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Episode 303 kicks off with Brian getting a blowjob in the middle of the dancefloor at Babylon. So this is, what now, the 45th episode in a row that Brian tricks? <Yawn> It's getting boring. Wonder what's on HBO right now . . . .
At Michael's apartment building, he's doing his laundry in the basement where some creepy old guy is checking him out and trying to flirt. Michael's horrified reaction is pretty funny. (Wow . . . I think I just enjoyed a Michael scene. Someone check and see if Hell has frozen over, please.) In his apartment, he tries to tell Ben about it but Ben isn't paying him any attention, he's too busy cruising the classified ads for a new apartment. Michael is insistent that he wants Ben to stay and not move out. Ben isn't so sure and inquires if Michael would rather be with Brian, hanging out at Babylon. Flash to Brian and his dancefloor bj still going on. Michael says no, he'd rather be here with Ben and they begin to make out on the couch.
At the loft the next morning, Dancefloor Trick is strolling around the place, naked, as if he owns it while Lindsay is trying to talk to Brian and shield Gus' eyes. I wouldn't worry if I were her. His vision is probably too damaged from all the time he spent in the freezer last season to notice what is going on. (BTW, the kid playing "Gus" this season is so adorable. But he's seriously pouting at one point.) Anyhow, Lindz wants Brian to organize a benefit for the Gay And Lesbian Center, despite their treatment of him last season in the Howard Bellweather episode. Brian will do it only if he gets 20% of the profits. There is a car he's been thinking of buying.
TwiddleDee and TwiddleDumb from last season's Bedwetter episode is back as well and they're against the idea of Brian organizing the benefit until they hear that he is bringing in corporate sponsorship--Big bucks, in other words. But they're just shocked, shocked I tell you, that Brian won't donate his time to them. They're not thrilled over having to pay him but Lindz points out that 80% of more than they dreamed of is better than 100% of nothing.
Michael goes with Brian to get his new car, a classic Corvette Stingray. Very nice. Black with black leather interior and a white top. Michael thinks that Brian is shelling out alot of money for "boyfriend replacement therapy". Brian tries to deny that he ever had a boyfriend, Michael looks about as convinced as the rest of us, but goes on to say that it must just be a mid-life crisis then. Brian says he and Michael can be in New York by midnight if they leave right then, but Michael says no way. No more running off with Brian since it nearly made Ben move out. Michael gets out of the car and, despite his new toy, Brian still looks miserable. Money can't buy happiness or replace what you're missing, Kinney.
Hovarth is at the diner, flirting with Debbie. He wants them to have sex. Deb wants to as well. They make plans for a date before he leaves. Ted and Emmett rag on Debbie about her sex life and Deb gets uptight, apparently liking only to discuss other people's personal lives and not her own!
Brian strolls in and approaches the boyfriend he never had and says he has a proposition for Justin. A business proposition. He needs a poster, something hot and brilliant and he needs it by tomorrow. Justin gives him a disbelieving look at the short notice and goes back to bussing tables, but Brian insists that he wouldn't ask if he didn't think Justin could do it. Or if he wasn't desperate, Justin points out. Justin asks what the poster is for and is surprised to hear it's for the Center Carnival. Justin laughs, a hint of that old "Sunshine" in it, something we haven't seen in awhile and declares that Brian hates the Center. Not when they're paying him, Brian states and wants to know how much Justin will charge. Justin says since it's for a good cause he'll do it for free and Brian scoffs in horror, didn't Justin learn anything from him. Justin states then that his price is $500 and Brian tries to bargain him down to $200, but Justin is no-nonsense. It's $500 and Brian can take it or leave it. Brian takes it, smiling in admiration as he compliments Justin on the way he does business.
Mel has been off to see her doctor, had a miracle laser procedure, on her lunch hour I suppose, and now she can procreate immediately. Lindz is thrilled. Mel says they just need a donor. Lindsay says she thought they had one, Brian. So Mel goes off on her Brian Bash #8,763. The jerk, the creep, the pompous asshole (who fathered, loved, and supported his son, adds me, not to mention all the money he shells out to Lindz on demand and does all types of favors for the two of you). Lindz reminds that Brian has done alot for them. (Duh, no kidding!) And without him, the babies won't even be related.
At the gym, Ted and Emmett are admiring a very over-muscled weightlifter and Em is shocked when Brian says the guy is on steroids. (Another "Duh", this one for Emmett! Do you think He-Man got this way by eating right and the occasional sit-up?) Debbie shows up at the gym then and Michael complains that now she is taking over his gym as well as the bars and clubs they both frequent. But there is something on Deb's mind and she confides in Ted and Emmett as they are on the treadmills that Detective Carl wants them to have a sexual relationship and she wants that, too, but she's a bit "out of practice". Ted and Em volunteer to give her a refresher course. Uh-oh.
In the locker room, Ben is stunned to hear that his ex-lover Paul, the man who infected him, has died.
