Ok, so this recap may be full of religious overtones and if you had been in mass with me today you would have witnessed things I think Children Services should have seen but I digress. Lord this was the �Coming of Age� episode for everyone. Ron and Dan�s House if Hammers went on a much needed vacation as we dealt with some serious things and we resolved a few things and we brought our famed season three one step closer to the beginning of the end. Now don�t think just because it�s midterms Ron and Dan�s House of Hammers didn�t leave some midterm assignments. All I hope is that this episode was not the �high watermark� of this season. If it was then bravo Cowlip, for once you didn�t fuck it up. Y�all it�s �fresh and hot out the kitchen!� I�m giving this a high mark for so many decent scenes and ending on a damn high note of pure drama, an A/B+
Last time on QAF�it sucked ass so let�s try and forget, ok. This week is infinitesimally better than the dribble from last week so without further ado, let�s shake it dude.
Ok so before we get to the good stuff we always have to have Brian having nasty ill-timed and not so pretty sex. Actually he�s in medias blowjob at the Loft of Despair and watching some porn. I wonder if it�s Violator? Nicco, could you get that with Super Saving Shipping on Amazon.com? Brian doesn�t even take off his trousers. Poor trick is not only getting hair but also lint and fuzzy balls from those sweats in his mouth. Plus Cowlip had to hurl one more hammer, as this is porn of judicial proportions. Judge says the jury is hung and so is he. Judge says there is a big hole in the defendant�s defense and Judge wants to probe it. Sheesh gay porn is even cheesier than straight porn, opps, I told something I shouldn�t have didn�t I? Ok, never mind that last sentence I�ve never watched porn in my life!
Ted�s in front of a Judge. Ok, not only is Emmett�s hair jacked up, but Ted looks like they dragged him down the street in his clothes and rubbed a balloon against his hair doing the static electricity trick from Mr. Wizard. Y�all I miss me some Mr. Wizard. He was sooo cool! Also just to bring home the point about jacked up hair our Judge has some jacked up hair too, like she and Emmett have been going to the same salon. I don�t think I�ve ever seen Ted look so bad in his entire life. I�ve seen death row inmates look happier. First off, I know Ted is going to jail because he�s got Melanie as his lawyer and we all know Skank can�t defend a client for shite! I wonder who�s going to have to whore themselves out to get Teddy out of this one? Any takers? Ok, but I gave you the opportunity to vote. Skank says, �$100,000.00 bail seems unduly harsh. Mr. Schmidt has always been a law abiding tax paying citizen trying to run a legitimate business.� Mel, dear, I don�t think it wise to ever say that Ted was �trying� to run a legitimate business because that implies that he knew he wasn�t running one. Thanks for sinking the ship. Appellate Court now! I mean c�mon, that�s like Brian saying, �I was trying not to fuck him, my dick just slipped into that condom and into his ass! I can�t tell you how it happened, it just did.� The ADA says, �If you call running a homosexual pornographic website a legitimate business�� Then he just stops in medias thought letting me know he�s about as sharp as our President. Emmett mouths to Michael sitting in the courtroom, �As if that troll has never been to a porn site.� You know Emmett; there is a big difference between visiting one and actually running one. I can almost say with relative ease ADA has never been to homosexual porn site, he could barely get the word homosexual out. Skank goes on to posit another nail in Ted�s coffin �was extremely diligent in keeping his business strictly up to code. He had no idea [Eddie] was a minor.� Skank how can he be EXTEREMLY DILIGENT and have NO IDEA Eddie was a minor. Hello, what the hell kind of faulty logic is that? You know Mel; remind me again why you aren�t a partner?
Now I have to hand it to the Judge. She�s a fair lady. She tell Moron ADA that it�s the court�s obligation to uphold Mr. Schmidt�s right to run his business, however unsavory [snicker to ADA Moron] but it will not tolerate ignorance when it comes to corruption of a minor. It will ensure that Mr. Schmidt is punished to the full extinct of the law.� See what hubris will get you Ted. That damned Eddie was the entire time �yes sir� and patronizing and his ass was the cause of your downfall. Next time, don�t be so brazen.
