Gwenn blushed and touched his forehead where she had kissed it. He looked like a kid who has just been greeted by a relative that he didn't know very well. He smiled and let Kay consider her questions.
"But I'm no longer entirely sure where to start ...", she began. Her voice trails off as she rises and pours herself a cup of jaco from the pitcher on the table. Absent-mindedly, Kay's hands reach to stack the dirty dishes together and set them to one side -- not because they need to be tidied up immediately, but rather as an expresion of pent-up nervous energy.
"Perhaps I shall start with the simplest questions first", she began, "Could you perhaps tell me more about your family ? And about anyone else who has the right to call you bredu (or wishes to do so) ? I would like to know more about what sort of people they might be".
She paused thoughtfully, then added "And I'm also wondering about a few of the legalities of hill-kinship. Though I would follow you even into Zandru's own Hells, I've no desire to fall under the thumb of the Hastur-King and his like", Kay told him, "With no reason at all to trust them --- and all too many reasons NOT to do so, part of me still fears letting them gain a chance to potentially turn me into a pawn in one of their political games".
"Well..." Gwenn shook his head and said ruefully, "Ye sure do pick the good ones to start. I should've told ye this before we swore bredi'in, but I wasna' expectin' that. Ye know I am emmasca. Do ye know what that means?"
"Aye ... somewhat of it", answered Kay. "In the tales of faerie that my gran told me as a child, she spoke of how the fey are of flexible gender and have the potential to move naturally between masculine and feminine. Though I shall never experience it myself (female I was born, and female I shall someday die), I dinna fear such things in others. Regardless of what new form you may someday wear, 'twill still be your own soul within it and so my feelings would nae diminish because of it".
Gwenn sighed and sat again. His was a long story. He renewed his cup before continuing. "I dinna know if I will reach puberty -- I am a male," Gwenn blushed, "but some emmascas are just slow to reach puberty 'cause we age more slowly, but some stay neuter their entire lives. But the reason I am emmasca is because I am part fey. My mother, Gwennis inghean (pronounced een-yin) Duncan, was caught in a ghost-wind and, under it's influence, mated wi' a faerie (what we call a chieri!). Ye can tell because o' my hair, eyes, and this...". Gwenn spread both hands on the table so that all 12 fingers were plainly visible.
A small feminine hand reached out to one of his, then five fingers gently lay across six. "The touch o' the fey is nae always visible tae the eye", came a whisper almost too soft to be heard, "but my gran believed that blood oft calls to blood ...". Kay felt that Gwenn deserved to know, yet she couldn't just come right out and say it.
"Aye, an' 'tis the gift o' the fey that most at home fear, not without reason." Gwenn commented.
"On MonFiern, there are perhaps one handful of people touched by the fey. Not all are stable up here," Gwenn tapped his head, "an' so all of us are distrusted by most people, but all are long-lived. Here in the lower Domains, there seem to be more like me an' they're treated differently."
Shaking her head in amazement, Kay shrugged and pointed out "Not all instabilities may be blamed upon the fey -- such things can occur in any group. Though, in every tale I've heard, when the fey blood of the Ancient Ones awakens within a person, it is said that there is always the potential for a person to lose their sanity and/or their life".
Gwenn shrugged, then went on. "Anyway, my ma was handfasted to my da and had been on her way to be married when it happened. Some men would've broken off the wedding, but my da believed her--such off-spring are often called six-fathered 'cause there's no tellin' who the da is."
Kay frowned suddenly. "Any who would even consider breaking off a wedding for something so damnfoolish, doesna deserve tae ha' a loving wife !". This was a subject in which her opinions were strong enough that she would gladly fight anyone who dared disagree with her.
"My grandmother was a fine woman", she declared proudly, "and was nae the less for not knowing the name of he who quickened her mother's womb during a festival and passed on the gift of seeing visions. The man my granny proudly called her da, was her mother Callista's beloved husband of many years. After having thought his much-younger wife barren for so long, he looked upon the twin babes as a divine gift".
"But festival-got is different," Gwenn said. "In a union such as my ma's, it isna' the same. It could be said that she sought it out an' so couldna' be trusted to be faithful to her husband, an' none could say different. During Festival, there are many witnesses as to a woman's conduct."
