Rated: NC-17
Disclaimer: All right, the only place this ever happened is in my over stimulated imagination. The only place I've ever met D.H. and D.J. is in my head and no Savage Garden members were harmed during the writing of this story. I have dreamt about having the ability to make money out of writing-but it sure as hell ain't happening here.
If you can't handle m/m encounters you probably shouldn't read this.

Dedications: To the people who *attempted* to teach me the ancient mysteries of commas and capital letters.

A Time For No Words
by Jools

PART 5

Ipswich
^^^^^^^

The room buzzed noisily, the atmosphere charged with anticipation, normal before a show. Leonie, seated beside Daniel, spoke loudly in his ear in her efforts to be heard above the din. Ben and Karl stood a few feet to the right of Darren, heads close, each with a beer in hand as they chatted, the occasional peal of laughter escaping both men as they shared a joke. Nicole sat on a hardback chair near to the door a glass of honey and lemon in her hand as she warmed her voice. Others were talking, chatting on cell phones, and selecting food from the buffet.

Darren stood alone, leaning against the wall, at the far end of the buffet table. His left leg jutted out, the sole of his foot also rested against the plaster, in line with his right knee. The position of Darren's leg encouraged the long black coat he wore to fall away just below the last button. The fabric bunched at his sides, exposing the shape of his thighs. He pushed some salad around on a plate with his fork, head low as he stared blankly at the vegetation on the china he held.

His stomach churned. This was not unusual before a show but tonight it had more reason to somersault.

Daniel was in love with him. Darren was almost certain of that. How long he had wished for Daniel to reciprocate his feelings, he wasn't quite as sure.

He had noticed the subtle change in their relationship, the colour Daniel went when Darren caught him staring, the way the late night conversations always seemed to get around to sex. It hadn't been until late that afternoon that he had started to truly believe their relationship was moving to a new level.

They were both laughing. Darren's impersonation of Leonie had been a particularly vicious, character assassination, but it had not been malicious. It was all in good fun.

"I love you," Daniel had almost blurted out. Darren had stopped laughing abruptly, not really sure he had just heard those words. He probed Daniel's green eyes with his own, searching for some confirmation. Daniel also stopped laughing and the colour rose fast in his cheeks, until he blushed almost purple. "You're like my brother Daz."

The backtrack had come too late for Darren. The desire in him had been ignited. He had wanted Daniel for so long.

Daniel sat now on the opposite side of the room. On the surface he appeared relaxed, as always, sunk back in the large white sofa. His head rested against the wall, eyes closed lazily. Long slender legs stretched out in front of him, a beer can held in both hands resting just above his groin.

He tried to hear what Leonie was saying, but his mind was with Darren. He opened his eyes, lifting his head from the wall and glanced over to Darren. Almost the moment Daniel's eyes found Darren, the singer raised his head from his plate and met Daniel's stare.

Leonie could have been shouting in Daniel's ear at that moment and the musician wouldn't have heard. He was lost in the blue eyes of the one he loved.
Daniel knew at that very moment that Darren had his heart. He had known for some time that Darren's heart was his. Daniel resolutely held off the urge to run across the room and plant a passionate kiss on the other man.

Darren saw the realization in the other man's eyes so clearly. He saw the love, the hunger.

"Love you," he mouthed with a boldness given by this acceptance, Daniel was not quite as bold, but he nodded back. //I love you too.// The gesture said.

"Right come on everyone," someone was shouting, "15 minutes 'till we're on stage. Darren, have you warmed up that voice of yours?"

The moment was broken as both men remembered where they were, what they were supposed to be doing. "I'm going now," Darren groaned, for once not sure if he wanted to be the performer. He wanted to explore Daniel's feelings further. He knew there was time for that. There would be time for that in two hours, when the show was over. They would have the rest of their lives, if things went well.

Still Darren hadn't been able to get Daniel out of his head as he warmed up his voice in his private dressing room. Those fifteen minutes apart had seemed like fifteen years and for the first time he found himself leaving the room before the first curtain call, hungry to see Daniel again.

He walked up behind his blond love, who stood quietly in the wings, always the first one out.

"Can I come to your room tonight?" Darren almost whispered, again surprised at such forwardness.

Daniel turned to face him. They were both acutely aware of the other mans closeness. Darren pushed himself slightly forward so the erection that had raged practically all afternoon pressed against Daniel's thigh. Daniel gave a little groan; knowing Darren's words meant only one thing and wanting precisely the same.

Once again it would have been so easy for the two of them to kiss, only a slight lowering of the head from Daniel or an upward stretch from Darren and their lips would meet. Both knew perhaps now was not the time. The band were all making their way back to the side of the stage and, three minutes before a show, was not the best time for surprises.