Somewhere, I don�t know where and really don�t care, Rat Bastard and Limp Dick come out of some hole into the light and Ethan is going on about how fabulous he was. Limp Dick is all yeah�yeah�yeah. Ethan is talking about the different pieces and movements and I could care less. You know talking about music and playing it are different things but talking about playing is as exciting as watching dust form. Then Justin begins to finish Ethan�s sentences and Rat Bastard still hasn�t caught on so Justin tells him he was there. Ethan is not overly exuberant, as one would expect him to be since he�s worried Limp Dick may have caught the encore performance. Ethan is a wee miffed Justin didn�t tell him. Justin says he didn�t because he thought Rat Bastard would be pissed and the fact Glen was on him like white on rice. Rat Bastard lets everyone in a mile radius know he fucked about when he asks, �What did you see?� Oh by the way why didn�t someone tell me it was Harrisburg, not Harrisonburg! C�mon someone could have dropped me a line you know. There is only one city in Pennsylvania I give more than a notion too and that city is Gettysburg. God it�s my dream to take a vacation there one day and walk the battlefield. Maybe this fall! Of course seeing as how I live on a Civil War Battlefield you know it�s not paramount to my survival but I would love to walk about Little Round Top.
Y�all, I�m sorry I apologise. I�m loosing myself in history something Ardra can attest to when I�m in my zone. It�s dangerous. Anywho back to QAF, Justin is telling Ethan he saw all the admirers, even the cute guy. Ethan says Justin should have rescued him. Then Ethan drones on about how this was all expected, Ethan�s fans and all. He even says the fans are going to think he�s sexy. Please I�ve seen dogs with mange look sexier than you. The only person of recent fame I know of is Yo Yo Ma, so don�t give me that fan crap. I�m not buying. Ethan says the hottie was a music student who wanted to pick his brain. I hope for his sake he didn�t touch that hair. I hope he has all his fingers! Ethan says they talked about grad schools, and how old is Ethan again and what year is he? Then to cinch the fact he was cheating Ethan says, he �didn�t even think he WAS gay.� Yeah ok, whatever, you keep telling yourself that and I�ll keep reminding myself I AM Black and maybe one day we�ll both see the truth! Shit, I�m not even buying this and I have a wee penchant for being gullible every now and then.
Ethan says fans are going to want to �talk with him�guys and girls�flirt with him.� He continues that it was part of the deal that he and Justin knew this was going to happen. Back up. Everyone stop. Come on a journey with me please to the last episode. Do you recall seeing anyone under the age of 63 at the symphony other than Ethan, hottie, Justin, or Glen? Thought not, so what the hell is Grease Trap on about? Who the hell is going to flirt with that eco-disaster? Ethan then to make his boo boo better tells Justin he�s the only one he loves, the only one he plays for. So tell me again who was he playing for in Harrisburg? Thought so. Justin so does not believe him. Seems the brain is utilizing the lack of blood to the limp dick.
In the home of Ronald MacDonald�s Ex-wife, Debbie is going to the John faster than Al Bundy. She says she has to pee and pulls down the pajama bottoms and sits on the toilet. I guess a Debbie does sit on the toilet, and all this time I thought she was standing up to piss since she was a Drag Queen, oh that�s right John asked that question already didn�t he? I�ve never worn a wig in my life except the one my aunt had, I tried it on one time when I was five, needless to say I still get grief over it whenever someone comes across that Kodak moment. Why does Debbie have rollers in her wig? Does she really need them because I didn�t think those things wouldn�t lose their set if you just wore then during the day and came out of them at night? Debbie looks so relieved sitting there taking a leak. Yet another scene I could do without. But wait it gets good. Now for someone only taking a leak, she brought the paper and begins to carry on a conversation with �Vic� while on the toilet. It�s really gross. Debbie yells to Vic and guess what it ain�t Vic. Debbie yelps ever so slightly, not enough to burst eardrums but slightly and asks who the fuck this guy is. Vic comes in sporting an �Emmett Honeycutt just fucked� hair do and says he sees Debbie has met Rodney. So now we all know what Vic does during the day when Debbie�s off working. Vic is getting himself some nookie. Lookie�lookie�lookie�look who�s getting some nookie�. [It was meant to be funnier but hey even I can make a mistake sometime. Plus I�m leaving it to show you how bad it could have been.]
