Meanwhile, the group of cadets disappeared out the door, headed to the Red Sun House. After the door had closed behind them, Kay dissolved into nervous giggles as the warmth returned to her face. "Much better, I'd say ..", she grinned mischievously at Melissa "As my gran used to tell me, attitude is very, very important ... ".
"You sound like a Ridenow!" Melissa laughed. "I have a late Uncle and a cousin who would be very proud to hear you say that."
This comment prompted another bunch of giggles. "Perhaps one doesn't need to actually _BE_ one in order to think that way ... are most of them like you ?", came Kay's joking reply. According to the map she'd seen, the Ridenows were southerners, down near the Dry Towns. *What if ---* Kay began to wonder, then abruptly chopped off that line of thought. She wasn't quite sure how much Dolo had already told Melissa about Kay's search for her mother's kinfolk and her father's kinfolk, and wasn't quite sure how to ask (or even if it would be impolite to do so).
Melissa shook her head, thinking about how very _unlike_ her Dyan was, and Marcello had been... she laughed out loud, despite herself. "Oh, no, far from it. What, do you think _I_ am very..." she searched for the right word. "...attitude-ish? Why, aafter meeting Dolo, I'm surprised you would think that I am much of anything! I'm, well, I'm just me, I suppose". It amused her that Kay might find her flambouyant. She was just Morgana's quieter, bookish twin - and always had been!
"Well, Dolo is .... Dolo", Kay began, not sure how to explain things. "She's the way I always wanted a big sister to be -- someone who's incredibly beautiful and talented and bold and sophisticated and flamboyantly-wild and fearless -- and even socially-prominent and politically-powerful enough that I doubt _anyone _ can easily push her around". Kay sighed, then added "Dolo is so sweet and kin-hearted that I can't find it in me to be jealous of any of that. But I can't feeling somehow over-awed by her and a little bit lost in her shadow. If it wasn't for the fact that we both have the same feelings for Gwenn, I doubt she'd ever have given me even a glance".
Melissa nodded, knowing exactly what Kay was talking about. She had spent a lifetime in Morgana's dramatic and effervescent shadow.
"Whereas you ... you're more similar to me, I think, and easier to relate to", Kay continued, hoping that Melissa wouldn't be insulted. "more like full moonlight rather than midday sun. Or like the difference between a pearl and a diamond. Your young man must be wise beyond his years, to have recognized that treasures need not always be the flashiest of the gems".
Astounded and extremely flattered by Kay's words, Melissa blushed and looked down at the table. Aside from Alan, no-one had ever expressed a preference for her sort, above someone like her dear Morgana, or Dolo. When she looked up at Kay again, her eyes were bright with unshed tears. "Those are the kindest words anyone has said to me for a long time. I - I am honored that you would think so. Thank you." she said in a quiet voice.
"I believe in calling things as I see them", Kay replied , with a warm smile, "though I don't always voice my opinions out loud -- or in full detail ... but I had a feeling that you might be the same way ... that's why I wanted to talk to you today ...". Then she paused, noticing the approach of their snack.
In a tenth of a candlemark, Margali had brought two plates and the platter of fruits, bread, and cheese to the table. Lerrys was right behind with drink refills. Margali nodded to the two and said, "Mestra, Domna, call if you need anything else, or tell Lerrys."
"Thank you, mestra Margali, this should be all we need ... it looks delicious", Kay told her with a warm smile. Margali turned and headed toward a new group of arrivals to take their order.
A few moments later, Kay turned to Melissa and grinned "Margali is such an absolute dear, and acts just like my mother sometimes --- won't bring me any dessert before I've eaten proper food first. I wouldn't be surprised if she treats Gwenn the same way. It's nice that she cares".
Melissa looked at Kay. "How did you meet Gwenn, anyway? I thought you hadn't been here on Darkover long?"
Kay blushed a very bright crimson, then giggled nervously, "I met him by what I thought was entirely an accident", she explained, "though I've often wondered if perhaps the Hand of the Goddess had some part in steering him into my path.
