Title: Never, Neverland part 2/10
Author: Kjiara
Author's E-Mail: kayjay@sunwave.net
Category: PJR
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Season three
Archive: Yes, just give credit where due
Feedback: Makes my day!
http://www.geocities.com/kjiara
Disclaimer: I don't own any of 'em.
Summary: What if Cinderella Story had a slightly different ending?


Never, Neverland part 2/10
by Kjiara

"So, did you manage to get Pacey to keep quiet with Doug?"  Bessie
asked as she set a cup of tea in front of her cousin.

Carson nodded.  "Yeah.  He won't say anything."

Bessie sipped her tea.  "Carson, we saw at least five people today
who know who you are, do you really think he's not going to find
out?"

Carson sighed.  "Pacey said the same thing.  I'm hoping I can get
everything cleared up tomorrow and be gone before it becomes an
issue."

"Don't you think that's a bit optimistic, I can't see you getting
everything squared away that quickly.  Besides, if Doug finds out
Pacey knew you were in town and didn't tell him. . ."  Bessie let
the rest of the sentence trail off when she saw the horrified
expression on Carson's face.  "Carson, what is it?"

"I never-- I didn't even think about that.  I have to call Pacey."

"Carson, settle down.  It'll be fine.  No need to panic."

"I won't have Pacey get into it with his brother because of me.
They have enough problems."  She searched her bag for her phone.

"Pacey and Doug?" Bessie asked confused.  "What problems are they
having?  I thought Joey said they were getting along pretty well
since Pacey moved in with him.  Actually acting like brothers." 

Carson stopped short.  "Pacey's living with Doug?"

Bessie nodded.  "Yeah, that father of their's let Carrie and her
brood move back in, which displaced Pacey.  Can you believe them,
the kids only sixteen and suddenly his parents house isn't big
enough for him."  She shook her head, disgusted.  "They sent him
to live with Doug, which Joey tells me has been working out great
for both of them." 

"But they always. . ."

"I know, Doug was always a rotten brother--" she winced.  "Sorry,
Carson."

Carson waved off the apology.  "Don't be, Doug was a horrible
brother, more worried about pleasing his father than taking care
of Pacey.  You're sure they're getting along okay?"

"Yeah, according to Joey anyway.  She and Pacey have spent
virtually every spare minute together the last few months so I
guess she'd know.  Seems Doug has finally realised what he was
missing in his baby brother."

"All the more reason for Pacey to be honest with him about seeing
me."  She found her phone and dialled the familiar number.  "PJ? 
Hi."

"Car, what's wrong?  Is it Joey?"  Pacey's voice held a touch of
panic.

"Calm down.  Joey's fine.  Pacey, why didn't you tell me you were
living with Doug?" she asked without preamble.

"Think about it Carson.  Every time I so much as mention his name
you change the subject, how was I supposed to tell you?  Besides,
I was afraid you'd stop calling me if I told exactly who's house
you were calling."

"Baby, you know that's not true.  I wouldn't leave you like that."

"I guess.  I was just worried about making you uncomfortable."

"I understand.  Listen, PJ, the reason I called, is about Doug."

"Yeah?"

"Bessie tells me things are pretty good between you guys since you
moved in with him."

"As crazy as it may sound, Car, things are better hear than they
ever were at home.  Doug at least makes an effort to understand
me.  Which is more than my parents usually do."

"So you like living there?"

"Yeah, I almost dread Carrie going back to Gerry."

"I think you should tell him you saw me, Pacey."

"What?" he asked, shocked.  "Not an hour ago you made me promise
*not* to tell him."

"I know, but we both know some *well-meaning* citizen is going to
tell either him or your parents that I'm back in town.  I don't
want him to think you kept it from him."

"Carson, don't worry about me and Doug."

"Can't help it, baby, it's what I do."

"Fine, I'll tell him, but you know he's going to want to see you?"

"I know.  That's mine to deal with though.  I just want to make
sure I don't cause you any trouble."  She heard hm sigh again and
smiled.  "I know, I know, you're a big boy, but humour me, please? 
Now go get some rest, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Pacey chuckled.  "Fine, good-night, Carson, love you."

"Love you too, baby."  She hung up.

Bessie was staring at her when she hung up.  "You've been in
contact with Pacey all this time?" she asked, incredulously.  "Are
you crazy."

Carson shrugged.  "I couldn't just walk out on him, Bessie, he
needed me.  Besides that, I knew Pacey would never betray my
trust, he just doesn't have it in him to do that to me."

"So how is it you didn't know he was living with Doug?"