Down at Ground Zero, Stick, the Flunkies, and Brian are walking and talking about Liberty. Girl Flunky says it�s a veritable breeding ground for all kinds of STD�s. I don�t know how she�d know since she looks to haven�t had sex since the year I was conceived! Guy flunky says it�s full of bathhouses and backrooms. I wonder how he knew that? Because before I started watching this show I knew of backrooms, they have them in regular clubs, but bathhouses, nope, didn�t know about those. I think Stick needs to do another background check on his people. Stick asks Brian if he has any kids and Brian says yeah. Stick says Brian must share every parent�s concern about his or her kids running into stuff like Schmidt is pushing. Brian says his kid is two. Stick says with Brian�s help he�s going to clean up Liberty. Wow Stick doesn�t know he�ll be retiring the King of Liberty if he does that. How nice to see a revolution from the top instead of one from below. Also why is everyone in an outside scene wrapped up from head to toe except the principle or important characters? Does Cowlip think we may pay more attention to the extras?
Cut to Michael and Ben having some body altering sex. Eat your heart out Brian Kinney! Ben stops all of a sudden, seems the condom broke. Mike asks if he came, he says no. Ben�s ready to pull out and get another condom but Mike says no, continue; he doesn�t care and begins contracting. I�m going to extrapolate here and flip this to my side of the barnyard and say wow! Michael must want it bad and Ben cannot Zen himself into not ejaculating so you know, trouble is coming on the horizon. Ben is trying to stave off disaster while Michael keeps bucking. Fade to red and the ex Mrs. Mac D�s saying Michael�s name. People for a split moment I thought Michael had lost his mind and I know you thought I had too seeing as how blas� as I was about the scene.
Debbie tells Michael he looks like he did when he was twelve fantasizing about he and Captain Astro going off on some wild new adventure, or �fucking.� You know I�m glad I have a mother with more discretion than to utter such crap like that to me in private but especially in a public place. Debbie asks about Ben and Mike tells her he�s got a heavy load at school. He must because he�s definitely not pumping much at the gym. Debbie �mmm�hmmm(s) letting me know she�s not buying it. You know it seems Tooly Mac Tool only covers and enables. He�ll never call anyone on their shit.
Vic comes in and Debbie calls him Casanova and says his new beau has a big dick from where she was sitting. I�m telling you gay, straight, or undecided, if you saw that staring back at you, you�d probably keel over form the utter horror of having seen Big Red. Michael is all happy for Vic. You know I really don�t discuss the sex life of my relations especially those in my parents� generation. It�s sort of gross really. You start telling your mom or dad about your sex life or ask them about theirs and there WILL be some �smoke in the city�. Deb wants to know when Rodney is coming for dinner. Vic says Thursday and he�s making something turkey stuffed with duck stuffed with chicken. Debbie calls it a three way with poultry. You know she can ruin an appetite. They should make a Debbie Novotny Diet. Listen to her make bad sexually connotative jokes and loose 100,000,000,000,000 pounds in 45 minutes. You�ll be running so fast away from the television by the time you�ve stopped you could be in Rostov-on-Don. Debbie then tells Mike that Ben has to come and Vic is like, �Do we have to have the entire family?� Vic that�s barely a dinner party at Red Lobster. Five people doesn�t a family make, especially not in my family. Five of us together for an event is a godsend. Plus if you�re cooking all that, some one has to eat it? Our short order cook dings his bell telling Debbie an order is up. She tells him to �lay off that fucking bell, this isn�t a prize fight.� You know that was the funniest thing she�s said all episode and it�s the only laugh she garnered from me.
Coming home from a day at law offices of Fuckwit, Dimwit, and Wannabe Partner Skank, Ted looks bushed and his phone is ever so loudly ringing. He says he is glad his mother is not going to read this. Mel being ever so perceptive that she is asks why, �Is she dead?� Now let�s take a moment and discuss this query. Now season one Ted and Melanie would have brunch every so often and since it seems as if they talk regularly I would think Ted would have mentioned something like that. No? I would tell my friends if one of my parents died and vice versa. I would even, perish the thought, make the time to go to the funeral and be with said friend. What the fuck is Melanie doing these days? Is she too busy trying to conceive the abomination known to man? I think Melanie�s new motto is logic sans logic. Guess who�s calling by the way. Yep, Ted�s mom. Needless to say Ted drones on about enacting Shawshank Redemption writing logarithms and equations in teeny tiny script. Poor Ted, he�s such a whiner. He says he checked and double-checked everything, I guess he forgot about Eddie. He calls it a plot worthy of Puccini. Damn he is boring, even I could have thought of a better analogy, like Agatha Christie, Henrik Ibsen, Kafka, anyone other than some damned opera persona. Ted says there has to be someone Mel knows who can out in a good word. See, even Ted knows Mel sucks ass in a courtroom. Ok so the meat here is the only one who can help Ted is Brian. Moving right along.
