The Subext Menagerie
                                 A play by
  Steve "Shame is for Wusses" Jenkins and Kirsten "I Smell Haggis" Jorgenson

Cast: Amanda, a 1930's mother and homemaker stuck in the 1860's
      Laura, a spinster that likes to play with delicate animals
      Tom, a character and narrator. He likes to go to the "movies"
      Jim, a gentleman caller

ACTORS' NOTE: All "quotes" must be signaled by using you "hands".

Ginsu's Note: This play was started late last term, but it's creation was
suspended due to my severe illness. I decided that it had to be written this
week or not at all; I thought it better that it be finished, as it has screwed 
up my tried-and-true numbering system.  Kirsten's name remains at the top of the
script, despite the fact that she was unable to assist in the completion of the
play. This is because the first two scenes were a total joint effort; the humor
in the text reflects this, and the plat admittedly goes downhill from there.

Scene 1
(A fire escape. Tom is standing and smoking a cigarette. We all know what that
means.)
Tom: Yes. Yes! Oh, God, yes! I have tricks in my pocket, I have things up my
sleeve. And I'm not wearing any underwear. Hi. I'm Tom. I just got back from
the "movies". I'm going to tell you a story. I've told this story before, but 
never quite like this. You see, this is a memory play. And I've had this memory
many times before when I was drunk. However, this time, I'm going to tell the
story using only the subtext of the dialogue.



(Amanda and Laura are seated at the dining room table, waiting for Tom to finish
going to the "bathroom".)
Amanda: Tom!
Tom: (offstage, gasping) Yes, Mother. Yes. Yes. Oh, God, yes!
Amanda: What in Heaven's name are you doing in there? We can't say grace until
you come to the table.
Tom: (groan) I'm coming, Mother. (Enter Tom, zipping his pants. He sits down at
the table and starts to wolf down his food.)
Amanda: Chew, Tom. Chew!  Eat leisurely, son, and really enjoy it. A
meal has lots of delicate flavors that have to be held in the mouth for 
appreciation.
Tom: Don't I know it. (Pause.) Still, I haven't been able to enjoy one bite of
your offering because of your constant directions on how to munch on it. (Gets
up from the table.) I'm getting a cigarette.
Amanda: You smoke too much.
(Laura rises.)
Laura: I've got something for you to suck on. (Long pause.) Here, have a 
lollipop! It'll help you quite smoking. If you have something that you can suck
on constantly, you won't want to smoke a cigarette.
Tom: You know, you're right. I never smoke when I'm at the "movies".
Amanda: Laura, sit down. I want you to stay pretty for all your gentlemen
callers.
Laura: What gentlemen callers. I've never received a gentleman caller.
Amanda: Sometimes they come when they are least expected!
Tom: You're not kidding, Mom.
Amanda: Why, I remember one Sunday afternon in Blue Mountain, I received
seventeen gentlemen callers! Seventeen! There wasn't enough room to
accomodate them all. I was so tired the next day from "the art of conversation"
that I had to have the servant fetch me a "hot water bottle". Girls in those
days knew how to talk, I tell you. It wasn't enough to be pretty and have
a nice body - although it can't hurt. But a girl also had to have a nimble 
tongue for all occasions.
Laura: What ever did you talk about, Mother?
Amanda: Oh, we didn't talk, dear.



Scene 3
(Laura is washing and polishing her collection of glass. Amanda enters.)
Amanda: Laura, how old are you?
Laura: Mother, you know my age.
Amanda: I thought you were an adult; it seems that I was wrong.
Laura: What are you talking about?
Amanda: Do you have a boyfriend?
Laura: Um . . . no?
Amanda: Of course not. Not even a single gentleman caller. Not one. And you've
dropped out of business school. Haven't you ever liked some boy?
Laura: Just one. But he's married now.
Amanda: Oh.



Scene 4
(Amanda is one the phone. Tom enters. Amanda hangs up the phone.)
Amanda: Tom, I got rid of that hideous book by Marcus the Sadie.
Tom: That's Marquis de Sade, Mother.
Amanda: And another thing. I don't believe that you go to the movies all the
time. Nobody goes to the movies every night. Nobody ges to the movies at nearly
midnight, and then comes back at three in the morning, singing Ani DiFranco 
songs. Sighing and muttering to yourself like a maniac! You have no right to
jeopardize your job like this!
Tom: Leave me alone!  I'm getting out of here!
Amanda: Where are you going?
Tom: I'm going to the "movies".
Amanda: I don't believe that lie!
Tom: Okay, fine. I don't go to the "movies". I go to my boyfriend's house. And 
you know what we do? We have sex. Hot, steamy sex. And then I come back here
and dream abut him and then I go to work. Are you happy?



Scene 5
(Tom is out on the fire escape)
Tom: In Spain, there was Guernica. Young, handsome, strapping soldiers with big
guns, waiting to shoot anyone that got in their way. There was never a dull 
moment as they were unsure of how long their lives were going to last, fighting
for freedom! Oh God, yes! (pause) But here, there wasn't any of that. Just a
boring old warehouse, a mother stuck in a completely different civil war, a 
sister who couldn't land a boyfriend, and the "movies". When you see the same
"movie" every night for six months, it gets old quick. Anyway, the next week, I
arranged for a friend of mine to come over for dinner. Laura finally had a
gentleman caller.



Scene 6
(Laura and Jim are sitting on the floor center stage, huddled around a candle.)
Jim: Say, don't I remember you from somewhere?
Laura: We went to high school together.
Jim: Wasn't there some name I called you in order to belittle and ridicule you?
Heck, I can't even remember what it was . . .
Laura: It was . . . Blue Roses.
Jim: Blue Roses! Of course! You know, I remember you being very shy.
Laura: I didn't have many friends. No one would speak to me. But you spoke to 
me now and then. I dreamt about you all the time. You wouldn't be divorced now,
would you? 
Jim: Divorced? I never got married.
Laura: But what about -
Jim: Emily Meisenbach? We were never even engaged.
Laura: Oh!
(Long pause.)
Jim: You know what your problem is? You have a low opinion of yourself. You
need to find what you're good at and excel in it! Hey! Do you hear that music?
Laura: There isn't any music playing.
Jim: Sure there is. C'mon, Let's dance. (They get up and begin to dance.) Has 
anyone told you that you were pretty?
Laura: My mother, but she's insane.
Jim: No, she isn't. You're brilliant. I wouldn't date you, but someone should!
Laura: (stops dancing) Huh?
Jim: What's the matter?
Laura: If you wouldn't date me, then what the hell are you doing here?
Jim: Well, your brother asked me over to dinner.
Laura: You're not . . . looking for someone like me?
Jim: Not at all. We've been dating for over a year.
(Laura wanders offstage)



Scene 7
(Tom stands center stage)
Tom: And that was that. Laura went back to her glass animals. And Mother never 
forgave me. And I went to the "movies" and never came back. I've travelled all
over the world ever since in search of adventure. In search of another "movie". 
And all the while, I'm reminded of this memory, of my sister and her glass
animals, and all the subtext that could have been.