Kay frowned. "Any who would say such foolish things, must surely ha' heads full of rotting reish !", she declared firmly. "There are too many such fools, and not just on THIS world either. And it's always seemed to me that 'tis jealousy that makes them speak so falsely and fouly of others."
Gwenn wisely decided to let the matter go. So he picked up his tale where he'd left off. "My da declared that her child would be his, and when I was born, he claimed me as his own, but not his heir unless he had no other", Gwenn explained, "'Tis why my brother Rory is The MacConal now. My da was named Conal MacRory."
Mountainfolk were starting to sound more and more sensible to Kay. They even used the naming conventions that used to be common back on Skye. She let herself hope that perhaps they'd also kept alive the music of pipe and drums and harp, and maybe even the dancing too. Maybe there was even somewhere in Thendara where she could find some. She couldn't play music herself, and had taken only beginner lesons in the old dances. But pehaps that might be remedied here.
Gwenn added, "He died almost three years ago 'Tis why I am here in Thendara now". Kay sighed, recalling her own losses. "I am glad that ye came to Thendara, though I wish it could ha' been under more pleasant circumstances. Though my parents yet live, I still feel the loss of my grandparents. They were the only other family I ever knew. After my grand-da followed my gran into Avarra's arms, I felt drawn to come here"
"In my gran-da's will, he left me an letter saying that that, if I chose to do so, I now had his blessing (and that of my gran) to seek out their kin who had been estranged after a qurrel involving their wedding", she explained, "He also warned me that old grudges often last generations, and that he hoped I would someday understand why my father was still honor-bound not to actively help me in any such search".
"Aye, feuds can last ten life-times, an' if your gran'ma's family feuded wi' your granda' over marriage, well, at least ye'll ha' me to fight for ye." Gwenn said.
Kay looked at him thoughtfully. "Where I grew up, ye would stand BESIDE me rather than FOR me. Though I must admit that I dinna care for fighting, my da did manage to teach me a few things.", she began, choosing her words carefully. Things were done differently here. "I will try to remember that 'tis nae done in such a way here, so please dinna take it as insult if I forget", she continued
Gwenn simply nodded his assent before continuing. "I was handfasted to Fiona inghean MacDonal, but I released her since there is no knowing when I will be back, if ever, 'an we didna' have the money to move her here", he said, "I have two brothers, Rory--he's 13 now,an' Allart--he's 6 [OOC: Gwenn doesn't yet know about his youngest brother Conal being born]'an four sisters, Hedwig--she's 11 and probably hand-fasted by now, that's part o' the reason I'm a guard--to help raise the money for dowries, an' Cleindori, she's 10, Cassilda--she's 7, she'd be pleased as punch to have another Cassilda in the family, an' little Miralys--she'll be three now." Gwenn had looked off as if he could see through the walls to his home as he recited his family roll. He now looked at Kay. "That's my immediate family, but I dinna want to confuse ye too much at first--there'll be time for that later!"
The expresion on Gwenn's face spoke volumes about his family -- even more than his proudly-loving tones as he spoke of his friend Fiona and of each of his siblings. "I always wanted brothers and sisters when I was a younger lass. But after da told me of the hell my ma had been through to bring me safety into the world, I couldna tell her how badly I wanted not to be an only child", Kay commented wistfully.
"I cannae imagine bein' an only child," Gwenn said. "It seems as if I've always had siblings an' cousins around. It must ha' been verra lonely."
"There is something else ye should know", Gwenn said, "I am to meet with the damisela Dolorosa Leynier tomorrow to claim hill-kinship, if she'll accept my conditions. Since ye are now my breda, it can include you, but I can except you also."
Kay thought about it for a few moments before answering "That name is not familiar to me, so I doubt I've ever met her. But if ye care so much for this lass that ye would would make such a bond with her, then I shall trust that she is worthy of it. Speaking only for myself, I swear to you that I would care for her as I would for any other of your blood-kin and oath-kin. And perhaps, when I ha' met her and we are better acquainted, I may wish to someday call her breda for her own sake rather than for yours".
"Well," Gwenn began, "'Tis as much political as anything else. It seems to me that she had the same feelings when she offered hill-kinship to me as I did when I offered it to ye. An' having such a powerful ally in a place where I ha' nae kin is a useful thing. But I didna' want to ally you to the Comyn if ye didna' wish it, e'en though she is Hellers, too. I trust her enough to accept hill-kinship, 'an that says a great deal, for, as I said before, it isnae entered into lightly. So I will make sure to include ye unless ye say nae."
