By: Phluphee
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OK...I just want to start this recap by saying that Justin is the BIGGEST drama queen. He pretty much steals this episode with his antics. In this episode we also get to cut through some of Brian's bullshit. We see a little more vulnerable side of him. Which is always good. He's more likeable when we know he has actual blood running through those cold veins of his. Anyway....
Mikey voices over that last Saturday night at Babylon was to die for (literally...heheh).....Brian, Emmett and Michael are eating breakfast at the diner. (Last week they had a DJ, this week lava lamps.) No Ted? Is Ted dead? (Hey that rhymed!). It's the next morning and one would think we're in a church with all the silence. Emmett pleads for someone to say something. But silence prevails for a beat or two. Then Mikey breaks in with a story.
He says it late and he's leaving Babylon and there's a really hot guy. (Isn't there always?) Flashback to Babylon-It's sailor night. There's just something wonderful about buffed-out men in white undies and sailor hats. (Excuse me while I have a nipple moment.) So, Mikey's on the dance floor and the hot guy he's referring to is behind him yelling in his ear. Flashback ends and Mikey says the guy is perfect. Brian (who looks as if he's eating cardboard) wants to know how perfect. Mikey repeat for effect "Perfect". He tells the story of how they were making out. (While Mikey is talking we flashback to his apartment to the diner. It's a really great effect!) The guy asks if Mikey has ever been to Brazil. Apparently the chatter box does charity work. He's like the Mother Teresa of queers. Anyway, Mikey's never been to Brazil. Perfect guy has. Mikey taking clothes of now-only half-listening cuz he just wants to get down to the business. So, he's down on his knees and the chatter box starts talking about Brazilian beach parasites. It ends up the (not-so) perfect guy has them burrowing up in his ass. (Ew!)
Emmett laughs and says at least he found out before he got too far. Brian asks about Emmett's night. Emmett's flashback is a little more kinky. Emmett's "date" looks like an extra in a Marilyn Manson video. Emmett says he feels like he's in a Madonna video from 1991. The scary dude is harnessing Emmett up in this leather get-up and says he needs to hurry it up cuz he's got a husband and wife to do in the morning. Emmett asks if the guy is bisexual. And dude says no, he's an undertaker and it was a car accident. The undertaker pushes back and his legs go spread eagle in the air. Brian says he fucked an undertaker once. And the guy said that sometimes they have to sew the mouths shut. Mikey and Emmett cringe.
Emmett wants to know what Brian did. Mikey makes this pouty face and scowls. Flashback to Brian's. Ends up he fucked J-Twink most of the night. But he tells the boys that he made an early night. Mikey looks down in relief. (I'm thinking that Brian has feelings for the blonde and it's something that he doesn't want to admit. By not saying anything he's admitting that Justin is more than a fuck.) Emmett says that when he dies he doesn't want his mouth sewed shut cuz he wants to ask Natalie Wood what happened. Debbie walks by and tells the boys they should be getting to the hospital.
Ted is looking very peaceful. Oh OK..he's in a coma. The boys are in the waiting room and they meet Margaret Schmidt, Ted's estranged wife. Ha! Ha! Just Kidding. Wouldn't that be brilliant though? Mrs. Schmidt is really Ted's mother. They do their meet and greets. Ted's mom is bummed cuz the doctors aren't sure if Ted's going to come out of the coma. His mom is really depressing and Brian (and me) tunes out. Brian notices a hot nurse walk by. Mikey catches him and scolds him.
Ahh..It's time for drama queen TV. Justin is the best part of this episode. To be honest, I don't really care if Ted lives or dies. Justin's story arc is where the magic is. Anyway. It's 8:09 a.m. and Justin is still in bed. His mom knocks on the door, then comes in and tells Justin he's late. Justin stumbles out of bed and to the shower. He's such a little teenage princess sometimes. His mom starts to make the bed (ie, snooping). She pulls out Justin's sketchpad from his backpack. She's shocked. Justin's been drawing naked men (Brian) and men fucking men. On one of the pages Brian's name is scrawled out a bunch of times (totally stalker material). I'm thinkin' after the jock strap underwear she already had her suspicions about Justin. This was just the validation she needed. She puts the sketch pad away where it belongs, and quietly freaks out (She's a WASP after all.)
