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| Love Poems - St-Sz |
| Still - (November 12,1997) It's been 5 1/2 months since Graduation and I still love you That must mean something I read your letters over and over again and I look forward to the next time I call you because I know that with each letter or call in some way or another you will tell me that you love me too that must mean something maybe we should have a long-distance relationship what would be wrong with that? It seems our hearts have decided it for us Susan - April 22, 2001 I want you to trust me I want you to love me I want you to feel comfortable with me I want you to know exactly why I cry when we talk about tough subjects why I worry when I find out your tetanus shot still hurts why I tell your dad's ashes that he has a wonderful daughter why I compliment you it's not to fish for some myself it's because I can't hold it in we may not have conversations much it's because I feel I can say more through my actions but maybe something else is being communicated to you and it hurts you and makes you wonder about me I think about you daily I dream about you nightly and in class and what does that tell you? how can I show you? what are the magic words and actions? I'm not your ex's but with the way I am do I stifle you? you said it's nice to have a conversation with people as if we don't talk do we have to use our vocal chords I do I serenade you my voice is free with you I have a range and the notes can soar or do you think I do that with everyone? that I can just open my mouth and something lovely will always come out don't you know it's provoked? I stop every conversation to sing something romantic and cheesy I'm a foul temptress, you know I do it just to see your reaction well, sometimes that's not bad is it? and I'm not angry exactly but I am hurt very I want to know how to please you how to make you comfortable and I know as you say it's your problem but since we're seeing each other it's my problem too and I sit at work and fight away tears wondering why I try with women but I don't like men and I should probably just be celibate to make everyone else happy and make myself miserable? and I thought with our openness that I wouldn't be so hurt so much as it has in the past when there isn't so much as an explanation not a formal one, at least and why do you stay with me if it hurts are you more of a masochist than I? or am I hurt for nothing over something that's just a musing with all our talking through mouths and hands there's something that's not being said |
| Stop - May 26, 2001 I won't cry I won't I won't give her the fucking satisfaction she already knows she hurt me she doesn't deserve to know how much why do I love someone so callous maybe cuz I'm a masochist and ask for it therefore Storm - June 4, 2002 I have all these love songs stuck in my head and all seem inadequate I have a migraine a constant reminder of the pain I have caused and deserve my eyes are sore they continue to itche from all the tears shed and un- my first reaction is defense it didn't used to be but now it is it won't always stay but now it is I don't ever want to treat you the way I used to when you were just a "fuck" (to you) that Kirsten is gone you said when someone grows up they stop that and I have yet I'm still a kid and now what we do is boring and I am confused Surfacing - June 6, 2002 I'm not going to leave you because you're a loser because I found someone more successful because you're ugly for we all are players in life together and your being alive is success enough for me beauty enough for me you're my Gina you picked me up the pieces left from the others who were "successful" but they were bigger losers for not staying for not living you may have your problems but you've gotten rid of more of mine than I think you could ever cause you've given me truth and that is the biggest success of all SWF ISO - October 15, 2002 wanted: a lover who wants me for my mind while I am chaste by choice and will desire my body and its smells and tastes when I am able to offer them who will find me delicious regardless of hair or wetness who will love with fewer conditions all I ask is to feel comfortable in my body the way I feel natural as a woman not to be shamed so that I feel angry for allowing that to happen I ask for a lover who loves me who is more patient than not and who can be romantic once in a while and allow me to be as well someone who might gladly accept flowers even though s/he might be secretly embarassed I used to ask for a lot more but having made good and bad choices I have learned what is truly necessary for me in this moment true love which to me includes acceptance of someone's quirks if these are truly undesirable one might try to change that person which could be damaging most of all what I want is to be wanted to be the one s/he dreams about who would rather not be away from me but can accept when I need my alone-time this won't happen for a while due to needing a lot more alone-time than usual and with that some time to work on myself before hurting anyone else when it could have been avoided but also because this is over 30 words long and no newspaper is going to print it so until these obstacles are changed or met I will sit here waiting for my Romeo picturing all possible permutations of this my future muse |