"Well," barely a breath from Darren as he pushed himself harder against Daniel, careful not to let anyone else see or hear.

"You better," Daniel whispered back, surprising himself now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The show was fantastic. Never had they created such a sexually charged atmosphere, so natural and unforced. Daniel's eyes almost never left the singer as he made his way about the stage. Every caress of a microphone, every much craved crotch grab Darren would meet his eyes in mute challenge. Every time Darren stared at those long slender fingers as Daniel expertly worked the fret board, Darren wondered if they would play as sweetly across his skin.

"We're gonna make love all night long," Darren almost shouted in Daniel's ear on one of the closer moments.

"I might not wanna make love. I might wanna screw you senseless." Daniel this time.

"Who said you were gonna screw me," Darren teased, "I might wanna do you."

"Anyway you want it," Daniel laughed back.

"Some of our more *interesting* fans are gonna be writing stories about this night for weeks you know."

"Let's make our own stories tonight."

On and on this went all through the concert. By the time the Truly Madly Deeply piano solo started, both men were fired by a hunger so intense they weren't even sure they would make it back to the hotel. Perhaps it would have to be Darren's dressing room.

Darren sat close to Daniel on the piano stool, discreetly massaging his partner's right thigh as he sang. Their eyes seem to stay locked on each other for almost the whole song, Darren only occasionally looking out into the audience, as his professional head slipped back on for a few seconds, before he was once again drawn back intoxicatingly to Daniel.

"I love you." Daniel confessed, as Darren held the final note. This time there was no retraction. No added "like a brother." This time it was real.

At that moment Darren knew he had to taste the man beside him. He leant in and gently brushed his lips across Daniel's before placing his hand around the back of the blond head and pulling Daniel into a deep kiss, his tongue forcing it's way into the other's mouth.

Daniel stiffened. As did the audience. A shocked hush fell over the auditorium as Daniel forced his head away from Darren. Time seemed to stand still for Daniel, as all sound and movement appeared to have stopped. Then he heard them. Unpleasant catcalls, assaulted his ears from some of the more ignorant members of the audience.

"Fucking fags." "Oh yeah baby, give your bitch a wet one for me."

There were others admonishing the hecklers yelling, "Shut the fuck up," but Daniel only heard the jeers.

Darren too was realizing what he had just done. He saw the pain and humiliation in the others face. "I-I'm sorry," he stammered, guilt washing through him. He hadn't meant to hurt Daniel, to debase him, he had just been overtaken with the knowledge that his feelings were returned and that he was finally going to get what he'd craved for so long. He tried to reach a hand out and place it on Daniel's in an apologetic manner but Daniel brushed it away as if it burned.

"Don't ever fucking touch me again, " he hissed.

"Daniel," Darren pleaded softly, his heart breaking at the hatred in the other's eyes.

"He wants a blow job, Daniel" a particularly vicious comment floated into Daniel's ears. The loud chorus of "Shhh" went unheard. Daniel couldn't be there a moment longer. He stood, backing away from the piano, almost falling over as he turned and tried to run before he had cleared the stool.

He heard the laughter from the crowd, not many, perhaps twenty voices but to Daniel it felt like twenty thousand. Darren reached out his hand in an attempt to steady him, but Daniel jerked back, contorting sideways to escape the touch.

"Are you trying to make this worse?" he screamed, loud enough for the first few rows of murmuring people to hear. Darren dropped his hand. Daniel pushed the stool away and ran from the stage.

People who knew him met him behind the curtain. He saw Leonie who stood with her hand over her mouth, eyes wide open in surprise. Lee looked down at the floor, unable to make eye contact. All around him people shuffled nervously, not knowing what to do or say. It was Ben who finally reached out and grabbed his arm.

"You O.K. Danny," he asked softly, his voice laced with concern.

"Daniel," Darren's voice loudly behind him now.

"Oh God," Daniel screamed, wrenching himself from Ben's grasp. "Can't you just leave me alone? Haven't you humiliated me enough."

He turned and ran like a madman towards the dressing room.

"Daniel wait," Darren felt a strong pair of hands grip hold of his forearms. It was Ben who strained now, preventing him following Daniel.

"I think you should give him some space," Ben coaxed. "He seems really upset."

Darren struggled to free himself, but Ben held firm. "Don't you understand?" Darren asked, accepting that physical struggle was pointless. "I love him man."

Darren felt the hands on his arms release their grip. He heard the gasp that Anna couldn't stop herself from making. Darren faced the band, backing away towards the dressing rooms. "Yeah you all heard me. I'm in love with Daniel." He span and ran in the direction that Daniel had followed only seconds before.

He turned the handle to Daniel's door. Locked.
"Daniel we need to talk." His voice was soft, cajoling.

"You'd better fuck off Darren," harsh words floated through the thin wall separating them. "We've got nothing to say to each other."

