Culpable
AUTHOR: Kate.
DISCLAIMER: NYPD Blue and its characters are Copyright Steven Bochco Productions and/or ABC. No copyright infringement is intended.
FEEDBACK: To Kate
Absolved, Diane walked out of the confessional on shaky feet. She still felt guilty. She still felt wrong, and now, worse, she felt like the priest knew that she was those things, too. He had cleared her plate, but his tone was hesitant, it had been grudging. He was doing it because he had no other choice. Damn it!
Trashing Harry Denby's career had felt like a good idea at the time. Jill had been in contact with Don the whole time, and she had made a comment to Diane about messing Denby up for his involvement. Still angry at Harry for the kiss in the bar, mad at him, or herself, it didn't matter anymore, mad because he had the false control over her, to make her do it. She could have said no. What she had done in the bar, the pure method of how she did it, went against most everything she firmly believed it. She SHOULD have said no.
"I remember how perversely good it felt to think that maybe I could pay him back, make him feel dirty. Hell, make him dirty." The thought had struck her that Don could drug him, create some situation, and then tell Harry that he had done it. Harry was already deep in the pit; what could one more little push do to him? His liver was practically rotting out of his ear, his morals...well, what morals?
The plan changed from creating a situation to altering one. Don, with the use of some Asian herbal sleeping pills, some pot, and a line of coke, had put Harry into a coma-like state. The copy Jill had made of the key to the motel Denby and Kirkendall were staying in, they used. Don was there just until his name could be cleared. Denby was the one who was going to 'clear' it. A few phoney reports would get Don away from the vicinity of the can in no time.
Twenty kilos of heroin. Don pushed it onto Harry, who sunk deep into the pit of self-pity and booze after Don escaped. Now he was going in there to pick it up. The damn 'raid' (Diane was supposed to witness it all because of a tip off from the Narc squad), was going to go down, and Diane felt something tugging at her stomach, something telling her that it wasn't going to work out that well. It only added to her stress.
Then fix it, honey. Go over to Citi-Wide, find Denby, tell him everything you know, and fix it.
"You're back! Who the hell are you?"
Me? I'm no one you should concern yourself with.
"The leave me the hell alone. Go away."
You're talking out loud. You don't want people to think you're crazy now, Diane. You're not crazy, are you? At least not currently.
"Right. You're right. I'm not."
But you're afraid that you're going crazy, aren't you? You're afraid that this is going to drive you insane. And if that doesn't, then maybe I will.
Diane rolled her eyes and sank down into a pew. Brushing her hair away from her eyes, she nodded.
What was that? I didn't catch what you said. You have to speak up, you know.
"You mean I have to think or talk for you to be able to understand me, don't you?"
In a manner of speaking, yes.
"What the hell does that mean? 'In a manner of speaking'? Can't you answer my question straight?"
Diane, nothing I could say that would explain to you who I am, where I come from, and what I'm here for would make sense.
"So you're...what? From another plane of existance?"
You could say that, so, yes.
"You know what? Forget it. Just tell me why you're here."
Diane heard the thing talking to her sigh. Whatever it was that was talking to her, it was female. The last time she could have sworn it was male.
I told you, I can't explain it-
"Are you sworn to secrecy, or something?" A brush of strong annoyance in her tone.
No, but you just wouldn't understand. It's complicated.
"You're something that was sent here to get me to reverse whatever happens with Denby."
A pause. She heard the thing clear it's throat.
That was complicated.
Diane's eyebrows shot up.
"So, that's why you're here, isn't it?"
Another pause, which Diane took to mean yes.
"So, do you have a name?"
My name?
"Yes, a name. Something you go by."
I am called Merrian.
Continued in Part 3.
