Title: Brother and Sister day 19: Changing Tides Author: Kjiara Author's E-Mail: kayjay@sunwave.net Category: PJR Rating: PG-13 Spoilers: Season 3 Archive: Yes, just give credit where due Feedback: Makes my day! Disclaimer: I don't own any of 'em. Summary: Bessie and Doug face some tough questions. Brother and Sister day 19: Changing Tides by Kjiara From: Potter_Joey@yehaw.com Date: July 7, 2000 To: PotterB@capenet.com Subject: Hi Bess, I am writing you from 'Harv's Books'. Original, isn't it. We both needed to get new reading material and when I saw they had internet service I decided to drop you a line. Sorry it's been so long between notes, I sent you another postcard two days ago but it probably hasn't arrived yet, so I'll tell you everything here that I wrote on it. Things are going great. Pacey and I are getting along better than I ever imagined we could. We have our moments, there have been a couple of squabbles, but mostly minor stuff. There are still things about him that make me crazy but it's different now, they don't bother me as much. We do have a lot of fun together. Did you know that Pacey is really into astronomy?? He even has a telescope on board True Love. I couldn't believe it, how did I not know this about him? We spend time every evening looking at the stars and planets and it is amazing how much knowledge he has about the subject. He's also an antique hound!!!! Says he gets it from when Mom and Mrs. Witter used to drag us to all the antique markets when we were kids. I had forgotten all about that. He says to say hi, by the way, and to tell you *it's* still not an issue, whatever that means. What *does* that mean? Anyhow, as I told you in my last postcard, I have been learning to sail. Pacey says I'm getting pretty good too. He's a patient teacher. Lets me make mistakes but doesn't bark at me or get snippy when I screw up, though I have seen him cringe a time or two. I am enjoying learning, I hadn't realised how much was involved in sailing before. The weather has been perfect, good winds and pleasant sunny days make our lives easier. I am getting quite a tan, though not as dark as Pacey. He has always tanned so easily, jerk. I am still having a tough time believing this is real. That, instead of working, I am spending my summer sailing down the coast with my boyfriend. The fact that the boyfriend in question is Pacey Witter, only adds to the rather surreal quality of the situation. I can honestly say though, that I have never been happier. I still feel a bit guilty about dumping all the work on you though. How did the celebrations on the Fourth go? Did everything go smoothly? Were the guests pleased? I hope so. I know how much work you and Bodie put into the planning. How is everyone there? That's the one bad thing about this trip, how much I miss all of you. Tell Bodie I said "hi" and give Alexander a kiss for me. Have you seen any of my friends? We have sent postcards to everyone and I think we might drop e-mails to them as well. Pacey told me what Doug said about Dawson getting better with what has happened. Do you think that's true? I would love to believe that he can accept my relationship with Pacey and still be our friend. I am hoping maybe a little time to get used to the idea without having to observe the relationship first hand, will allow him to make any necessary adjustments. Now I am going to be nosy, tell me to mind my own business if you wish, but Pacey tells me you have been spending time with Doug. Is this true? He also told me what the two of you said to him the night we split up. Are you sure spending time with Doug is a good idea? Do you still have feelings for him? I can remember when you two were together and how miserable you were when you left him, but then you got back together with Bodie almost immediately. So. . .??? Well I guess I should go, Pacey wants to send a note to Doug. All my love to everyone. Joey. Bessie shook her head and smiled at her sister's rambling letter, no matter how much extra work it may mean at the B & B, it was worth it to hear how happy Joey was. She deserved it. Bessie was jarred from her musings by the ringing of the phone. "Good afternoon, Potter Bed and Breakfast, how may I help you?" "You do realise how sickly sweet you sound when you do that, don't you?" Doug asked teasingly. "You never have been particularly funny," she said archly. "Ha ha. Guess who I just got an e-mail from?" "Well, since I just got one from my wayward sister I'd have to hazard a guess and say. . . Pacey?" "Give the lady a prize." She could hear the grin in his voice. "So, does Joey sound half as nauseatingly happy as my brother?" "Disgustingly so, I can't rememb--" Bessie stopped suddenly. "I have to go." And she hung up. "Hey, Bod'." Bessie stood and took one of the grocery bags out of his hands and set it on the counter. "Did they have what you were looking for at the farmer's market?" Bodie looked at her for a minute, then sighed. "We need to talk, Bess." Bessie started guiltily. "Is something wrong, Bodie?" "Let's sit down, okay?" He sat at the kitchen table. Bessie sat across from him. "Bodie?" "Was that Doug on the phone, Bessie?" he asked bluntly. "Um, it it- was- um," Bessie fumbled. "Dammit, Bessie! Don't lie to me!" Bodie growled. "You at least owe me that much." "Yes, it was Doug," Bessie said very softly. "Have you