| Love Poetry - AB |
| Accumulation - May 24, 2001 Too quick no feelings can't be with someone who sleeps with God knows who can't live a lie you're too butch I'm too mean for you I can't deal with the work I'm too emotionally immature I have heard these excuses given to me by my exes they keep coming I'm wonder if by the time I'm 30 I will have heard every one so many reasons why a relationship with me would be a bad idea so few why it wouldn't After All - November 18, 2002 Have you ever felt like you're being molded into an ideal but you got lost in the translation? And ever since You've been fighting to get out? And you've been on different meds But sleep remains unrestful? And you want to run away Change your life And leave the bad guys behind? You don't even want to be a girl anymore Nor do you want another relationship for fear of being made to take it over and over again? The headaches and memories abound with no long-term relief And all you know is that if you let someone else in it's just inviting more domination and molding to whom do I turn? only myself Agenda - December 11, 2000 I have a plan I'll wait for your bus to arrive Then, I'll hide every clock and watch I own let someone else worry about what time it is we will decide together when to eat when to dine (no, I did not repeat myself) we together will decide when to sleep when to cuddle when to touch kiss hold et cetera And I'll have one of my friends call me when it's Sunday morning and then we'll worry about the time And we'll go to the station together and wait for you to board and be returned to your house and when you have gone after a thousand good-byes kisses and hugs, I will mope in my house and count the days till our next embrace Baby - May 23, 2001 I'm crying over a potential loss of someone who considers herself emotionally immature I'm a cryer she rarely knows tears which is the baby tearlessness is valued here yet with every drop I shed and talk over I feel healthier than one who ignores expression as she does perhaps as she says she can't handle a real relationship or perhaps she can't handle me |
| Affliction - December 12, 2002 My therapist had to ask me "Well, what's wrong with it?" And, after some thought I had no answer but I'm not one who just blurts it out especially not to a man albeit atypical it's a side of myself I thought had vanished my mom told me when I came out as bi that it was a phase and after so many women and only two men I figured the straight part of it was the phase and thinking of him doesn't make me want women less we check out celebrities together "She's hot" "Yeah, she's very pretty" I need women in my life to perform body worship if anything because women aren't told often enough how beautiful they are but I have these feelings we're so very much alike and if I weren't so reserved I could tell him anything but this it took me two months to admit I liked his company and how comfortable I feel with him He knew that was a big compliment and a big deal but just not how big and though I like the excitement sometimes of the "I know something you don't know" sort I know that if he gets a girlfriend I'll be torn between being happy for his happiness and sad for my loss never before have I understood jealousy so well Angel/Bitch Split - May 27, 2001 you know what this is? you're getting rid of the thing that's new to ensure you won't get hurt ever again you won't have difficulties if you're only with the familiar familiar can be synonymous with predictable after all I say fuck that the bitch in me is saying grow up and deal with the differences we were good together you can't ignore that part of me wants to put you through the I need space bullshit and the other sadly is still in love and still cries over someone the bitch inside says is not worth any of it you're picking me up to take me to dinner in a few hours I'll either be fussing over how I look or I just won't be here the nice girl wants "us" back the bitch wants you in Hell if I leave would that put you there or will my Bitch have to wait till you die not that my other half wants that but someone has to win out I guess we'll both find out who this afternoon |
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