When I Need You
Why don't you ever come when I need you?
Why don't you call when I feel bad?
Why don't you put your arms around me when my mind is screaming
out for help?
Why don't you see my tears?
Why don't you know I'm faking?
Why don't you see every time I hit you its to hide my true
feelings?
Why don't you know it's just that I'm afraid of getting hurt?
Of being betrayed?
Of having my heart break again?
Why can't you see through my falsities like you see through
everybody else's?
Why don't you realize that I'm living a lie?
Why don't you come when I need you?
Why don't you know that I need you?
Why don't you know that I'm faking everything single freakin'
thing and that I love you more than life itself?!
...Why can't you read my mind?
(Poem by the wonderful Anji-san, my latest muse) (1)
Filia collapsed sobbing against a tree and prayed that no one would come
looking for her for a few minutes at least.
"Why?" she sobbed, "Why oh why oh WHY?!" She buried her head in her
hands and wondered what cruel trickster god had...
'No. No, don't think about him, don't let yourself, you CAN'T let this
happen.' the rational part of her mind informed her sternly.
'You think I have any control over it?' her emotional side countered, 'No
Ryuuzoku(2) does!'
'You could have stopped it.' Rationality criticized, 'When you felt it starting
you should have, you should have left the group, put yourself out of reach.'
'But my duty...'
'Your duty was to maintain your vows as a priestess.'
"Wonderful." Filia muttered, "Now I'm arguing with myself."
She was so lost in thought that she never noticed when Lina appeared.
She was startled, therefore, when Lina sat down next to her and put an arm
around her shoulder.
"What's wrong?" Lina asked.
"Everything." Filia said dejectedly.
"Care to get it off your chest? I'm a really good listener."
(3) Lina offered, "And I promise I won't tell a soul."
"No one?"
"No one."
Filia sighed. "I suppose I should tell someone. How much do you
know about the mating of Ryuuzoku?"
Lina blushed. "Virtually nothing...I mean, I know it must happen, but
beyond that..."
"Alright then, do you know what an Isshou no Aikizuna(4)
is?"
"A Lifebond? Yes, I know all about them...and Soulbonds." Lina confirmed,
a sad note in her voice.
"Well, for humans, Isshou no Aikizuna are rare, but for Ryuuzoku, they are
the only way. Tamashii no Aikizuna(5) are still as
rare as for humans though."(6) she added, "Every female
Ryuuzoku goes through a stage in her life when she's respective to bond.
If no bond takes place, it can be decades before she enters receptiveness
again. Now for a priestess like myself, who is dedicated to the God,
Isshou no Aikizuna are simply not an option. Generally, the priestess
would isolate herself from males for a month or two. If no bond has
started to form the urge to do so will disappear. The other option
for a priestess during this time is to go on a quest which would take her
far from the areas settled by Ryuuzoku..."
"And you chose the second option." Lina cut in.
"Yes I did. However, it seems that all my struggle was in vain." Filia
started to weep again.
"You've Lifebonded?" Lina said, a note of awe in her voice, "But who to?
The only Dragon around here is..."
"Tamashii no Aikizuna, and it's not to another Ryuuzoku…it's an impossible
match...doubly, triply, infinitely impossible...and it HURTS!" she wailed.
"Impossible you say?" Lina pondered her words. "It's Xellos, isn't
it?" she concluded.
Filia only nodded and wept harder on Lina's shoulder.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Xellos lay on a branch in another part of the forest, and if any of his companions
had seen him, they would have been shocked to the core...the "cold-hearted"
Mazoku was crying.
"Oh my angel, my redemption, why do you have to hate me?" he pleaded, "Oh
Filia, why?" He sighed miserably, "However this happened it's a hopeless
situation. She'll never love me, not after knowing my history.
This is some kind of sick joke L-sama is playing on me, I just know it."
This was a different kind on hurt, one he wasn't accustomed to , and one
he didn't enjoy. It was also changing pack dynamics, and this bothered
him at a deep level. He was Alpha of this odd pack, he ought to be
the one controlling the pack dynamic.
He felt the bond start to ache again, and fresh tears rolled down his cheeks
as he bit his hand hard to subdue the urge to howl aloud. It wasn't
any good. Not even the pleasure brought by physical pain was enough
to subdue his inner Wolf and he gave in, howling his sorrow out for all to
hear.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Back at the camp, everyone turned their heads at the haunting sound of a
lone Wolf's mournful cry.
"How sad." Filia said, "The poor creature sounds so lonely."
