THE VOICE OF ATON "DOWN AT THE DOUBLE D DINER" by GORDON D WENN CAST LIST --------- MIKE FRED ALIEN SET LIST -------- INTERIORS --------- DOUBLE D DINER Copyright (c) 2003 - All rights reserved - KitsWriter@Yahoo.com # 1. ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. - DOUBLE D DINER - DAY We see the interior of what appears to be a fifties style diner. Large placards line the walls inviting us to try the frosty thick milkshakes, juicy cheeseburgers and fresh golden fries. Above a section of booths, we see a mural of a roller skating carhop, balancing her tasty treats with a big happy smile. Emblazoned on her chest, the logo DOUBLE D DINER. It appears about the room, providing a corporate theme. Everything appears immaculate. A line of salt and pepper shakers, ketchup and mustard containers, form a perfect straight edge along the top of a Neapolitan coloured counter. Several ceiling fans whirl noiselessly in this brightly enticing, yet empty restaurant. A man we will come to know as MIKE enters. He's wearing the standard uniform of a Soda Jerk. White shirt, bow tie, and clothe cap. The Corporate Logo is stamped on his neat banded apron. We see him going about his daily regimen. He stares along the neat line of condiments. Examines the counter with a damp clothe. Checks the spin of the stools. Wipes the plastic menu cards in the booths. Then eyes the smile on the mural. But, as he moves towards the front door, we see the first sign of an irregularity. The light outside the large picture window is overtly Orange. An alien landscape meets the horizon. Oddshaped buildings conflict with this familiar interior. MIKE busies himself with some streaks on the front door, when a bing-bong sound interrupts him. He looks up and sees a Blue circle of light forming on the floor, in an open space between the front row of booths and the stools. He tucks his cleaning cloth inside a back pocket, then moves quickly behind the counter. Where he begins to assemble a place setting. The Blue light becomes a hard-edged disc, rising up from the floor. As it slides upward, a man emerges from beneath the underside of the disc. We see his feet, legs, torso, then finally his head. The Blue disc then disappears. Leaving behind a man wearing a pair of form fitting coveralls and carrying a briefcase. His shoulder patches identify him to be from another company. A nametag reads FRED. MIKE invites him to sit at the counter. MIKE Coffee? # 2. FRED Sure, thanks. MIKE pours him a cup of coffee. Puts out the cream and sugar. MIKE Would you like to know what the Specials are? FRED Not really. Are you Murffi? MIKE points to the oval cloth name tag on his shirt. MIKE It's Mike. FRED extends his hand. FRED Fred Danathal. Titan Corp. MIKE shakes his hand. MIKE Titan Corp? FRED Toilet paper, bathroom products, fish, beer and legumes. MIKE lifts a large can out from under the counter. Placing it in front of FRED. MIKE We use Orb Corp products. FRED You know, that can has probably been in a storage depot for five to ten years. Our products do have a lengthy shelf life, but because of our high volume turn over, they retain a fresher quality at the point of sale. MIKE I haven't had any complaints. Nice spiel though. FRED Thanks, we aim to please. I have some samples. FRED hands MIKE a rectangular box from his briefcase. # 3. MIKE (surprised) Meat Stix? Thanks. You just can't get these around here. FRED You're welcome. MIKE (inquiry) What's exactly in them? FRED Oh, it's mostly Shoe Lizard. MIKE (nods) I really love that on Pizza. (pause) Anything else? FRED Pardon? MIKE Is the recipe a secret? FRED I don't think so. The filler is a marine decapod. Jumbo Shrimp from the Planet Silvanus. MIKE (thinks) But I think I remember something else, though. (pause) A very unique taste, that I just can't seem to place. FRED (nods) Oh that. It's a large ruminant, originally from Mother Dirt. They're called Buffalo. We've set up several large scale operations on Planets in K type star systems. # 4. MIKE (observant) So, much like the One we're currently standing on. FRED takes a large sip of his coffee. FRED Then you've already heard. MIKE Oh, yeah. News travels fast. It's that Small Town thing. FRED Mike, I'm not going to lie to you. Orb Corp's pulling out. They've already processed the really big Rocks in the outer system. The new economic base will soon be shifting to the surface of this Planet. MIKE reflects for a moment. MIKE I spent eighty years with the Companies mining division. You keep in touch. Sometimes you hear things that might actually be important. (pause) Eighteen years ago, I heard something that resulted in a decision to become my own Boss. FRED takes some papers from his briefcase. FRED You know, I've