- Confessions of a Dying Heart

"Look at my wrists and you'll see a picture, a picture of a heart torn apart."

"It wasn't a suicide attempt, it was an escape from everything awful.
When we cut, we're in control - we make our own pain, and we can stop
it whenever we want. Physical pain relieves mental anguish. For a brief
moment, the pain of the cutting is the only thing in the cutter's mind,
and when that stops and the other comes back, it's weaker. Drugs do
that too, and sex, but not like cutting. Nothing is like cutting."
-Shelley Stoehr (Crosses)

"Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again"
-Linkin Park (Breaking the Habit)

You see, the thing about my cutting is I'm not sad when I feel like doing
it. I'm pissed off!! I get so mad, so goddamn angry that I just want to hurt
myself. I want to see the blood run down my arms, feel it as it oozes out.
Others say they feel numb so they cut just to feel alive, to feel something
other than numbness. Not me, my numbness came hours afterwards.
When I don't cut, I feel so much pain, so much grief inside me. It's physical,
like a punch in the gut. And that's when the tears come, makes me want to curl
up and die.. It's like no one cares, like it's just me in the whole world and
I'm so alone. alone with my pain. That's when I wish for death just to stop
the pain, to stop everything.
I hate feeling like this. It's not right and it's not fair. Why should I hurt
myself? Why should I feel like this? I am not a bad person.
I am not a bad person.
I'm sitting here right now crying. I want to cut but I won't. I want to die and
yet I don't. I just want the bad shit to stop.

Im gonna draw a picture
A picture with a twist
I'll draw it with a razor blade
I'll draw it on my wrist
If I do it correctly
A red fountain will appear
And wash away my sorrow
And wash away my fear

Scars are like people, the uglier they are, the deeper they are and the
deeper they are the less they seek attention. Maybe to look at me now, it's
hard to tell how battle scarred I have come to you; for the deepest scars
are the ones you never see, only feel. But I have witnessed things that if
you are lucky in life, you will only ever imagine.

"The only antidote to mental suffering is physical pain." -Karl Marx

"I have a tendency to hurt my self physically when I'm really hurting emotionally."

"People who have physical scars hide them with clothing or a mask, those with
emotional scars hide them with a smile or a laugh."

Unconscious, or am I conscious? Fell from the sky like a star Sometimes I feel as though I'm frozen in heaven, 'Invisible Wounds' -Fear Factory

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