Episode 211
We begin with a Dykette party for Lindsay and Melanie before their
big day. It�s a wild party and everyone is having a good time. Leda
takes Mel and Lindz over to Mysterious Marilyn who is going to read
the Tarot Cards for them. Marilyn warns that Saturday is a bad day for
a wedding. Mercury is in retrograde which will throw everything into
chaos and confusion. Lindz is troubled by the reading, but Mel assures
that everything will be fine.
Meanwhile, the guys at Woody�s where they�re gathered around the pin-
ball machine that Mikey is playing. They�re discussing what they should
get Lindz and Mel as a wedding gift. Brian, naturally, has something
sarcastic to say. Ben thinks they�re all brutal towards the girls.
Emmett says that he has saved up enough money from his job at Ted�s porn
site that he can now afford to have his butt lift. The guys advise against it,
saying something could go wrong. Ben suggests that Emmett at least wait
until Mercury is out of retrograde. Justin asks if Ben really believes that the
alignment of the planets can screw up things. Ben does. Brian doesn�t. He
thinks it�s just another excuse for some people not to accept responsibility
for their actions--they blame it on the planets.
Gorgeous, Hunky Woody�s Bartender calls for everyone�s attention. He�s
about to reveal the winner of the AIDS hospice charity raffle. The winner
is going on an all expense trip for two to the White Party. Bartender draws
from the raffle names and �the luckiest prick in Pittsburgh is . . . Brian
Kinney�! Brian laughs that the planets certainly aren�t screwing with him.
Michael points out that they are--This vacation is the same weekend of Mel
and Lindz�s wedding. How does Brian intend to be at two places at once?
Brian just shrugs off the question and goes to claim his prize.
At Debbie�s, Vic gets the bad news that his disability is up for review and
he may lose his benefits. Debbie is upset, asking what Vic will do. Vic
replies that his health is better, maybe he can get a job as a chef again. It
might be difficult, though, when his future employers ask why he stopped
working in the first place. Debbie wants him to come work at the diner
with her.
At the office of Emmett�s plastic surgeon, he�s presented with
several choices for the type of butt implant he wants.
Mel and Lindz�s house where the chaos is starting to begin! Mel is
trying to talk to the caterers on the phone, but no one there speaks
English. Gus just destroyed the seating chart. Lindz has a panic
attack when she realizes that she�s water retaining and can�t fit into
her shoes for the wedding. And Brian shows up just in time to tell
them that he�s going to the White Party, not their wedding. The
girls are furious at him at first, but then he logically explains why
it�s best. He�d be bored out of his mind at the wedding, he�d get
drunk and high. He�d seduce anything that moved, table dance,
humiliated them in front of all their friends, etc., etc, The girls see
his point and wish him a good trip to Florida!
Ted and Michael go shopping together for a gift for Lindz and Mel. Mikey
doesn�t have much money to spend. Ted does, however. His site is raking
in the big bucks. He suggest that he and Michael combine their money and
get the ladies something very nice from both of them. Ted has to rush off
to see about his site, leaving the money with Michael to buy the girls some-thing nice. Michael gets taken in by a street hustler and ends up spending
their $500 dollars on a hideously ugly statute that is suppose to be an African
Love Goddess.
At the loft, Brian is trying on clothes, deciding what he should pack for
the White Party. A miserable Justin is on the bed working on a paper for
art class, listening to Brian go on and on about the White Party. Brian
talks about what he�s going to wear to each party while Justin adds that
he�s going to be busy this weekend, too. He has this paper due and the
wedding and . . . laundry . . . and he should write his grandmother. Brian
curses that he has nothing to wear to one of the parties and Justin asks if
Brian will even need clothes by then? Brian holds up the two tickets,
replying, �Not if you have anything to say about it�. �You�re taking me?�
a thrilled and hopeful Justin asks. �If you can tear yourself away from
your granny�s letters,� Brian teases. Justin hops off the bed, hugging and
kissing Brian and then pausing as he wonders--What will he wear?! (Heh,
heh, heh. Very cute scene.)
