Too Much Of Nothing
Chastity
{normal, everyday girl looking for real love}
Jackie
{flirtatious in speech and body language, well-spoken, wears fancy clothes and
makeup}
Aaron
{has a southern accent, wears overalls a flannel shirt, boots and a cowboy hat}
Act 1
Scene 1
{Curtain opens to Chastity's bedroom. There is a bed toward the back at stage
right facing stage left, a floor lamp at the head of the bed, and a dresser
with a TV on top of it toward the back at stage left. The TV is on showing the
audience the latest episode of The Bachelor. The volume of the TV is loud
enough for the audience to hear. Chastity enters from stage left with a basket
of clothes. The volume is muted from a crew member by remote control. Chastity
kneels down in the front at center stage and begins to fold her clothes. She
performs her monologue as though speaking out loud to herself, not looking at
the audience. As she speaks she routinely stands up to bring a pile of folded
clothes to her dresser. }
CHASTITY: What trash! Over and over again the same garbage! All these stupid
reality shows have nothing to do with reality! And with all of these couples
getting together and having so much fun...like you can only be happy when you
have a boyfriend. And not only that, but you need to get physical otherwise the
relationship isn't official {makes hand gesture signifying quotes} or
something. Like if you're a virgin there must be something wrong with you.
{chuckles to herself} I guess self-respect and dignity aren't considered part
of reality these days. {motions her hand toward to TV screen} You know, I feel
bad for these actresses. I understand they're just acting, but they obviously
have no problem acting like sluts if they're willing to show their faces on
national television. But, I guess the really dangerous part about it is that
people- teenagers, pre-teens, especially girls watch these shows all the time.
But while we're watching, those messages that you have to act or talk or dress
a certain way in order to get guys to like you gets ingrained on our minds. We
start to think that being flirtatious and easy-going so to speak are just part
of life- like it's a right of passage. I remember when I was a pre-teen
watching stuff like Saved by the
{Chastity picks up the empty laundry basket, picks up another remote and turns
off the TV. She exists with the laundry basket with the chorus to the song
"Too Much" by the Spice Girls is played in the background. Curtain
closes.}
Scene 2
{Curtain opens. In the hallway of a high school. Scenery of painted lockers
lines the back curtain. There are 3 actual single lockers set in front of the
scenery. Jackie's is stage left, Aaron's is stage right, and Chastity's is open
at center stage but closer to Aaron's. Chastity is talking with Aaron in front
of his locker.}
CHASTITY: So what did your father do after Jethro left?
AARON: {speaks with a southern accent} He didn't take it kindly at all! He jest
ket screamin' "Boy, you'ds best get back here b'fore I come a runnin'
after ya. I'm gonna tan your hide!" He ran to da barn, got his switch, and
boy howdy did I git it! Aw, he spanked me so hawd I couldn't sit fo a week!
{points to Chastity} But dat's what'ch git when ya ride a tractor through a chicken
coup.
{Jackie enters from stage right and goes to her locker. She begins to speak as
she passes Aaron and Chastity.}
JACKIE: Hey Aaron!
AARON: Howdy Jackie! How'r'you?
JACKIE: I'm fine how are you?
AARON: I'm as good as a hawg in a mud puddle!
{Jackie begins to open her locker.}
CHASTITY: {to Aaron in a stage whisper} You speak to her?
AARON: {also in a stage whisper} Yeh, she ain't all dat bad. Quite nice as a
matter a fact. Whadda you got gainst er?
CHASTITY: I just don't like her attitude. She seems very…shallow I guess. Like
those ditsy girls you see on TV.
AARON: Aw c'mon Chastity, you don't mean to tell me dat you can't tell the
diffrence btween her and wat'cha see dos actresses doin' on TV?
CHASTITY: No, I understand the difference. It's just that she acts like the
actresses act, except she's not acting. You know, all those shallow, slutty
girls, trying to get guys' attention by being all stupid and flirtatious and
stuff. I don't know. I just don't like it.
AARON: That may very well be true. Be 'cha know there's more to someone's
personality din jus dat. Considerin' what worse kin be done, the gretest angel
out der kin be the most favored prostitute!
CHASTITY: I guess.
{Jackie closes her locker and walks over to Aaron and Chastity. She goes to
Aaron's side and hooks her arm with his.}
JACKIE: {to Aaron} Ready to go?
AARON: {Smiles} Yes ma'am.
CHASTITY: Where are you going?
JACKIE: {speaks in an as-a-matter-of-factly way} We're going to the library.
Aaron here is helping me study for that test we have in Shakespeare. You should
get going on studying yourself. {leans in toward Chastity} I heard it's gonna
be a doozy.
{Chastity stares at Jackie with a mean look. Jackie and Aaron turn around and
begin to exit stage right.}
AARON: See ya'll later Chastity!