Back in comatose Pittsburgh the boys are peeking through the window of the body formerly known as Ted. The hot nurse just happens to be attending to him. (How convenient-they gay comatose guy gets a gay nurse. Only in Cowlipland). Emmett leans up against the wall.
Emmett: Who do you think it was? I mean do you think gave him the drugs?
Mikey: I bet it was that guy Blake who was cruising him all night.
Emmett: Do you think we should tell someone.
Brian: No.
Mikey: His mom said she'd call if there was any change.
Brian: You know he's a first. The almost dead guy I sort of had sex with.
Mikey: You had sex with Ted?
Emmett: You never had sex with Ted.
Mikey: When did you have sex with Ted?
Brian: Sort of sex. At this semi orgy.
Mikey: Semi? When? (What Mikey doesn't know about Brian could fill the Grand Canyon.)
Brian: You know that weekend when John John's plane went down?
Emmett: Oh God. They kept showing him on the beach with his shirt off and I didn't know whether to jerk off or weep.
Mikey: So, did you like, plan it?
Brian: It's just sort of happened. (Mikey is about ready to jump out of his skin) Things do.
(Emmett laughs.)
Brian: Scott and Kevin. The Todds. And Ted shows up with my taxes and all of a sudden we're doing it. And he even tried to fuck me.
Mikey: He's in there. His life's like this (makes a graph with his finger) down on a screen. It could be us.
Brian: Not it could not be us because we know better. We know not to believe cute little blonde boys who tell you it's really good shit. Because that's what they all say. Ted didn't know that. And he didn't know that you only do drugs with your friends because they are the only ones who give a fuck about you. (He pauses and puts a hand on each of their shoulders) I've got to go to work. I've got to be brilliant.
At St. James Academy, Justin and Daphne are in Literature class. This is one of those plot device scenes. Basically Hobbs is a prick and he's got some sort of tetosterone problem. He hits one of his friends in the arm and gets detention. The teacher has no tolerance for childish behavior when there's the Great Gatsby to be discussed. Oh and Justin's drawing more pics of naked men.
Back at the hospital, Mikey and Emmett have a conversation with Ted's mother. Mikey says they are going to work but if she needs anything to call. Mrs. Schmidt says that the Dr. said he was in a coma because of a drug overdose. Emmett assures her he wasn't a drug user (The irony her is astounding! Check out the last part of season 3.) Mikey says that he probably picked someone up and took him home. Mrs. Schmidt asks Mikey (she pointedly forgets Emmett) if Ted had not been gay, and he had taken a woman home. Would she have left him to die. She gets all weepy and walks away. Emmett seems like he's ready to cry. And Mikey has that same worried sad face he gets whenever Justin comes around.
At St. James Academy Hobbs is cleaning out some room for detention. Justin walks in and asks Hobbs if he need some help. Hobbs wants to know why he's being so cool. Justin says that the football team needs him. He lifts this huge box and Hobbs comments on how strong he is. Yadda Yadda.
Brian is at work in his office and he looks like he's about to get a headache. Oh..there it is walking through the door. Someone get the Tylenol. Melanie walks in. She says she's Ted's lawyer and that Ted has a living will. In it, he left Brian in charge of pulling the plug if he ever goes into a coma. Brian's pissed.
At St. James, Hobbs and Justin are all sweaty from lifting boxes. Justin throws Hobbs a soda and they sit against a wall on the floor. Hobbes starts talking about girls. There's this one chick from the newspaper who came over to his house. And he tells her how it feels to score a touchdown when she goes and starts sucking his dick. But before she finished she had to go home. So, he's telling this story in full detail and he kind of rubs his dick. Justin notices he's hard and then unbottons his pants and jack's him off.