(7)
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Over the next few days, Lina kept a close eye on Filia. She knew firsthand
how painful and dangerous incomplete Soulbonds(8) could
be, and she wanted to gauge how well Filia was dealing with it. During the
days she seemed fine, quite her normal self, but when she was asleep she
seemed to be having nightmares which grew steadily worse night by night.
She couldn't be wakened out of them, and nothing seemed to make them go away.
By the second week after she had confided in Lina, the nightmares were beginning
to wake everyone else up.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Every night of that fortnight that passed made Xellos more worried.
At first he had assumed that Filia could sense him nearby as she slept and
was reacting to his aura of darkness, but when he moved further away it didn't
seem to help. He could feel pain radiating off her in waves, but it
was in no way sustaining to him, in fact, it was making him feel sick.
Unlike the rest of the group, he could tell she was just as badly-off during
the days, she was just very good at hiding it. Watching Filia, he also
noticed Lina's sidelong glances at her and surmised that Lina knew something
was wrong too.
Once Xellos had determined that HE was not the cause of Filia's nightmares
he began to move closer to her night after night. His bond hurt less
the closer he was to her, and she was such a beautiful sight to fall asleep
watching...
The nightmares still bothered him, though, and the incomplete Tamashii no
Aikizuna obscured the majority of her emotions from him. He could only
try to guess the nightmares' subject from her muttered speech.
One night, in the throes of her worst nightmare yet, he heard her say something
which stopped his heart.
"No, not my fault..." she muttered, "Shouldn't have happened...impossible,
should have been impossible..." she sobbed.
'Ah, finally she's saying something' Xellos thought to himself. He
leaned over his branch to hear her better, almost hanging upside down.
"Didn't mean to bond, how can you think..." she flung her arms wide as she
tossed, her blankets becoming an impossible tangle about her, "Namagomi
(9)...can't love anyway." she said brokenly.
Instantly he was at her side.
"Filia-chan, Filia, my heart, that's not true!" he whispered breathlessly,
"I do love you, you're my tamashii(10)!"
He knelt beside her and smoothed her hair back from her sweat-dampened face.
The action seemed to calm her somehow, she even started making a high-pitched
trilling sound, almost like a purr. Xell could feel it reverberating
through his head, and it seemed to vibrate astrally along the Tamashii no
Aikizuna. For the first time in over 1000 years, Xellos felt pleasure
unadulterated by pain, and he was amazed at how powerful a feeling it was.
(11)
He could feel eyes on him, and he growled low in his throat, warning off
any potential threat, then turned around to see that Lina was watching them.
She was about to say something when Xellos shook his head and motioned her
to be silent. He settled Filia in a more comfortable position and lightly
brushed his fingers over her lips, then stood up and motioned for Lina to
follow him.
When they were out of earshot, Lina immediately spoke up. "What the
hell were you doing Xellos?" she demanded to know.
"Simply soothing my Tamashii." he replied calmly.
"Your soul? But Mazoku don't HAVE souls!"
"Well, I do." he stated.
Lina stared at him. The look he was giving her, open-eyed and earnest,
convinced her. "The Soulbond is two-way, isn't it."
Xell nodded.
"Well then, for the Gods' sake go back over there and wake her up and tell
her!"
He shook his head. "I can't." he said sadly, "She'd never accept it
intellectually; it would drive her mad. All I can do for now is comfort
her in her sleep."
Lina shook her head. "I suppose, but it'll have to be on my watch only,
unless you want to explain your actions to Amelia, Gourry or Zelgadis."
Xell sighed. "I suppose so." he conceded.
* * * * * * * * *
(Musical interlude)
Fast as I Can
From the first "Hello" you gave to me, I've done nothing else but smile,
And I know you're in a hurry...Ah, but it's gonna take awhile,
So forgive me if we go slow,
But there's something I think you should know:
I'm going fast as I can, please don't make me rush.
This feeling's coming on way too fast.
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll never forget,
But I'm not ready to say "I Love You" yet,
I'm not ready to say "I Love You" yet.
So don't push me in too deep, I've always been the fool who rushes in.
I know you've got to take the pieces one by one, 'fore you've got everything.
So forgive me if we take time,
But there's something that's been on my mind:
I'm going fast as I can, please don't make me rush.
This feeling's coming on way too fast.
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll never forget,
But I'm not ready to say "I Love You" yet,
I'm not ready to say "I Love You" yet.
Oh, there'll be times when we're mistaken,
And there'll be times when we're gonna fight.
Ah, but you needn't doubt,
We can work it out,
And in time we'll get it right,
Oh!
Oh, so forgive me if we go slow,
But there's something I think you should know:
I'm going fast as I can, please don't make me rush.
This feeling's coming on way too fast.