"We have had to be careful from the very beginning.  We have
exchanged e-mails all along, and when he wanted to talk he would
schedule a time for me to call so his parents weren't around to
ask questions.  I just assumed they had changed their phone number
or he had his own line."  She smiled at Bessie rather self-
consciously.  "At first I felt pretty bad having him lie to his
family, but then I realised that our contact was just as important
to him as it was to me.  He was the closest thing to a real family
I had, Bess."

"Gee thanks," Bessie snorted.

Carson reached out and took her cousin's hand.  "I'm sorry,
Bessie, that didn't come out quite right.  You had so much going
on back then, with your mom and dad and all the flack you were
taking for your relationship with Bodie.  You, your mom and Joey
were so good to me.  Everything I could have wanted in a family,
everything my own mother wasn't.  But you guys didn't really need
me, I was more just the charity case cousin "

"Carson!  That's not true!" Bessie exclaimed indignantly.  "We
love you!"

"Oh, Bess, I know that."  Carson reassured.  "But, it was still
hard for you.  I know it bothered you to hear the things people
said about me and my mom.  Guilt by association and all that.  It
bothered everyone who had anything to do with me."  She smiled
sadly.  "Except Pacey.  He was just this sweet little boy who
needed someone to tell him stories and listen to him talk about
his day at school.  To hug him when he cried, or to bandage his
knees and kiss it better.  All the things he couldn't get from
that family of his,.  He didn't care that my mother was the town
tramp and that my father refused to acknowledge me, it didn't
matter."

"He was only a child."  Bessie reminded her gently.  "He didn't
know any different."

"I know that, Bessie.  He was a child who needed a real *parent*,
someone to love him and take care of him.  And I needed someone to
take care of who didn't care what my middle name was."

"The Witter's didn't care, Carson."

"I know.  But they weren't exactly the Cleavers themselves.  There
were a lot of problems in that house."

"You still had us."

"I didn't want to burden you guys anymore than I already had."

"Carson we never--"

"Shh, Bessie, I know that.  But as I said, you had so much going
on at the time, your own problems to deal with, you didn't need me
adding to them."

"So you turned to an eleven-year-old?"

Carson laughed.  "No, Bessie.  I didn't *turn* to an 
eleven-year-old.  I left, remember.  I just couldn't abandon that
eleven-year-old.  I was the one person in his life he had always
known he could depend on.  I couldn't just walk away.  So I kept
in contact."

Bessie nodded.  "I guess I understand.  I knew you were close to
Pacey, close to all the kids.  I guess I'm just a bit hurt that
you seem to have had more contact with him than with me."

"I called, Bess."

"On birthdays and Christmas.  How often did you talk to Pacey?" 

Carson grimaced.  "On the phone?  Not that often.  By e-mail? 
Almost daily."  She grinned sheepishly.

Bessie shook her head.  "I should have known, you always seemed to
know what was going on in our lives.  I assumed it was Aunt
Isabelle, keeping you up to date."

Carson snorted her tea.  "I haven't spoken to my mother since
before I left town."

"Carson, she's your mother!"

"Bessie come on!  When did she ever act like it?  The Witter's
practically raised me."

"But "

"No, Bessie, she has no place in my life."  Carson stated firmly,
her tone brooking no argument.

"Fine.  But what do you think she's going to do when she finds out
why you're in town?"

Carson sighed.  "I keep hoping she won't find out.  That I'll be
able to slip out of town without her knowing I was even here."

"That seems to be your solution to a lot of things, Carson."

"I know.   And I know I may be setting myself up but I just can't
deal with her right now."

"What about Doug?"

"What about him?"  Carson's tone turned petulant.

"Don't look at me like that.  You weren't the one he interrogated
after you ran.  Bodie and I had to deal with him and all his
questions."

"You didn't know any more than he did."

Bessie laughed.  "You really think he believed that we didn't know
where you were?  God, Carson, it was two years before I could see
him without having to submit to his questions.  Now we barely
speak and I can't blame him, he doesn't believe I'm not protecting
you and you broke his heart."  Bessie defended her old friend. 

"I'm so sorry, Bessie, I didn't mean for things to be difficult
for you when I left."  She hesitated.  "I just need for you to
understand that I thought I had no choice in the matter, that
things had to be the way they were," she pleaded for
understanding. 

Bessie saw the fear and pain in her cousin's eyes and nodded her
acceptance.  "I won't say I understand, because I don't, but I
will accept that you had your reasons."

Carson let out a relieved breath.  "Thank you."  She looked at her
watch.  "Oh, my god!  How did it get to be so late?"  She stood
and began gathering her things.

Bessie also  stood.  "Where do you think you're going?"

"I have to get back to the hotel."

"You are *not* staying at a hotel," Bessie exclaimed loudly.

"Bessie, I have to go."

"Don't be ridiculous, why would you stay at hotel.  You can stay
here with us.  We have plenty of room."

