Felix stretched out his long, black body lifting his tail and hindquarters high in the air. His mouth opened wide bearing his sharp incisors. His yawn wafted hot, acrid cat-food breath into Lisa’s face. She glanced up from her computer screen and noticed Felix had jumped on to the desk. He let out a soft, affectionate “mmrrow”and burrowed his forehead into her face.
“Oh Felix! You must be starving for some attention!” she said to him. He began to purr and wrap his tail around her nose. “I’d love to...but I’m too busy right now. Hey! What are you doing on my desk anyway? This is off limits to you, kitty,” she said as she set him back on the floor.
Felix stared back at her with his steady, smoldering yellow eyes. ‘Man! What does a cat have to do to get some attention around here? Cough up a hairball?’ Felix wondered to himself. He sat for a few minutes preening himself, and then decided to relieve his boredom by taking a walk. He stood up, and sauntered to the back door, ducked his head down, and slipped though his plastic swinging cat door.
The full moon was out, illuminating the ground in a silvery glow. Felix trotted along the quiet neighborhood sidewalk.
Suddenly, there was a noise behind him. He stopped abruptly, perked his ears, and turned his head. For a few seconds, he stood there unmoving. Then a quiet ‘snap’ and more rustling broke him out of his trance.
Felix felt the hairs on his back and tail stand on end. He crouched down and let out a long, low growl. Suddenly, a small, furry head popped out of the bush.
"Oh, I’m sorry if I frightened you!" she thought (of course Felix heard her thoughts in his head as cats - as we all know, truly are telepathic). Her head disappeared back into the bush. It emerged a moment later along with a furry, slender body. "I was this close to catching him," she thought, "but he was too fast for me."
"Uh huh," was all he could say. He was too mesmerized by her deep blue Siamese eyes.
"I’m Cleo," she thought, "and what should I call you?"
"Well...uhmn...oh...Felix name is...call me...Felix," he stuttered. He noticed that the rest of her body was lovely too. Her sleek body was a creamy beige that turned into a darker gray at her tail, paws, ears and nose. Her tail was long and tapered and so were her legs that ended in petite paws.
"Well?" she asked loudly, awaiting an answer to a question unheard by Felix. He just stared blankly back at her. "Walk with me," she thought in an exasperated tone. She turned and walked on.
"So, where we goin?" Felix asked after a minute.
"You’re kidding me. You don't know?" She looked at him and could tell by the expression that he was serious. "Well," she started, "I am going to a meeting. You may come if you like..."
"What...a 4-H meeting?" Felix thought jokingly.
"No. Its a meeting for felines to report how well our human training is going."
At that Felix burst out in roaring kitty laughter.
"What is so funny?" Cleo demanded
"Wh...you...are you sure you aren’t kidding?" Felix asked between giggles. Cleo turned and growled at him. "Whoa, wait...sorry. You’re serious," he said, attempting to calm her down. She let out a sigh, turned, and walked on.
Soon they came to a small grove of trees. "This way," Cleo thought, passing her tail under Felix’s nose. Felix could see a small clearing a few feet away. In the moonlight, he could make out other cats gathering.
"Snowball, how is your training coming?" he heard someone ask over the mix of other conversations.
"That’s kind of the “head honcho”-the one who just spoke," Cleo thought quietly to Felix. "His name is Moses."
"My pets are responding wonderfully," thought a dirty looking white cat. "The children are even obedient. I taught the baby how to play fetch! I am king of my domain."
"Perfect," Moses thought as broken vibrations emanated from his throat. Felix craned his neck to get a better look. He could see Moses was an old, gray tomcat, with white fur on his chest. His legs were like a rickety old chair and a flap of excess skin hung from his belly.
"Alexandra, how about you?" asked the elderly feline.
"It is fabulous, dahling!" Alexandra answered, her rhinestone collar glinting under the moonlight. "I have the Madame wrapped around my right paw. The butler even serves my food on crystal bowls!" squealed the spoiled Persian, her flattened nose held high in the air.
"I can see that it is time for the next phase of our plan," Moses thought. "We all know humans enjoy the sound of purring cats. For some reason, it soothes them to know that we are content. It has become my observation that humans will go out of their way to make us happy - so we will purr.
"It is my belief that we can control the humans by purring, making them serve us. Control the humans, and you control the planet!" Upon his last words, a round of resounding meows was let out.
As the crowd dispersed, Felix just stood there, completely stunned.
"C’mon Felix, lets go," Cleo beckoned. He turned and followed her out of the woods.
"So, why are cats taking over the world anyway?" Felix asked after a few minutes.
"The catnip, Mr.Clueless.
"And why catnip?"
Cleo looked at Felix to make sure he wasn’t about to laugh hysterically again.
"Thousands of human years ago, there were felines who lived on another planet far from Earth. Catnip was their food. There were no birds, mice or bugs that they could eat - just the catnip.
"Then the catnip began to disappear. The felines who had not starved yet piled onto their spaceship and came upon Earth ,or “Land of the Plant” in native Feline. Now we have seen that the time is come when cats need to conquer these silly humans and claim Earth as our own."
"Okay..." Felix replied a bit doubtfull.
"Believe what you want, Felix, but it’s happening. Felines are taking over," Cleo thought. She gave him a soft nuzzle, "Goodnight Felix," she thought and ducked back into the bushes from where she had come from.
Felix jumped through his door and trotted down the hallway of his house. He knew what he had to do.
Lisa was still working at her computer. Felix waltzed across the floor and hopped onto the desk. He stared at her with his deep golden eyes and began to purr softly.