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CHAPTER 33 Mid June, 1992 “Hier ist Deutschland! Ich bin in Deutschland! Endlich, Deutschland!” Kim spun in circles, her arms thrown out at her sides, garnering very strange look from the poor local Berliners who had been unlucky enough to run across this scene. “Deine Wörter sind gefährlich.” Raine, his arms crossed over his chest, was staring at a spot in the ground in front of Kim’s feet. “And why are m’words dangerous, oh dark and brooding one?” Raine glanced over at Ebony. “I think if you say Deutschland one more time, the Dark Lady may do something drastic.” “That being?” “Burn your ticket.” Ebony’s voice was soft enough that Kim couldn’t pick up whether it was a bluff or not. She scowled, but she also quit with the outburst about Deutschland. When they had been in the airport ready to leave London behind, Chatha had been in tears, saying it wasn’t fair that both her favorite people were leaving this time. Jessie had smiled softly and wished them a good trip, even though Kim knew she was aching to come along. But there had only been three tickets purchased, and the rest were sold out now. “Besides,” Kim had said, “it would just be plain cruel of me to let a half-American into Germany. You’d have to sew a Canadian flag onto your luggage or something, just so you could walk safely through the streets.” “The US isn’t that bad.” “Say that to any mainland European. Hell, say that to most any Brit as well. Won’t get a favourable reaction.” So now Kim was in the middle of Berlin with Raine and Ebony. The entire world felt different. At first she’d thought it was because she could almost breathe the air in this city without choking, but with every passing moment, she realized more and more that she loved this country. Its age, its architecture, its loose laws on smoking and drinking, its different standards about women, the tiny cars that even left British inventions looking like American SUVs, how being a pedestrian was an extreme sport, everything about it. It was a whole new way of living. It felt more like life. “I love this country,” Kim said then turned around to look at Ebony and smile. “I’ve never felt like this before... Never seen anything like this before!” “Now you know why we had to come back.” “And to see Eldritch is just some bloody added bonus. It doesn’t even matter; I could come away from here having missed seven Sisters concerts and still feel fulfilled. Mein Gott, was ist mit mir passiert?” “Nichts schlecht. Nothing bad is happening to you. It’s just the country.” There was a light in Ebony’s eyes that Kim was sure she’d never seen before. “Something in the air, maybe? I think it’s the seasons that get me. The fact that they’re so distinct. They get snow everywhere in their winter, not just rain. It’s a different world. It’s alive in such a different way.” “It’s more noble.” Raine tapped the cane he’d already bought on the ground. It was made of some sort of dark wood, and stained with an even darker red. He could have found something like it in Britain, but claimed it didn’t feel the same. Kim sighed, taking another look around her. “I don’t know what it is. Don’t even care what it is about this place, but I don’t think that I ever want to leave it.” *** Caught in a seething mass of screaming and thrashing people, ten feet away from the stage, holding her breath in anticipation… Kim realized she hadn’t been a spectator for years. She had always been the reason there were people going insane in the crowds, and she’d been able to use that energy, but she’d never been able to become a part of it. Now, with Ebony clasping both her and Raine’s hand tightly, Kim was waiting for Andrew Eldritch to step on stage so she could lose the musical responsibility of being a punk star. It was her turn to let go and to take everything from the performer that she could. Stage lights flared on, and Kim felt herself gripping Ebony’s hand back tightly. She wanted to scream, “he’s coming!” but knew Ebony wouldn’t hear her. The light in her goth friend’s eyes told her she was thinking the same thing, anyway. The music started with Eldritch’s deep, half-broken voice saying “Some people get by with a little understanding.” At the moment that he finished that line, Ebony and Kim immediately started screaming along. Around them, the audience had broken into little groups of moshers and spellbound fanatics. So close to the stage that she was sure she could reach Eldritch if she raised her arms, Kim tried to push even closer. She kept a firm hold on Ebony’s hand, knowing she would lose her and Raine under a wave of people easily if she gave the crowd even the slightest chance. Even through her own screams and those of the people around her, Kim could hear Eldritch’s pained voice. It wrapped around her mind, drew her closer to the stage with every word spoken. She felt the pain of people around her crashing into the arm she had held back to keep hold of Ebony, but she ignored it. If she could just reach the stage... The thrashing and noise and screaming and music were vaulting Kim to worlds she hadn’t even imagined before. She had never thought about what it was like to stand this near to someone so important to her life. Someone who had given her music since her childhood, who helped her become who she was now. Along with Eldritch, she was singing “and I need all the love I can’t get to,” fighting against the crowd filled with teenagers wearing way too many spikes and dancing way too dangerously. Now only two feet away from the stage, pressed against the barrier, she turned to grin at Ebony. A god was standing in front of them; they were so close, they probably would have been able to touch his feet. Ebony yelled out the opening words to First and Last and Always the moment she heard the opening chord, and Kim thought for a moment that Eldritch may have smiled at them. They spent the entire concert pressed up against the barrier, wild with the excitement of the crowd. From what Kim could tell in her few glances of Raine, he was either having a religious experience or an orgasm. Or both. It really was difficult to tell with goth guys. To Kim, this concert was freedom. She felt sure that