At Ethan's, he is on the phone talking to a friend about an upcoming party as Justin is designing the GLC's poster on the computer. Ethan promises his friend that he will be at the party and turns to Justin, saying that his friends want to know if his "imaginary lover" is coming with him. Justin says he'd rather eat shit and die first. Ethan tells his friend that Justin can't wait to come! (Yeah, better get the cotton out of your ears, dear boy.) Ethan asks why Justin is so anti-social and Justin says what is also my motto--"I'm not anti-social. I just can't stand people!" Ethan really wants Justin to come to this party with him but Justin doesn't seem too interested in the idea. Ethan asks what Justin is doing, regarding the poster, and Justin says that he's working on a project for a charity event. "Someone he knows" is paying him to do the poster. Ethan knows who that someone is--It's Brian Kinney. Justin defensively states that Brian needed an artist. Ethan points out that Brian works with artists all day long, why would be ask Justin and not one of them to do the poster for him. Justin says that maybe it's because Brian thinks he will do a good job. Ethan counters that maybe Brian is really just trying to get back with Justin. Justin asks what makes Ethan think he would go back. Ethan starts pointing out Brian's attributes--He's rich, he's good looking, he's rich, he can make money appear with the snap of his fingers, he's rich. (Hmmmm, me thinks Ethan is a little caught up on how money Brian has.) Justin says to fuck the money. He doesn't want that. He wants to be with Ethan. "Prove it," Ethan says and Justin says he doesn't want to "prove it". But Ethan goes on, he wants Justin to prove it. Justin starts to spout poetry, "How Do I Love Thee", but Ethan says that Justin can do better than that. So Justin goes Brian Kinney on him, slamming him down on the bed and going down on him. It reminds me of the times Brian used sex to avoid having to say the words to Justin. But we know that Justin can verbalize his feelings without any trouble, unlike Brian, so for him to avoid saying the words to Ethan makes me wonder if he wants to avoid saying them because he isn't sure if he feels it.
Mel and Lindz with Brian at Woody's where they tell him that they want to give Gus a sibling. Brian, assuming that Lindz will be the mother, is fine with being the donor. But when he learns that it's Melanie carrying this child, he adamantly refuses, saying he agreed to impregnate Lindz, not her "husband". That was their deal and now that they're changing the terms of it, he won't be the donor.
Ted and Emmett, with dildos in hand, instruct Debbie on how to give a great blow job.
Michael and Ben sit together on a bench outside the diner and Ben is troubled over the death of his ex-lover Paul. He feels guilty for not keeping more in touch with Paul. But mostly he is angry at Paul for getting infected and for infecting him. Angry at Paul for not taking better care of himself. Ben told Paul that he needed to exercise and build himself up more but Paul felt it was pointless because he was just going to die anyway. Michael says that Ben is not like that, he always takes good care of himself. Ben remarks that it doesn't matter, though. No matter what he does, in the end he's still going to end up like Paul.
Deb and Hovarth have a nice dinner together. She admits to him that she is a bit out of practice and nervous. Hovarth assures her that it will be great.
At the loft, Brian is looking at the poster Justin has finished, making suggestions to him. A nervous Justin is standing half way across the room and Brian points out that he will get a better look if he stands a little closer. Justin moves to Brian's side and they talk about the poster and the changes Brian wants to enhance the look of it. The tender way he looks at Justin without Justin noticing says more than words ever will.
Michael arrives then with Chinese takeout and Justin leaves, he and Michael speaking as he exits the loft. Brian says he's glad the two of them "kissed and made up". Michael and Brian share a joint and reminisce about high school and their younger years. Lots of giggling and laughing, which we rarely see from Brian. A nice scene. (Oh my God, I just realized that I enjoyed another Mikey scene. I guess this means Hell froze over twice in one night!) Anyhow, Michael brings up that Ben's ex who infected Ben has died. What a world they live in, remarks Brian, and he thinks that only a selfish person would want to bring a child into it. He's not going to do it again, least of all with Melanie. Why would any queer want to have a kid, he asks. Michael says it's a good way to piss off people. That idea Brian likes.
Debbie demonstrates her newly acquired techniques on Hovarth, who gets the wrong impression. He thinks that she was just playing coy with him earlier. He thinks she is very experienced. Deb is horrified that he thinks she is a whore and kicks him out of bed.
Brian and Justin are strolling down Liberty Avenue together and Brian pays Justin for the poster, including a hundred dollar bonus because he finished on time. Aww, Brian is still trying to look out for his Sunshine without being too obvious about it. He gives Justin two tickets to the carnival for Justin and "Ian". Ethan shows up then and plants a big kiss on Justin, which Brian doesn't like seeing. Brian tells Ethan that he was just admiring Justin's latest creation and Ethan replies that an artist always does his best work when he has someone he loves to inspire him. Brian already knows that. And we know that it was Brian, not Ethan, who Justin was inspired to do that poster for. Hmmm . . . Justin and Ethan start to leave and Brian says he will see them tonight. Justin quickly explains that Brian gave them tickets to the GLC's carnival. Ethan returns the tickets, saying that he and Justin have other plans. Brian says he will leave their names on the guest list anyhow in case they change their minds. Ethan and Justin walk off together, snuggly and cuddly, and Brian sadly watches Justin go. He's got it bad, folks.