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll never forget,
But I'm not ready to say "I Love You" yet...
Going fast as I can, please don't make me rush.
This feeling's coming on way too fast.
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll never forget,
But I'm not ready to say "I Love You" yet,
I'm not ready to say "I Love You" yet.
From the first "Hello"...
(Great Big Sea)(12)
· * * * * * * * *
Every night from then on, Xellos spent Lina's watch sitting next to Filia,
sending as much of his strength and love as he could along their bond.
It seemed to be helping too, Filia's nightmares diminished greatly while
he was there, and she regained some of the colour she had lost. Everything
was not as good as it seemed, however. When Xell wasn't feeding her
energy, her nightmares only got worse, so he worked out a way to send energy
along the Tamashii no Aikizuna without them actually touching. As good
as this idea might have seemed at first, it was literally draining him dry,
since he was leaving the channel open all the time.
* * * * * * * * *
Filia sighed deeply. At least she was managing to keep herself together
long enough to complete her quest. After that it wouldn't matter if
she just faded out. It would be better really, at least she wouldn't
have to face life with the pain of this impossible bond, she wouldn't have
to return home to shame.
"It wouldn't matter if he loved me." she said softly, "With him I could be
strong and face them down, but like this... No, it will be better to
just let go."
Lina overheard this, soft though it was, and looked over at Filia, then at
Xellos. It really wasn't her place to say anything, but...
"Gods, they both look exhausted." she muttered, "Alright, this is getting
ridiculous. Tonight I talk to Xellos, and he's not weaselling out of
this anymore. This is killing both of them." She sighed heavily.
"Must be because the bond is two-way and unacknowledged...either that, or
something to do with Ryuuzoku being different from humans."
Lina shifted her gaze to look at her own bonded, striding along purposefully
(13), and felt once again the now-familiar ache of the incomplete Soulbond
she'd lived with for almost three years now. She knew that eventually
she too would fade the way Filia and Xellos were. For now, though,
she had too much to finish.
Lina was so preoccupied that she almost didn't notice the scroll which dropped
on her head.(14)
"Hey! What the...!"
She picked it up and looked at it, and her hands started to shake.
"Neechan? Oh L-sama what did I do now?"
Lina unrolled and read the letter to herself.
No, it's nothing that you did, this is about Filia. I recently uncovered
a plot among the Ryuuzoku elders. It seems that they've known for some
time that Filia would be susceptible to bond with Xellos...It's one of their
prophesies.
Obviously they never mentioned it to her, and made all efforts to keep
that scrap of precognition from her. They thought this was their foreordained
way to have revenge on him, so they programmed nightmares into her subconscious
which would interrupt the bond. They saw her as a necessary sacrifice
to take down the one who almost destroyed their people. This was NOT
Cepheid's(15) reason for this bond, and they will be punished
accordingly, but I need you to get Filia and Xellos together, since I'll
be busy dealing with the fools.
Lina nodded to herself. "That was my plan anyway." she said.
"What was your plan?" Amelia asked.
"Oh nothing, you'll find out eventually" Lina waved off the question.
Oh, and Lina, all this talk of Soulbonds reminds me...GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!!
I do not want to have to come out there and settle your bond myself because
you're pining away, so you have ONE WEEK to tell him yourself, or your dear
Love gets a letter of his own, explaining the whole situation to him.
Love always,
Your dear Neechan, Luna Inverse.
Lina blanched and dropped the scroll out of violently shaking hands.
"Is something wrong Lina?" Zelgadis asked, picking up the scroll.
Lina snatched it back. "No, nothing, just a letter from my sister."
she said with a faked laugh.
Zel gave her a sidelong glance which spoke volumes, then shrugged and continued
down the road, everyone else snapping out of their reverie and following
him.
* * * * * * * * *
Gourry was to have first watch that night, but Lina talked him into letting
her take over, saying she had things to think about. As soon as she
was sure everyone else was asleep, she nodded her usual signal to Xellos.
When he sat down next to Filia, Lina went over and sat there too.
"We have to talk." she said.
"I assume this has something to do with the letter you received today?"
"It does. It also involves Filia's nightmares. For probably a
very good reason, the Ryuuzoku Elders have a grudge against you.
(16) There was some sort of prophesy that Filia would bond with
you, so they sent her as a sacrifice to bring you down. The nightmares
are generated by them."
Xellos started to growl low in his throat...a truly chilling sound.
"Damned Ryuuzoku. Always think they're right, even when they're dead
wrong."
"In any case, you're going to have to enter her dreams, it's the only place
this can be reversed. I'll keep watch." Lina assured him.
