[Entry 6]Dear Diary,
For quite awhile, I thought I'd lost you somewhere, and that someone else might have been reading you. Fortunately you hadn't gotten too far away. I should be more careful about putting you away in my private book box.
Out of sight means out of mind, I guess. And it's been such a long time since I last wrote anything, that I suppose it's entirely too futile for me to to try to catch up with EVERYTHING that's happenned recently.
On the plus side, at least I don't get so lonely in this tiny little room anymore. I tried so hard to make it seem like home -- with books and plants and the two warm knitted blankets that I made for my bed.
But there was always SOME of part of me that still felt that there was something missing -- especially when I looked up at my photographs, or at the lovely paintings that Master Tomas Painter made.
But now that I no longer have to live alone, this room feels ever so much nicer. True, I DO have to pay more attention to where I put my feet -- but it's not THAT much of a big deal to occassionally step into a soiled litter box. What a comparatively small price to pay, for the company of my three blessed companions.
And perhaps I STILL would have made just as much of a mess of my life anyways, even if I hadn't permanently bound my soul to that of an owlet, a hawkling and a kitten. It still amazes me that I DIDN'T fry my own brains by trying to bind myself to more than ONE other. I could have so easily DIED that night ! Goddess only knows how many times I narrowly escaped an early death. But, apparently she wasn't ready to take me back yet (I think there were at least three incidents where it could have happenned, but my memories of that night aren't all that clear).
As for what ELSE happenned, I'm still too disturbed to want to think about it right now. I'm reminded of how my grandad used to say "When you find yourself in a deep hole, STOP DIGGING". But, lately it seems that EVERY damn time that I try to fix things, I just end up making them worse and worse.
I tell Anwyn that I am NOT *HIDING* myself in my work, and that I've simply been "too busy" to go out into the town. But she doesn't seem to believe me, and she very pointedly reminds me of how often I used to go out-and-about in Thendara BEFORE that awkward little dinner party.
.... perhaps she's RIGHT ... I don't know ....