Ceroill sipped his tea, and watched her. Listened. He shared some images and thoughts with Oberon, and received answers of a sort, along with other thoughts. He thought for a moment. "Anwyn, I want to ask you a question. Let's make it a hypothetical situation. An exercise of sorts. Imagine that Kay's odd behavior had nothing to do with 'energy fields' and such. If it was only a completely mundane situation, what would you propose to be done about it? You obviously are convinced there's a problem she's hiding. What would you do if it were up to you?"
That was a very good question. And if she'd had a very good ANSWER to match it, then she probably would't needed to come seeking advice from anyone else. "I'm not ... entirely ... certain", Anwyn began thoughfully, "but there's something that just seems WRONG about her pulling away from vryone. Maybe ... just maybe ... that's not the sort of compnay that she NEEDS right now. I'm not yet sure what the RIGHT thing to do is, but Kay says that when people pray, and ask the Goddess to give them a sign, that the answer was usually hiding in their OWN subconscious all along. So maybe I DO know the answer, but just can't see it enough yet ...". At this Anwyn paused and fished her necklace out from under her shirt. "Kay gave me this charm and said I should wear it touching my skin, and I know it's a symbol of her religion. But I'm just not sure HOW to pray ... ".
He refilled their tea, and decided it was time to indulge in a bad habit he'd picked up from the Terranan. His pipe. He first checked with Oberon to be sure there was enough airflow in the room to keep the smoke from lingering long. He knew that most Darkovans were very sensitive to it. He only did this on rare occasions, when he needed to concentrate. He found that the tobacco had a capacity to help him in this, and to calm his nerves a bit. He puffed softly, letting the aromatic smoke curl about his head, and steady his mind.
"Anwyn, do you believe in the Divine? I know that most Terranan profess to have a single God, but from what I recall Kay talking about it seems she may have more than one, as we do. A prayer, Anwyn is essentially an appeal from you to the Divine. There are many kinds of prayer, from the frantic plea for a saved life, to the quiet meditations on one's life and a desire for certainty. I am more familiar with the latter form. I have heard other Terranan use the word meditation before, and I am assuming it is common use, and that it means the same with your people as it does here. If you will permit me, Anwyn, I can try to guide you in the basics."
Anwyn regarded him thoughtfully for a few moments, while she gently chewed her lip and played with the charm on her necklace. It took her some time to choose her words. On one hand, she WASN'T explicitly religious so it might end up being nothing but a waste of time and energy. But, on the other hand, she didn't want to offend one of the ONLY people who seemed to ENJOY her company lately -- and anyways, it MIGHT work.
"You and Kay and Lady Dannette have ... religious faith ... and I've SEEN that YOU all see ... SOMETHING ... so it MUST exist ...", she began, rather uncertainly in a small voice. She wasn't quit sure HOW to explain this, not having grown up in any religion herself. "I've never talked to any kind of God or Goddess or any other kind of Divine Spirit before ... maybe if you could show me HOW TO ASK .. and how to tell if anyone's listening ... then maybe that might help ... it's like I have this half-formed idea on the top of my tongue .. I can almost-but-not-quite see it ... do even MONKS have this problem sometimes ? And how do they know the difference between a REAL sign and their own wishful thinking ?"
Ceroill puffed away slowly as she talked, nodding occasionally. "Monks are no more immune to uncertainty than anyone else, Anwyn. Asking is the easy part. The hard part comes in believing. Some would argue that the gods don't care if you believe in them, and that may be true, but it can be very important for you." He puffed and pondered some more. There were certain thoughts he'd had in private, that he'd never spoken of to anyone. Strange, disturbing thoughts. Thoughts about Darkover and Terra.
She looked at him curiously, but decided that it would NOT be wise to interrupt.
"Anwyn, before I go too much into this, I'd like to ask you something. You'll find this an odd question, but...tell me if you would about Alpha Centauri. About the people there, and what they believe...humor me, please, it's a matter of personal curiosity."
One thing about being so well-travelled was that Anwyn had a good memory for all of the various places that her parents had ever been stationed. "Hmmm ... Centauri ... I think we lived there once, but (as usual) not for very long", Anwyn replied thoughtfully, trying to figure out how Alpha Centauri might be connected with her wanting to learn how to pray.
"Do you mean the followers of the Order of St. Christopher of Centaurus ?" she asked, wondering if she was on the right track, "I've heard of them. And I've heard of Father Valentine Neville, who's called St. Valentine of the Snows. He was a famous Christoforo monk. But I don't know MUCH about any of them".
He puffed for a few minutes, musing. It all fit. He had suspected this for a few years now. If St. Valentine was Terran...then...could any of their oldest histories be true? So. Back to the subject at hand. "Anwyn. I have been taught two very different ways of seeing the divine. That of the Christoforos, and the Traditions of The Four. For now I'll work from what I was taught at Nevarsin. I'll assume you know what meditation is. You're a bright girl, with unusually broad amount of knowledge. Have you ever tried it?"
Anwyn shrugged. "Not really with much sucess -- I keep thinking there's something I'm missing", she said thoughtfully. Then she added, "Maybe it's something you can't learn just by watching someone else do it, or by reading about it. So how DO those monks teach it at Nevarsin?". Another related thought suddenly came bubbling up from her mind. "And why is it that there's more than one way to do it ?", she added, with innocent curiousity.
The older man looked thoughtful. He knew full well he was stretching her patience, but he was one who believed patience was a virtue, and that learning it was good for a teenager. He decided he'd had enough smoke for a while, and tapped out his pipe into a small clay jar. Then he put it back in its case, and poured them some more tea.
He nodded when she spoke of her frustrations with meditation. "There are more than one way, Anwyn, because there are more than one person. To begin with perhaps you should tell me your understanding of what meditation is and what it is meant to do."
"Out of all the different kinds of people who I've seen praying, it looks to me like they're using different rituals to do the same thing", Answyn replied, "It looks to me like they're all somehow asking for something from someone-or-something that I can't see".
She paused a moment, then added "Kay once told me that the most important thing is a person's state of mind. She also told me that the candle and incense and water and salt and the chanting-songs are things that help her to tune out physical distractions enough to focus her mind on forming her questions and on listening for a reply. I want to ask what I can get for Kay to convince her to starting going out into town again".
Then she frowned thoughfully as a difficulty occurred to her, "But how do I know who to ask ? For example, do you think your Bearer of Burdens would hear me ? Or perhaps Kay's Bright Lady (who she sometimes calls Evanda like you Darkovans, and other times she calls Saint Bridget like my grandmother does)?".
The frown then changed to a grin. "Maybe you could show me how YOU learned to do it", she suggested "I might be able to better follow it if you explain all the steps in very simple terms as you're doing them. Did you ever help teach any boys who wanted to be monks?"