Xellos nodded, already separating from the bit of himself that was his body-form
and would serve as an anchor while he searched the dream-plane.
* * * * * * * * *
The inside of Filia's dream was a wasteland...and one Xellos recognized.
The great home of the Golds had looked just like this after he left, even
down to the dead and mutilated bodies of Ryuuzoku in both forms littering
the ground. Filia was collapsed in the centre of what had been the
grand square with her head in her hands, and it seemed as though every dead
Ryuuzoku there was speaking to her at once.
//LOOK AT WHAT HE DID TO US!// they said, //CAN YOU NOT SEE THE GREAT EVIL?
WOULD IT NOT BE A NOBLE SACRIFICE TO USE THIS UNHOLY BOND TO PULL HIM WITH
YOU INTO DEATH?//
Filia looked up at this. Her eyes were streaming tears, and they looked
absolutely hopeless. "I don't WANT to!" she wailed, "I love him, I
don't want him to die, but I can't HELP this! Oh Gods, Xellos, please...I
don't want you to die...please?"
She began to sob, and Xellos felt something break inside him. He ran
toward her, not daring to use any of his Mazoku powers, even teleporting,
while on her dreamplane for fear of hurting her. He could only get
to within ten feet of her, however, when he ran into what seemed to be an
invisible wall.
"Filia!" he called, "Filia, can you hear me?"
//LOOK AROUND YOU!// the Ryuuzoku voices commanded, //YOU SEE BEFORE YOU
THE TRUE EVIL WHICH LIES WITHIN THE HEART OF THE ONE YOU CLAIM TO LOVE.
HE WILL ONLY KILL YOU AS WELL!//
"No he won't, somehow I know he won't. Even if he doesn't love me,
he would never kill me, I just know he wouldn't."
"Of course I wouldn't you hidebound idiots, not even if Juuou-sama ordered
me to." Xellos growled. "Filia..." he looked over at her, and she had
collapsed on the ground and was beginning to flicker. "Filia!
Ore no kokoro! Filia wa ore no tamashii ga motsu! Shinu na!
Filiaaaaa!"(17) Xellos screamed, desperately trying to
pierce the barrier she had set in a vain attempt to block the Ryuuzoku spirits
from getting too close to her. Filia looked up, and as their eyes met, a
silver band of energy streamed between them, shattering the barrier.
Xellos ran to her and held her tightly.
"Xellos, Kizunabito(18), you came! But how...?"
"How did I know? You have Lina to thank for that, she was the one who
told me about the dreams and what was causing them."
"Speaking of dreams, let's get out of here." Filia said, looking around and
shuddering.
Xell nodded. "Good idea." he agreed.
* * * * * * * * *
Lina watched the couple who were both shimmering with a silver light as they
woke up. Filia gazed lovingly at Xellos and smiled, and he bent forward
and placed a kiss on her forehead, then one over each eye, then finally on
her lips. Filia began to trill with pleasure as the upside-down kiss
deepened, and Lina blushed.
"I take it everything is all right?" Lina asked.
"Mmmhmm." Xell mumbled.
"I'll go back to sitting watch then."
Lina was feeling the ache of her Soulbond more strongly than usual, and,
quite frankly, watching the newly Bonded couple was making her tired not
only in body, but in spirit, so she woke Gourry up to take his shift at watch
a little early.
"What's with those two?" Gourry asked.
"They're Soulbonded." Lina explained, dreading the inevitable blank look
she knew would come.
"Oh! I see; they've just acknowledged. Alright, I'll let them
be then."
Lina just stared at Gourry. How could this be the one thing of all things
that he understood...most people had never even heard of Lifebonds, let alone
Soulbonds!(19)
"Well, I'm going to get some sleep." Lina said, going over to where her bedroll
had been set by the fire.
"Alright, see you in the morning."
Lina wrapped herself up in her bedroll and promptly fell right asleep.
Gourry leaned his back against a tree facing away from the camp to wait out
his part of the night watch.
* * * * * * * * *
A couple of hours of cuddling and bonding later, Filia was snuggled comfortably
in Xell's arms. She looked over at Lina and sighed. "I owe her so much.
I wish there was something I could do to repay her. I know she, like
us, has a Tamashii no Aikizuna, and that it's unacknowledged, but as to who
that bond is with..."
"That's where I come in handy, Koibito(20). I could
feel the pain both of them had since I first started shadowing this pack.
She doesn't think he cares about anything, and he doesn't think he's worth
caring about..."
"Zelgadis? Of course! I can see it now!...but how can we get
them together?" Filia wondered.
"Zel-kun's specialty is Shamanist Magick, so he should be able to see the
distress her soul is in if we get him to check it himself."