Mikey and Emmett are in the steam room at the gym. Brian walks in and wants to know why Ted picked him. Why not Emmett? Emmett says he can't even figure out what to wear in the morning. Who in their right mind would give him the power of life and death? Mikey says he couldn't do it either. Brian says he doesn't even like Ted. Mikey says that's not true. Brian says not enough to be in charge of his life. Mikey says he might be in love with Brian. Brian highly doubts it. Then Mikey says that it's not over yet. He still could wake up.
Daphne and Justin are lying on Justin's bed. Daphne can't believe that Justin jerked off Hobbs. She wants to know why she did it if he's so in love with Brian. Justin says that he and Hobbs-that's not love. That's just fucking. Daphne says she thought it was detention.
Justin's moms call him off camera. Daphne says she has to go and gets up. She leaves and says goodbye to Mrs. Taylor. Justin's mom wants to know why Justin isn't in art club. Justin says he quit art club. Justin's mom is all upset because Justin loves art club. Justin says a lot can change in a week. And that she doesn't know everything about him. Mom says she's going to Nike Town but he's probably not interested in that anymore either. (Shoes! Justin is interested in shoes!) Justin wants to know when. Mom says now and that he can drive.
At the diner, Mikey visits his mom. He's obviously upset about Ted and Mrs. Schmidt's reaction. Debbie says that people wake up from comas. His Uncle Vic did. He was out for ten days. Debbie wants to know how Ted is. Mikey says the same and that he was going to visit him later. He was thinking of taking Mrs. Schmidt something to eat. Debbie starts to cry and kisses Mikey. She tells Mikey to bring her turkey meatloaf and lemon bars.
Mom and Justin are on their way to Nike Town. Mom says that Justin is a good driver. Justin quips better than her. (What a brat!) Justin thinks that his mom should buy another car so that he can use hers to drive to school. His mom says she was 20 before she got her first car. Then she goes on about one of her boyfriends before she met his dad. Mom says that he could have been Justin's father. And Justin says that would suck because he wouldn't be who he is. She laughs and starts talking about all the fun things that she did with him. She notices the stamp on Justin's hand from Babylon. Then she drops the bomb.
Mom: So, do you have a boyfriend? (Justin just stares out the window in shock.) You can tell me. I promise I won't tell your father.
Justin: I don't.
Mom: Then who's Brian?
Justin in trademark drama princess mode parks the car and runs away.
Mikey brings Mrs. Schmidt the food. She's sitting in the hospital's praying room or something. (It's pretty bleak.) Mikey says that maybe Mrs. Schmidt should take a break. Mrs. Schmidt says it would be nice to take a break. She's heard a lot about Mikey. Ted called him a "special" friend. Mrs. Schmidt says that she'll stay a little bit longer, but then she's going to Ted's condo to get his pajamas. Just in case he wakes up he'll need something to wear.
Mikey calls Emmett. We are in split screen mode. Emmett wants to know if Ted's dead. Mikey says no, but he's going to wish he was when his mom goes to the condo. Emmett says oh shit, what if she finds his pornos. Mikey says or the magazines. And remember his 33rd birthday? Emmett says they gave him 33 dildos. It was hilarious. Mikey says they have to go to the apartment and retrieve all 33. Emmett says what if he gave some away as hostess gifts (yeah�fuck Tupperware.)
At the munchers pad Melanie opens the door to a hot looking Brian. He's wearing one of my favorite outfits to date. A white wife-beater, jeans and a leather jacket-Hot! He says he doesn't have much time. He's just over to visit Gus for a few minutes. Melanie comes down the stairs. It's bath time and she tells Brian that he needs to call before he comes over. (I guess they're on a schedule?) But Brian ain't taking Melanie's shit.
Brian: I don't give a shit what Ted wants. I'm doing it understand?
Melanie: I told him you'd be this way.
Brian: He has a mother
Melanie: Yeah. Would you wish this on yours? (Well, maybe considering who birthed him.)
