| TREVOR |
 |
| Name: Age: Hobbies: Profession/Occupation: |
| Trevor Elizabeth "Hijinx" Mason 35 if you don't count the years during the war Cat Feces Wrestling, Blue Jays, Blue Jay strangeling Showman/woman, he gets paid 34.50 an hour to dance for George Bush |
| An interview with this strange fellow, March 20th 2004 ( completely incoherent ) |
| Ryan: Hello Trevor, nice to see you again Trevor: nice to see you too, how long has it been two days? R: yeah about that, so trevor, tell us about your birth. T: well it was long and grueling, first my mother was sentenced to death by catapult, for sleeping with the town drunk (he's the chicken eating team's mascot) but before she could be thrown into the air, it was stopped by the town drunk who said he couldn't remember sleeping with her that night, This sent my small self flying into the forest of Richardous Simonious where i was rescued and raised by a band of gypses. R: that's delightfully awful, continue... T: thats it, that was my birth R: oh, well, have you ever tried to contact your father? T: well i was never really sure who it was, i did however try to track him down when Gutty Tootie (who i consider my father) let me meet my real mother, she told me she was Paula Abdul, i believed her until her bodyguard said she couldn't have kids since the sex change. So i tried hunting him down, i only got his last name, Saget. |
| R: so you changed you name to Mason? how did you come up with that? |
| T: well i slept with Jimmy the stone worker in town and well he wanted to do it on top of one of the buildings he helped make, and well when he rolled over he fell to his death, we were supposed to get married and adopt some kids so i changed my name to Mason. |
| R: So what happened to the children? |
| T: well i never adopted infact it was at this time i joined the Hayuyiungan team, where i choked on the cock and had to be rushed to a hospital in Budapest. |
| R: were you alright? |
| T: well no, they had to cut off the chicken from inside me, then close me up and pull the head through my ear. It's a very lengthy, and painful operation, see cause on Tukkkyuan painkillers are a sin |
| R: thats horrible, moving on, so how did you immigrate to Pickering? |
| T: well, I was repairing one leaky fuel tanks on the Death Star, when i found Darth Sith's stash of intergalactic weed, well i figured if he can have powers, why can't I, so i rolled myself a fatty-boom-batty blunt, and lit a match BOOM!, blew my ass to Earth, and to those of you who thought it was Skywalker, you are sadly mistaken. I landed in Toronto and got here because a very caring man saw my tattered and torn body, and said i wasn't ruined by tv, drugs or rock and roll, the farmer took me to his truck and said he's take me to a place that was free from homeboys and thugs, so he took me to Pickering. R: So he was lying? T: yes, he just wanted me to become one of THEM R: thats great, so where do you see yourself in the future? T: hmm well Burger King for a bit, then i hope to become some person who writes about useless facts that don't really help anyone in life....Guiness Book of World Records. R: well that's all the time we have for today, do you have any last words for the readers? T: yes, LIVE LONG AND PROSPER *for more info on Trevor's life look for his Biography in Part One |