"Alright, that's what we'll do." Filia agreed. "I was wondering something
Kizunabito."
"Yes?"
"This bond...how was it possible? I didn't think Mazoku were capable
of love." she looked quizzically up at Xellos.
"Most aren't." he admitted, "I'm an exception for a couple of reasons. First
of all, I used to be human...actually, 3/4 human, 1/4 Ancient Dragon,"
(21)
Filia looked surprised. "I'd never have guessed!"
"Not even Zelas knows about the Ryuuzoku part of me."
Filia raised her eyebrows in surprise.
"Well, I don't think she knows about it. She would have likely done
some things differently if she had. There's one thing I'm SURE she
doesn't know, though. When she made me Mazoku, there were elements
of the Wolf which she worked into my consciousness in order to make me more
obedient to her. What she doesn't know…and never will if I can
help it, is that instead of the Mazoku aspects settling in my heart, the
Wolf ones did. Needless to say if she ever found out she'd do her best
to destroy me…"
Filia's eyes flashed fierce. "She'd better not try." she menaced.
Xellos grinned. "Have you ever wondered why you never see me take my
other form?"
"Once or twice."
"That's because it's not like any other Mazoku."
Xellos motioned they should move away from the camp a little way. "You
know, I do believe you're the first person who's ever seen this." he said
as his form changed. Where he had been there was now a large wolf the
size of a pony, with deep purple fur interspersed with flecks of gold on
his ruff, and glossy, iridescent purple wings.
"Sugoi!" Filia whispered, "Can you fly?"
"Yup!" Xellos wolf-grinned, his tongue lolling. He crouched down ,
then sprang into the air, extending and flapping his wings, sending debris
spinning away from the powerful downdrafts. Once he was airborne, he
swooped and wheeled through and above the trees, making a couple of passes
over Filia's head before backwinging to land almost as lightly as a single
one of his feathers directly in front of her, panting slightly.
Filia had a big grin on her face and was clapping. "Wai, wai!" she
giggled and hugged him. Xellos licked her face mischievously, then shifted
back into his usual form.
"Zel's on watch now, shall we go?"
They walked back to camp, and as they arrived Zelgadis glared at Xellos.
"Fruitcake, what were you doing?" he asked distrustfully.
"Just spending time with my Itooshii(22)." Xell grinned.
"Your WHAT?"
Filia latched onto Xell's arm. "His Kizunabito…we have a Tamashii
no Aikizuna you see."
A flash of sadness passed across Zel's face. "Really. How remarkable."
"We owe a favour to Lina, she helped save us and get us to bond, and we intend
to repay her." Filia told Zel.
"What does that have to do with me?"
"I know you don't like me much, but trust me on this." Xell said, "Look at
Lina with Astral Sight and tell me what you see."
Zelgadis slitted his eyes and looked over at the sleeping Lina. "I
see that she is on the last reserves of her astral strength, I see a thin
silver cord coming from her belly…"(23)
"Where does the cord go?"
"It leads to…me?" Zel's eyes snapped open and he turned to Xellos.
"How long?" he asked, aghast.
"Since before I met up with you."
"Oh Gods! Oh Lina! For me? And I never saw? I'm so
sorry…"
"So get over there and tell her." Filia motioned to him, "We'll take your
watch for you."
"Thank you." Zel nodded to Filia.
* * * * * * * * *
Zelgadis went over to Lina and laid down beside her, wrapping his arms around
her. She began to stir and wake up, then turned, saw that it was Zel
that was holding her and sighed.
"Mmmm…'nother dream…" she mumbled and snuggled up to him, then
fell asleep again.
Zel blushed bright red, but he had a happy grin on his face. "How to
wake her up?" he wondered
"Dowanna wake up…" Lina muttered into his chest, "Happy here…'wake
sad, no Zel…"
Zel hugged her tight, miserable that he had caused her so much unhappiness.
"Ah…dreams better…stay 'sleep…always 'sleep, never sad
again…"
Zelgadis decided this wouldn't do at all. He bent his head slightly
to whisper in one ear.
"Lina, wake up, I have a surprise for you."
"Dowan' s'prise, want Zel." she said firmly.
"Okay, if that's what you want." Zel got a wicked little grin on his face
and kissed her ear, it being the most conveniently close thing to his lips,
then started down her
jawline. Lina unconsciously turned her face toward his, and he kissed her
tantalizingly around the lips before finally capturing them. A jolt
almost like electricity flowed between the two of them, and Lina's eyes snapped
open. As she realized what was going on she began to kiss him back,
and the couple was surrounded by a silvery glow.