got a large string of ID numbers, ending in two seven five eight. MIKE That would be me. FRED Then, I guess, you'd be the Man I should talk to. # 5. MIKE About what? FRED This Planet, I understand it was once an Imperial garbage dump? MIKE (smiles) It's not a traditional Empire. Nobody actually listens to them. MIKE points up in a seemingly arbitrary direction. MIKE(CON'T) The administrative centre is six hundred light years in that direction. FRED (inquisitive) And the garbage? MIKE Collected, recycled, then turned into new products, along that never-ending consumers highway. FRED Any toxic out-gassing in the atmosphere? MIKE Flushed out ten years ago. FRED And the Oceans? MIKE (descriptive) Well there's the Red Tide, the Slightly Red Tide, a Brownish Red Tide in the South, a Magenta Tide in the Eastern Basin and my favourite, the Carnelian Sea. FRED Sounds very colourful. Any problems with the Mega Weed? # 6. MIKE Oh yeah. Lovely stuff. Right now, it covers eight million hectares. Protecting three major stands of Nova Sequoia's, in the Northern Archipelago. FRED Hmm.... So, over all, a very low level of available recyclables. MIKE Not really, the local population still has all kinds of junk. FRED Yeah! Do you have any details? MIKE When I got here, there were some sixteen billion inhabitants. Made up of eight, or nine Races. Now there are just two Races, with a population of seven billion. Basically, we gave everybody a free ticket out of town. The Empire just dumped them all here. FRED So, this isn't a Primary Planet. MIKE No, I think it might have been a Goo Ball. FRED (interested) Really! How long ago? MIKE About four hundred thousand years ago. Are you from one? FRED Oh, no. I just find them very fascinating. Complex layers of bacteria, interwoven into a single Macro Environment. MIKE nods. Personalizes the moment. # 7. MIKE So, where are you originally from? FRED Planet X, in the second sphere. (pause) What about you? MIKE Nothing special. Just a Burb World in the Octol Outlands. FRED What do you mean nothing special? Those planets are the backbone of our culture. Green spaces, blue skies. A natural nurturing environment. MIKE You forgot boring. FRED looks at him oddly. FRED You find beauty boring? MIKE Well, what does Planet X look like? FRED It's a postindustrial apocalyptic nightmare. MIKE Those are fun! FRED True. But there aren't any tawny, muscle bound women, jogging across a radioactive wasteland. MIKE (interjects) Followed by two hundred hairdressers! FRED (smiles) Yeah. I loved that Movie. Both men reflect for a moment. FRED sips his coffee. MIKE Would you like some Pie? # 8. FRED Sure, that would be nice. MIKE busies himself for a moment, with the food order. FRED swivels around to look at the orange light outside. He stares into it, getting slightly lost in its strangeness. Then MIKE regains his attention with the Pie he ordered. He smells it. Then picks up a fork and takes a bite. FRED(CON'T) (swallows) Mmm... Is this local? MIKE It's not actually from here. But within the local group. We had some Paleo-Biologists through here a few years ago. FRED inhales more Pie. Takes a napkin, wipes his chin. FRED Very tasty. MIKE So, does Titan Corp have anything big planned? (pause) They're not closing down the Bulk B facility, are they? (gestures) You know, move in, take over, cut costs. FRED No, no. They wouldn't do that. In fact, the Original Bulk B facility on Mother Dirts' Moon, is still going strong after Twenty-three centuries. MIKE looks a little thoughtful. MIKE Don't mind me, change makes some people a little nervous. FRED But a change for the better. Your business will pick up. You know what they say: Location, Location, Location. # 9. MIKE True, but there's a lot to be said about those quiet alone moments. No people, no distractions. Time to think. Reflect. FRED Yeah? MIKE You get into a deep Philosophical state. It's almost Zen like. FRED Really? What's the topic de jour? MIKE Well, there's this inconsistency, I've been pondering. FRED Inconsistency? MIKE Well, we've only been out here for a few insignificant millennia. Yet, we've somehow achieved a far greater success than all or any of the other Races we've come in contact with. (pause) Is there something that we've done right and they've haven't? FRED Well, we're probably a lot nicer to our Mothers. MIKE smiles, collects his thoughts. MIKE You know, thirty-eight other Races once lived in this volume of space. FRED (gestures) Yeah? And where are they now? # 10. MIKE Basically, they all became extinct. FRED Are there any obvious reasons why? MIKE Well, there's always the ever popular, cultural failure. FRED Right, and what is the basic tenet of our culture? MIKE The Future is