Melissa waited until Louis politely excused himself, and then turned to Kay with a shy smile. "Oh, don't worry - I'm not showing you anything of that sort...". Kay's last trickle of words both surprised and intrigued her, but that was a matter for another day. Her poor breda's nerves were already jangled, there was no need to go any further with things, unless she desired it.
Melissa reached over to the little parcel she had brought with her, and handed it to Kay. It was approximately the size of a slipper, wrapped up in a few layers of cloth)
"I told you that I'd give you something nicer to replace that old knife that I gave to you the other day..." she found it hard to release the packet completely into Kay's hands, keeping her fingertips resting on it lightly. She took a deep breath, holding it for a second. "I don't know how much you learned about me from Dolo, if anything, and I know we haven't really talked that much about ourselves - until today that is - "
Kay smiled warmly and replied "Some knowledge, the most _important_ things about a person, goes beyond words and must be felt in order to be comprehended. Of you, I have that much and am content. But beyond that, I don't know much else about you. So you may share as much as you wish, and I'll not press you for more".
"I had a twin sister, Morgana, who I lost recently..." She felt a chill run down her spine, and she fought back the familiar darkness that always seemed to threatened to swallow her up whenever she thought of Morgana too deeply. She still *looked* for her sister with her laran, and when she found nothing, was still surprised at the void...
Kay shudderred, barely noticing the small trail of tears leaking from her eyes. The flavour of Melissa's darkness too closely mirrorred the partially-healed wounds that she herself hid much more securely than even the depths of her talent. She leaned forward, silently oferring Melissa a hug. It was both a seeking of, and an offerring of, comfort.
Melissa came into the hug gladly, and returned it. She could feel something in Kay resonating to her own pain, and realized that of course, there must be someone important who was lost as well, hence her cryptic comments earlier...
Fortunately for Kay's present state of mind, Melissa didn't ask about any of the details, even though her curiousity was unmistakable. THAT particular topic was something Kay VERY much didn't want to talk about. It fell into the same category as the recurring nightmares --- events that were far too painful to bear mentioning without tearing the wounds open in a flood of renewed pain, yet far too closely-held for Kay to ever let herself forget even the smallest detail. She'd already perhaps said too much to Melissa already, and THAT was starting to get to be a bad habit. So she chose her next words very carefully.
"'Tis a sad, sad thing indeed, to lose a sibling", Kay whispered softly, "and I've always thought it saddest of all not to know where they're reborn after the Goddess takes them up in Her arms. But I have faith that your sister, like my own dearly-beloved foster-brother, now enjoys the love of a new family in a new life. You WILL meet each other again (whether in this lifetime or another), and the Goddess in Her mercy will help you to recognize each other, even though at least one of you will wear a different form at that time". This was one of the foundations of Kay's religion, and she believed with all her heart.
Melissa smiled in reply, then said "I wanted you to have this -- it does no one any good sitting in a box, and it would mean a lot to me if I knew you carried it. When you're allowed to, of course ... It was Morgana's -- we were given a matching set when we turned thirteen...".
Jaw dropping open in surprise, Kay stared at Melissa in wonder. "I ... I ... I don't know what to say ... such an honour, breda mea .. Are you certain you wish to do this ?"
Melissa finally released the packet into Kay's hands, feeling a pang of doubt as she did so. She hoped that Morgana wouldn't have minded...
Slowly and reverently, Kay's nervous fingers unwrapped the package. Inside was a pretty little knife, slightly larger than the everyday one that Melissa had exchanged with her earlier, but still appropriate for a lady to carry for self-defense.
The knife was obviously well-made: made of highly polished steel, and with good balance and a knife-sharp edge. Its hilt was ebony, and there was a delicate design upon it --- delicate gold vines and small green emeralds inlaid flush with the surface so that they wouldn't interfere with the use of the blade. On the pommel are the initials MR, in gold again.
