However, lately I find that the time I have is spent alone.
Always searching, always dreaming of how it should be.
One good partner is all I am looking for.
ONE EMBRACE
One perfect moment in time
in my lovers arms.
One heartbeat away from extasy.
Caressing,kissing and holding me tight.
Drawing me nearer to the extasy I so crave.
One perfect moment so full of joy.
Flying high on my lovers caresses.
Landing softly,sweetly,to lay next to him.
In one perfect embrace.
Forbidden
In my dreams his love is mine.
His dark caress teases my soul.
We soar together, in a lovers embrace.
Frenzied, out of control passion,
overwhelms us.
But reality sets in,
I open my eyes.....
realising...
wanting...
aching for his touch.
Knowing this dream,
will stay a dream.
He is forbidden to me.
It only makes me want him more...
ALONE AGAIN
I sit here by my favorite spot.
Watching the water cascade into the abyss.
Like the tears that gather in my eyes endless.
It seems my destiny is to always be alone..deserted
So lost again I am in this world..forgotten.
I thought that I had found what I needed.
Joy..companionship..love.
But as I sit here enveloped by my tears.
I realise..
My dreams are just that..dreams.
My reality is that I am to be alone.
MIRROR
I often gaze in the mirror wondering
Where is the person I was?
What does he see?
Why can�t I see it?
Sometimes I�m terrified of the future.
I�m not good enough in so many ways.
Afraid I�ll let him down somehow.
My life compared to his is,well is lacking.
He�s smart, witty, successful, so much more so now.
How can I compare?
How will I fit in?
Sometimes I just want to climb through that mirror
Hide myself away, gazing out from the other side.
TODD
You smile at me and I melt inside
One touch from you and I lose myself
Oh how many nights my dreams were of you
Your voice, your touch, your love
So many memories I have replayed
Longing, dreaming, wishing
And now, so much later in life
You are here
I still melt at your smile
Lose myself in your touch
Wanting to make so many new memories
My love for you never fades
My dreams of you are still so strong
I long for the day to start anew
With you by my side
In and Out
Walking out I knew what I was doing.
Walking out I knew I was done with the games.
Walking out I knew there was a chance for change.
Walking out was for me, not you.
Walking in I did with my eyes open.
Walking in I did with my heart open.
Walking in I did without your coaxing.
Walking in was my choice.
And now I am sorry for puttin gyou through this.
And now I see you weren't ready.
And now I see an end.
Not to us as friends, because I hope that will never end.
But as lovers, yes.
I won't lie, it hurts like hell.
More so because of how fast it happened.
One day you make love to me.
The next you are withdrawn.
So I guess I go back to my original plan.
Walking out with my dignaty intact.
Walking in to the rest of my life.
ALONE
I really don't mind being alone.
I've been alone for much of my life
I've become accustomed to it.
What I am really afraid of is
getting close to someone again.
That I'll love them wholeheartedly,
unconditionally, learn to live
with another again.
Then, when I'm finally used to
loving, living, falling asleep
with them, it'll happen again.
I won't be wanted.
Won't be loved.
Taken for granted.
I don't think I could handle that again.
My heart would break.
My soul would be torn apart.
I'm so afraid to give up "alone".
I crave companionship
to be loved, wanted, held, cherished.
But I am so uncomfortable with it.
To the point that I cannot even fall
asleep without being afraid
I'll wake up alone.
How do I change this?
This feeling of fear I get when I
try to see the future.
Because as much as I love him.
I am still afraid.
Maybe thats my problem,
I love to much that I overwhelm.
I do not know.
I cannot write anymore.