Another cautionary thought suddenly occurred to Kay. "When ye tell her of me, ye may share with her such publicly-available things as that my parents are Terrans living on Terra, or that my grand-da was a Terran from Caer Donn who married a local woman from the hills. But I would ha' ye ask me privately and gain my permission before ye share any more intimate details. Say Kay rather than Kasilda, and especially do nae mention ANYTHING about fey blood -- not even if ye know her to be part-fey herself".
"Aye, I will be sure to do so." Gwenn replied. "An' ye may find that bein' kin to the damisela will be helpful in your search, moreso than I, for I canna' leave Thendara anytime soon. But Kay, when one is introduced formally, it is usual to give the full name of a person. Do ye nae wish me to give your full name when I introduce ye to people?"
How was she to explain this ? There didn't seem to be any best answer. "Is it not the case that Terranan are expected to have odd- sounding or oddly-formed names ?", Kay inquired, then added in explanation "I would not wish to force you into acting improperly on my behalf. Yet what I fear is that my full name might spark some sort of recognition in any who knew my da's parents, on account of how it's so close to my gran's name".
But perhaps there was some sort of compromise solution. After thinking about it for a few moments, Kay suggested "For a formal introduction, what if ye said nae more than that I am Kasilda MacDonald of Terra ?". That was still giving away more than she liked, but there was no way around it.
And anyways, Gwenn's tongue had already slipped once,so people would wonder more about him calling her "Cass" (like he had in mestru Merrick's shop that one time) or "Cassie" or "Kasilda" if he'd already formally introduced her as "Kay". It wasn't yet clear if Gwenn was buying her explanation, so she then hurried to add "'tis nae the whole truth, but perhaps 'twill be enough to satisfy anyone who demands a full name. Though people may wonder how a Terranan woman came to be named after the Blessed Mother of this world".
This brought a protest from Gwenn. "But Casilda is such a common name, and only the Hali-imyn worship her because they say she is the mother of the Hali-imyn, lover of the hallowed Hastur and the bearer of his children", he said. Then added "But ye do have a point, and I dinna wish to press ye on such a matter." Gwenn was not terribly happy about it, but if the feud was of a serious enough nature to kill over, he didn't want to give Kay's unknown family advance warning of her presence on Darkover.
"I've nae idea how serious the feud", Kay explained, starting to look very frustrated indeed, "all I know is that the two sides of my da's kin became estranged after his parents wed. And I know that my ma believes that she killed at least one man when she ran to my da with me --- though I've no idea who it was, or why, or even if that was part of the same feud. I dinna' even know what her full name was before she wed my da".
She paused, sighed deeply, then added in a calmer voice, "So until I know more about who my unknown kin might be, will ye agree to call me just Kay MacDonald if it's a casual introduction ? And to call me Kasilda MacDonald of Terra for a formal introduction, at least for now ?".
"Aye," was Gwenn's only reply. He was sure that hadn't actually said that he was wondering about the seriousness of the feud. Yet Kay had correctly guessed that he'd find such information interesting. Gwenn was now confused, but there'd be future days when he could untangle her relatives' origins.
Kay blushed. "Och ... now I've confused ye again ...getting so nervous that I repeat myself and start to babble about whatever weighed most on my mind".
There was something else that Gwenn thought important to mention. "My family--all the families on MonFiern--distrust the Hali...Comyn. The Alderan and Ardais fought over us in ages past and have now seem to forgotten us; that is how we like it. We have some trade with Nevarsin and with the Domains through Nevarsin, but we try not to deal directly wi' the Comyn, 'an we don't ask their help. The three clan-lords dinna want to be beholden to the Domains for fear they will try to exert control over us again."
A look of remembered sadness spread across Kay's face. Words began to flow from her, like waterflow in a stream that's suddenly been cleared. "'Tis such control that I wish to avoid. To buy our freedom from it, my poor ma suffered greatly, and almost died for it. Such cruelty is beyond my ken".
"What sort of monsters are these lowlanders to have done such a thing? To so ill-treat a woman that she would run in fear for her life (and that of her child), even though she was newly-risen from childbed and ill ? To push her so far that she would hide and steal, fight and even kill ?", she demanded, not expecting any answers, but needing to speak her questions anyways. She'd asked the same of the gods and goddeses many times before, but there had never been any answers then either.
