Wormmon,” Ken told him. “Or maybe not. You showed me that Digimon understand what love is. How would you feel if you thought you didn’t have a chance of having the person you love ever love you back?”
“Sometimes I thought that you had forgotten about me,” Wormmon replied. “But I didn’t care. Why does it matter if he doesn’t love you now, Ken-chan? You should just do your best to love him no matter what, and eventually he’ll love you back, I’m sure of it.”
Ken regarded him thoughtfully, marveling at how wise his partner could be. How could he ever have thought that Wormmon was useless?
“Ken? Is that you?” Ken scrambled to his feet as none other than Daisuke walked out of the woods behind him. “I thought that was you I saw up here. Why are you lurking around back here? Don’t you want to help us destroy control spires?”
“I--I--” It took Ken a moment to regain his composure. A thousand excuses jumped into his mind, but the only one he spoke was the truthful one. “I didn’t think I’d be wanted.” He laughed bitterly. “Who am I kidding? I know I wouldn’t be wanted.”
“Don’t be stupid, Ken,” Daisuke said roughly. “I want you down there, so you couldn’t be completely unwelcome.”
“You--you do?” Ken allowed himself a moment of hope, then shook his head. This was no time to wallow in dreams. “You couldn’t.” His voice unconsciously turned cold. “Don’t you know anything, Daisuke? No one wants me around except for Wormmon. Heck, I don’t even want me around.”
“Ken...” Daisuke moved to stand beside him, putting a hand on the thin boy’s shoulder. “Why do you have to be so difficult, huh? You’re one of us now, there’s no reason to stay away.”
“I’m not one of you!” Ken pushed him away. His voice was strangled as he added, “I’ll never be one of you, don’t you see? I’ve already lost all right I had to call myself a member of the Chosen Children. All I can do now is try to make things right by myself.”
There was a moment of silence, before Daisuke said gently,
“You don’t have to do it all alone, Ken. Let us help.....let me help.”
Ken couldn’t speak. He just shook his head, letting his hair cover his face in hopes that Daisuke wouldn’t see his tears.
“I trust you, Ken,” Daisuke said, daring to step a little nearer. “I can see that you’re really sorry for what you’ve done, and I know that you wouldn’t do it again.”
“How would you know?” Ken asked, wrapping his arms tighter about himself, as if that would protect him from the world around him. Wormmon, sensing his partner’s conflicted emotions, came closer and rested his head on Ken’s shoe.
“I know you wouldn’t because I know that people can change,” Daisuke said firmly. “So you made a mistake once, so what? You know better now. The past doesn’t always repeat itself, Ken.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” Ken argued. “Even if I never did another act of harm to the Digital World ever again, my hands will still be covered with the blood of the innocents I destroyed. It was all my fault. Everything that you’re doing now by destroying the control spires is just cleaning up the mess that I made.”
“Why do you have to keep being stubborn about this?” Daisuke muttered, walking up next to him. “I’m telling you--” He broke off. “Ken, are you crying?”
“No,” Ken snapped, turning away again. “Just leave me alone, Daisuke. Please.”
“Not until you start feeling good about yourself,” Daisuke said firmly. “What kind of friend would I be if I left you in this condition?”
“Friend?” Ken sounded as if he was strangling on the word. “Except for Wormmon, I don’t have any friends. Who could possibly want to be friends with me?”
“I could,” Daisuke replied, putting a comforting arm around Ken’s shoulders. “I do.”
Ken made no noise except for a soft sniffling. It was hard to talk, having Daisuke so close and being overcome by the hopelessness of what he felt....
“Look at me, Ken.” Daisuke moved so that he could look into Ken’s face.
“Just go away,” Ken pleaded. “Go away before I do something that’ll make you hate me.”
“There’s nothing you could do that would make me hate you.” Daisuke sounded absolutely convinced.
“No?” Ken asked mournfully. “What if I did this?” And he turned his face upwards, kissing Daisuke gently on the lips.
As Ken pulled away, Daisuke sucked in a sharp breath, his hand touching his mouth gently.
“You see?” Ken said miserably. Before he could say anything more, however, he found himself lost in Daisuke’s kiss.
“Daisuke...” Ken was speechless. His eyes shone with a muted hope, hardly daring to believe what had just happened. Part of him was afraid that it might all be a cruel joke and urged him to run away, but his heart kept him rooted to the spot.
“I could never hate you, Ken,” Daisuke said slowly. “Never you.”
“You see, Ken-chan?” Wormmon turned his small face up to meet Ken’s. “I told you. All you had to do was be your true self, and he’d love you.”
“How could I not?” Daisuke asked, his chocolate brown eyes locking onto to Ken’s deep purple ones.
“But--” Ken broke off, tears pouring anew from his eyes. “Daisuke....”
“Shh.” Daisuke touched Ken’s lips gently with a finger to quiet him. “Please don’t cry, Ken. I know what you were, but more importantly I know what you are. And--and I love what you are.”
“Thank you,” Ken whispered. “I never thought that--” He shook his head and smiled. “Apparently some things can be forgiven.”
“I won’t ask you to join us again, Ken,” Daisuke said seriously. “If you’re not ready, then I can’t force you. But I’ll be patient, okay? I’ll wait for you until you’re ready.”
“I--I would like that,” Ken told him. “I promise, someday, I’ll be ready. Someday soon...”
“I’ll wait for you,” Daisuke promised. He leaned forward and their lips met again in a single, beautiful kiss.