CHASTITY: {In a mellow tone with a disappointed expression} Bye Aaron.
{Chastity closes her locker. The curtain closes as she exists stage left.}
Scene 3
{Curtain opens. Chastity is in her room, with the same set up as scene 1. She
is sitting upright in her bed and writing in her dairy. Most of the stage
lights are off except a floor lamp at the head of her bed and a spot light to
give a night-time effect. A previously recorded recording of Chastity's monologue
is playing while she writes.}
(CHASTITY): Ugh, what a snob! The test is gonna be a doozy. Bitch. What does he
see in her? Okay, so maybe she's nice... well, to him anyway. I just don't
understand why people act like that. It's not who she really is. You can
totally tell. There are so many other girls that act the same way. There's no
way that anyone can tell me that they just all happen to have very similar
personalities. They act a certain way because that's how they think they're
going to get what they want. But what do they want? Do they want an actual
relationship or just to play around? Even if they are just playing around and
not expecting anything serious... it's like they're throwing themselves away.
It may very well be fun at first, but when you have to look back on it and
realize how many fingerprints you've had on you or how much of your body you've
given away... I just think they're all being fooled. Either that or they're
fooling themselves. You just see people interact with each other in a
particular way. What else are you supposed to expect? You're not stupid or have
poor judgment, you're ignorant. They don't seem to know that there is an
alternative. No, maybe it's not as exciting and you don't get as much
attention. But at least you're saving your time, energy, and self for the one
or ones who are actually worth it and not just throwing yourself out there like
bait, waiting to be reeled up by whoever's interested.
{Chastity closes her diary and puts it with her pen under her pillow. As she
turns off her lamp the spot light turns off and she "goes to sleep".}
Scene 4
{At school, in Shakespeare class. There is a teacher's desk and chair at stage
right, and a bunch of students' desks filling up the center of the stage. There
is also a portable chalk board with an announcement about Shakespeare Day
written on it. Jackie and Chastity are standing in front of the desks with
scripts in their hands. They read a section from the Shakespearean play
"All's Well That Ends Well". Chastity is reading the part of Helena
and Jackie is reading the part of Parolles. They use hand gestures and over
exaggerate some of their lines as though actually performing the play.}
JACKIE: Save you, fair queen!
CHASTITY: And you, monarch!
JACKIE: No.
CHASTITY: And no.
JACKIE: Are you meditating on virginity?
CHASTITY: Ay. You have some stain of soldier in you: let me ask you a question.
Man is enemy to virginity; how may we barricado it against him?
JACKIE: Keep him out.
CHASTITY: But he assails; and our virginity, though valiant, in the defense yet
is weak: unfold to us some warlike resistance.
JACKIE: There is none: man, sitting down before you, will undermine you and
blow you up.
CHASTITY: Bless our poor virginity from underminers and blowers up! Is there no
military policy, how virgins might blow up men?
JACKIE: Virginity being blown down, man will quicklier be blown up: marry, in
blowing him down again, with the breach yourselves made, you lose your city. It
is not politic in the commonwealth of nature to preserve virginity. Loss of
virginity is rational increase and there was never virgin got till virginity
was first lost. That you were made of is metal to make virgins. Virginity by
being once lost may be ten times found; by being ever kept, it is ever lost:
'tis too cold a companion; away with 't!
CHASTITY: I will stand for 't a little, though therefore I die a virgin.
JACKIE: There's little can be said in 't; 'tis against the rule of nature. To
speak on the part of virginity, is to accuse your mothers; which is most
infallible disobedience. He that hangs himself is a virgin: virginity murders
itself and should be buried in highways out of all sanctified limit, as a
desperate offendress against nature. Virginity breeds mites, much like a
cheese; consumes itself to the very paring, and so dies with feeding his own
stomach. Besides, virginity is peevish, proud, idle, made of self-love, which
is the most inhibited sin in the canon. Keep it not; you cannot choose but
loose by't: out with 't! within ten year it will make itself ten, which is a
goodly increase; and the principal itself not much the worse: away with 't!
{Chastity and Jackie stop reading from their scripts but continue to speak in
character.}
CHASTITY: Away with it as you have?
JACKIE: What are you talking about?
CHASTITY: Away with virginity as you have.
JACKIE: Would it be of great offense at my age?
CHASTITY: Age of numbers does not equate to good reason for such an
irresponsible act.
JACKIE: {touches chest} If I had been in love-
CHASTITY: {interrupts} And loved in return?
JACKIE: {annoyed} As you say, why shall I not profess my love?
CHASTITY: No man would dare dishonor his beloved before the contract of
marriage was signed!
JACKIE: Marriage is no matter. Ring or not, a relationship is as it exists.
Could it be that thine heart simply thirsts for the sweet juice of a man?