The guys in the balcony of Babylon. Michael tells Ted that he got an
incredible gift for Mel and Lindz, but he won�t tell Ted what it is. He
wants Ted to see it for himself. Ted asks what Brian is going to get
them and Brian replies he�s giving them the best gift of all--his absence.
Emmett joins them then with computer generated photos of his choices
for a new ass. He asks their opinion on which one he should get. Ben
says that number one looks like Michael�s butt. Brian and Ted offer no
helpful suggestions either so Em goes to the artist for his opinion. Justin
gives an artist�s opinion on why one of the choices is the best and gets a
kiss from Emmett in thanks. Em suggests they all dance, but Brian is
saving his energy to go to the White Party. Michael says he should be
going to the wedding. Brian replies that Michael will be there to cry
enough for the both of them and starts to walk away. Michael follows
him down the stairs and asks why Brian always runs away and refuses
to admit that he cares about his friends whenever one of them is celebrating
something big or happy in their life. Michael thinks it�s because Brian is
afraid to let anyone know that he really loves them. Brian disagrees and
says the real reason is he�d rather get laid. Brian kisses Michael on the
lips and then leaves. Ben comes up behind Mikey then and asks if Brian
always kisses him like that. Michael replies that Brian only does that when
Brian is either really drunk or wants Michael to shut up.
At the diner, Vic is there for his first day of work and Debbie is
showing him around. Lindz and Mel arrive and they�ve had more
chaos. The jeweler lost their specially engraved wedding rings.
Justin comes over to the counter and offers to let them borrow his
nipple rings, which they politely decline. Justin then breaks more
bad news for them--He�s not coming to the wedding, either. He�s
going to Florida with Brian. Mel and Lindz are disappointed, but
tell him that he deserves some fun, considering the year he�s had.
Debbie isn�t happy with Justin�s decision.
Mel and Lindz leave the diner where Mel shows her frustration,
cursing Brian for �poaching their ring bearer�. Lindz asks what
good a ring bearer is anyhow when they have no rings to begin with!
The phone rings and it�s the caterers who tell Mel that the hall where
the reception was suppose to be has just been closed down for
salmonella poisoning. So they now have no rings, no ring bearer,
no food, and no place to get married. Lindz lays down on a bench
advertising a funeral home and has another panic attack.
At Ted�s studio, he is furious when he sees the statue that Michael
bought. And who can blame him?! It�s hideously ugly!!!! And the
majority of that $500 belonged to Ted to begin with. They have a
huge argument over it and Michael takes the statue and leaves.
At George�s mansion, he and Emmett are swimming in his indoor pool
and discussing Em�s butt job. George is against the idea. He thinks
Emmett is perfect just the way Em is. Em reminds that in the clubbing,
nightclub world that he frequents, you have to look gorgeous and perfect
or you�re nothing. George is thankful that he�s not a part of that scene
then. Emmett admits then that the butt job will make him feel better
about himself. George replies that his ex-wife thought the same thing,
too. She had all these plastic surgeries to make herself look better on
the outside, but on the inside she was still the same miserable person
she always was. George adds that anyone who values themselves
because of their ass is an ass. (I love George!)
At the diner, Debbie is frantically trying to pacify unhappy customers
who just want their food!! Vic is nervous and having a horrible first
shift. He can�t cook anything anymore. He finally gets frustrated
and walks out.
Mel and Lindz on their couch having a very overly civilized argument
about the wedding, calling each other �honey� and �baby� as they
debate the pros and cons of the other�s idea. Lindz wants them to
get married at their house. Mel says there�s not enough room for
people to sit. Lindz says they can stand. Mel doesn�t think so.