Brian: He has better friends.
Melanie: That's for goddamn sure.
Lindsay: Melanie, would you please�
Melanie: Did I barge in at bath time? Was that me?
Brian: Fuck bath time and fuck you.
Melanie: Fuck you.
Lindsay: Just stop it, the both of you.
Brian: Let's cut to the chase. Ted can find someone else. His mommy, or Michael, or Madonna. I don't care.
Lindsay: But he chose you.
Brian: Well he chose wrong.
Melanie: That's what I said to him. I said Brian is not the person you want responsible for your life. He's a selfish, narcissistic little fucking faggot. And let me tell you something it's not because you suck cock. It's because you're a little fucking coward. (Damn! She's pointing her finger-And I'm about ready to break it off!) So go! Get out! Now!
Lindsay is dumbfounded. Brian leaves. Melanie follows after him and slams the door. (I was half-expecting Brian to break her face. But he takes shit like no one else. Maybe what she said had a hint of truth in it. So, he couldn't fight back.)
Lindsay: You had no right talking to him that way.
Melanie: No right? Ted is lying there on life support. He's probably never going to wake up and he's depending on Brian to show him the decency, the kindness to release him.
Lindsay: That's all the more reason to be kind. After all, he's the one who has to do it. Think how hard it must be if it were one of us. What it was me lying there and you had to pull the plug.
Melanie: I'm not sure I could.
Lindsay: Maybe that's why you're so angry at him. Because you know if it were you, you'd be as scared and angry as he is.
(I love Lindsay. She really does have the pulse on Brian sometimes.) Anyway, Brian doesn't do confrontation very well. So, what does he do? Surprise. Surprise. A little self-destructive pain management in the form of tricks. Four of them. One of which, has the ugliest haircut I've ever seen. But I don't think Brian is concerned with that particular detail. I'm pretty sure he just wants to get off.
Justin goes to Daphne freaking out. He tells her that his mom knows. He says he's got to find Brian. Daphne wants to know what the hell for? Justin says Brian will know what to do. Daphne asks why he would care.
Justin: Cuz he wants me.
Daphne: How can you tell?
Justin: I just can. I'm going to live with him. I'm going to be with him. You'll see.
(Be careful what you wish for. And for god's sake remember to set the alarm. Unless of course your dream is to run away to New York and become a go-go boy in Chelsea.)
Justin asks Daphne for help via car. Daphne says she's grounded. Justin pouts some more and Daphne is charmed by the princess.
We're at Ted's place. Emmett moves the lamp to the side of the table. He's always telling Ted that not everything in his life needs to be centered. Mikey says the last thing they need to worry about are the decorations. Mikey finds poppers in the fridge and cheese. Emmett says there aren't any shame issues attached to cheese. Mikey freaks out and tells Emmett to check the bedroom. He starts going through drawers and finds the pornos in of the bottom ones. Suddenly dildos are flying everywhere. A few pummel Mikey.
Mikey and Emmett have a dildo duel in the living room. Classic!
Mikey and Emmett go into the bedroom to retrieve the rest of the dildos and any other paraphernalia. Emmett opens the armoire and taped inside the drawer is a little Mikey shrine. Lots and lots of pictures. (Another stalker in the making.)
Drama Princess Justin and his side kick Sideshow Daphne drive to Brian's building. But Brian's not there. He buzzes the intercom a bunch of times. Then starts yelling his name. Daphne's in the car and she says she's got to go home. Justin insists he's got to go find Brian. She asks what about the crazy lady, the one from the diner. Aw�Debbie.
