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| Love Poems - I |
| I Don't Want . . . (December 29, 1996) I don't want to lose you but, you're leaving so maybe that just means that I'll misplace you I will know exactly where you are so I won't exactly lose you I don't love you because I don't know what love is maybe I'm afraid of love because I am afraid of the unknown love is the unknown for me maybe I just need some courage I don't want to be hurt anymore I know you'd never hurt me promise you'll never hurt me prove to me that I have a reason to live be my reason to live I know that we won't always be together but let's act like we will over-active imaginations never hurt anybody Independence Day - July 4, 2003 This bard reflects on hir loves those she loved and those she let go those she told and those who went with the wind eleven months is a long time to be only half even though gathering to celebrate this country's freedom is good I can't help but feel trapped with mine In Servile Chains - December 29, 2002 As honest as I claim to be I am silenced by one truth unshed tears well up in jealousy and uncertainty I am afraid of je ne sais quoi and fear of the unknown is our greatest most paralyzing he's got feelings for another so I've been told and had deduced normally I would take that and back down but not now I cannot decide whether I should just admit it or not I know that he either doesn't know or just doesn't care he got me a most wonderful gift and I gave him something much smaller but if he knew that I overdrafted my account just to buy it and that I got it before realizing that I had yet to get anything for my family and it is handmade and when I saw it I immediately thought of him as he did of me when he saw my gift perhaps he would like it more I don't know what he thought of it he's not said much to me I wish I could be as honest as people expect me to be above all else, though I have masochistic tendencies but this I am not enjoying at all I am a slave to rather than a master of my lust It's Time - April 3, 2003 It's time to tell you that the Girl Who Has Nothing to Hide has been hiding something something kind of big something you should know before you I considered myself a dyke that the straight part of me had been a phase and then I moved in and got to know you and tried desperately to find something wrong with you something to show me how silly and dyke-y I really was something to prove you're not perfect it's you I'm jealous over yeah, jealousy the green-eyed monster and I have become close friends we were never even acquainted before and then I moved in every conversation cherished every laugh absorbed at times I've been a bit flirty usually when I've had some alcohol and yet, if we were to have sex it wouldn't be just fun and games for me no matter how many times I've had sex this would seem like my first again it had been with someone very special to me I've been incredibly honest with you perhaps to a fault but the one truth you should have known all along is that I care deeply for you it's not just sexual for me no matter how powerful that pull is it's something more your cat wasn't the only basket-case this past weekend but how could I say that? how could I reveal it? there've been so many times I could have just spit it out but I have been paralyzed not knowing you enough to predict your response and yet if I am reduced to tears in your absence and have night-mares that you will be hurt and the fact that you mentioned you cared about me "or something" (when also having had drunk a bit) should I be scared? you don't seem like anyone to be afraid of I would know if you were and yet you want someone else so I am left torn between wanting you and wanting you happy but I cannot stay silent any longer it eats me my only outlet my poetry have you ever been someone's muse before? |
| If You Love Someone . . . � July 24, 2002 Set them free my love I never loved you as much as you loved me or you needed from me it is right you should be with T- she can give you so much more than I ever could I know you�ll always be there for me but you deserve happiness and you can give her what she doesn�t realize she needs I wish you both a wonderful night and rest of your lives if it doesn�t work out remember that Jackson 5 song you mine always and she is my anniversary gift to you make each other happy you deserve it Imagine This - May 25, 2001 It's becoming Clear To me It was 10 days after you asked me to be your girlfriend that you decided it was too much work and it was 10 days after that that you finally told me why did you ask me to be it first you say that it's because it already felt like a relationship and then you say that your feelings for me had been rising why did they fall or at least the relationship feeling and why if it felt like one before and I had been getting hurt frequently by you but feeling always better after talking through if we were always working out a relationship before becoming one why did you ask me to become official if you knew as you acknowledged last time that all relationships require work why become official and then break up 10 days later I don't think it's the relationship that was getting you down I think everything manifested itself in such a way to seem like the relationship was too much work maybe it just is because of everything else but I can't help that so you dump me and abandon me to wonder what's really going on in there in the back behind your blockage and I wonder if it does back there cause you some cognitive dissonance that I like your mother call me crazy but imagine this the woman who never was around to work out a relationship now wanting one being befriended and blocked from the woman who only does work on the relationship or tries to she and I both love you and maybe it's too much for you or maybe it's just right and you should just deal with it as best you can you can cry at your therapist's but maybe to make things better you should allow yourself tears around us we're here to help as much as she don't throw us away because it seems too hard perhaps this is how it is supposed to be after all no one has it easy all the time I certainly don't but you don't see me pushing people away I've learned to take time and relish the good and the bad I may sometimes need my space but it is a rare day when I leave people in the dust when I know I will need their love I would tell you not to ruin what's fabulous already but you have so what's the point? In the Silence - November 30, 2000 She said "I try" and the phone died her card ran out no more calls for a while I have this strange feeling about her so safe so secure so sacred I don't know what to name it as Is it too early for love? Should I not quantify and take things as they come? There I go again Questioning my questioning and questioning some more all I hear is about the dangers of getting close emotionally before getting close physically in that, we haven't met in person yet, I have this feeling I suppose it's better than not feeling but just as puzzling a response |