"It's indescribably beautiful ... I shall always treasure it, and wear it with honour in both your name and hers", Kay promised. Reaching under the folds of her skirt, she carefully swapped the new knife with Melissa's old one.
Melissa smiled warmly. She knew now that she had done the right thing, because she felt so much better... "It is only fitting, really - the knife you gave to me was an heirloom of your family's - it deserved something of equal value." She patted her own skirts, where Kay's knife rested underneath. "I hope I didn't upset you too much with what I said -- it's just that I don't want to see any harm come to you or any of your...friends."
"Decent folks always seek to protect their friends ... and you are perhaps the most decent person I know on this world", Kay replied softly, with a small smile. She sighed, then added thoughtfully, her face redenning with a fresh blush, "There are many things here that I still don't fully understand ... things that sometimes confuse, upset and disturb me until I fear going forward almost as much as I fear retreating into the way I was ... I'm trying to handle things as best as I can, and I've been lucky so far, in that I've found friends to help me. But I don't know how much futher that luck will last me. And there are some things I dare not even to tell you -- at least not yet, but possibly not ever. For this, I continue to ask your patience and your forgiveness. It is not YOU that I doubt. Rather it is myself (my own judgement and perceptions, as well as my instinctive-reactions and the power that lives within me) that I sometimes hesitate to trust. I don't want to be killed or crippled by it -- but even THAT would be a far kinder fate than to become a monster guilty of having killed with it".
Melissa smiled and shook her head. "There is nothing to forgive, Breda. We all carry secrets with us, always. It's for you to decide when you want someone to share the burden of them sometimes, that's all." She looked speculatively at Kay. "Do you know much about your Darkovan heritage, in terms of family names, by any chance?"
Kay shook her head. "The family name I bear, was good enough for my mum and my gran to take for their own. My grand-dad carried it with pride every day of his life, as now does my Da. And it is good enough for myself (even though it's no longer pronounced MacDhomnaill)", she insisted firmly, putting a thick Scots accent on the name, "that I've never seen any good reason to claim any other". It was the truth, but again not the entire truth.
"I'm not going to report you to the authorities, or anything like that - " Melissa teased Kay gently, seeing the now-familiar look of apprehension start to come back, "I'm only thinking that I may have just put together a couple of the puzzle pieces of your history... But if you'd prefer not to talk about it further, tell me, and I'll be quiet."
A guess ? How intriguing. But how to ask properly, without giving away too much information too soon ? Kay thought about it for a few minutes then replied carefully "If you had access to the Terran databanks and went seeking Service personnel and their registered kin, then you would know of my parents, Colin and Ysaba MacDonald, and of their service records. And you would know of my grand-parents Malcolm and Callisu MacDhomnaill, and of his service record. These matters are all public record, but there is much that is NOT, and SHOULD not be so ...".
Melissa chuckled gently. She was beginning to get used to Kay's spurts of stubborn pride, like a child's pony that insisted that it be treated like the bigger chargers in the stable...
Kay raised an eyebrow inquiringly, but said nothing. There were worse things than unintentionally amusing people. And anyways, it was clearly mirth without any taint of mockery.
Melissa shook her head. "No, I'm not going to go through old records! It's none of my business. I only ask because of some of the things you've said today about your experience with your laran". She stopped speaking as she noticed that Kay was only half listening. The other half of her attentions seemed focused beyond the closed door. "Is everything all right?" she asked curiously.
"I'm ... not sure ...", came the puzzled answer. Kay had been planning to offer to show Melissa the pictures of her family, and to tell her at least as much family history as she'd previously told Gwenn. But now she was distracted, and the thought temporarily slipped from her mind.
"Perhaps I'm just too edgy again today and imagining things ... but I thought ... just for a moment ...". Kay's voice broke off, as she stood and very quietely walked over to the door. She listened at the door for a moment, frowned in frustration and then opened it.
The hallway was dissapointingly-empty in both directions. "Hey, Louis ?", Kay called. But there came no answer in reply. She frowned again, then nervously bit softly at her lip before stepping back into the room.