CHASTITY: No! My heart thirsts for that which a simple body cannot supply. And
if I cannot yet drink from the cup of my ultimate supplier, I surely shall not
be disloyal by spreading secrets.
JACKIE: What secrets, may I so daringly pose?
CHASTITY: Where intimacy lies, there secrecy lies also. However, there be no
secrets in knowledge known.
JACKIE: Secrets can no longer even choose to be secret when plainly
seen.
CHASTITY: Which secrets, doth I protest?
JACKIE: {slowly} Those that are shared only beneath the red and white checked
linen my dear.
CHASTITY: While there did he eat your words or simply dine beneath thy skirt?
JACKIE: {Turns away from Chastity} Methinks the lady doth assume too much.
CHASTITY: Make light of what you wish, but have you forgotten about thine
Father?
JACKIE: {turns back to face Chastity} My father?
CHASTITY: Thine heavenly Father?
JACKIE: {in a tired, desperate sounding voice} Don't preach at this hour
{raises hand to head as if faint}, the breath of your incessant accusations are
making me grow faint. And isn't it true that you needn't need the foundation of
the church necessarily to ponder such things?
CHASTITY: Yes, so what be your excuse?
{pause}
JACKIE: {talks normally, out of her Shakespearean character in a serious tone,
making eye contact with Chastity the whole time} Do you not know love when you
see it? The glimmer in his eye, the sincerity of his smile, the warmth of his
body close to mine? The void is filled. To feel needed. To have a purpose. An
object of affection... we all have that need. Not many people can fill it.
{A school bell rings. Chastity has a discouraged/sad expression and looks down
at the floor. Jackie turns and looks away from Chastity as though embarrassed.
All the lights turn off and the curtain closes.}
Scene 5
{Curtain opens. Same set up as scene 1 and 3. Chastity is in her bedroom with a
cordless phone in her hand. She passes around her room while talking to her
friend, but the friend's voice cannot be heard.}
CHASTITY: Yeah...Yeah...With who?... {surprised, laughs a little} Really?...
Which class?...Yeah I know, eh, she's a showoff...Yeah, anyway...I know I don't
get it either. I mean you can see right through her... Well, she may be fooling
him... He doesn't seem to mind her... I don't know... Well- I mean I don't
think she's actually gone the whole nine yards or anything, but she acts like
she has...{excitedly} No, you know what? We may still just be in high school,
but that kind of attitude can be just as bad. It's not like you go to sleep and
then the next morning you wake up as Super Slut...It does! That's my
point...Same attitude...You really think there's that big of a difference?...I
guess, as long as you know you're doing it right?...{looks surprised}Act like
her?!?! I'd rather eat Aaron's swine chow! {laughs}...I don't know...Yeah I do,
but is it worth it?...Okay but how?...The red one?...I think I still have it.
I'll look for it...All right...Okay...{laughs} Okay, I'll try! Remember I'm
trusting you with this...{sigh} Yeah...all righty then. See ya tomorrow.
{smiles} Bye.
{Chastity turns off phone and puts it on her dresser at stage left. She opens
up one of the drawers and finds a red shirt. The song Come on Over by Christina
Aguilera starts playing as Chastity picks up the shirt, unfolds it and looks it
over. Curtain closes.}
Scene 6
{Curtain opens. At school. Same set up as scene 2. Aaron and Jackie enter
together from stage right and go to Aaron's locker.}
JACKIE: {Standing close} So, you busy after school today?
AARON: Gee, I din know Jackie. {scratches head} I got my algebra tutor comin'
over t'day. Maybe we kin git together afterwards.
{Chastity enters from stage right wearing sexy clothes and makeup. She walks
and talks like Jackie. As she walks by Jackie and Aaron, they both turn to look
at her.}
CHASTITY: Hey, Aaron!
AARON: {smiles and tips his cowboy hat} Howdy-dee Ms. Chastity!
JACKIE: Yeah, Chastity {looks Chastity over}. What's with the getup?
CHASTITY: {opens locker} Oh this? {puts her hand on her hip} Just trying to
dress a bit more festive, that's all.
AARON: Well, it looks real nice on ya!
{Jackie gives Aaron a little smack in the shoulder and a mean look. Chastity
closes her locker and walks toward Aaron.}
CHASTITY: Why thank you Aaron. You know, {pushes Jackie out of the way so that
she stands in front of Aaron} I'm available this afternoon in case you wanted
to go somewhere. {she moves closer to Aaron. Talks seductively} We can do
whatever you want.
{Aaron's eyes widen, holds onto his hat and leans back.}
JACKIE: Okay Ms. Thang! What's up with you?!
CHASTITY: Oh, you don't know?
JACKIE: The only thing I know is that it looks like you're trying to steel my
man away from me!
