I''ll Take On Anyone In This Room

by Dan Bern

transcribed by Jared

E

I''ll take on anyone in this room

A E

who says that I don''t matter

E

I''ll take on anyone in this room

A E

Who says that you don''t matter

I''ll take on anyone in this room

Who''s trying to hurt me

I''ll take on anyone in this room

Who''s trying to hurt you

I''ll hang out with anybody in this room

Who wants to talk about Dead Man

I''ll hang out with anybody in this room

Who knows how to eat fire

I''ll hang out with anybody in this room

Who can quiz me on baseball

I''ll hang out with anybody in this room

Who reads books about chess

I''ll kiss anyone in this room

Who can guess my imaginary friends name

I''ll kiss anyone in this room

Who can touch me better than I can

I''ll kiss anyone in this room

Who can tell me my grandfather''s middle name

I am Dan son of Yahuda

There''s your first clue

I''ll buy anyone in this room a weekend for two in the Bahamas

If you can beat my ass in slow motion ice darts

I''ll buy anyone in this room a weekend for two in the Bahamas

If you demonstrate greater proficiency than me in backwards (abigast) spelling on roller blades

I''ll sink my teeth into your calf

If you can satisfy me just by touching my neck

I''ll make your gums bleed with my fingernails

If you can convince me that the world was made of blue mustard from another galaxy

I''ll give you an enema soaked in olive oil and pear juice

If you''ll read children books out loud and make tea five days in a row

I''ll wrestle you to the ground and pin you

If you say mongoose real fast three times in a row when I''m in earshot

I''ll paint your body with oil

If you want me to paint your body with oil

I''ll buy you a cat and help name it

And stick around until it gets strong

C E

I''ll...

C B

I''ll��

I''ll make you breakfast in bed and bring you coffee until you don''t want anymore

I''ll bring an empty canvas for you to paint on

A brand new pair of your favorite shoes and flowers all week

If you remind me I''m king of the world

I''ll lick the excess sand from your toes every night

If you can find me an island to live on and let me open up a massage practice

I''ll go down on you every Sunday afternoon at 3:15

If you can get me a tennis game with John McEnore, a chess game with Bobby Fischer

A cup of coffee with JD Salinger, a blow job from Monica Lewinksy, a game of catch with Willie Mays

Three days in the desert with Bob Dylan and Terrance McKenna

Or at least some good Vietnamese noodles

I gotta go now

Cuz I''ve gotta go now

I''ll��

I''ll��