"I can't."  Carson searched her purse for her keys.

"Carson, why not?  We're family.  Just call the hotel and cancel
your reservation.  They'll still charge you for tonight but -"

"Bessie, no.  I have to go."

"Carson, stop.  What the hell is going on.  You got someone
waiting back there for you?"  Bessie saw her cousin's expression
change.  "That's it, isn't it?  Why didn't you just say so?  Why
would I care if you brought your boyfriend with you?  Big deal. 
He can stay here too."

Carson took a deep breath.  "It's not my boyfriend, Bessie."

Bessie's eyes went wide with shock.  "Oh?  OH!  You're, uh you're
girlfriend?" she asked tentatively.

Carson burst out laughing.  "No, Bess, not my girlfriend."  She
looked at her cousin for a moment before she said, very softly, 
"My daughter."

                         ~*~
                           
"Hey, Dougie, you awake?"  Pacey knocked on his brother's bedroom
door.

"Yeah, come in."

Pacey entered the room to find his brother working at his desk. 
Pacey sat on the edge of the bed and looked everywhere but at
Doug.

"So, what's up, Pace?"  Doug could see something was bothering his
brother.  "Who was on the phone?  Joey's still okay isn't she?" 
Doug was one of the very few people privy to Pacey's feelings for
Joey Potter. 

"Uh, yeah, she's fine, I guess.  Listen Doug, I, uh, I saw someone
today."

"Who?"  Doug was beginning to worry, it was obvious this person
had rattled Pacey.

"Carson Potter."

Doug couldn't speak.  He wasn't even sure he was breathing.  This
was the last thing he had expected to hear.

"Doug?  Say something."

"Where did you see her?" Doug asked, his voice very soft.

"At the hospital.  She was there with Bessie."

"Of course, of course.  She was here for Joey," Doug said more to
himself than to his brother.

Pacey shook his head.  "No, she didn't even know about the
accident until she got here."

"Then why , I wonder if it has anything to do with Helen Walker?"

"Mrs.  Walker?  Why would it have anything to do with her.  She
died months ago."

"I know, but I've heard that her relatives have been having fits
about the will being read.  But that they haven't been able to
find one of the beneficiaries so her lawyer has refused to read it
as per Helen's wishes."

"You don't think--" Pacey stuttered.  "Mrs.  Walker?  Leave Carson
something in her will?  Why?"

Doug shrugged.  "She always liked Carson.  Maybe this is her way
of making up for what her husband did."  He cleared his throat. 
"How's she look?"

"Great, as always.  Older of course, but not much."

"Did she seem. . .  Okay?"

"I guess.  She seemed a bit uncomfortable about being here, but I
guess that's to be expected."  Pacey stopped and fidgeted with his
shirt tail for a moment.  "Doug, there's something you should
know."

"Pacey, if she's married I'd really rather not hear it."

"No!  No that's not it.  It's something I've kept from you.  It
never really bothered me till recently, after I moved in here.  I
guess I thought that by then it was too late to tell you.  I
didn't want you to kick me out."

"Pacey, don't be ridiculous, I wouldn't kick you out.  What is
it?"

"I've kept in contact with Carson since she left."  Pacey
whispered, sneaking a look at Doug.

Doug smiled.  "I know."

"I never meant to-- you know?"

Doug chuckled softly at his brother's shocked expression.  "If you
were really trying to keep it a secret, Pace, you were awfully
sloppy."

"How, I, uh, How?"  Pacey stuttered helplessly.

"Your computer."

Pacey shrugged.

"You left it on a couple of times when you rushed out to where
ever it is you rush out to."

"So?"

"You left your e-mail program up.  I couldn't help but see you
received  mail from Carpot@aol.com.  I laughed the first time I
saw it.  She always detested that nickname."

"Why didn't you say anything?"  Pacey asked carefully.

"Pacey, I know you and Carson were always close.  Your
relationship was always very important to her, and I know she
meant the world to you.  I was afraid that if she know I knew
about it she would stop writing to you.  I didn't want that for
you.  She was there for you when the rest of us weren't."  He
shrugged and went to the window.  "It wasn't your fault she and I
couldn't make it work."

Pacey didn't know what to say.  "I--"  Pacey got up and went to
stand beside his brother.  "Thank you."

Doug turned to his brother.  "Pacey, tell Joey how you feel.  It's
important.  Don't waste time.  You never know how much you have."

Pacey nodded and smiled weakly.  "I'll think about it."  He turned
to leave.  Doug?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks again.  For all of it."

"Goodnight, Pacey."

"Night, Doug."


The end Never, Neverland part 2/10

I would love to hear what you think.

kayjay@sunwave.net