After a couple of minutes, the kiss broke off.
'Damned need to breathe.' Zel thought to himself.
"Zel…? Is this real?" Lina asked hesitantly.
"Yes, it's real. This is no dream." Zelgadis confirmed.
"Finally…" Lina started to weep, "Finally the pain is gone…I'm
whole."
Zel rubbed her back in soothing circles and held her tight. "I'm sorry
Lina. I'm so, so sorry. You have every right to be furious with
me, but I promise, from now
on I'll never leave your side ever again."
"But what about your cure?"
"With you, I'm whole, I don't need a cure." Zel said
"So, you finally see how handsome you are." Lina grinned
Zel blushed, but the smile on his face told the truth. (24)
* * * * * * * * *
Xellos and Filia looked over at the other couple as the silver light appeared.
"Well, it looks as though one of my best energy sources just disappeared."
Xell sighed, then smiled, "Oh well, it's for the good of the pack, after
all."
"The pack?" Filia wondered, "You've said something about that before."
Xellos gestured at the group bundled in their bedrolls. "The pack."
he explained, "Humans and Wolves are not all that different in some ways."
"Or Ryuuzoku and Wolves." Filia added, "When I was very young, I ran away
from home…I don't remember quite why. In any case, I ended up
living in the forest for a few months,(25) and was adopted
by one of the packs living there." Filia screwed up her face in concentration
for a minute, then smiled. [How is one's mate this night?] she asked
in Wolf.(26)
"Well well, so you know the language!" Xellos was inexplicably pleased by
this bit of information. [One is well. One wonders if perhaps
one's mate
is feeling frisky?] Xell grinned.
"Xellos!" Filia blushed bright red. She looked down at the ground,
trying not to blush any brighter.
Xellos lifted her chin with one hand and gave her a quick kiss. [Well?]
"Um…well I…"
"Now now, no changing languages in the middle of a conversation!"
[No fair] Filia complained. She knew perfectly well it was impossible
to lie in Wolf.
She looked at Xellos…really looked at him, and thought, 'Oh, why deny
it any longer. We are bonded, after all, and I'd be lying through my
teeth if I said he wasn't incredibly handsome.' She smiled.
[Does this answer?] she asked as she latched her arms around him and kissed
him all over his face, [catch me if you can!] she grinned, then ran off into
the forest where she knew there was a clearing, shifting forms as she did
so, then taking off into the air.
Xellos wasn't far behind her, and he was soon winging after her, having expanded
his body until it was just a little larger than Filia's dragon form.
They dipped and wheeled across the night sky, first Xellos chasing Filia,
then Filia chasing Xellos. As he flew along above her, Xellos marvelled
at the way the moon made her appear silver, like a small cloud scudding below
him…then he saw his target. Folding his wings in close to his
body, he dove toward her, catching the trailing end of her bow in his jaws
so that it pulled off her tail as he passed. He landed and shifted
back, then got out of the way as Filia came tearing in. She shifted back
and threw her clothes back on(27) before running after
him.
"You! Give that back!" she yelled.
Xellos teleported behind her and wrapped his arms about her. "Caught
you." he grinned.
Filia turned so she could look at him. "I surrender." she said very
seriously.
"I love you too Koibito." Xellos said and kissed her.
Filia wound her fingers in his hair, pulling his head down and deepening
the kiss. Xellos ran his hands down her body, gripping her tight.
He moved his kisses to her neck and Filia slid her hand down the back of
his shirt and started trilling again.
"Hmmm…" Xellos sighed, "I've been meaning to ask you, what is that
trilling you make? I've never felt anything like it before."
"Oh, all female dragons trill," she said, "it's how we reinforce bonds."
(28)
"Mmmm…"Xellos mumbled, "Don't stop, won't you."
He kissed her in the little dip at the base of her throat, then moved to
claim her lips again. This time he ran his tongue around her lips until
they opened to admit him, then plunged inside.
Filia moaned in pleasure and twined her tongue against his, and they kissed
passionately.
As the kiss continued, Xellos reached down and began to pull her skirt up,
brushing his leg against hers lovingly. Filia returned the favour by
pulling his shirt out of his waistband and sliding her hand up to caress
his chest. Xell grinned and broke the kiss long enough to shuck his
shirt off and throw it away.
Filia slipped her dress over her head and dropped it beside her, then reached
down to unhook her mace.
"This is yours now." she said as she handed it to Xellos.(1)
He smiled and kissed her briefly. "You really ARE surrendering, aren't
you!" She nodded, and he kissed her again. "I swear, Filia, I
will protect you, no matter what."
