Waiting for Mandy (c. 1996)
Characters
Marilyn - Denial
Rhonda - Projection
Barbra - Intellectualization
Joan - Fantasizing
Brett - Rationalization
Karyn - Raction Formation
Jessica - Repression
Mandy - Regression
The stage is set with two sofas, a coffee table and a mirror at the far
right side. There is a door next to it. Rhonda, a middle-aged woman sits on
one of the sofas reading a newspaper, facing somewhat near the mirror. In walks
Marilyn, a very unattractive woman. Marilyn wears a tight, red dress.
Marilyn: Well, how do I look?
Rhonda: Terrible.
Marilyn: Thank you kindly.
Rhonda: I told you, he is not your type.
Marilyn: And I told you I don't care about your opinion.
Rhonda: Then why did you ask for it?
Marilyn: Because I thought you might actually be civil for a change.
Rhonda: (sigh) You look fine.
Marilyn: Fine? Is that all?
Rhonda: I keep telling you he is not your type, nor are you his. So, don't
worry about it.
Marilyn: How am I not his type? What's wrong with me?
Rhonda: He only goes for beauty queens.
Marilyn: Ha! Like you?
Rhonda: No. I know I'm guly. You should follow suit.
Marilyn: Well, of all the nerve. (storms out of the room, doorbell rings)
Rhonda: (annoyed) I'll get it. (Walks off stage, opposite side, comes back
with Barbra, some sort of professional, an absolute snob) Why, hello, Barbra.
Barbra: Hello, dear. And how is your spouse?
Rhonda: (walking to one of the sofas, takes a seat) Oh, he's fine. And how are
you and yours?
Barbra: (taking a seat on the other sofa) Tolerable, I suspect.
Rhonda: Why suspect?
Barbra: He vacated the not-so-cleanly, by his words - which are seldom anything
but vile and disgusting, just like him - premises. I am so glad the beast has
gone. He was over-taxing my cranium. (Doorbell rings again)
Rhonda: Uh, huh. Well, if you'll excuse me for a second, I'll get the door.
(walks out again, comes back with Joan and Brett. Joan is an actress and Brett,
her son, an 18-year-old mama's boy) Right in here, you two. (to Brett) I hope
you don't mind being around too many women.
Brett: No, I never mind. I like girls. They keep my interest.
Joan: I'll say they do. They are all over him.
Brett: Only because I like them. Girls like guys who like them first. But, I
don't have a girlfriend. I'm too shy.
Joan: No, they are too afraid of any type of relationship.
Brett: I guess I'm not their type.
Joan: Yes, that's it. You are too good for them.
Rhonda: Well, won't you sit down? There's plenty of room. That's because
Marilyn isn't here.
Joan: Oh, this reminds me of my ex's home. The furniture is so pretty for being
so inexpensive.
Rhonda: Oh, is he so out of money that he can't afford new furniture now?
Joan: No. He got all the money and the gorgeous furniture. That's why this
reminds me of him. This is what I was left with.
Brett: I suppose they don't like me because I like to read.
Joan: Did you finish that book I gave you?
Brett: No.
Joan: Why not?
Brett: I . . . I was busy on the phone to Julie.
Joan: Oh, Julie is such a wonderful girl . . . Where's Marilyn? After all, this
is her house.
Rhonda: She's in her room crying her eyes out. I broke the news that she is not
as pretty as she thinks. Honestly, the girl can not handle being ugly. It's as
if she thinks she's supposed to look like Marilyn Monroe, just because she was
named after her.
Barbra: It appears we are all in the same predicament. we are all inferior.
The solitary justification we use to wed by is because the primal homo-sapien
we meet only wants -
Brett: Maybe I'm not liked because I don't have time because of my crochet
lessons . . .
Barbra: Honey, we are both the epitome of one who has been renunciated.
Brett: Pardon me?
Rhonda: You're both losers, kid.
Brett: No, I'm just shy.
Rhonda: (aside) Loser. (Doorbell) I'll get it. (Gets up, leaves, comes back
with Karyn, a conservatively-clad teenager) Come on in.
Karyn: Thanks. (Looks at Brett, then looks away ashamedly)
Rhonda: I see you've met Brett.
Karyn: Yes, he looks very nice.
Rhonda: He is. Why don't you two talk.
Karyn: Oh . . . no thanks. I'm not interested in boys.