She paused to take a sip of her shallan, then continued "I arrived almost two tendays ago, with very little other than books and plants. Being only a minor clerk, my baggage limit was small. So I needed to buy clothing -- Civil Service uniforms don't do very well for keeping me warm (and they're way too conspicuous anyways). When I was coming out of McBrides' shop with my arms full of packages, I couldn't see where I was going and the pile started to fall ... I tripped and fell against someone ... when I recognized the Guard uniform, I was so scared at first that I couldn't look up to apologize .. I thought I was going to get arrested for assault."
Giggling so hard at her own past foolishness, it took Kay a few minutes to catch her breath enough to continue. "So I finally looked up, figuring that I was in big trouble ... and I saw these warm grey eyes looking down at me. Then all of a sudden, I had this ... feeling ... ". This part was even more difficult to explain.
"Have you ever looked at something and instinctively wanted it and needed it and desired it --- to the point where you would give almost _anything_ for it ? And without being able to explain (even to yourself) WHY you feel so strongly about it ?", Kay asked Melissa. "And NOT in a way that's at all sexual either", she added, "... more like there's some ... gaping hole ... inside you ... and you've lived with denying the dull, aching emptiness of it for so long that you've temporarily blocked out how much it hurts when you think about it ? And then you see something one day and get this completely irrational _feeling_ that this is something that could at least partially fill the hole ?".
Pausing to catch her breath, Kay looked inquiringly at Melissa, wondering if she thought all of this sounded crazy. She didn't dare peek and see for herself. Even though the cadets had left, their presence had shown that sometimes sorcerers _DID_ come to the Roasted Lamb. What if there were more, and they could tell when fey talent was in use (even when it wasn't directed at them) ? It wasn't worth the risk.
Melissa, impressed with Kay's sudden and unusual question, nodded slowly. "Yes, of course." She was delighted at the way Kay had put her own feelings about Alan into words so easily. "But," she hesitated. "Are you and Gwenn, well, you know - dating?" she finished the last word in Terran Standard, because there was no word in Casta that conveyed the same level of lightweight romatic involvement.
Kay suddenly went VERY wide-eyed with surprise. Here she was, pouring out her heart, and Melissa was cracking a dirty joke. It was just too funny. "So it's not just _brothers_ who get to tease sisters, is it ?", she giggled, "that was a good jest indeed -- especially since I've already told you (at least twice already) that I've no sexual interest in ANYONE (neith past nor present). And quite a raunchy jest no less --- you just _look_ innocent". Then she started giggling again.
When she could finally manage to catch her breath, Kay grinned at Melissa and said "If such a comment had come from a stranger, it would have made for a magnificient insult ! I've never even HEARD of anyone ever wanting to date their own BROTHER, regardless of whether or not there's any shared parentage between them ... though it wouldn't even raise an eyebrow of a world where there had never been an incest taboo".
Melissa was surprised at Kay's reaction. She hadn't meant it as a joke, or an insult. She was just trying to figure out what Kay was talking about. She decided to keep quiet for now, because she was suddenly completely unsure of herself - Kay was presenting such a mystery, that Melissa realized she might be in over her head. She was grateful for Kay's swift change of the subject.
Then Kay turned serious. "If you're finished trying to make me laugh hard enough to spray the remaining contents of my mug across the room, there's something else I wanted to ask you", she said hesitatingly, hoping that Melissa could clear up a few things. Even a few answers would be useful, and might even help in trying to come up with an explanation fo Louis.
Reminding herself that Melissa did _not_ know (and couldn't possibly have found out) about what had happenned between Kay and Louis after the ball, Kay continued "It's about ... last night ... at the ball ... I don't know how much, if anything, Dolo told you before she left ... ", she continued, "but .... something ... odd ... happenned ...".
Melissa shook her head. "No, Dolo told me nothing, really. She was in and out in a flash. What happened?" Her curiosity about this strange-acting Terran girl was really piqued now. Was there no end to the layers of half-unspoken questions and odd allusions to things?
With a deep sigh of frustration, Kay looked down into the depths of her mug and quietly confessed "Perhaps things are done differently here, so I don't know how much of it was ... typical ... of this kind of party. But there were a few things that I found very ... ummm ... disturbing". Oh Goddess, _this_ was more difficult to explain than she'd expected. Kay fumbled aroundfor the right words to describe things properly.
