The first thing I ever remember is heat all around me like a thick blanket. Then, a sudden, painful snap! A second later, my eyes flew open.
I looked around me. I could see that I was moving on a conveyor belt. I looked down at my body and saw that I had arms, legs, the whole works!
"Look at this body!" I thought to myself. "I look hot! Some clothes might be nice, though. It's a bit drafty. Maybe a cute little Gucci suit in a cinnamon brown..."
Then, as if in a remake of King Kong, I saw an enormous, hairy hand loom over me. It snatched me up and set me on a table.
"That is definitely not the way to treat a woman!" I thought, trying to scowl. This didn't work, however, since my face seemed to be molded into a permanent smile.
I then saw the hairy hand pick up a bright pink dress with little blue and purple hearts.
"Great, I bet that's for me. Well I wouldn't be caught dead wearing that tacky thing so you had better think again before...hey..." The ugly hand proceeded to dress me in that even uglier strip of cloth they called a dress.
The ugly hand then took me over and set me on another table. This time, a smaller, daintier hand picked me up. I was turned around and suddenly staring at a plain female face with a white cap over her hair and big, funny looking plastic glasses. Suddenly, the woman began tugging at my hair and tearing at my joints! I tried to protest, but her hands held me suffocatingly tight.
I then felt myself being turned upside-down. "What new tortures await?" I thought, desperately. I then felt myself moving, falling downward. "Uh oh..."
I landed with a loud thwack! I saw my world spin before me accompanied with a throbbing in my head.
The next thing I knew, I was being strapped down to a piece of cardboard and abruptly shoved into a box. "Now I know what medieval torture was like," I thought as I went unconscious from a migraine.
When I opened my eyes, I was in a different place. The lights here were dimmer and there were boxes around me each with its own prisoner, strapped in place, as I was. "The minute I am out of this box, I am goin' to the salon. This cardboard is drying out my hair!" I told myself.
Suddenly, two big blue eyes popped up in front of my face. Then, a tiny hand came up and reached for my box.
The world swirled around in front of my eyes as a little girls voice called for her mommy. "Mommy, I want this one!" she was shouting.
I landed with a hollow thud in a red shopping cart. The wheels clattered on the floor as the cart started to move. "Oh, you picked me!" I thought blissfully as I passed the other boxes of my former neighbors. "Well, of course you picked me. I mean, who wouldn't?"
The next thing I knew, I was set onto another conveyor belt. Suddenly, a bright red light passed over my eyes and I was tossed into a white plastic bag. I was beginning to feel thankful for the hideous prison-box for it's protection.
I felt like I had spent a lifetime in that plastic bag when I was finally taken out. I then heard a rustling above me and suddenly ripped out of my box. "Oh, fresh air!" I thought.
After and eternity, I felt my restraints loosen. "Oh hurry and untie me! I think my muscles have turned to jelly!"
"Lets go play!" I heard the same girls voice say above me as her hand swooped down and snatched me from the floor.
I landed on a soft, pink bed. The girl went over to the corner of the room and came back with a poufy, sparkly blue dress.
"Would you like this pretty dress?" she asked.
"Honey, anything would be better than this hideous thing I'm wearing now," I thought.
The girl then ripped off the pink dress and put the blue one on me. She picked me off of the bed and sat me in a chair of my size.
"How quaint..." I thought, looking around. I was in a house for my size. I noticed that everything was a terrible girlie pink. "This place could definitely use some work!"
The little girl suddenly ran out of the room and I was left alone. Soon, a head peered around the door. The body of a little boy emerged into the room. He tiptoed over to my new house and peered in at me. An evil smile slowly snaked its way across his face as he stared at me.
His hand came down and snatched me from my chair. "It's playtime, Barbie," he whispered, sending a shiver through my body.
The boy was holding a small, red plastic tube in his other hand. When he flipped the switch, a tiny flame flickered on the top of the tube. "Not good," I thought to myself.
He held the flame in back of my head, all the while cackling like a mad scientist in a "Frankenstein" movie. My nostrils tingled at the horrid stench as I realized what was happening; he was burning my hair! My beautiful, silky blonde hair!
"Tommy, no! Let her go before I tell mom!" the girl whined from the doorway. The boy abruptly dropped me and ran out of the room.
"Don't worry, Barbie. We can fix it," the girl reassured me. She picked me up and carried me to another room.
"You people keep calling me Barbie. Is that my name, or something? It's cute, but a little too "dumb blonde" if ya know what I mean. I think I prefer Barb..." I thought.
A moment later, the girl turned me around to face a mirror. At the sight, I almost had a heart attack. "My hair! Ahhhh!" I wanted to scream. My silky yellow mane had been shorn down to my scalp! "Oh my gorgeous, flowing hair..."
She took me back to my house and put me in my chair. "Now it's time for your date," the girl said.
"I can't go anywhere like this!" I wailed to myself. "I need some ice cream now."
"Well hello, Barbie. Don't you look nice tonight," the girl said in a deep falsetto. Then, he appeared. He was perfectly handsome with chiseled features, and sculpted hair above his beautiful brown eyes. His perfect white teeth and cute dimples were revealed in a beautiful, broad smile.
"Hi Barbie, I'm Ken, your date," the girl said in falsetto.
"This might work out okay after all," I thought to myself, completely love stricken.