Ordinary. Tomorrow is Predictable. The cheque is in the Mail. We'll do Lunch. FRED Okay. But let's examine Humanity for a moment. At the end of the second millennia there were six billion people living on one planet. A century later, there were fifteen billion people, living on fifty worlds.... Ordinary. MIKE Yeah, and twenty three centuries later, forty times that many. FRED So, Six Hundred Billion people, living on how many Burb worlds? MIKE Half a million or so. FRED And how did we acquire all that territory? MIKE We cooked up a lot of Gas Balls, some Goo Balls, into nice happy Planets with a lot of wet Moss. # 11. FRED What attracted us to this piece of space? MIKE All those Old Alien battle sites. FRED And what did we do with them all? MIKE It was all still good. So we recycled the crap out of them. FRED And who have we ever fought? MIKE Just ourselves. FRED How often does that happen? MIKE Whenever there's some collective instability. FRED And what does that actually mean? MIKE Well, some guy wants to be Dictator, so we let him. Usually because something horrible is about to happen. And he's the only One with a solution. The system just isn't designed to move very fast. FRED And what usually happens to those Guys? MIKE Well, it's like that old Greek Legend: Live Fast, Die Young, and Leave a Beautiful Corpse. FRED Ordinary. # 12. MIKE comes to a conclusion. MIKE So, you're saying that we're much better people, because we're only in Evolutionary competition with ourselves? Ignoring everyone else. FRED (nods) That, and that, everything not nailed down is ours. MIKE (agrees) That sounds logical. They are suddenly interrupted by a double beeping noise. FRED What's that? MIKE It's two o'clock. FRED What happens at two o'clock? MIKE nods to the front door. FRED swivels to look. The door slides open. A very prune faced ALIEN enters. Then from under a dark green cloak, he produces a very large lethal looking weapon. FRED stares down its' barrels, then swivels back slightly, looking at MIKE. Who doesn't seem to be overly concerned. The ALIEN steps forward, rather rudely, making threatening gestures with his weapon. He speaks. A block shaped device above the door translates. ALIEN You must go. You must be gone. You will leave. ....Now! MIKE ignores his protest. Greets him. MIKE Good afternoon Administrator. Would you like a cup of coffee? ALIEN (angry) I do not require your Bean Juice! You will leave. Now! # 13. MIKE Unfortunately Administrator, the management does reserve the right to refuse service. The ALIEN says something that does not translate. But whose meaning is quite understandable. He begins to move forward with his weapon. Then a hole suddenly appears directly beneath him. Gravity assumes its role. FRED walks gingerly over to the hole. FRED Nice trap door. MIKE presses a button, it closes. The front door slides shut. MIKE Thanks. FRED walks back to his stool, sits. FRED So, where does it go? MIKE To the sub/sub basement in the General Administration building. There are soft things at the bottom. FRED This happens everyday, at two o'clock? MIKE Yeah, but it's never the same guy twice. FRED Do they take turns trying to evict you? MIKE That or it takes a while to get out of the sub/sub basement. FRED So why didn't his weapon bother you? MIKE Did you notice how large it was? Like it was made for some other Race? With more digits or claws? # 14. FRED Who are we talking about? MIKE The Enforcers. (pause) Who are no longer here. MIKE pours FRED a fresh cup of coffee. FRED Okay.... MIKE stretches out his arms, religiously. MIKE (loud) ALL WAS IN CHAOS.... FRED snaps back suddenly from the unexpected noise. MIKE(CON'T) Sorry.... Ugly planet, ugly people. But, we cleaned it up and fed everybody. Bulk B is cheap and easy to produce. Single Cell Protein fit all their requirements. FRED So what happened? MIKE They fought over it. Then the Enforcers stepped in and took over. FRED What did the Administrators do? MIKE They didn't quite understand the concept of More. As you and I do. FRED More, being the ability to readapt and reshape Zero tolerance environments, like Gas Balls and Goo Balls, into highly productive factory systems, which can guarantee all of us an over abundance of expired luncheon meat. # 15. MIKE Precisely. FRED (points) And the guys down that hole? MIKE Well, they confiscated their maximum storage limit. But we still continued to feed everybody. In fact we over fed all the local vermin. MIKE thinks for a moment. MIKE(CON'T) Have you ever seen one of those large Industrial Mouse Juicers? FRED The ones used for pet food? MIKE Yeah. No more vermin. But the real problem was that the Enforcers had nothing to do. Ninety-nine percent of their job was controlling