| Love - GH |
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| Gina - July 23, 2001 I need to talk through things I can't help who we have in common it just happened that way and you have had more exposure to her yes she played both of us but I am still confused you were with her for 5 months giving her the chance to screw you up more but giving you more of her to work from to give you evidence to say that she's cuckoo but that judgement though I agree with on this is one given often by you against several yours truly included I am not afraid of being your girlfriend because I'm not over Jennifer the one I'm not over is Susan and you know it but even that's not what's keeping me away it's the fact that "Kirsten's cuckoo" "Jen's cuckoo" you're quick to judge from one action and the next quick judgement you make about me could be the last "Kirsten's cuckoo" couldn't you hear the lies in her stories of me didn't they not fit what you knew didn't your instincts say anything or did you allow yourself to be swayed by your insecurities I was falling for you too but she got in the way and I fell for her got crushed lost both of you and here you tell me that you believed what she said you ask me if something you do is characteristic for the way I see you "Do you think I'd mean it that way?" why didn't you ask yourself those same questions regarding me you're quick to judge and this is what is stopping me I could go on still loving my ex's or their facades what have you it's when I stop crying about them that I know I can move on I have about both of them but not about your judgements on me why do you think I am bothered by what other people who don't even know me say about my character and you may say you are not swayed by them but you have been before and for that you may never be redeemed I said in my e-mail and it's still true "I won't say it's ok for it's not" But I won't say you're forgiven either for deep down inside you're not Goodbye - May 29, 2001 I don't deserve this pain so I'm not going to deal with it when you're ready to talk with no time constraints you can come by that apartment complex I liked #212 and we'll talk I'm here when you decide you want to talk but I won't wait for you come friday if your truck is there I won't enter I'll just walk on into a true friend's pick-up who won't place limitations on me I know we agreed on a week break but I've had some clarity myself I don't deserve this treatment I don't deserve this abandonment and until you can open up to me I don't deserve you when you're ready to talk you can come by otherwise I don't want to see you my number's the same my e-mail's the same and I just told you my address I won't wait for you but when you're done going through your shit I'll be here voila la poeme seizieme et finale |
| Gina (2) - August 7, 2001 She serenades me on-the-spot with a poem about a 17-year-old boy and a 7-year-old girl her spirit and mine on a journey that ends with him saying "I just love you" why so simple? perhaps it is so, and simple is too simple so I make it difficult but I'm forgiven and I love her/him too but love won't be enough for me for it brings fright and so in defense of my battered heart I lash out and all I can say is maybe they couldn't take it but you you don't run I do by writing such mean things I know it now and I won't run in that familiar direction when I know that a pair of arms is in the other Girl - August 7, 2001 teach me to be fun again take me to a mountaintop let me sing you cheesy love songs and serenade you in coffee shops and skip with you down the street and pick dandelions as if they were bouquets and roll in autumn leaves and pretend I'm a fairy and cook with you and clean with you and be your wife yes, I said it not sure how it would work out truly but I would like that semblance I feel it inside but it's afraid to come out I'm less afraid to be bitchy maybe because there's no mystery in whether I will be left after it but there is always a possibility of you keeping me and then what would I do? maybe be happy for a change can you bring that out? let's play and see Gloomy Sunday - July 6, 2003 Who am I looking cute for? Who am I looking ugly for? Who am I looking for? Someone who speaks in "I feel . . ." Or someone who listens? I want to wake up in a world where no one is afraid to date me because I don't discriminate based on genetalia where every life is sacred and we're all human where we can express Love with these given instruments and never regret Hope - June 6, 2002 Don't worry if you're a loser nobody wins every time in a year we'll be teachers and have enough money to live comfortably we'll be in a city a metropolis some place we like better but right now it's tough just focus on what you are accomplishing you will graduate from college you have a girlfriend a puppy a family you are working toward a future everything is temporary and you've come so far from where you were six months ago don't cry for things are constantly changing and something good is on its way Humped-y Dumped-y - May 23, 2001 You inspire me usually it's to do good things now it's to go to a counselor I know you never wanted me to think of you as screwing me up and up until tonight you didn't and then you hit me with the atomic bomb I felt it falling but thought it would sink in an ocean not my Hiroshima devastation you're right timing is not your best quality I guess we all need our flaws by why were you given one so fatal I want to break something to punch something to scream to put myself away for if I never fell in love I would never have a broken spirit for the kings horses and (wo)men to try to put back together again |