Most people tune into their local news channel to find out the days stories. People tuning in this night to their local station for updates concerning XRW-TNA, are surprised to see a news desk with a teletype sound effect going off in the background. The backlit desk has two figures sitting at it as the lights come up and Victoria and Steven Richards are revealed. Dressed down, Victoria is wearing a white blouse with the buttons open to reveal cleavage and her hair hidden by a short bobbed black wig with streaks of pink through it. Steven is in a button down shirt and jacket, with a pair of glasses on that make him look more serious. They have papers in front of them as the teletype stops and the camera focuses on Victoria.

Victoria, The Psychotic Bitch Good evening and welcome to the nightly news. I am your host, Victoria alongside Steven Richards, and these are the stories we are following today...

Steven Richards, Deranged Manager Peeps Champion Christian was seen with Lizzy Borden in a store talking about his opponent for Ground Zero, The Heartbreak Kid, in front of very impressionable Kazoos...When asked about what Christian was saying, a blue and red Kazoo had this to say...

An image of a blue and red Kazoo is seen in someone's mouth and is blown, "Yankee Doodle" is the song being played. In front of the picture, Steven Richards can be seen just nodding his head sadly.

Victoria, The Psychotic Bitch As well...Newcomer to the XRW-TNA family is none other than Tori. Put into a match against well known Diva Trish Stratus, Tori is looking to make a name for herself. We see good things for this newcomer until she steps up to face the Psychotic Victoria...

Victoria has started to tangle her fingers in her hair as she grits her teeth. Steven Richards is focused on next as he smiles and straightens his papers.

Steven Richards, Deranged Manager Randal Orton, hitman for the mafia group known as Evolution has put a hit out on Evolution boss, Don Triple H'a. Not content to pay anyone to do the whacking, Randal "Legend Killer" Orton plans on bringing him to the ring and making the hit in front of all the XRW fans.

If you were sitting at home, would you believe this newscast? The camera remains on Steven Richards for the moment as he continues.

Steven Richards, Deranged Manager And in other news, XRW Diva, Alexis Laree has changed her name. The Diva who recently signed with XRW had this to say when interviewed by Terri...

The image of Alexis shows up on the screen as she is heard to say..

Alexis Laree "My name.. is screw you, bitch!"

Victoria, the Psychobitch Later, Miss You was found dolly shopping in Ole Man River's shop and police were called to the scene of the dollycide where one of the dolls were found shattered on the floor. Please don't try to apprehend this dolly killer as she could probably kick a civilian's ass faster than the entire police force chases down a Krispy Kreme. Screw You, if you are listening...stop this violence. It is just going to lead to a reputation...then fans and then where will you be? Just another You, prostituting yourself for the fans...Please Screw You...think about what you are doing...

The camera flashes back to Steven as a gagging sound can be heard off screen. Steven looks towards Victoria with a sick grin on his face that goes back to what he thinks is a newsmans look.

Steven Richards, Deranged Manager In further news, fashion maven Pamela Poundshock was heard from this week in her own shockingly sensual way of speaking about how she was the fashion conscious diva with the most fashion taste of all the divas. Taking the cameras of XRW on a tour of her clothing rack, we were subject to the most cramped, crowded and sluttiest scraps of clothing ever assembled. Hurrying the camera away, using the excuse that she wanted to surprise the fans at Ground Zero, she successfully trashed most of Miss Jackie's wardrobe and half of the XRW divas in the process...

Footage of Pamela is shown as a voice is heard to grumble off screen again. When the lights come back up, the camera focuses on Victoria once more.

Victoria, the Psychobitch In our fine arts section of tonight's new, we have a concert to tell you about. Shawn Michaels, the Heartbreak Kid has announced that he will be giving a concert the night of Ground Zero. He is planning to play his number one hit, Sweet Chin music. The hit, which is knocking people out, can be heard only on XRW television.

It looks like someone is handing a stack of papers to Victoria who looks at it then stifles a laugh. She looks up and begins to speak.

Victoria, the Psychobitch This just in, the best friend of XRW superstar, Justin Credible has been found to be missing. Kendy, the Kendo stick, a close cousin of Moppy, was discovered missing by Credible and his girlfriend, Molly Holly last night. The Kendo stick was no where to be found and as yet, they have not ruled out foul play. No ransom demands have been received. We will keep you updated on this sad chain of events and if you the fans, do see Kendy, please, help unite a man and his kendo stick, the friendship you save could be his...

The two "newscasters" shuffle their papers and Victoria lays hers down in front of her, lacing her fingers together as she glares into the camera.

Victoria, the Psychobitch And finally tonight, XRW-TNA Ground Zero has a match of epic proportions when Desire faces off against April Hunter and the both have to face off with Victoria. Earlier today we had a chance to talk to Victoria and she had this to say...

The image appears behind her of Victoria in a red leather halter.

Victoria, the Psychobitch That's right, I face off against Desire and April Hunter in a match to decide who will advance in the tournament for the women's title. Now I hate to be the bearer of bad news but when those two get into the ring with me, it isn't going to be pretty. Because I am ready for this match..oh yeah I am. I am going to step into that ring and all's fair. I could beat you individually or both at the same time but make no mistake about it...I will beat you and beat you badly. ~Victoria begins to seeth as she tangles her hands in her hair~ Because you two little girls are in the way of my destiny. My destiny to wear the women's gold around my waist. And don't think that just because there are two of you that I won't be able to handle you. It is going to take more than two women to beat me. But you just wait til Ground Zero girls...when I tear you a new one on my way to the top.

Victoria in the studio has a grin on her face as she again addresses the camera.

Victoria, the Psychobitch Strong words from an equally strong woman. And on Ground Zero we are going to see a new era arise...the era of Victoria as the women's champion. And you will get to see the first steps towards that on Saturday. So stay tuned...

The teletype machine starts to click and clack again as the lights fade on Steven and Victoria. The screen goes to the emergency broadcast system image with the XRW-TNA logo superimposed on it.

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