At the once and Future Home of Michael and Emmett, Justin is going over some sketches with Michael for I guess issue two. You know I thought they might have done a couple of stories when they did the first issue, but they really need to get cracking because attention span is fickle. You don�t give us what we want, we may lose interest, but Dleigh, it�s time for that damn plane to leave the runway ok! Michael says he didn�t want the guy to look so evil. See monosyllabic words people. Point is it�s a representation of Ben. Justin says this character�s name is Juice Pig. Michael just like the puppy dog keeps wallowing in shit says, �He�s sort of a Jeckyl and Hyde character. Sometimes he�s charming and kind and other times he�s�[Justin finishes for him] (a monster).� Michael looks at Ben all worried and I don�t blame him, he should have kept his mouth shut. Justin says he�ll give the sketches another shot and leaves. Michael tells Ben about the dinner invite and Ben says he and Roy are working legs. Oh and Michael limp dick that he is tries to reason with Ben. I would have told him, �Look here Juice Pig. Screw Roy and those legs, they hurt enough as it is. You want a work out, you come to dinner and then I�ll give you a workout that�ll leave your muscles cramping for days. I think Brian is free on Friday.�
Ben says he has some classes to teach and then make preparations for Paul�s Memorial service. The he proceeds to tell Michael it�s not his world. I wonder which one is? Why is Ben making the preparations? Why hasn�t Michael knocked the shit out of him yet?
Back to Skank at Happy Fun House of Horrid Biological Abominations, she taking another pregnancy test and it�s negative again. I wonder if they have the goods on ice somewhere because I know Michael isn�t running over town with paper cups. And pray tell why did they go to a clinic if they were going to �do-it-yourself� insemination? Susie tells her not to be disappointed it could take up to ten months and not on the first try. Mel says she�s used to hitting grand slams on the first try. I know she�s not talking about the courtroom because she�s never won one yet. This scene continue like way longer than the ten seconds it should have taken because it�s really just filler with the Mel fantasizing about the baby. I could watch this on Animal Kingdom.
Outside the Loft Sunshine will Soon be Inhabiting Again, Brian is on his way to work when glasses wearing, baseball cap shielded, nervous peon comes up to Brian. Seems Ted is going to whore himself out to save his own ass. Ted looks like he�s afraid to be seen in public. Ted wants Brian to say a word to Stick. Brian says that would be crossing the boundary. Ted says that Brian is always the first one to cross said boundaries. Brian jerks Ted up and tells him it�s business. Please, this from the man who less than a year ago fucked a newbie and almost lost his job over it. Brian will fuck business when it suits him. I can see why Justin went to Vermont. I guess he figured since he saved Brian�s ass the last time, he owed him one. Yeah we can see how the Kinney code is all about Kinney and be damned. He�ll use you and abuse you to get what he wants and then rid himself of you faster than Monistat 1 clears up a yeast infection.
Moving on to the grocery store and look, it�s Daphne so you know Justin is going to get a dose of some hard truth, but first another Weight Watchers original. Daphne smells some cheese and tells Justin to try this. Justin says it smells like �some guys he�s gone down on.� You talk about making a person lactose intolerant! Damn, eww�that�s just gross.
Daphne: That�s the grossest most disgusting thing I�ve ever heard. Eww.
Justin: Thanks. I�m looking for something to go with a burgundy or merlot. [Where�s all this influx of cash coming from?]
Daphne: Planning a party?
Justin: For two, to celebrate Ethan�s triumphant return.
Daphne: [loud sigh] Hail Caesar.
Justin: I�d supplicate my self at his feet for thinking he was fucking around on me. I guess that�s what comes form living with Brian. [Oy, Sometimes I wish, I wish he�d get run over by a school bus. I can�t believe he�s going to supplicate himself to Ethan for ANY REASON! That�s insanity right there, and then to compare Ethan and Brian, wow. Daphne has my back though�]
Daphne: Correction. Brian didn�t fuck around on you. You know he was always honest, right from the start. [You go girl, I loves me some Daphne. She�s a mastermind this girl and always tells Justin the truth and calls him on his shit. That�s a true friend.]