she never wanted to go back up on a stage again in her life, because there was no way in hell anyone in her crowd could ever feel as exhilarated as she did right here and right now. She was beaming, truly happy, truly alive, and remained flying high in that strate throughout all of the concert. The entire audience almost died when a bass guitar and drums slowly ground their way into Comfortably Numb. Kim had heard rumours that the Sisters had been covering that piece of beautiful insanity from The Wall, but no rumours could have prepared her. She fought with every bit of strength in her soul not to fall to her knees when Pink Floyd’s most perfect song decayed into Some Kind of Stranger. Hearing Ebony whimper beside her, she gripped the barrier tighter. She had thought it would be dangerous if Eldritch decided to play Marian, but no, Some Kind of Stranger (especially brought in like it was...) ate right into her soul, leaving her reeling and wide open. She had never felt so alive and right and good, because one of her idols thought exactly like she did. One of her idols saw the point in picking up someone just for one night, just to break through the futility that life brought up again and again. Words and names were just baggage; it was really about the night and the moment, the act, the escape. Kim left the show in a heightened state. Ebony and Raine trailed behind her, still floating. She twirled around, all smiles, singing. “Rationale and rhyme and reason pale beside a single kiss!” Raine cocked his head, watching her. After a moment of consideration, he spoke. “You’re beautiful when you’re not hiding.” Kim wrinkled her nose at Raine, too happy to fight. “I just saw Eldritch. He smiled at us, I swear, he smiled at us. He sang to me. He sang the words my heart has always believed. I’m right, Raine. I’m right as rain.” She giggled. “I think like Andrew Eldritch thinks. That never hit me before. I think like Eldritch. I’m not so wrong. I’m not so despicable. Come here, I think you’re beautiful; that’s what it’s all about. One night, the passion, the escapes, the everything.” “And that’s all you got, out of an entire concert?” Raine shook his head, not willing to let this be a neutral conversation. Ebony dug her nails into his hand, making him drop his eyes so Kim knew that the confrontation was over. On their way to find the parking lot where they had left their rental car, they didn’t talk anymore. Each of them had had their own epiphany watching Andrew Eldritch up on that stage, and none of them would be able to properly vocalize it. As they passed by the line-up of people waiting to buy Sisters shirts (Kim had done that before the concert), there was a sudden commotion started up. Kim glanced at Ebony, not quite sure what was being said. She had only studied German for a few years in school, after all. The first words that reached her ears were too loud and too close. “Sind Sie Kim Kissably?” Kim blinked. Are you Kim Kissably? That’s what she’d just been asked. She shook her head quickly, trying to get past the line of people who all seemed to be staring at her now. “Sprechen Sie Deutsch?” That was another person, just as uncomfortably close as the last one. Kim shook her head, refusing to acknowledge an entire crowd that seemed to be pushing closer by the second. She wanted to look around her to make sure Raine and Ebony were still there, but at the same time, she didn’t want to point out their presence to this crowd. There were voices everywhere now, in German and English, yelling at her. How much they loved her work, how much they wanted to fuck her, how much they wanted to even just touch her. Kim felt a hand on her shoulder and she jerked, screaming a little. She saw Raine and quickly grabbed hold of him, ducking her head. Raine put his arms around her, pushing his way through the crowd. There were people grabbing at her the entire way, wanting to know what it was to be so close to the infamous Kim Kissably. She didn’t raise her head once until she heard Raine’s voice--actually civil for once--saying that there was no one else to worry about anymore. Kim promptly pulled away from him and smoothed her clothing out, looking at the ground. She glanced at Raine again for a moment when she saw what she thought might be a small silver dagger being slid back into a bag he kept at his waist. She decided not to ask. Ebony, who had been waiting against the fence since she had first escaped the crowd, shook her head. “Is this what we want?” Without even looking back, Kim straightened and tossed her hair in the haughtiest way she could manage. “I would have kicked their asses if it had really gotten to be all that much. They just took me by surprise, then your boyfriend--sorry, fiancé--was in there playing the hero before I could. Let’s go, huh? I don’t want to be reminded I’m a celebrity right now. I’m supposed to be the drooling fan.” She sighed. “Who’da thought so damn bloody many Germans listened to a bunch of femi-nazis?” Ebony grimaced, but let it go. She let her thoughts drift back to Eldritch as they searched out their car. It was at the back of the building, in a tiny little parking lot. Since none of them were fluent in German, none of them were sure if it had actually been legal to park the car there, but since it hadn’t been towed, it didn’t matter. Some short guy with slicked back hair, a leather jacket, sunglasses, and a cigarette held in his hand walked out of a door in the building, his head ducked, obviously in a hurry. He paused for a moment when he saw them, though. He took a drag of his cigarette before talking. “You Kim Kissably?” He was British. “Yeh.” She said it hesitantly, not hoping for a repeat of the t-shirt line. “Huh.” He took another drag of his smoke. “I’m waiting for that next album.” Then he walked away. Raine fell to his knees. Ebony grabbed Kim, nearly screaming: “You know who that was?” Kim, remaining herself, shrugged. “An Andrew Eldritch wannabe.” But she smiled, nonetheless.Includes lyrics from the Sisters of Mercy's 'More',
written by Andrew Eldritch and Jim Steinman, baby, Jim Steinman!; and 'Some
Kind of Stranger'. |
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Talk to LL,
the author. |