My Little Ray of Light

Good-bye my little Ray of light that shined on me each day.
I miss the enveloping warmth of your hugs
and the playful pecks of your kisses.

Your smile could brighten up my day,
as well as your bright blue eyes.

I miss your skinny little legs,
your silly little boy jokes.

The way you jumped -- so full of life.
I can't believe your gone.
Etched in my mind is that horrible day exactly five months ago.

The scraping and crunching--the falling of bike
and there lay my Ray of light on the steps,
slowly fading.

With ashen face and dripping blood.
Helmet shattered--
his last struggling breath.

My Ray of light was extinguished,
I feel so cold and alone.

I'm all alone in the abyss.
There is no escape from the darkness--
no Ray of light to guide me to Life again.

Sometimes in a moment of clarity (or fantasy),
I feel a light breeze touch my cheek
as though you were giving me a kiss.

Sometimes I feel the light touch of your little hand on my shoulder,
"Mom, it will be OK."

But these are fleeting moments.
I am back in the abyss where I scream--
but no none hears.

They are all busy with the everyday of life.
They complain of those little annoyances
that I wish I had the luxury of concerning myself with.

It is too deep and dark in here to feel anything
but confusion, pain and
Fear -
then a hard kick in the stomach.
I wonder if that is what he felt too
in his last moments on this earth.

I can only hope that I don't drag my other love down here with me.
It is tempting to bring her here with me to share the pain.
I am so alone.
I must use all of the strength I have left to fight that temptation,
for she has a light of her own.

A light that deserves to shine and be seen by me.
I hope that someday soon I will allow her light
to lead me from the this deep dark pit.
Back to life.

Good-bye my Ray of light,

Good-bye