Justin can�t really respond to the truth very well so Daphne lets him off the hook by discussing more cheese
Cut to Vic and Michael where Vic is holding an Eggplant and having naughty thoughts about it. Mike says he could stuff it. I don�t think the human anus could handle that but then again I�m not going to try. It�s bad enough when you have a really big poop and you are left feeling violated [this is what I left out of the one recap, thought I�d put it in here], I�d advise not putting that anywhere but in a pot because you�d need surgery to repair the damage from that thing.
Back to Justin and Daphne. Justin says he can�t believe he was jealous. Daphne snickers like damn why are you still trying to convince yourself, fool. He says it must show that he really loves Ethan, and not just the sex, but like Brahms, Mahler. He looks at Daphne who looks at him like one would a complete moron and when Justin says he must be acting like a�she gives him a cheese ball. This girl I�ll love till this show�s final day. I�m going to leave Mike and Vic alone because this scene with them really was going nowhere.
At Vanguard, Cynthia, whom I�ve missed, comes in to tell Brian, who�s still looking at the Stick
video he did, he�s got a visitor. It�s Emmett come to whore himself out to Brian. Damn everyone is coming to prostrate themselves at the feet of Kinney.
Brian: [never looking up from his laptop] You might have called first.
Emmett: And you would have been in a meeting right�[Brian shrugs]�So this is the inner sanctum of the great god Kinney? Where man�s fates are decided.
Brian: [finally visually acknowledging Emmett] What, did Theodore send you down here to throw yourself at my mercy?
Emmett: He doesn�t even know I�m here, and I have no intention of throwing myself at your mercy or anything else for that matter.
Brian: What a relief! I can come out from behind the desk. [And he does and moves to the door an opens it for Emmett�s exit.]
Emmett: You do realize of course there is a very good chance he could go to jail.
Brian: Well, tell him to look on the bright side, at least he�ll get fucked regularly. [I really despise him sometimes, I really do.]
Emmett: What�s that supposed to be witty? We all know about your charming sense of humor. [Emmett moves to the door and closes it with a solid click of the lock, and stands face to face with Kinney.] But we also know deep down you care about us. Even though you�d never admit it. Which is why�
Brian: [cutting Emmett off] I already told Ted there�s nothing�
Emmett: [cutting Brian off] I know what you told him. I also know what you think about Teddy and me. That we�re just a couple of silly queens, setting up house, that it will never work. There was a time when I would have thought exactly the same thing. But miracles of miracles, I have never been happier in my entire life, and you wanna know why? Because he gives me love and respect. And now it is my turn to give him something back. I swore to myself that this was not going to end up some old Lana Turner movie, but it looks like that�s the direction it�s headed so I�m going to make Lana proud. Please�Brian. I am begging you [emphatically with unshed tears brimming] help him.
Damn they let the good writer come out and have his way completely with that scene and I�m telling you that scene alone ensures this episode gets a B. Damn that was well written, well acted and well directed. Kudos! Also, word of warning, don�t mess with Teddy. Emmett is a for to reckon with.
Back at Gay Ghetto Central, Debbie is at the dinner table with Vic, Michael, and Rodney. Deb is telling about some dead relative. Ok the main point of this whole scene is the fact that Rodney dated negative people before and now he�s dating Vic and it�s like they understand each other because they have this �thing�. You know like I have constipation. I don�t get this exclusive club the positives seem to have going on. I swear can�t we stop building walls and earn to just live. I mean I don�t hang out with constipated people or date them because I have this �thing� diarrhea sufferers wouldn�t understand. Please, get a grip on life and get over it already. I know misery loves company but damn this is too much. I do hope Vic and Rodney are using protection because just because you have the same cooties doesn�t mean they should be freely mixing. I think that could be dangerous too. You know two wrongs don�t make a right. Michael getting an idea and I think he�s ready to play his trump card.
Brian and Stick play racquetball, Brian whips Stick�s ass at racquetball. Brian asks why would stick trust him if he let him win. Brian scores another point and the men head to the steam room. You know maybe it�s me and maybe it�s because it�s QAF but my underdeveloped gay-dar is telling me Stick is singing many tunes and playing many games.