Barbra: I comprehend completely. A female needs to arrive at a decision for
herself. Indpendence is a must. Those who can not manage being dependant,
should abandon any relationshiop that thrusts itself upon them. That is why I
left that - (Joan and Marilyn enter back into the room)
Joan: I swear, dear, he is going to just die over you. That is, until he sees
the wonderfully young and sexy girl next to you there.
Marilyn: Who will that be?
Joan: Me, of course. You don't think that he's going to do you, do you? My
hair will be styled just perfectly, the dress, just the right length.
Barbra: Men adore petite garments. Only foolish women will go to those lengths.
Pardon the pun, dear. (Everyone looks at her, she apparently hasn't been
talking to anyone in particular) A woman becomes deranged because she does not
believe any man will ever love her.
Brett: That's it. I'm just shy.
Rhonda: Loser.
Marilyn: I don't see why he wouldn't like me either. I mean, this dress is
pretty and it's not as if I'm atrocious or anything.
Joan: No, of course not. Not like I am going to be when I'm your a- I mean,
when I am much older.
Marilyn: Who hasn't come?
Rhonda: Well, it looks like Mandy and Jessica.
Marilyn: Where could Mandy be?
Rhonda: Having one of her parties, I suppose.
Marilyn: With all those friends who we still have not met.
Rhonda: She says they're shy.
Marilyn: Oh, we'll meet them later. Jessica should be here, though. She's the
one who is driving us to this convention for Avon ladies . . . and men.
Barbra: Yes, we all must include them. In order to be equal. Men did not
include us in anything. But, now that we have so-called equality, we must
include them. We wouldn't want to start a war between the sexes, would we?
Karyn: (to Brett) So, where do you go to school?
Brett: Just down the road. I could have gone to Parkins, but I guess I'm not
smart enough.
Karyn: Oh, . . . I'm sure you are. (Doorbell rings)
Rhonda: I'll get it. (Leaves, comes back with Jessica, a shy, little woman)
Have a seat.
Jessica: (quietly) Thanks. (Looks around uncertainly) Hi.
Everyone: Hello.
Marilyn: Do you have any idea where Mandy could be?
Jessica: She's on her way, her friends were taking a while to leave.
Rhonda: Which ones?
Jessica: I . . . I don't know their names.
Rhonda: Oh.
Jessica: I'm sorry it took me so long to come here. I usually let my husband
drive . . . May I use your bathroom?
Marilyn: Yes, of course. Go through here and take a right.
Jessica: Thank you. (exits)
Rhonda: Poor Jessica. It's all her fault, you know.
Everyone: What is?
Rhonda: Don't you know? One day when she was small, she got into the family
car and took off the break . . . She's been afraid of cars ever since.
Marilyn: How is that her fault? I don't understand.
Rhonda: It's simple, if she would just forget it and move on . . . (Jessica
re-enters)
Marilyn: Was there bad traffic on the roads tonight?
Jessica: Oh . . . no, I'm not used to driving, that's all. My husband prefers
to do it.
Karyn: Freedom on the open road can be fun . . . I mean-
Brett: I'm just too shy.
Rhonda: I'm beginning to think there's something else, Jess.
Jessica: I don't know what you're talking about.
Rhonda: Didn't something happen to you when you were, oh, about yea big?
Jessica: I was hit on the head.
Rhonda: Were you? With what?
Jessica: My brother's baseball bat. (Rhonda acts exasperated)
Joan: I know, it will be pink, whith white lace and a tiny waist. A real
princess's dress.
Rhonda: Sure it will, honey. (Doorbell) I suppose I have to get that, too.
(Gests up, leaves, comes back with Mandy who has curly pigtails)
Mandy: Hi, everybody. I brought a surprise for you.
Marilyn: What is it?
Mandy: Everybody, (indicating the air to her side) this is George and this
(pulls out a teddy bear from behind her, with the other arm) is Chester. Are we
ready to have our meeting?
Rhonda: Yes, let's go. (everyone else moves eight chairs, two in one row, three
right behind them, and three behind them, then everyone gets in and starts to
make 'vroom vroom" noises.)
Mandy: Isn't this fun, Chester? (talks in slightly different voice, as Chester)
Yes, it is. (as herself) I thought so.
Barbra: Hey, Mandy, when are we gonna get there? Huh, Mandy? When? (blackout)