As the morning went on, Kay found herself growing more and more fidgety as she waited to hear back from Louis and from Melissa. There was an idea that had occurred to her. The wisdom of it was still undetermined -- it was either strategically-sound or idealistically-foolish. Time after time, she'd pause in her work, call up the network email program and then close it again. Should she, or shouldn't she ?
When her normal coffee-break time came around, she could no longer resist the temptation. Opening the email program again, Kay typed "Louis ... if you're still interested, how about joining me for a quick cup of coffee this morning ? -- Kay". There, that was ambiguous enough that it wouldn't matter if anyone else read it. Even the most active gosssip on the base couldn't possibly do much with it. At best, the message would go unnoticed -- except by its intended recipient. And at worst, there'd be a few days of jokes about 'the Ice Princess' finally thawing out. Feeling somewhat more content, she sent the email on its way.
Louis woke up very early. His thoughts immediately went to Kay. He wondered what she would be doing. He got up and, still in his pajamas, sat in front of the screen of the computer, with a mug of steaming coffee in his hand.
He wasn't surprised to see an e-mail from Kay: "Louis ... if you're still interested, how about joining me for a quick cup of coffee this morning ? -- Kay".
He looked at the mug of coffee still in his hand and smiled. Well, two mugs would be fine. He replied that he would be in the cafeteria. Then, he dressed and left.
Kay grinned when she saw the message pop up on her screen. Popping her commlink into her pocket (so that she wouldn't miss any messages that came while she was out), she logged out from her terminal and hurried down the hall to the cafeteria.
When she got there, she was delighted to see that there was only a small sprinkling of people present. At this time of the morning, the breakfast crowd had already left, and the lunch crowd hadn't yet arrived. So, as long as she kept her voice down, this would be fine enough. In such a wide-open space, she'd be able to easily spot any potential eavesdroppers of the ordinary variety.
Looking around the room, she was pleased to see a familliar face sitting all by himself off in the farthest corner. Coffee mug in hand, she wandered over in that direction, trying to look at those she hadn't actually been expecting to see Louis.
A few other eyes looked up as Kay passed by. She distinctly heard a muffled snicker from someone as she passed, but pretended not to have heard it. Apparently the rumour mill now knew that she'd spent part of a night in someone else's quarters. Gossip, gossip, gossip; apparently _some_ people had nothing better to do with their time.
Feeling suddenly a bit shy and self-conscious, she slid into the seat opposite Louis, a light blush beginning to colour her cheeks. "Hi", she said simply, setting her mug on the table. Behind her everyday- barriers, her emotions seethed and tumbled. How should she start explaining about the _game_ and its _players_ (and her incomplete knowledge of it) ?
Louis looked up ate her and gave her a radiant smile. "Very good morning to you!". Kay grinned back, deciding that it didn't matter_what_ sort of relationship anyone else might think there was between herself and Louis. Since the notice of the rumour mill didn't seem to bother _him_, then why should she let it bother _her_ ?
"I hope you've slept well...", he said, "I was very much glad to receive your message today...I must admit I have a few questions for you". Kay grinned. Only a few ? "That's why I'm here", she answered, still keeping her voice down, "Where would you like me to start ?".
"Yesterday you said a great many things I did not understand. First, will you tell me who are those people you mentioned?", he asked in a low voice.
That was a good question. But where to start ? Absentmindedly, Kay started playing with the end of her braid as she thought about it. Finally she began, "My oath-sister Melissa would likely be a helpful person for you to meet. She's here in the city and will be visiting me later today. If you wish, I could introduce you to her".
Louis' answer came almost too quickly, as if he'd been impatently waiting for her to offer. "Of course I'd like that", he said, "But do you think she will be all right with that?"
With a small shrug, Kay answered honestly, "I don't know. It depends on many things that I'm not sure about. But I can ask her --- without directly mentioning your name, of course. If she's willing to speak as confidentially to you as she does to me, then I'll invite you to come join us in my quarters later". Louis nodded. "I hope I can join you, I'll be working. But send me a message and I'll do my best to go, I promise".
"That's good enough, I guess. I should get back to work soon too. But, as a brief summary, I can say that Melissa is kind-hearted and discrete ... and I would trust her even with my life. If she gave me her word to keep _your_ secrets as closely as mine, then I believe that you could tell, or show, her anything that you would entrust to me", Kay told him, her eyes shining with unshakable faith.
She paused for a moment, as if wondering whether or not to continue. "Though I should caution you that she's grown up cherished among one of the major noble families where her talent is openly-known and prized", Kay told him, deciding that it was only fair to let him know, "So I doubt that she's seen (or ever been) much of the darker side of having a talent. She's probably never hidden what she is, or been called a freak".
Louis chuckled. "I see...Don't worry, I'll keep that in mind". He got a frown in reply. "I don't see what you find so funny", protested Kay a bit sharply. It didn't sound like he was taking this seriously enough. "I was just trying to caution you that Melissa's perspective seems overly-optimistic to me. Being who she is, she has many protections that we both lack --- and she takes them entirely for granted". Louis looked at her kindly. "You don't need to be angry only because I was trying to laugh about something that only makes me nervous".