In the steam room, Stick says he asked the DA to fast track the Schmidt trial. He wants to use it to promote himself. Brian says there is not much he can do with the trial; it�s like selling last year�s model. Brian comments, �It�s not like you arrested O.J.� You know if he wasn�t the �biggest whore in Pittsburgh� I wouldn�t mind him making a comment like that but you know, I really want to hurt him. We all know O.J. was innocent, the jury said so. Y�all I loved that whole trial. Judge Ito and his sidebar chats and the Dream Team. L.A. is a veritable schmorgisborg of daily entertainment. Brian works his magic telling Stick that going after a small fry, a schmuck like Schmidt could backfire. I wonder if Brian is doing it so much for Ted as he is his own reasons, because he knows if Ted goes down, it�s not so long before he goes down. Stick asks where they should go from here. Brian says the showers. Stick slaps Brian�s thigh a little too high for my taste and Brian says he�ll be there in a minute, he�s got to pull some ass first so the world will know even in hetero-land Kinney can still get him some. Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you his Whoreness.
At Cesspool of Delusions of Grandeur, Justin has sprung his romantic evening for two. Ethan is all about some Phils. He actually thinks his greasy ratfink ass is going to play in Vienna, London, Boston, New York, et al. I told you the grease was blocking oxygen to the brain. Ethan further lets me know his ass was cheating when he says he was alone in his hotel room jerking off. Yeah and I was like alone in the shower with no water running taking a bath this morning too! Fool, please. Try and sell that to Gus who probably would laugh in your face! Justin then goes down on Ethan and I know why he said what he said about that cheese. A knock at the door and guess who comes over with roses. You guessed it, hottie from Harrisburg. He asks who Justin is and Justin says, �his muse.�.
At the Home of Ben and Mike, Michael is waiting in the dark on Ben. Michael says he knows Ben was at the gym. He was still just waiting. You know if someone else had done what�s about to happen I might not have given it a second thought but seeing as how it�s Michael I�m willing to concede maybe he does have a brain cell left functioning.
Michael: Same disease, they�re both positive. [He�s too calm and if you didn�t already see this coming, shame on you]
Ben: Hmmm�[turn toward Michael and sees he has a syringe in his hand] where�d you get that?
Michael: I found it, wrapped up in the garbage.
Ben: [alarmed] Michael�Michael I�ve used it�just put it down. [I don�t know who the bigger tool is, Michael or Ben. Maybe it�s the jungle juice but he�s slipping on the evolutionary scale.]
Michael: Seeing Vic and his new boyfriend�eh�really made me think you know. [No I don�t know. Hell, I didn�t even think you could reason let alone think to yourself.] Maybe you�re right; maybe you should be with a �pos� guy. [What now we have colloquiums? Slang? Shit and we�ve only discussed this like three times.].
Ben: No�no I was upset when I said that. I didn�t mean�
Michael: Maybe that �pos� guy should be me. [the syringe moves closer to his wrist]
Ok so I was going to break it down but basically all Michael does is call Ben on his shit, about damn time and then Michael says Ben is shooting up because his lover died. It�s not what he said but the way he said it. Poor Hal Sparks, he really should not try to go too deep and did anyone else think Robert Gant was trying just a little too hard not to laugh out loud, or maybe he was just overacting. Because I think he was, he was just plain trying for more than was there in that scene. Lord help these two. It was a good scene but Hal was Hal and Robert tired to get too much from a scene and pulled a Joan Crawford when she did a stint on a soap opera.