two been seeing each other?" Bodie's voice was hoarse with pain. It took Bessie a couple of seconds to realise what he was asking. "No! No, Bodie, it's not what you're thinking. Yes, I have been spending time with Doug. But only as friends. Nothing more." Bodie searched her eyes, looking for deception. He found none. "Then why keep it a secret? Why not just tell me?" Bessie sighed. "Bodie, you know why. As long as we've been together it's bothered you if Doug so much as said hello to me in passing. You know as well as I do the reasons he and I gave up our friendship." "You dumped him Bessie. That's why you gave up your friendship." "No, Bodie. When Doug and I separated we promised we would stay friends. But when you and I got back together, it made you crazy to see me with him. After a while it was just easier not to see him. Eventually things just. . ." She shrugged helplessly. Bodie wasn't sure what to say. She was right. When he and Bessie had first reunited five years ago, just the thought that she might want to be with Doug was enough to set him off. He had always been threatened by the strength of the bond Doug and Bessie shared. He'd always resented the fact that while he had been her first love, it was Doug who had been her first lover. "I never meant for you to--" "Yes, you did." Bessie interrupted. "You had every intention of making sure I didn't have any kind of relationship with Doug. You could never get past the fact that he and I fell in lo--" "How was I supposed to feel. You were *my* girlfriend!" "No, I wasn't. You left me remember? I believe her name was Kelly Drew. I didn't *leave* you, I moved on, just like you." "At least *I* didn't move on to *your* best friend." Bessie took a deep settling breath. "What does any of that have to do with what's going on now?" "Do you still love him?" Bodie asked quietly. "What?" "I asked if you were still in love with Doug Witter." "Bodie. . ." "This isn't really reassuring, Bessie." Bodie stood and looked out the window. "Bodie--" Bessie tried again. Bodie chuckled mirthlessly. "I guess it's not really a surprise, I think the only person alive who didn't know how much you loved Doug Witter, was Doug Witter. And we can forgive him, since he was so damn devastated when you left him he couldn't even see straight." "Bodie, stop." Bessie placed a soothing hand on his arm. "I am right where I should be." "But are you where you *want* to be?" He removed her hand from his arm. "That *is* the more important question, isn't it, Bess?" Bodie looked at her searchingly for a moment before turning and leaving the house. Doug wasn't as surprised as he should have been to find Bodie on his doorstep. "C'mon in." "She called you." Bodie entered the apartment and turned to face Doug. "She called me. In tears, by the way." Doug waved him toward the living room. "Are you still in love with her?" Bodie asked without preamble. "Bodie, what the hell difference does it make whether I'm in love with her or not? She's with you and your son, where she should be." "There's that *should* again. She said the same thing. Frankly I don't give a damn where she should be, if where she *wants* or *needs* to be is somewhere else." Bodie stood. "Now, are you in love with Bessie?" Doug sighed. "I still don't see--" "Dammit, Doug, it's a simple question, I think you owe me that much." "I DON'T OWE YOU A GODDAMNED THING!" Doug bellowed. "You knew how I felt about her, you knew we were happy together, you knew we loved each other, yet you couldn't help yourself could you Bod? You had to plant little seeds in her mind. Why hadn't I said the words? How would our relationship affect my career? Did she really think my father was going to let me marry a Potter? Do you remember asking her those questions, Bodie? Do you remember listening to me talk about how terrified I was that she didn't love me, then going to her and asking her why I had never said the words? Does any of this ring a bell with you?" "You had no right--" "FUCK YOU! *I* had no right? We'd been together for five years, Bodie. You two were together for what, six months when you were sixteen. Give me a break. We were good together." "Why hadn't you said the words, Doug? If you loved her so damn much, why didn't you tell her?" Bodie asked arrogantly. Doug took a step closer to Bodie. "Don't you *dare* use that against me," he hissed. "Do you remember who it was that told me she was feeling a little pressured by our relationship? That maybe I should ease up. 'You're only twenty-one, Doug, don't rush into things.' Does it sound familiar, Bodie? You did everything you could to come between us." "You never told her you loved her, Witter, that isn't my fault." "I was afraid, Bodie. I had never felt anything close to what she made me feel. I was terrified. She trusted you. You were her best friend, and you managed somehow to convince her that we had no future together." Bodie took a step back and drew a deep breath. "That's all in the past now, Doug. What is happening now is all I care about." "Go home, Bodie. Go home to Bessie and Alexander." Doug moved to the door. Bodie grabbed Doug's arm. "I need to know that you aren't going to try to get her back," he pleaded. "I'll tell you what a *good friend* once told me, Bod. If what you two have is strong and meant to be, then I'm not really a threat am I?" He opened