"Nae", she continued, "even for that alone, they'd have well-earned my distrust. But that is not all I hold against them. They have also deprived me of kin I might ha' known and perhaps might ha' loved. 'Tis because of them that so much of my family tree has been lost to me. Of my mother's kin, I know only that both her mother (who died birthing her) and her mother's mother bore a very close resemblance and were my namesakes. Master Painter is being kind enough to paint my great-gran Cassilda from my description. I shall show it to ye when 'tis finished".
"I canna answer such questions. I have found both good and bad here among them. My friend Jake--Cadet Ridenow--risked himself to aid me when I was almost killed by another cadet, though truth be told, I should ha' never let meself get into a position where the lad could lay his hands on me." Gwenn said. "An' I would be honored to see the portraits."
"Almost killed ?", Kay exclaimed indignantly, "Does this sort of thing happen often in the barracks ? 'Tis barbaric ... was that how ye got stuck with kitchen duty ? 'Tis nae fair that ye were punished, when 'twas not ye that started the fight".
"Well, not that I know, an' they would have a difficult time o'it keeping good men if it did!" Gwenn grinned. "But cadets are in training to be officers, and ye must obey officers, for in a war, hesitation and disobedience can not only get _you_ killed, it can get your fellows killed, too. An' e'en though I was provoked, I should ha' kept still. Two days was nae so much for gettin' to beat up on 'em, well, after Jake jumped in--wi' Jake an' me, two-on-two is an unfair advantage on our side! _They_ had to do the laundry for half-a-tenday!"
On a rational level, it was obvious to Kay that there would be both good and bad in ANY group, and that it was irrational to blame an entire group for the doings of some of its members. But on an unconscious level, the underlying bias still remained and it was often difficult for her to get past that.
For Gwenn's sake, Kay decided that she would extend her friendship to this lad Jake when she met him, even though she recognized his last name as being that of a major Comyn family. Perhaps, as she'd earlier commented about Dolo, she might eventually even grow to like him for his own sake. "It would be both an honour and a pleasure to meet the bredu of my bredu", Kay promised Gwenn, again carefully choosing her words, "though this does not change my feelings for the Comyn as a whole".
Gwenn paused, then continued, "As for the legalities of hill-kinship...well, it's mostly on a person's honor. But when someone claims this type of kinship, it's usually the heads of the family that do so--that's why I must accept the damisela's offer only on the conditions that my family not be included unless they agree -- it would tie them into the Comyn an' it's Rory's place to do that, not mine".
"Just as I may not speak for my father without his leave", Kay agreed, "which is I could nae yet swear hill-kinship to ye, even though I wished for ye to be my brother. I am glad to see your caution in regards to the Comyn, and I hope your brother Rory feels the same. My ma spoke of the Hastur-King as if he were second only to Zandru himself --- power-mad and eager to manipulate everyone around him as if they were naught but pawns in a game. Da warned me that my Terran citizenship should be some degree of protection, but that it was no guarantee of safety -- not even if I was careful to break no Darkovan laws".
"But it makes you siblings--like we are now--and binds both families together, wi' all the obligations and advantages of kin", Gwenn added, "My brothers would be duty-bound to protect ye, an' if ye called on Rory to do something for ye, as long as he was able to do so, he'd be duty-bound to do it, but ye'd have to accept his decisions--the ones he could make as head of the family. An' if he called on you to do something, ye'd be bound, just like he would be. An' ye all try to help each other. An', well, if ye wished to marry someone, he or his representative is supposed to arrange the marriage to make sure ye would be well taken care of an' treated properly, because your marriage would tie both families together, you see ... Oh, an' I gave my oath of fealty to The Baiyerd, but it has run out by now; he knew when I left that I would not renew it so I wouldn't be foresworn".
Kay nodded. "Aye, the ties bind in both directions", she said, "which is why I couldna answer you before I'd given the matter much thought. And 'tis why, before she ran, my ma renounced her family name and all her kin, save for myself and her memories of her gran Cassilda. She told my da that she had buried her old self with her hair, and that her reborn self no longer had any kin other than the child of his loins that she had brought to him".
Gwenn nodded, then paused again. "Anything I may have missed or any more questions?", he asked. There were so many things that he wanted to ask Kay about her own family. But the hour was getting late and he wanted to make sure that he'd answered all of her questions first.