Lindz thinks Mel is being negative. Leda arrives then with more
bad news. The dry cleaner ruined Lindsay�s wedding dress. Now
they have no rings, no ring bearer, no food, no place to get married,
and nothing to get married in! Mel tries to reassure her, saying they
will get married if they have to do it naked and standing in the back
yard. Ominous thunder outside, suggesting rain. Lindz gives up
then, saying that they�re not getting married any maybe it�s because
�someone up there� she declares, looking skyward, thinks they shouldn�t.
And it�s all because they�re gay. (Huh?!?! Where is that coming from,
Lindsay?!)
Ok, this is the best scene of the entire episode!! A long, slow camera pan
up the side of Brian�s naked body as he�s laying in a tanning bed. Suddenly,
the lid is jerked open and Mel stands crying over him. Brian likens her to the
�ubber-bitch dyke� Ripley in the movie �Alien�. Mel cries some more as she
tells him all her and Lindsay�s woes and how Lindz now believes that they
shouldn�t get married because gay people aren�t suppose to. (Yeah, ok, I
agree with anyone reading this recap: This is a weird ass episode!! Lindz is
now homophobic, Mel is all needy and crying, but, with any luck, this
episode will end soon.) Brian pops out of the tanning bed to go set the
universe back in order, complaining that they sent a dyke to do a faggot�s job
to begin with.
Brian has called all their friends together at the loft, saying they have 21 hours
to get the ladies married and get him on his plane to Florida. Ted and Mikey
are still snipping at each other about the present and Brian calls them bitches
and tells them to pull each other�s hair out later. Ted and Mikey are put in
charge of staffing, decorations, and flowers. Emmett has to find a place for
the wedding. Debbie is to get a dress for Lindsay to wear. Justin and Vic are
in charge of food.
Brian starts back towards his bedroom and Michael follows. Michael gives
him a hard time about claiming he doesn�t care about his friends when he
really does. Brian says he never wants to hear the word �wedding� again
for as long as he lives. Michael sees through his act, though, and knows
he does care about his friends. Mikey gives him a kiss for it.
At George�s, Emmett is making calls to find a place for the wedding, but
everyone he calls is booked. George offers him the use of his private
ballroom. It hasn�t been used since his daughter�s wedding and George
would be honored if Emmett�s friends who get married at his estate. Em
agrees to the idea. George goes on to say that he will fill the room with
musicians and flowers. Em interrupts, thanking George for offering to pay
for that, but he wants to be the one who does it for his friends. George
asks how he will afford it and Emmett answers that he is using the money
he�s saved up for his butt job. He�s decided against plastic surgery and he
wants to put the money towards giving Mel and Lindz a wonderful wedding
instead.
More chaos, this time at Debbie�s house. She is sewing a dress for
Lindsay while Vic is destroying the kitchen in his attempt to bake a
cake. Justin tries to cover for Vic�s mistakes, saying it�s him. He
tells Vic to just relax. Vic says it�s useless, he�s been out of the
business for too long and he can�t go back to being a master chef
now. Deb storms into the kitchen and agrees to Vic�s self pity. Just
look at the mess he has made! Justin is shocked by how harshly
Debbie talks to Vic, telling him to get back in his robe and mope
or throw himself under a train so she can at least get the insurance
money. Debbie tells Justin to come with her; they�re going to a
bakery to buy a cake. Vic argues that they can�t just walk into a
bakery and buy a wedding cake on such short notice. Deb says
they will buy a birthday cake then or a Bon Voyage cake. Anything
would be better than the �dried up brick� that Vic is planning. Vic
is incensed! How dare she insult his cooking! He immediately goes
back to work on the cake.
Justin follows Debbie out of the kitchen and tells her that he knows
why she did that. She said those things on purpose to inspire Vic to
prove her wrong. Deb says that is how she got him to live to begin
with when he was so sick. She just kept telling him to go ahead and
die. He lived just to prove her wrong. Deb tries the same stunt on
Justin then, asking if he really wants to grow up to be another Brian
Kinney, always running away from love instead of towards it. She
tells him that he can go to Florida and �fuck his little twinkie brains
out� but it will never make him happy. Justin knows that she is trying
to do and doesn�t fall for it. Deb admits that she was trying to play
him, but then turns serious. If he misses this wedding, he will look
back on it someday and regret it. They are his family and he should
stay and be with them for this important day.