He took the proffered mace and gently laid it aside. Filia was now
clad in only a thin, short shift, her gloves, and the garter which had supported
her mace.
Xellos grinned at her. "My my, you are impetuous!"
Filia giggled. "You could say that." she agreed. Actually, what
Xellos didn't know was that she was fairly aching with longing. The
completion of the Tamashii no Aikizuna had triggered in her a strong desire
to consummate the relationship, and she saw no reason to hold back.
(2)
Xellos kissed her more deeply and ran his hands down her sides until he reached
her waist. He pulled her tightly to him so that she could feel his
obvious arousal pressing against her stomach. "I guess I'm impetuous
too." he whispered in her ear.
The tingling sensations he was giving her finally overcame Filia and she
went weak in the knees. Xellos helped guide her so she was sitting
on the ground, then he sat back for a second to evaluate. Everything
about her was beautiful and fascinating, but what he most wanted to discover
at this moment were her breasts.
He slipped his gloves off, throwing them by his shirt, and traced her fullness
through the shift. He kissed along her collarbones, then down, showering
kisses along the tops of these fascinating objects of his desire. Filia shrugged,
letting the straps of the shift slide down her arms, and the top of the shift
slipped off her chest, baring the twin orbs to Xellos' skilful hands.
Lightly he ran his fingers over them, occasionally brushing over one or the
other of her nipples.
Filia groaned. "You love to torture me, don't you?" she protested pleadingly.
"This kind of torture I do." Xell agreed and licked fleetingly over one nipple,
causing her to gasp. He planted random licking kisses over her breasts before
taking a nipple into his mouth to lovingly suckle. He switched to pay
the other the same attention, then slipped the shift over her head and began
to kiss his way downward. When he reached her bellybutton he stopped
and looked up at her.
"Ne, Filia, I thought Ryuuzoku hatched from eggs?"
"UmmHmm…"
"Then how can you have a bellybutton?"(3)
Filia grinned mischievously. "Sore wa himitsu desu!"(4)
she laughed.
Xell nuzzled her, then kissed the little secret. Standing up momentarily,
he slid his pants off and kicked them away, then kneeled down again.
Filia was fascinated by the sight of him, and reached out. Xellos caught
her hand and took the tips of her gloved fingers one at a time between her
teeth to pull it off. He guided her bare hand down to his engorged
member and she ran her fingers curiously along it, feeling the slightly raised
veins and the silky warmth of bare skin. Xellos disposed of her other
glove in the same way and kept this hand, kissing the fingers in turn, then
kissing the palm with an open mouth, flicking his tongue lightly over the
hollow.
The sensation was too much for her and Filia moaned. "Xellos please…I
need you…"
Xellos growled deeply in his throat and pushed her back onto the ground.
She willingly spread her legs, and he nuzzled between them, memorizing her
scent as HIS MATE. He noted that she was already quite wet, so he gave
her a swift, long lick, then moved himself into position.
"This might hurt a bit, but it's only for the first time, I promise." he
warned her. Then, without any further delay he thrust forward, breaking
her virginity and claiming her as his alone in the most primitive way.
Filia bit her lip at the sharp tearing sensation, and once he was fully inside,
Xellos stopped to kiss her.
"Daijoubu?"(5) he asked her, a little frown of concern
marring his features.
"I'm wonderful." she assured him.
Reassured, Xellos began to move within her with a steady rhythm. At
first, Filia found it painful, but soon the pleasure of the friction between
them outweighed the pain, and she began to move in rhythm with him.
As he plunged into her again and again, Xell kissed her all over her face,
pleased at the strong trilling and swift pants he was eliciting from her.
He kissed her lips and Filia opened her mouth to admit his tongue. The sensation
of being filled in two places at once was too much for her, and every muscle
in Filia's body spasmed as she experienced her first orgasm. Xell pumped
a couple of more times before her rippling contractions reached his limit,
and he spurted into her, then passed out atop her.
* * * * * * * * *
A little while later, Xell sighed and shifted off Filia to lie beside her.
He wrapped his arms around her and she snuggled close.
"Anata no zutto(29), Koibito." He whispered in her ear,
then drifted off into sleep.
"Anata no zutto." Filia echoed.
She sighed happily and looked up at the sky. The stars flickering there
reminded her of the flecks of gold in Xellos' ruff in Wolf form.
She looked over at him then, and smiled. 'I wonder if I should tell
him, or let him figure it out on his own?' she thought. A wicked little
grin almost worthy of Xellos himself crossed her face then, 'No, let him
figure it out for himself.' she decided.