the door. "Get out." Bodie hesitated for a moment then stormed out the door. Doug slammed it shut then collapsed on the ouch. "Dammit!" he screamed throwing a cushion across the room. The pounding on his door woke him from a restless sleep. Doug stretched sore muscles as he got up off the couch to open the door. He found Bessie Potter in the hall. "B?" "Can I come in?" she asked tentatively. "Of course, of course, come in." He closed the door behind her. "What's up, Bess?" Bessie wandered aimlessly around the apartment, touching the various articles on the shelves. "Did I tell you I really like what you've done with the place? It looks great," she said rather obscurely. "B, what's wrong?" Doug put a gentle hand on her arm to still her pacing. "Bodie asked me if I was still in love with you." Doug slumped into a chair. "He asked me the same thing when he was here earlier." "What did you tell him?" Bessie sat on the coffee table facing him. "Nothing. I told him he had no right to ask me something like that and kicked him out." Doug couldn't meet her eyes. "What would you have said?" "Bess. . ." Doug took both her hands in his. "We can't do this, Bessie." Bessie pulled away from him and went back to her pacing. "Why don't you have anyone in your life, Doug?" "What?" "You don't date. Why? You have a good job, you're smart, sweet, and gorgeous. Why don't you have a girlfriend, or hell even a wife by now?" she demanded. "I date," he said defensively. "No. You don't. This is a very small town, Doug. Not to mention your noisy little brother has spent most of this last year ensconced in my house." She stopped pacing to look at him squarely. "When was the last time you had a date?" "I don't want to talk about this with you, Bessie." "Why not? We're friends aren't we? This is the type of things friends talk about, Doug." Bessie settled herself onto the couch and looked at him expectantly. Doug let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine. My last date." He paused to think. "I guess it was about six months ago." "Really, was she nice?" "Yeah, I guess." "How long did you see her for?" Doug hesitated. "Not long." "How long's not long?" He didn't answer. "Doug, how long did you see her for?" "One date." "Only one. I thought you said she was nice?" Doug shrugged and crossed his arms across his chest. Bessie eyed him, taking in the defensive posture, the fact that he couldn't meet her eyes. "Doug, when was the last time you went on more than one date with any one woman?" "You know what, Bess, this isn't really any of your business. Now if we're finished here. . ." He got up. Bessie stepped in front of him. "Do you love me, Doug?" "Bess. . ." "Do you?" "Bessie." "Because when Bodie asked me tonight whether I still loved you, as much as I wanted to tell him he was the only man I loved, I couldn't. I couldn't lie to him and tell him I didn't still love you." "Dammit, Bessie, don't do this to me," Doug begged. "Doug, please--" "NO!" he finally exploded. "You are not going to do this to me. You walked away five years ago, not me. You went the safe and easy route leaving me to pick up the pieces as best I could." "You bastard. Don't you dare lay the blame for all that on me," Bessie seethed. "Who should I blame, B, you walked out on me remember. You left this apartment five years ago and never looked back." "I'm not the one who told Bodie that no matter how much you loved me you just couldn't see yourself married to someone like me." Bessie throat tightened and her eyes filled. "How do you think that made me feel, Doug? I was good enough to sleep with but not good enough to marry." "I never said anything like that to anyone, especially not Bodie." Bessie snorted. "No matter how much he may have wanted us apart, Doug, I don't think he'd lie about something that big." Doug stopped for a moment, trying to remember any conversation he made have had with Bodie along those line that may have been misconstrued. "Oh, God," he said slumping back into the chair. "Bessie, that wasn't what I said. He got it all wrong." Bessie snorted. "Of course he did." "Bessie listen to me." He pulled her around to face him. "Dammit, B, I loved you. I had every intention of spending the rest of my life with you. I told Bodie that. He asked if I meant marriage, and I said maybe, but it was up to you, I wasn't sure whether it was what you wanted or not. He said every girl wanted the fairytale, and I told him that you weren't every girl. He thought it was my way of weaselling out of a commitment." He took her hands again. "Bessie, I wanted to marry you, I just had no clue whether or not you would ever want to marry me." He released her and turned away. "Then I had my answer, you went to him." He turned back to her. "I loved you Bessie, with my whole heart, and that terrified me. No matter how many times I tried, I couldn't bring myself to say the words. Every time I imagined it, you couldn't say the words back, so I chickened out." Doug stopped, his voice breaking. He finished with a whisper. "I was afraid, Bess, that's all. I was afraid you didn't love me the same way. When you left it was just confirmation of what I had believed all along." Bessie could barely speak around the lump forming in her throat. "I'm sorry, Doug, I'm so sorry," she cried. "I- I- just- " She spun around and rushed out the door. The End