The morning of the wedding has arrived and Lindsay is lying in
bed feeling sorry for herself. Mel brings her breakfast and tries
to get her to eat. Brian barges into their bedroom then and tells
them to get up and get dressed. They�re getting married. Brian
takes them to George�s mansion where everything is set up for
their big day.
Ted and Michael are still arguing over the ugly statue when Emmett
tells them that it�s not worth destroying their friendship over.
Debbie is helping Mel and Lindsay get dressed when Brian comes
in. Deb leaves and Brian tosses the girls a box. Inside is a set of
wedding rings exactly like the ones the jeweler lost, complete with
inscriptions. Lindz kisses him but Brian groans, asking them not to
get �moist� with him. LOL!! Mel looks like she wants to kiss him,
but they settle for a handshake instead. Brian and Lindsay want to
talk alone so Mel leaves, saying she will go check on Gus.
Lindsay puts on her wedding dress and Brian helps her button it in
the back. She asks if he�s excited about going to the White Party.
Brian produces the plane tickets to Miami and tries to give them to
Lindsay as a wedding gift. They can exchange them out for a later
flight. They can have a honeymoon. It�s his gift to them. Lindsay
refuses the tickets, saying it�s just not right for Brian Kinney to
sacrifice for others. Besides, he�d never be happy at the wedding.
She wants him to go to Miami and have a good time. Brian looks
surprised and a little hurt that she�s telling him to go and not stay.
Brian takes the tickets back and kisses Lindz before leaving. Lindz
watches him go and says to the empty room, �I love you, too, Brian�.
Brian and Justin are walking down the spiral staircase of the mansion
and Justin says he thinks the idea of a wedding is cool. In fact, some-
day . . . �What, you and me?� Brian asks. Justin replies that stranger
things have happened, to which Brian disagrees. Brian thinks that
Justin just needs some hot sex on the beach to get these ideas out of
his head. Justin turns serious then, saying he can�t go. Brian jokingly
asks if Justin forget his sunscreen. Justin says no. He�s decided he
wants to stay for the wedding. He wants to see Lindz and Mel say
their vows and he wants to hand Emmett a Kleenex and he wants to
console Debbie who will get all emotional. He wants to be with his
family. Brian asks, just for the sake of clarity, if Justin is really
standing him up for a weekend in Miami just to watch two dykes get
married. Justin says he is and asks if Brian is angry with him. Brian
jokes that he thinks Justin is selfish and heartless. (But it�s clear that
he�s really not mad.) He tells Justin to �Keep up the good work�
before heading for the door.
The wedding takes place with Lindz in her dress and Mel in a black
tux. They walk down the aisle together and say their vows, promising
to love each other forever. Ted and Mikey give each other �I�m sorry�
looks the whole time. Ben and Mikey cuddle during the ceremony.
Emmett is thrilled that he gets to hold the bouquet for Lindsay. He�s
the bridesmaid I guess. LOL! Justin gives them the rings. They�re
married. They kiss. Everyone cheers.
Ted and Michael apologize after the ceremony, deciding to give the gift
together after all. At the reception, the girls cut the cake and everyone
toasts to them. Emmett says it is time to throw the bouquet. All the
guys start fighting for position at the front of the line, Ted and Em trying
to block Justin from catching it. Emmett reminds that whomever catches
it is �next�. She and Mel throw the flowers.
The flowers go through the air and the scene fades into that of another
wedding bouquet being tossed into the air and landing right into the hands
of Brian Kinney. Brian�s at the White Party, dancing in the crowd. The
bouquet was thrown by a drag queen in a wedding dress on stage. Brian
triumphantly waves the flowers in the air as he dances.
Hmmmm . . . so does this mean Brian is �next�?