CHASTITY: You're man?!?! Excuse me, but you wouldn't even know his name if I
didn't tell you what it was last month!
JACKIE: Well you could have had him if you had taken my advice and not been so
shy about it!
CHASTITY: I wasn't being shy! I wasn't ready that's all!
JACKIE: That's always been your excuse! Look you snooze you lose.
AARON: {gets in between them from behind and holds their shoulders to break
them up} Girls, c'mon now! {smiles and speaks in a comforting tone} This ain't
no way fo ya'll ta act. If I wan'ed to see two chicks fight I woulda gone back
home! {talks lower and in a more informational tone. Speaks to Jackie} What you
do is sneak in when the chickens are asleep. You pick one of the chickens up
and steel and egg, and {turns to speak to Chastity} then you put it underneath
the rump of a chicken that hadn't lain no eggs yet. And I'll tell you what in
the mornin' woo doogy they just start a squwakin', feathers goin' everywhere-
JACKIE: Aaron! You're not exactly helping here.
AARON: Sorry girls. But fightin' ain't gonna solve dis problem. {Jackie and
Chastity look up at Aaron} Besides, I don't want none of you fightin' over me.
I'm mighty flattered, but...{smiles} I like both ya'll {Jackie gives Aaron an
insulted look and Chastity looks surprised and confused}.
JACKIE: Well.. {looks down at ground away from Chastity and Aaron as though
thinking, then she looks up at Aaron} you're just going to have to choose one
of us!
CHASTITY: Whoa! Freeze frame!
{Aaron and Jackie remain still. Chastity addresses the audience.}
CHASTITY: Choose between one of us? Wait a minute, this sounds like an episode
of The Bachelor! {looks at her clothes} What am I wearing? This isn't me! Look
at this! {points to Jackie and Aaron} I didn't want this! All I wanted was a
real relationship with Aaron. This isn't how relationships are made! {sigh} I
guess I better come clean. Unfreeze!
{Jackie and Aaron start moving again}
CHASTITY: Look Aaron... there's no need to make any decision.
AARON: What'cha mean Chastity?
CHASTITY: {speaks in a quiet, clam, apologetic voice} I mean... I just got so
jealous of Jackie when you started going out, that I was willing to do whatever
I needed to get you away from her. So I dressed different and made myself up
{points to her face}...I'm sorry. {looks at Jackie} I'm sorry Jackie. {looks
down}
AARON: You know Chastity, I already liked you fo the way yer were. Now me 'n
Jackie git along, but not because 'a her fancy-shmancy clothes {touches a
sleeve on her shirt. Chastity looks at the sleeve Aaron touches and smiles.
Jackie looks at her own clothes} er her heavy makeup {Jackie quickly rubs off
some eye shadow} er nothin'. An' I ne'er saw anythin' wrong wit our
relationship b'fore neither. Friends?
{Chastity and Aaron hug. Jackie looks disgusted and upset and exists stage
right.}
AARON: See ya'll later Ms. Chastity! {smiles and waves. Exists stage right.}
CHASTITY: Bye Aaron! {smiles and waves back. Exists stage left.}
Scene 7:
{Chastity is in her room. Same setup as scenes 1 and 3. The TV is on mute,
showing The Bachelor. She's in her bed with the lamp on and writing in her
diary. A previously recorded recording of Chastity's monologue plays while she
writes.}
(CHASTITY): Hello me! Boy, I'm glad that's over! I can't believe I got so
caught up in the whole who-has-Aaron? game. I know what Jackie does is ignorant
but what I did was just plain stupid! I wonder if I taught them anything from
what I said. I saw Jackie run off. She probably didn't change her mind on
anything. But we'll see. You know what? Let them be happy together. If Aaron
likes her so much then that's who he should get. I deserve better than that. I
want someone who understands me and thinks at my level. Someone who really
deserves my body and a flirtatious attitude- when the time is right of course.
Yeah, back to the old search for a real relationship. Who wants so much of a
nothing relationship? Too much of nothing is never fulfilling, never enough...
I know there's a guy out there just waiting for me. Someone who will love me
for who I am- something I should start to work on.
{puts down her diary and pen, and picks up her remote control for the TV. She
gets up out of bed turns off the TV and puts the remote on the dresser. She
then opens up one of her drawers and takes out a CD player and large
headphones. She gets back into bed. She presses play on her CD player, and the
song I'm Real by Jennifer Lopez starts playing so that the audience can hear
it. She continues writing in her diary but her prerecorded voice isn't heard.
Curtains close.}
References:
http://www.southernsass.com/HillbillyDictionary.html
http://www.rhymezone.com/r/gwic.cgi?Path=shakespeare/comedies/allswellthatendswell/i_i//&Word=metal+to+make+virgins.+virginity+by+being+once+lost#w