food distribution. With everybody fed and generally docile, things became dull. FRED Ordinary! MIKE Right. But then we had some nice happy talks with the Enforcers. Just to see if they wanted anything. FRED (interested) And what did they want? MIKE (flatly) Sex. # 16. FRED Really? MIKE But, it was all very aggressive. In fact, rather counter productive. They eliminated more individuals than they created. Their entire Race is now extinct. I really liked them. They will be missed. FRED So that leaves the administrators with weapons they can't use. What about the other Races you mentioned? MIKE We introduced Vending Machines.... Junk for food. FRED nods. MIKE(CON'T) You put in more junk, you get a free trip off the Planet. FRED Did the administrators try to stop you? MIKE No. They don't seem to have any sense of collective self-interest. FRED That sounds odd. MIKE nods, then brings up another point. MIKE They're currently involved in seventeen separate Wars. Really stupid Ones. You know, those tastes great, less filling kind. Thousands and thousands of tiny ships, blasting each other into smaller and smaller pieces. # 17. FRED Floating Fleets of Honours Folly. MIKE True. But there's still that inconsistency. What have we done right and what did they do wrong? Maybe it's just middle age. You start thinking about your life, all the things you've seen and done. All those missed moments. MIKE looks directly at FRED, half-smiling. MIKE(CON'T) Okay, So I turned One Hundred and Forty last week. No big deal. FRED Congrats.... Did you have a party? MIKE smiles. MIKE Hey, I'm not depressed. I just don't get it sometimes. It just seems so confusing. Overwhelming. FRED That's because the Universe is actually out to get you. MIKE leans forward. MIKE (gestures) No really, why is it that we do things one way, and the entire Universe does it all another? Are we the crazy ones? FRED No. Our technology is just different. Our ships move at incredibly high speeds through normal space. They use some sort of Seven Dimensional Hyper Field. # 18. MIKE (observant) But, you can get Pizza delivered anywhere in the Universe, in less than twenty minutes. FRED (gestures) Show Offs.... Besides, they're ships don't work in our space. Our Communication System screws up their Hyper Field. MIKE What else? FRED Well, the Universe is filled with an infinite supply of Rocks. Which means, you don't have to dig up and export the Planet that you're currently standing on. MIKE (gestures) So, they don't attack us, because they can't get close enough. And we don't attack them, because they don't have anything we need. FRED I suppose we could attack them? But then we'd have to reinvent the Military Industrial Complex.... But that would be stupid. MIKE (joking) Yeah, let's all play Soldier. Both men smile at each other. FRED (sophomoric) Then there's all that Deep-rooted Gaea stuff. That wide eyed, goofy, happiness we all feel, staring out into the Grandeur of the Universe. # 19. MIKE (loud) So let's have a Crusade! Convert the Heathens! Make them all be a lot nicer to their Mothers. FRED Could I get back to you? MIKE Oh, sure. MIKE nods, then brings up a previous subject. MIKE(CON'T) So, is the Company is really committed to putting in these Buffalo? (pause) The entire Planet would have to become one large pasture. FRED Is that a problem? MIKE Have you ever actually had to deal with the Grass Culture? They have their own set of rules! (pause) They're six shades of crazy! FRED Crazy, how? MIKE Well, to begin with, there's that whole open range philosophy versus the fence guys. Then the natural versus domestic animal groups. (pause) But, I've saved the worst for last. FRED Who? MIKE Golfers. FRED gives him a passing smile, then becomes more serious. # 20. FRED Mike, The Railroads coming. And you know what that means. MIKE nods. Then FRED also brings up a previous subject. FRED(CON'T) You mentioned that there were two Races on this Planet. What is the other Race like? MIKE Oh yeah. They're very passive and not really that smart. (pause) I call them Igors. (gestures) They have this large Hump. FRED (confused) Hump? MIKE It's actually a really big kidney. FRED (nods) That's interesting. FRED takes a sip of his coffee. FRED(CON'T) You know, I am a little Hungry. MIKE Soup or Salad? FRED Salad, please. MIKE What kind of dressing would you like? FRED Do you have any Peppercorn Ranch? MIKE Yes we do. Would you like the Special? It's a local Tex/Mex Chili. # 21. FRED Local?... So it's Igor Hump? MIKE Right. It comes with your choice of fries or onion rings? FRED Oh, onion rings.... FRED asks a final question. FRED(CON'T) (inquisitive) So what did the Enforcers actually taste like? MIKE (nods) Chicken. FADE OUT. THE END #