"There was ... something ... there that didn't belong at an occassion that I understood was to be a joyful celebration. Kay paused, sighed with frustration at not being able to express herself better, then tried again. "_NOBODY_ should have been _hunting_ anyone else ... _NOBODY_ should have gotten hurt (especially not Dolo or I) ... and _NOBODY_ should have died", she protested, her eyes filling with tears as she gazed sadly at Melissa, then insisted "it's just not _right_ !".
Melissa was startled by Kay's sudden burst of emotion. "hunting...? Gotten hurt? You and Dolo...? Kay, I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you're talking about. Do you mean the problems that Dom Elhalyn had with one of the guardsmen?". Somehow, she didn't think that was what Kay was talking about, but the girl's habit of skirting around issues made it hard to decipher what she was talking about.
Kay shudderred at the memory of having sensed something foul in the ballroom. Answering Melissa's last question first, she whispered "I don't understand it myself either. At first I thought 'twas some brief figment of my worried imagination. Afterall, ye all said 'twas to be a party ...".
Eyes widening with remembered horror, Kay pulled the edges of her cloak tightly around herself as if half-frozen in a blizzard. "Och, I dinnae ha' the words tae explain any better", she sighed, shaking her head, "an' I wouldnae blame ye for thinkin' me daft, but I'm _CERTAIN_ there was something there .... something wi' a fair enough outward seeming, but I ha' some _feeling_ t'was foul intentions and fouler rot within ... and it seemed to be hunting someone --- perhaps the Dom himself, or one of his guests, I couldnae say for certain"
"And then it just ... went away ...", Kay explained, puzzlement clearly evident on her face, "so I thought nae more of it ..... not until later when I was talking to Dolo ... and all of a sudden, it was as if someone had _HIT_ her a hard blow ... she cried out in shock and pain, and gasped for breath ... but there was nae anyone near us, and nary a mark upon her --- so it must ha' been attack by sorcery".
*Oh dear.* Thought Melissa to herself. *Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.*
Another shudder shook Kay's thin form like a young tree in a windstorm. "But that wasnae the worst of it ... I .... reached out ... couldnae bear tae see her in such pain ... an' .... an' .... some kind o' sorcery _BIT_ me ... something sharply-burning like a spark fallen on bare skin ... felt like it was burning a hole right through my head ... then something wha' felt like a tidal wave slammed into me and knocked me half-senseless ... I remember waving my knife around, thinking to try to protect us ... but there was naught visible for me to fight ...".
She paused for a moment, then continued "Then a cold grey fog was swallowing me up ... and I started having these awful nightmares that I couldn't wake up from ... full of fear and death and pain and grief and human-seeming monsters ... and the fog half-concealing everything --- battle-ready guards in the Castle halls, the darkened streets of Thendara where two men's lives were taken from them, people milling around the ballroom like ants whose hill has been disturbed ... ".
Kay's voice trailed off. How much more could she safely tell Melissa ? Perhaps one piece more, she decided. Some of it she still didn't dare to speak of to ANYONE, and some she'd promised not to say -- but there were still a few details. Hopefully it would be enough to get her some good advice on what to do next.
"... the next thing I knew (this morning, when I woke up) ...", Kay added hesitantly, "I ached all over, as if I'd been beaten-and- starved nearly to death (though there are no marks to show for it) ... and my poor head hurt so badly that I wanted to just pull the blanket up over my head and go back to sleep ... but I couldn't. I was still wearing your dress, and ...".
Kay flushed a bright crimson, then leaned forward to hide her face in her hands. "... and it wasn't even _MY_ room or _MY_ bed ... it was that of a friend ... I didn't know what to say or what to do", she said in a voice so small as to go almost unheard, "And I have this awful feeling that I owe him an apology for something, though I don't know what I did ... He refuses to just drop the subject (and pretend that nothing happenned), so how am I ever going to explain things ?".
"Oh Dear." said Melissa, out loud this time. Thinking that there was no way out, and better sooner than later, Melissa leaned in close to Kay and looked at her directly. "Kay," she said hesitatingly, "how much do you know about the laran that you have? I mean, really, how much have you been taught about it?"
This was an awkward pair of questions to answer, even to someone that Kay had decided to trust (mostly, that is). One one hand, Melissa already knew that she had it, and had already agreed to keep it secret. But on the other hand, this was getting into potentially-dangerous information that NOBODY else knew.