"By Bright Brighid's Blessed Breasts", she swore softly, "He DID leave afterall ... but I didn't notice exactly when. I hope that it wasn't anything either of us did that scared him off". Kay sighed. Rationally, she could see why Louis had chosen to leave when he did. His behaviour with Melissa reminded her (to some degree) of her own initial behaviour at the Elhalyn Ball not too long ago. But perhaps he'd be willing to try again later.
"What do I do now, Melissa ? Should I go after him and try to explain ? Or would you think it best that I simply leave him to think things over for awhile ?", Kay asked sadly. By way of explanation, she then added, "Louis had never met folks like us --- not before I was so daft as to get him into this mess. He used to think that all this sorcery stuff was a sign that he was slowly going insane ... I'm not sure that he hasn't started doubting his sanity again (and more than just in jest). I don't know how to help him. We _need_ each other --- but I don't want for him to ever fear the fey part of me, or to push me away".
Melissa smiled mischievously, her eyes twinkling. "From the way he was watching you, and acting, I'd say that pushing you away was the last thing on his mind. And besides, if you try too hard to protect him from yourself, it will be you who pushes him. He is a grown man, Breda - he hasn't made it this far in life by not being able to take care of himself. Perhaps it might be nice for you to let things between the two of you amble along at a gentle pace, and see what happens?"
She could see the two halves of Kay's conscience battling it out - one wanted to pursue things with Louis, and the other wanted to push him away for his own protection... But at what cost to Kay? Melissa wondered to herself.
Kay frowned again, then buried her head in her hands and sighed frustratedly. At first she said nothing, and the silence hung oppressively between the two of them. It was punctuated only by the waves of dismay radiated off her like heat from a roaring fire.
"REISH! REISH! REISH! REISH!", she finally exclaimed violently, the harsh cuss words bouncing off her walls in diminishing echoes.
Melissa waited calmly until Kay's temper settled, feeling a familiar warmth - it had been a long time since she had been in this role, helping Morgana through one of her many fits of temper... Feeling Kay's dismay, Melissa reached out and gently touched her fingertips to Kay's wrist, letting her know that she was there, and nothing more.
Perhaps Melissa's suggestion was best. It certainly wasn't likely to make things any worse. Once the echoes had faded, Kay hesitatingly looked up to meet her breda's worried look. She sighed again, then replied "Back home we've a saying: the heart has its reasons, of which reason knows not".
There was a pause before Kay continued, her accent thickening, "Aye ... 'tis so ... Ye are ... verra much correct ... that Louis is nae a wee bairn, but a grown man in his own right. I just dinnae wish tae see him get hurt --- especially not by meself. But I suppose ye ha' the right of it that I cannae protect him from the world. So the wisest thing may indeed be to leave him be ... an' tae let him come tae me in his own time or nae at all. 'Tis sorry I am that things turned out so. But the world goes as it will, not as we would have it".
After a moment or two of sorting out what it was that Kay had just said, Melissa snorted. "Well truer words have never been spoken."
Then, switching back to her normal un-accented Standard, Kay added (changing the subject very obviously) "It just occurred to me that I've completely forgotten to offer you any refreshments. Can I at least get you a cup of tea and a fruit pastry ? There's still almost a quarter-candlemark before I need to return to work".
Melissa shook her head with a smile. "No, really, I have to get going." It was obvious that Kay was busy, and she had more than enough to think about, without having to worry about entertaining Melissa as well.
Melissa stood up and looked around the small room before turning back to Kay. "I like your room. And I like Louis - he seems very nice. I hope you two can work things out. And," she hesitated, "I hope that you think about what I said, about your laran, and let me know what you want to do. I'll always be here for you now, to help in any way you need." she spoke softly, knowing that there was no use in trying to put pressure on Kay - she would come when she was ready.
She put her cloak on, and gave Kay a warm hug. "Now all I need is to be pointed in the right direction to get out of here, and I'll be all set."