| Love Poetry - C |
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| Catharsis - May 28, 2001 I only talked about some subjects because they're safe I didn't on some because they couldn't be put into words or just had to touch paper first and well you've read all of these poems so you already know what I think about maybe not as strongly as the poems but that's the purpose of purging so it may seem cowardly to just write and post and not discuss but to me only so much is how I still feel afterwards all of these recent ones are snapshots to give a fuller glimpse yet more concentrated one and together they may seem to be what's on my mind but in truth it's only what has boiled over so if I talked about some things not other I'm not ready for a physical catharsis in front of you when I am then we'll talk more seriously I haven't been the nicest but I hope that's forgivable I say things only when they overboil without remembering that something that hot can burn |
| The Chase - July 6, 2003 I long for being longed I am seeking to be sought I run away to be found to be wanted and caught in arms that hold tightly to lips that press sweetly I run away to be found in dreams that pass nightly Concession - January 1, 2003 She's attractive because her life is trouble-free she provides the re(lief/ease) he needs from the world I could love from afar but I need self-directed stability before pursuing anything the one I desire will remain tangible yet out of reach And I will remain a tortured soul bringing proliferation of poetry knowing I will one day obtain my Nirvana Confession - August 13, 1999 I'm sitting here feeling bad over nothing I apologize for things you say don't mean anything If they don't hurt you then why do I feel quilty over them? Maybe it's just because I miss you or maybe it's because I'm torn between being alone and the next day being with you I'm torn between being a giver and being a taker I have needs or maybe I don't I've been taught through therapy, that if I think something is wrong, I should say so. And, I do. And then I feel bad I feel I'm too demanding is my conscience now right with the guilt or is guilt a hard habit to break? Last night felt really weird for me. I enjoyed myself immensely But after you left, i started thinking of all the things that are missing I stared complaining that sex is bad, when it's great in reality I was being impatient - completely different from my normal self I was selfish instead of selfless I was being insatiable even though I was so tired after sex that I fell asleep for 12 hours. Why am I acting so unlike myself? Is it this someone I've made? Here I am, a number, at a state university FINALLY in the same city as you instead of being unwanted in a small, private, liberal arts school, several hundred miles away from you I still miss you even though, in comparison, you're practically next door. I'm now getting jealous that you spend so much time with your best friend when I KNOW you love me I can see it in everything you do It's no act I've never been this dependent I don't understand myself This isn't the Kirsten I know much less the one YOU know I hope to God it's a phase I scare myself worrying that I'm not being good enough to you I'm crying when I should be laughing I'm scared I'm scared of this new life of mine It's a tough move for me I'm alone but I have you I can live by myself but I'm incomplete without you I love being alone and then I start to think of laying beside you watching T.V. with you, eating lunch with you, laughing at funny sentences in my books with you. I need you but I also know that I should be able to handle living alone from time to time I don't know what our relationship needs Do we need to be apart more or together more? I wish I knew I wish that you were here so that we could talk talking to you always makes me feel better writing doesn't |