Giving a frustrated sigh, Kay leaned forward to rest her crossed arms on the table. "I keep forgetting how much of this you _don't_ already know", she said in apology. "Let me remind you that our sort of talent is tightly-regulated here, by the crimson-robed women who have absolute rule over the Towers. I have heard that they have so much more power (and better control of it) that they are almost like Goddesses themselves. In Standard, their title translates as 'Keeper' ... my ma says it's because they keep control over every laran talent they discover."
"Hum...do you already have a place for us to hide?", he joked. With a sigh for Louis' juvenile humour, Kay wondered if he joked about EVERYTHING that made him nervous.
"It is also rumoured that they are judge and jury (and sometimes executioner as well) in matters involving laran use that breaks any of their rules", continued Kay, her expression deadly serious. "And _NEVER_ forget that Terranan citizenship will _NOT_ protect us against being forced to answer to them if they discover that we possess (and are using) un-reported laran talents ... they would call us wild talents, an' I dinna ken wha' the consequences may be ... ", she added.
"We should _really_ find a place for us to hide. It doesn't need to be something large, you know. I wouldn't mind being close to you..." He teased, looking into her eyes and waiting to see her reaction.
This time she couldn't resist laughing. Giggles burst out and filled the air. When she could finally catch her breath, Kay grinned mischievously at Louis and replied just as teasingly "You're a fine enough lad. But what makes you think I'm tired of sleeping alone ? I've already shared something even more intimate that THAT with you. And now you're still not satisfied ? I'll not ask WHY ... I'd as soon ask the river why it floods, or the blowing snow why it hides the sun".
He grinned. "Well, I didn't say I intended to _sleep_ with you", he teased. "And no, I'm not satisfied. How can I be, looking at you and knowing there's much more to share?" He started laughing, but then looked around at the faces staring at them and blushed furiously.
Kay refused to turn around. She could tell by the look on Louis' face that people were staring again. Perhaps the teasing had gone far enough already. "If I had any interest in taking a lover, then you might have a chance", she said, kindly but no longer joking.
Louis blushed, but sustained her look. "Oh, I'm _honored_ to hear that...".
Then Kay grinned her mischievous grin again. "But if you're really desperate to scratch that itch of yours, then I've heard that there are places in the city that will cater to such tastes ... like the Red Sun House for instance", she then added.
This time, Louis looked down, his face really red. "I...", he looked at this watch, "I have to go!", he said, getting up quickly. "You know where to find me...er...bye..."
A look of self-conscious horror spead across Kay's face as it began to dawn on her that she'd just made a BIG error in judgment. Perhaps she shouldn't have left her barriers up so high. Now look what she'd done. "Wait ... please ?", she cried desperately, the words tumbling out all in a rush like water escaping from a dam. He stopped and turned to her, but said nothing.
"I'm a damned fool ... ", Kay continued, "to have made such a jest ... I had no right ... none of my business ... terribly rude of me ... shouldn't have said that ... I'm really, really sorry ...". Voice trailing off in embarrassment, she stared down at her feet, silently praying that he'd be able to forgive her.
Louis smiled. "It's ok...I deserved it, I guess", he grinned. "Send me a message later...". Unwilling to trust her voice, Kay just nodded, her face still bright red. She couldn't even bring herself to say even a goodbye before she heard his footsteps moving away.
After Louis left, Kay sat there a few minutes more, with her head buried in her hands. Just one mess after another. And the more she tried to fix things, the more complicated things got. Maybe it had been a mistake for her to come here ... Cottman IV, Darkover, Planet of the Bloody Sun, or whatever else anyone else chose to call it.
Yet she'd had to go SOMEWHERE -- Terra was still too full of painful memories --losses that were still too fresh for the aching empty spots in Kay's heart to have healed over and stopped crying out for all her beloveds who'd been taken up in the Lady's arms and been reborn into new lives elsewhere. *What more do You want of me, Lady ? Where is it that You are leading me ? How do YOU know I will be strong enough to bear the load ?*, Kay silently demanded of her Goddess, reaching one hand up to the necklace that lay mostly-hidden under her shirt.
Her nervous fingers pulled up the Brighid's Cross charm and rubbed it for comfort. "Corn and grain, corn and grain; all who falter, shall rise again ... in the names of your Holy Trinity: Brighid, Mary and Cerridwen; the Maiden, the Mother and the Holy Crone ... as in the days of my foremothers, one of Your daughters now asks guidance and protection for what lies ahead ... so mote it be, forever and ever, amen.", she whispered silently, the prayer almost inaudible even to her own ears.
Abruptly Kay's commlink chimed in interruption, signalling that her break was over. Trying to pull herself back together, Kay sighed again as she got up and left the cafeteria. Was that a sign in answer ? Or just a coincidence. She sighed again. Well, hopefully, there would be a message from Melissa when she got back. Kay had no idea how she was going to explain any of this (especially if some of it was met by amusement), but she had to try. This was far too much to handle on her own, and she needed Melissa's help even more than she was entirely-willing to admit.