Debbie tells Ted and Emmett that they taught her too well. Now Carl thinks she is a whore! Em doesn't see the problem with that, but Deb says she can never see Carl again.
Mel and Lindz are at a booth and Mel is checking out possible candidates for a donor from a sperm bank. Lindz doesn't seem to like this idea. Brian arrives and tells them that he has changed his mind. He wants to father this new baby, just to piss off straight people. Lindz is thrilled, Mel is not.
At the gym, Ben is working out like a maniac. He approaches Muscle Steroid Man from before and says he wants to buy some of the guy's "supplements".
Ted and Emmett go to the police station and explain to Hovarth that Deb is not a whore. It was them who gave her instructions on how to best please a man.
Cut to the party that Ethan's friend is giving. The guy has a seriously bad perm. Seriously bad. He's a prime example of why you should never let your grandmother give you a home perm. Anyhow, let's call him Curly and the other two clowns can be Larry and Moe. The Stooges are pretentious, snobby assholes. Justin so does not fit in and I don't think he would want to fit in with them. He's also bored out of his mind. Justin goes off by himself to smoke and Ethan comes over. He knows Justin is having a miserable time but Justin tells him that he's just nervous because Ethan's friends are all so smart. Oh, please, smart asses is more like it. And to prove it, Curly wanders over at this point to declare that Justin must be Ethan's "imaginary lover". Ethan has told him that Justin is an artist and he asks what type of art Justin is into. Justin says that lately he's been manipulating classical form with digital imagery. Curly drawls that Justin must be more than just a pretty face then. Justin replies that he also has a big cock and gives great blowjobs. Touch�. Curly doesn't know what to say and Ethan is caught somewhere between embarrassment, horror, and disbelief at what Justin has just said.
At the carnival, or the Filthy Carnival, as Emmett calls it. It's taking place at Babylon, of course. Where else? TwiddleDee and TwiddleDumb are horrified at what Brian has organized, such games as butthole bingo and ring the dildo! Mel hates it too. But it's a success and raising tons of money so Brian is happy and has proven yet again that, in Cow/Lip Land, Brian can sell anything and make a fortune off of his tasteless sex advertising ideas.
Justin can take no more of Curly's little gathering and tells Ethan he is leaving because he's tired. Tired of being in the room with a pack of snobs, is more like it. And, yes, Sunshine, please get out of there before Granny and Curly break out the home perms for you and ruin those pretty blonde locks. As Justin is getting ready to leave, Ethan tells Justin that he loves him. Justin replies with a not so enthused or convincing "You, too".
Hovarth comes to see Debbie and they make up.
At the carnival, Ted wins Emmett a prize, a doll that reminds Michael of Ben. Mikey says that Ben isn't there because he is still feeling down about Paul's death. Enter a very steroid hyped up Ben who tosses Michael over his shoulder, literally, and drags him off to have some fun.
At the ladies' home, Mel is still ranting about Brian's carnival. She declares that this child is going to be "her" baby, the one she carries, and she does not want Brian as the father.
Back at the carnival, some circus reject is trying to hit on Brian as Justin shows up. Justin walks around and takes in the sights for a minute, a smile on his face. Now this is his scene. You can take the boy out of Babylon, but you can't take Babylon out of the boy! Brian sees him and drops Circus Reject to go over to Justin. He asks where "Ian" is. Justin says Ethan is with his friends and this wouldn't exactly be his scene. I dunno, Justin. Maybe he could have mingled with TwiddleDee and TwiddleDumb, they're about like his friends. Anyhow, Circus Reject comes back over to Brian and Justin takes notice and says it's time for him to leave. My take on this, I wonder if Ethan's words about Brian trying to win him back haven't been on Justin's mind up to this point. A part of him was even hoping it might be true. But he looks sad, disappointed, and resigned to the fact that Circus Reject is Brian's happy trick of the moment. The _expression that crosses his face when he sees the guy is almost like "Business as usual, huh, Brian?". Justin thinks nothing has changed so he leaves. What he doesn't see is Brian drop Circus Reject a second time and leave himself. Outside, a guy who is at least decent looking is checking out the new car. Brian takes him home instead.
Next week, 301 repeats because of the Oscars. But the week after that--Mel and Lindsay re-think their choice for a father to the new baby. Ben's steroid use worsens. A lie from Brian's nephew lands Brian in trouble with the law. And Ted wants Emmett to move in with him