She snuggled in closer to her Kizunabito and smiled blissfully as she meditated
on the new spark of life within her, then slipped off into sleep
in the warm night.(30)
Notes:
(1) Anji probably never guessed just how inspiring
this poem was, but true genius is never recognized by its originator. ^_~
(2) Ryuuzoku are dragons, in case you weren't sure…but
I'm sure you all knew that.
(3) Okay, so Lina's really OOC, so sue me, I needed
someone to be the voice of experience, and it just turned out to be her.
(4) I made this one up, so it might be grammatically
incorrect, but "Isshou no" means "lifelong", "Ai" is "love", and "Kizuna"
is "bond of affection", thus, Lifebond.
(5) "Tamashii no" is "Of the soul", thus, a Soulbond.
(6) I figured that for a race of almost eternal beings
who value morality highly, Lifebonding would only make sense. After
all, how moral is the way things generally work when we just play by hit
and miss? Besides, if there wasn't some kind of strong reason to stay
with your partner, boredom might set in, and the results of that would almost
DEFINITELY not be moral! ^_~
(7) There was no real reason I put this little interlude
in, except because I thought it was cute…so there, it doesn't have
any hidden meanings :P
(8) If you've been wondering why I use two different
terms for these bonds, it's because I figured that the Ryuuzoku and Mazoku
still use the "old language" (otherwise known as Japanese) whereas the humans
have progressed forward and all but abandoned it in favour of the less formal
"new language" (otherwise known as English)
(9) "Namagomi" literally means "Raw Garbage"or "Compost".
It's the usual name Filia gives Xellos, but as you and I know, the more one
uses a name as an insult, the more it can begin to sound like an endearment…not
that garbage is all that endearing…>P
(10) soul…if you hadn't guessed.
(11) Yeah, I know, Xellos was always a Mazoku, but
I didn't like that for the way I wanted to work this fic, so I simply ignored
it in favour of another option. ;p
(12) A wonderful band out of Newfoundland, who actually
inspired me to look into University out here on the east coast.
(13) knowing me, I wonder who this could possibly
be? ^_~
(14) Enter the "Deus ex Machina" ^_~
(15) Interesting tidbit…Cepheid is the main
star in the constellation Cepheus…just thought you might all like
to know that.
(16) Yes, you could say that!
(17) Um, okay, I admit it, unless you speak Japanese,
this probably makes little or no sense to you. I put it in Japanese
for two reasons. First because of the idea of new and old languages
I've already mentioned, and second because it just sounds so much more dramatic
in Japanese than English. The translation is "Filia! My Heart!
You hold my Soul! Don't die! Filiaaaaa!"
(18) "Kizunabito" is Filia's new name she uses for
Xellos. It means "My bonded one"
(19) I figure Elves would work the same way as Ryuuzoku
as far as bonding being necessary for those with such long lives
(20) "Koibito" means "My loved one"
(21) This is what allowed them to bond, actually.
(22) "Itooshii" is "darling"
(23) When discussing Soulmates, the bond is usually
described as being a thick silver cord linking between the bellybuttons of
the two halves.
(24) Okay, enough of that, I said this fic was Xell/Filia,
and it's staying that way!
(25) No, I don't know how she managed to avoid her
parents for that long, she just did, okay? :P
(26) At this time I wish to acknowledge the incredible
influence of the writings of David and Leigh Eddings on this fic. The
Wolf language is entirely their understanding of it, as well as my interpretation
of the ways of wolves.
(27) yes, I know, she's just going to take them right
back off in a couple of minutes, but hey, there's no thrill if they're already
gone, taking them off is so much more fun, ne? ||^_^||
(28) The trilling is my own invention. It reinforces
the bonds because it vibrates not only physically but astrally as well, and
its frequency augments that of the bond…also its frequency just happens
to be the right tone to make all the small bones in the face vibrate, making
anyone close enough feel quite lightheaded.
(29) "Anata no zutto" means "Yours forever.", or I
think it does, anyway…that's what I mean it to mean.
(30) Do we sense the possibility of a sequel here?
^_~
Lemon Notes:
(1) I took Filia's mace as being something like the
knives a Nadrak girl carries…when finally ready to give herself forever
to one man, she ceremoniously places her safety in his hands by surrendering
her weapons to him…and also assures him that she won't kill him for
touching her.
(2) All of you who guessed where this was heading,
raise your hands! ^_~
(3) Yes, I did steal this line from Dragon Half…but
it's so cute! I just couldn't resist!
(4) Anyone who doesn't yet know the translation of
this, it's "that is a secret"…and just where have you been anyway?
^_~ I just had to have a reason for her to steal his line!
(5) This is "Are you okay?"