Back at Delusion Central, Sunshine is having an eclipse. He is picking at those roses and throwing them at Ethan and he�s bleeding profusely. Justin is in the throws of a rendition worthy of Erica Cain. Me thinks he�s throwing Ethan�s words back in his face. �I only want to be with someone who only wants to be with me. Someone I can be with forever.� Justin dramatically calls Ethan a liar. I guess Elsa Rose was right in Boys Of Summer. Most twinks are drama princesses. Ethan says he meant it. Justin is pissed but still hasn�t punched the shit out of Rat Boy yet. You know I like a good catfight and I think this would have been a good one, like trying to catch a greased watermelon. Ethan says he didn�t want to hurt Justin. Where the hell are they getting these lines from, Sisters, the final years? Sheesh. Justin says that excuse is laughably pathetically lame. He tells Ethan to try again. Ethan says he was covering his ass but then decides he wants to finish this relationship when he says he was alone�Justin wasn�t there�as if that was Justin�s fault. I also don�t think Ethan was alone either so you know he and Mel should get together try to get a death row inmate killed as soon as possible. Ethan says he missed Justin. So since I love you and want you and need you and miss you I�ll go find some lip service and get some service. Oh Ethan you�re a tool, a greasy tool, but a tool nonetheless. Justin makes the supplicant remark again and Ethan fires back, �it was one mistake. Look how many times you forgave Brian!� Justin says he never had to forgive Brian because Brian never promised him anything and Ethan did. The dime store ring comes off and Ethan rushes to Justin and says he needs him, he doesn�t know what he going to do without him. Justin tells him he�ll survive, he�s got his music and that it�s the only thing he really loves, and he�s out the door. Finally he came to his senses and decided to stop Slumming.
At the condo of Ted and Emmett, Emmett is telling Ted it�s not all that bad. There is a knock at the door and it�s Mel. She�s come to tell Ted that the DA will accept a plea bargain. Ted is going to have to plead guilty to the charges. So basically he�s still fucked but he�s not going to jail. Mel couldn�t get the charges reduced at all. She�s a waste. Ted, call Johnny Cochran.
At Ben and Mike central Mike is still calling Ben on his shit and they make up after Michael says the juice was making him into a raving shit. Hee.
At the Diner, Brian and Justin have a moment. Brian comments on Justin�s attire as being that which he had on the day before. Oh, he�s still observant. Justin says he stayed at Daphne�s and Brian asks does he hear a discord in love�s refrain? You know sometimes Brian is a shit and then he play devil�s advocate and I�m a fan again. Then Ted comes in and sits next to Brian and asks Deb for coffee instead of Justin who standing less than three inches from a coffee pot. Don�t ask, I won�t. Ted thanks Brian and Brian plays it down as always and Deb doesn�t understand why he does it. I would think Justin would but he doesn�t because he�s still getting over the war of the roses. Damn I thought that was the last scene, but it goes on, hee. I want you guys to tell me if these recaps are too long. Please let me know, because I feel maybe I�m going into too much but there is so much to snark and it�s all good snark too. These things are longer than my term papers in college were.
Y�all my baby is back. I love me some Gus. He�s sitting out in the hall at the Home of Human Abominations and Lindsay is outside yelling to Mel to stop with the damn pregnancy test every five seconds. The thing finally turns blue and I�m wondering where they have been getting this supply of sperm from to keep shooting? Anywho Lindsay asks if it�s accurate. Mel says it better be or she�s suing the panties off the company and that about all she�d get to is some old used up panties. Lindsay doesn�t look real pleased Mel is pregnant. Wonder why? Mel then lets us know she may miscarry when she utters heresy against Mother Nature saying Mother Nature best not fuck with her. Oh yeah she�ll never have a kid with stuff like that coming out.
Next to last scene is Ted and Emmett commiserating at Jerk@Work. They remember old times and take one final spin on the Emmett�s old twirl-a-bed. I know Ted hates to see his dream go up in smoke but sometimes crappy crap happens. I wonder what he�s going to do now? I�ll tell you this, this is another well acted scene and well written and I applaud the good writer for staying out for a long time. Temmett finally had a storyline worthy of Temmett and praise.
One last scene is Michael and Brian talking about the impending baby on the catwalk at Babylon. Michael doesn�t know if he�s ready to be a dad. You know you should have thought about that before you ran across town with a paper cup full of sperm moron. I see he�s still a Tool. Brian and Mikey are smoking cigars and fine cigars at that. I think from Cuba. Brian says Mikey is going to be a great dad; he raised Brian and looked how he turned out. You know really Brian isn�t half bad if you could just douse the fa�ade with a chemical peel, the underneath is a damn fine human being. In the backroom of Babylon Brian and Justin get their needs met simultaneously. Justin is fucking some guy and Brian gets a blowjob. Y�all just like old times and date night. They keep eyeing each other and it�s deep and speaks volumes and that as they say is a wrap.
Next time on QAF Justin begins interning at Vanguard; ahhh isn�t someone writing a fic along these lines? Ben picks up a stray. Emmett becomes the breadwinner, and let�s all pray the good writer gets to come and play more often.