| Love - M |
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| A Many-Splendored Thing - June 6, 2002 A bouquet of roses eleven for our months with one for luck and carnations for memories and hope each flower is for each trait and every day the bouquet grows as I find more and more about you each day a flower blooms my bouquet becomes more and more beautiful as each flower compliments the other don't pick them or take yourself away because they will wilt and so will I Medicinal Matters - December 12, 2002 I've written so much along the same vein of wanting him but being confused over it that it makes me wonder whether purging by pen and paper is truly the cure Moments - August 7, 2001 You don't deserve all the mean things I've said written shared ranted posted no one has no one deserves pain back I know my words have hurt and the hurt is not my final desired result I'm sad that that's the end of it it wasn't the purpose we all have said and done things that hurt I don't post to be malicious there is no malice no want of pain for the other I'm no sadist I write in pure emotion and post what comes out that if another wrote I would think was a great poem not all have been bad though many in the recent past have but I know that those feelings and moments will always be true far in the future when the names of them and the women are just names deep down I love you and I loved them all of them but I'm screwed up and I let myself get hurt and show it and feel proud of the artwork resulting not for its unintended pain but for the pure emotion that I allowed myself to feel and express to all I have hurt unintentionally no matter how bitchy the words I am sorry for wanting to hurt is no sign of the love I felt and feel My Personal Ad (and what it's really saying) - July 11, 2001 1. 22-year-old G/W/F translation: here's your stupid standard opener 2. ISO G/F translation: Duh. But I have to say it in case you didn't get it 3. older translation: mature 4. who know what she wants translation: and get it herself 5. and communicates well translation: 'cause I don't read minds 6. who will take me as I am trasnlation: I am not your ex I am the ex of four women three of whom don't even live in Tucson and you're not the fourth one I am also the ex of one man and baby even if you were packing it ain't real 7. an energetic, enthusiatic, free spirit translation: I like sex I like sex and I like sex so don't force me into mongamy because that is my decision only 8. kinkyness a plus translation: vanilla is not my favorite flavor 9. honesty a must |
| Masochist - December 3, 2002 Poor fellow He doesn't know it upsets me when he's upset nor that I miss him when he's with his friends for it means we won't have a conversation until later I get the feeling when we talk that everything I say is not just interesting to me I receive validation with an odd but refreshing frequency but he doesn't know nor will he though Oscar's not on trial I remain a silent Lord Alfred writing my poetry of a longing that dare not speak its name Missing: Partner - May 28, 2001 I miss you so much thinking of all we've done things that to others would sound mundane to remember and everything brings back the feelings the reactions from my body every reaction especially the most pleasant and I miss your cock and fingers all I have are mine so I sit in front of a mirror with my cock strapped to my chair rocking and imagining I'm with you again in my now dream-world and I do climax but it feels like nothingness without you and no matter how much I enjoy my self and its treasures I'd rather have yours I liken my masturbation to meaningless sex pleasurable yet empty is that all I have left glad I asked for my lube back it's the best substitute to the way you make me feel and feel I guess I'll just have to close my eyes and imagine my fingers in your cove as opposed my lonely one until either we c(u/o)m(/e) together again or someone can make me forget you I guess anything's possible in this world Mother's Day - May 13, 2001 I don't like how you treat your mother she messed up when it's a habit you forget how it affects people she was worried and it's a nervous thing for her then you glare at me and say it doesn't concern me but I'm right in the middle of it I told you that it hurts me and scares me when you treat her that way but unlike you I am not getting on your case for it too much If I'm bothered by something I don't let the bother affect everything else or at least I try not to I, too, slipped up by saying, "It's just bingo." And had I thought beforehand about how it's not for her and how it did affect you then I wouldn't have said it but you know we all slip up and need to be given some slack I know you're going through a lot but maybe I don't deserve being driven down, too |