Emmett and Mikey are at Woody's pondering whether Ted is a stalker or not. (Personally, I'd be little more worried about Justin. He's learned about yearning from his Literature teacher and he's on a mission to live with Brian. All he needs is a gun and a few voices in his head. Wallah! A psycho is born.) Emmett thinks the pictures mean that Ted likes him. Mikey thinks it means that he loves him (Hey! Doesn't Mikey have pictures of Brian in his old bedroom?) Emmett thinks it's flattering. He collects Mikey like Mikey collects comics. Mikey says that all this time he never knew. Emmett says there are a lot of things they don't know about each other. Like the postman in Hazlehurst would spit on Emmett. Or that Mikey doesn't know how his father is (Believe me, it's better you don't know.) Or that Emmett sat with his grandmother and held her hand for an hour before he told anyone she was dead. Mikey grabs Emmett's hand (Maybe he's wishing he was dead?) Emmett asks why they don't tell each other these things.
Justin goes to Debbie's house. (Um..how does he know where she lives?) She answers the door and says that she can guess Justin is looking for Brian. Debbie says come in and she'll make him a sandwich. Justin tries to protest. But Debbie tells him to have a seat. Debbie calls Michael. Justin looks forlorn.
Lindsay goes over to Brian's to apologize for Melanie. Brian's being his usual dick self. She says that Brian should show a little compassion. Especially for Ted. Lindsay wants to know Ted's status. Brian says the machines still say he's alive.
Brian: What about us. We don't have any beeps or wires or little white dots to tell us we're alive. So, how do we know? (Well, Brian�perhaps that's why you fuck everything that moves. To feel alive.) I guess we just take everyone's word.
Lindsay: Maybe we know from what people expect of us. I mean, take Gus. He needs me to feed him. To change him. Knowing that reminds me I'm alive. So for me right now, it's him.
Brian: What about me?
Lindsay: Ted needs you now. So maybe that's what tells you, you're alive. (Lindsay holds Brian's face.) You'll do the right thing, whatever it is.
Brian: You don't know that.
(I love when Brian is human and vulnerable. He is so full of self-doubt sometimes. So lost.)
Ted is still in a coma. (And I've got Smiths lyrics in my head.) Brian puts his hand above Ted's face to see if he notices.
Brian: Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you for going out with some tweaked out little twinkie and thinking you got lucky. Did he let you eat his ass? Did he let you suck his cock? Well, I hope it was worth it. And fuck you for choosing me. I ought to let you like here forever. How would you like that? Can you hear me? You know, you're not so bad looking. In fact, you look better like this. You should die more often. Or live. So that I don't have to say yes, I'll do it. Give you what you want. What you need. Don't think it's for you. It's not. It's for me.
Just then hot male nurse puts his hand on Brian's shoulder. Brian pounces on him and they fuck like bunnies in the bed next door. Ted wakes up to Brian's grunting.
Justin is stuffing a sandwich in his mouth. Mikey's yelling at the kid to go home. Justin says he can't. His mom knows. Debbie says she can go to the PFLAG group. Debbie's says this great line.
Debbie: It's not who you love. It's how you love���..I've always thought of genatalia as God's way of accessorizing."
Mikey's too annoyed to deal with his mom. Mikey tells her to quit it. This isn't about her mother of the year award. It's about Brian's one night stand. Justin says not just one. Mikey says don't bet on it. (Sorry too late, already happened.) And who cares anyway. Vic does. He loves gossip. Justin lies and says his dad threatened to disown him, that he called him a big queer. Vic asked if he hit him. Mikey can't believe that Vic is listening to this. Justin says that he has to see Brian so that he can stay with him. Mikey says he doesn't think so. Justin says he'll go to NY and become a hustler. Sell his body to gross, old homos. Vic offers him $20..to save him the train fare. Justin says he's going to throw up. Debbie says to use the upstairs bathroom. It's for guests and drama queens. He runs upstairs and everyone laughs. Debbie says it isn't funny. Gay teens have a very high suicide rate. Mikey quips unfortunately not this one. Debbie hits Mikey.
Justin bypasses the bathroom and ends up in Mikey's old room He looks around and notices the pics of Mikey and Brian on the wall.
Debbie says that they should call his parents. That his mom is probably very worried.
Vic: She's not worried. Now she knows it's not drugs, it's not booze. He didn't buy and automatic weapon to take to Spanish class. It's just cock.