Before he really knew what he was doing, Darren raised his foot and kicked the door hard, just to the side of the lock. Thankfully, the doorframe was weak and it gave first time, the door bursting open and slamming against the wall.

Darren's jaw dropped at the sight he was presented with. Daniel stood only a few feet away from him, his jeans undone as he gloved his erection. Quickly Darren entered the room and pushed the door closed behind him as Daniel stuffed himself back into his trousers and zipped it away.

"Oh fucking great," Daniel almost laughed, but there was no humour it, merely bitterness. "As if I haven't been humiliated enough tonight."

Darren dragged the heavy sofa in front of the door.
The lock busted, it would be easy for some concerned band member to walk in on them. It wasn't until he felt the door was secure that he turned back to Daniel.

"What are you doing Daniel?" He asked, surprised and perhaps secretly encouraged by what he had witnessed.

"What the fuck do you think I was doing?" Daniel sneered. "I'm trying to relieve the fucking painful erection that I've had for the past five hours. It has no other place to go."

"I could help you with that," Darren offered, a blush rising in *his* cheeks now.

"No fucking way," Daniel spat back. "I don't want you anywhere near me. You've already fucked my mind tonight, that's as close as you'll ever get."

"Daniel, I'm so sorry," Darren confessed once more.
"I don't know what came over me. I just wanted to..."

"You just wanted to destroy me," Daniel interrupted. "You just wanted to mark me as your fucking bitch in front of ten thousand people." Darren flopped down onto the sofa, staring down at the floor shaking his head in denial. "Well you got it wrong Darren. I'm no fag. It was you all along; pushing me into thinking I had some kind of feelings for you. I don't Darren, you are a guy and guys just don't do it for me."

"Can't you even try to understand why I did it?" Darren looked up now through tear filled eyes. "I never meant to make you feel like that. I just love you so much."

"Well I hate you," Daniel replied coldly, glad to see the tears in the other man's eyes.

Darren buried his face in his hands and began to really weep now. Daniel smiled over at the sobbing form in front of him. //Yeah you cry you fucker. You haven't tears enough for what you did to me.//

But the tears were not enough. Darren had humiliated Daniel. Daniel wanted Darren to feel some of what he had felt. He made his way silently across the room until he stood before the dark haired man. Darren looked up mutely, through wet, red eyes. Daniel slowly pulled his fly down and pulled out his still roaring erection.

"This is what you want isn't it fag," he spat accusingly. "Go on then, suck me off."

Darren turned his face and closed his eyes, a tear squeezing out either side as he did so. "Don't Daniel," he whispered, "that's ugly." He gasped, partly in pain, partly in shock as Daniel grabbed hold of his hair and forced his face around.

"Come on," He coaxed angrily, pushing his manhood against Darren's face, the pain Daniel felt turning him into something he didn't like, but couldn't control. Darren kept his mouth firmly shut; frightened to say anything and give Daniel the opening he sought. He looked up into the angry eyes of the man he loved. He saw the rage in his face, but he saw the pain too. The pain he had caused.

"Do it Darren," Daniel spat once more. Darren wasn't sure why he did it. Perhaps he felt it would somehow erase the past half an hour. Perhaps Daniel would realize that he hadn't meant to hurt him and love him once more. Cautiously he ran his tongue over the head of Daniel's cock, tasting the precum that was spilling out of it.

Daniel wasn't going to let this be nice. He forced his way between Darren's lips, pushing himself so deep into Darren's mouth that the singer gagged. Darren stared up, mutely beseeching his lover to go slow, to be gentle.

"Don't fucking look at me," Daniel shouted, using the grip he had in the singers hair to force his eyes down. "I don't want you to ever look at me again. Darren closed his eyes and tried to fight off further tears as Daniel began violently thrusting inside his mouth. How had they gone from bursting to touch each other to this cold, shameful act in such a short time? Darren already knew the answer.

Fortunately, Daniel was so far gone it only lasted a few seconds as the first stream of his orgasm hit the back of Darren's throat. Darren wasn't sure what to do with it, so he swallowed it. Daniel withdrew himself fully from Darren's mouth, the next jet hitting the singer in the face. Daniel stared down at Darren, who tried to pull away, only for Daniel to tighten his grip. A cold sense of satisfaction filled the taller man, glad almost, that he had been able to extract this small revenge.

"Now get out," Anger still laced his words as he turned from Darren and sat in front of the dressing table mirror. He looked at his reflection but didn't like what he saw there, fixing his eyes instead on a poster reflected in the glass. "I never want to see you again."

Darren reached out for a towel and wiped the mess from his face. As he pulled the sofa from the door, he could feel his own anger rising. "Yeah, well maybe the feelings entirely mutual," he spat back, both men almost destroyed now by the one they loved.

"Well we shouldn't have any more problems then should we," Cold words, not looking towards Darren.

"No I guess not." With that Darren was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been horrible for everyone for months after that night. Darren and Daniel barely spoke and even then it was usually to shout at each other. Daniel became less and less involved with the whole pop star lifestyle, turning up only for rehearsals and performances. Darren carried all the publicity stuff on his own, yet his temper was short with everyone and would throw a tantrum at the drop of a hat.

It was perhaps four months before the two could be at least cordial to each other. Another couple before they began to relax in each other's company. A year passed before they seemed to bury that night and once again develop closeness. Nobody ever spoke about that night. Not the band members amongst themselves and certainly not Daniel and Darren to each other. They had both realised the only way to get past that night was to bury it. So they had.

It had been around this time that Daniel had first appeared in Darren's room one night. He had buried Ipswich so deep he was no longer aware it happened. All he knew was he wanted Darren, but it was dangerous to want him and so the game began.

Present
^^^^^^^

"I'm sorry about Ipswich," Darren had said softly.
Those four words, not spoken since that night were all that was needed to send the full memory spilling into Daniel's mind. For the first time Daniel was aware that the "other lover", was in fact a younger, fuller faced, long haired Darren.

How angry Daniel had been. He wasn't angry now.
Time had eased the humiliation he had felt on that night and he knew that kiss had been an act of Darren's all consuming love for him. It had been foolish, inappropriate even, but not intentional. Not meant to hurt Daniel so deeply.

A new feeling washed through Daniel now. A sense of shame. How could he have treated Darren so harshly? Why was he sitting before him now? Why didn't Darren hate him? Daniel wiped his face on his sleeve, the cotton stinging his red, swollen eyes. He looked up to meet the other's gaze.

As Darren gasped, surprised how distraught Daniel looked, Daniel knew the answer.

Darren loved him.

"No-No I'm sorry," Daniel confessed. "What happened after the concert," He felt the colour in his face. "I shouldn't have done that."

"You were hurt," Darren admitted, his heart secretly racing at the apology.

"You should hate me."

"Perhaps," Darren agreed, "but perhaps you should hate me too."

"I don't," Daniel countered. He wanted to say he loved Darren, but wasn't really sure it was the right moment.

"Do you think I don't know that?" Darren's hand reached out and gently brushed a tear from Daniel's eye with his thumb. His heart sang as Daniel hooked his own hand around Darren's wrist, holding it to his face, not wanting to break contact. "Do you think I'd be bothering with you if I thought you hated me?"
"I don't know," Daniel reached out his own hand now and let his fingers become entangled in Darren's hair. "Perhaps you love me too much. I was really mean to you."

"You were really hurt. You were really confused. I did that to you."

"But you hadn't meant to. I knew what I was doing and I did it anyway."

"It's gone Daniel," Darren soothed, "It happened a long time ago. I've been over it a long time. It's time for you to get over it too."

Gently caressing Daniel's face he moved forward.
They were so close now. Daniel didn't pull away, but still Darren held back. He wanted to kiss Daniel so much but did Daniel want to be kissed?

Daniel soon tired of waiting. He reached out once more and grabbed a fist full of Darren's shirt, softly pulling him towards his lips. Their lips brushed once, twice before gently locking together. Darren gasped into Daniel's mouth as he felt the musician's tongue gently probe inside. He felt Daniel's hand gently explore his body as they kissed. There was no urgency in either the kiss or the touch. Softly their tongues danced. Delicate strokes across Darren's hip. Darren let his hand fall on Daniel's chest, but kept it still at first, frightened Daniel would pull away. He didn't. Daniel moaned a little as Darren began tracing the muscles of his chest and stomach with just the tips of his fingers.

//This is how it should have been all along. //

Finally after many minutes of tenderness, it was Darren that pulled away; a little worried about the growing erection in his trousers. He didn't want to push things.

"I think we should get you downstairs where you can have a nice soak in a hot bath and perhaps a little sleep."

"Will you stay with me?" Daniel asked simply, his voice so quiet Darren had to strain to hear it.

"Of course," Darren smiled back, "you might never be able to get rid of me." Daniel was aware of the question even though Darren hadn't asked it.

"I don't want to get rid of you Darren," Daniel confessed, his face serious but his eyes full of love. "I want it to be like this for ever."

"But it wont always be like this Daniel," Darren reminded his love sadly, "There will still be bad times."
"Good or bad, I want to be with you Darren," more confessions. "We've wasted enough time. It's time for us to be together now my love."

//My love. He called me my love. He was looking right into my eyes.//

"I love you," Darren pushed further, wanting to hear the words.

"I wonder if it's as much as I love you?" Daniel asked back.

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