Brian walks in the door. (He's looking really hot this episode.) Brian wants to know how Justin found Debbie. Mikey says they always find her and that Brian needs to do something. Brian wants to know what? Mikey says to get him out of his house and he's upstairs. (Mikey is such the jealous girlfriend sometimes.) On the way up the stairs, Brian says that by the way, Ted woke up and that he's going to be fine.
Brian finds Justin looking at Mikey's pictures. Brian wants to know what Justin is doing there. Justin says waiting for him.
Debbie's going on about how nice Ted is. Mikey's pensive and realizes what's about to happen upstairs.
Justin tries to kiss Brian, but Brian pulls away. He then, forcefully pulls Justin towards him. (Just so Justin knows who in control.)
Mikey looks up at the ceiling. He's not to happy right now.
Brian already has his shirt off and Brian's kissing down his chest and unbuttons Brian's pants. He stands up. More kissing. Then Justin gives Brian a blowjob. (Wow! Another hot B/J scene.)
Brian and Justin come down from upstairs. Debbie decides he's taking Justin home. Justin says he isn't going. Debbie says that if he gets her titties in a knot that he's going to be in deep shit. (Mikey is totally pissed. More than pissed. He's threatened. Cuz I think he finally realized that Justin is more than just a trick.) Debbie asks if everyone's ready to leave. Mikey says that he wants to talk to Brian alone. Everyone leaves.
Mikey: Do you have anything to say.
Brian: No.
Mikey: Well, I do. You can fuck him at your place. You can fuck him in his gym class. You can fuck him in a zoo. (Can he fuck him in a box with a fox?) But you can't fuck him in my mother's house (You mean Mikey's little Brian shrine.) in my room. (Brian stares at him) Ok I'm going to go do this little job (Cuz I'm a doormat) and then I'm going to the hospital. You do whatever the fuck you want. (Man! Brian gets the shaft in this episode.)
Debbie and Michael drop off the princess. Debbie introduces herself and Mikey to Jennifer. Justin runs off to his bedroom like a little brat. Debbie tells her that if she ever wants to talk she works down at the diner. She also talks a lot about Mikey coming out and how hard it must be for her. Basically that she empathizes. Mikey's so embarrassed. As they are walking away from the house Debbie says that Mikey is going to be something some day. Mikey doesn't think so. Debbie hits him and says that he needs to know himself.
Ted is finally awake. Mrs. Schmidt wants to know if he needs a ride. He says no, that his friends are driving him home. She says she met everyone. She likes Mikey the best. And then she says that she's really proud of Ted and that he accepts him for who he is. She says she will always love him. (It's really very sweet.)
The boys take Ted home. And of course, the first thing he does is move the lamp back to where it was. Mikey says that don't be shocked but his dildos are gone. Ted expects everyone one of them back. Mikey says they bought him a chicken (Where's Blake? We could find out how far a chicken can stretch!) Ted says he's not hungry. He goes into his bedroom. Mikey follows after him. He says that life seems so small after a near death experience. And that he's really glad that Mikey's there. Mikey stammers, uncomfortably that he's glad Ted's there too. And that if he ever needs to talk to someone about it, or anything else that he's there. And that it might help if Ted talked about certain things, even if it might not go his way.
Brian walks in. Mikey leaves. Ted says that he saw Brian fucking and thought that he was in hell. His punishment was to see Brian Kinney fucking for all eternity. Brian puts his arm around Ted and tells him he should be so lucky.
Brian: Why me? Why did you choose me?
Ted: (He shrugs) My mother couldn't do it. Mikey and Emmett couldn't do it. But you could. Cuz you're a heartless shit. You could pull the plug and wouldn't cry because you would know when it was time to go. (Hmm�I'm not so sure about that. Now that I've seen Brian flounder, he may be more sensitive than any of them. I think Ted truly believes the fa�ade.)
Brian and Mikey are dancing on the dance floor of Babylon. Brian says he wants it to be Mikey who pulls the plug. Mikey says that he wants it to be Brian.