SEPTEMBER 2003
September 2003
September 19, 2003:
I'm chillin' w/Brian [yeah, the same Brian from last year @ just about this exact time]. He's playing football, and I'm trying to occupy myself w/his computer. *LOL* Like we have any right or reason to be bored w/Brian's home theatre/entertainment system. I mean, we have movies out the ass @ our fingertips and surround sound speakers, so we should be good. But w/the University being closed today and the lack of classes, all we all did was slept all day, and we're tired now from too much sleep. Chris is dating Brian Walsh now. I'm so happy for him!!! My soulmate has a boyfriend!!!!!!! WOO-HOO!! I'm just glad that Chris is happy. He was pretty down for a while because he didn't have anyone to call his own. I think I've decided @ this point that I don't necessarily need [nor do I have time or patience to nourish a relationship w/] a boyfriend. I just need some TLC and a "snuggle buddy," as Chris coined the phrase. Just someone I can cuddle w/. Just someone to give me hugs when I need them. That's nice. I have my awesome friends around me who do that stuff, so I'm happy. I'm perfectly fine having those "snuggle buddies." I was planning to do homework today because I didn't have class and had the opportunity to do the homework all day that I procrastinate doing all weekend. But I didn't get anything done today. As you could've guessed [easily] that I wouldn't. A lot of ppl went home this weekend. Chris went w/Jason, Megan, and Lindsay to Lafayette to visit Jason and Megan's friends. Lindsay only went because she wanted to tag along for the ride when Jason [who Lindsay and Megan have a thing for] told her that there was an extra seat. Chris had asked me to go, but I refused because Megan went. Plus, I worked tonight. But Chris went w/them, Phil's @ K-town HS's football game on standby. Everyone's just gone. So me and Brian are going to watch Happy Gilmore now. L8rs!
September 22, 2003:
Chris is single again, LOL! Yeah, too much going on, too busy, I guess, so they decided not to get too far into it before realizing it might not work out. And they're still friends, and they still have APO together.....so it's all good for them, and I'm glad. As for me..I'm pretty damn lonely right now. It's one of those times when I need someone to cuddle w/, a "snuggle buddy." Yesterday Phil and I went to the Lehigh Valley Mall because Phil asked me if I'd give him my opinion on pants because he wanted to buy pants. So I thought, Why not? Could be mad fun, and I'm going to the Mall in the EMT mobile. That's wicked fun! So we hit the Mall, some electronics place w/computers, cell phones, regular phones, etc., GAP [where I got the cutest sweater-it's a brown "V"-neck w/3/4 length sleeves-and Phil even picked the color!], CVS for some little stuff, and I thought we hit maybe one more place....I don't know. The Mall closed around 7pm, so we grabbed dinner @ Friendly's right there. It was really nice to eat real food @ a real restaurant where Phil and I could just sit for a while, relax, chill, and chat about everything. I learned a lot about Phil that I didn't know before, so it's all good. It was a nice time, and I totally enjoyed myself. And Phil's so sweet. He insisted on picking up the check! I went for my wallet, but he was like, "Just get the tip" and took the bill. So sweet of him! Phil's totally my hero all the time. It's so great! Plus, we took a shortcut on the way home, and there wasn't anyone around on the back road, so Phil put on the blue light for me!!!! So awesome! :-D It's freakin' great...for serious. So I had a great time, and yesterday was National Kiss Day, anyway, so I even got two kisses. :-D Just cute cheek kisses. But kisses nonetheless. So I was extremely happy. It was sweet. I think I might like Phil. He's a really sweet, nice guy, and he's just awesome to be around and talk to. I didn't know Phil very well @ all last year, but I've gotten to be close friends w/him this year. We went through training together and got to chill a lot, and we hang all the time now. He smokes, which you know I abhor.......everyone smokes. But I'm not going to stop being friends w/ppl just because they're smokers. I hate it, and I'd never smoke...ever......but if I can't stop them from smoking, then what else can I do? I mean, I'm not going to hate a person; I hate the addiction. It freakin' kills. But I digress. I think I'll be okay tonight. Just an off day. The thinking I'll never have a date or get a kiss again in my life. The fact that I'll be 20 years old in 14 days. We'll see....time for Spanish studying, I guess, and some oh-so-precious sleep in my lonely bed w/my comfy body pillow. Gotta love that thing. :-D Good night! Sleep sweet!
September 24, 2003:
Just home from dinner @ the Dining Hall. There was this hot chick walking the other way, and of course, Brian and Scott obviously noticed. But Brian @ least heard the conversation she was having w/her group of friends and realized just how stupid what they were saying actually was. So that's pretty impressive. And I made the observation that a person [a female in this case] cannot be both hot and intelligent; an amount of one must be sacrificed to enhance the other. Therefore, hot chicks cannot be intelligent, and intelligent chicks have a tendency to not be hot. And Brian counters w/his observation that the two [attractiveness and intelligence] can, in fact, coexist. He cites me as an example, saying that I'm both hot and intelligent..........that's so incredibly flattering!!! I mean, I was saying that there must be some equillibrium, so I guess Brian took that as me saying that I had found it. But that's not what I meant, although I'm still flattered by what he said. I'm feeling a bit better for the moment. I told Chris today that I like Phil. Actually, he guessed because he knows me too well. *LOL* But I'm going to go now and clean the room because my shit's everywhere, and it looks nasty in here.......l8rs, Y'all!
September 25, 2003:
Drama. Yes, drama. Phil asked me to be his girlfriend last night, so I said, "Yes." I'm wondering if I rushed into it too fast. I probably did, but I always overanalyze and think about everything, so it might be good for me for once if I just let it happen and go w/it and see where it takes me. But the dilemma is this: I still have "crushes," if that's the right word, on Brian [only since I met him last year, right?] and Jason! I didn't say anything to any of them because w/Brian I'm afraid of ruining our friendship because what I'm calling a "crush" is no longer a "crush" in the sense that I had "crushes" back in jr. high and HS. I love our relationship and the close friendship we have now because we can just sit around and talk forever about anything and actually have an intelligent conversation. Or we can hang out, watch movies, and do nothing, and we're happy w/that, too. Brian's my best friend from KU! And I don't want to ruin it. W/Jason I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure about his feelings [or lack thereof] for me. I'd heard that his friend, Megan, from back home, I assumed, had a thing for him, and they've known each other forever, so I didn't want to get in the way if he had a thing for her, too, and the two of them might've been able to work things out and maybe even get together, and I didn't want to ruin that chance for the two of them. Also, another girl from Lehigh, Lindsay, told me personally that she had a thing for him, and I didn't want to compete if it was going to hurt someone's feelings or make someone else jealous because I know how I get when I'm jealous. It sucks. And I have nothing against Megan or Lindsay and didn't want to complicate anything for them if they both had a thing for Jason. So I didn't say anything. Now w/Phil I didn't say anything for the same reasons: so that I wouldn't ruin our friendship because I just got to really know him this school year since training, and because I didn't know how he felt about me. Plus, I couldn't decide what I wanted to do, so I simply decided to not do anything and just let it figure itself out. I guess it did. Just a matter of what happened first, and it was Phil, so there you have it. But I told Jason about my "crush" on him, and I tried to explain why I hadn't said anything before now. So I'm hoping he'll understand what I babbled in a random IM to him earlier. And he's read this before, so I'm also hoping he'll read it again. It's all a matter of timing. Which is why I believe in Fate.
September 28, 2003:
I went out w/Phil for dinner tonight. We went to Chef Alan's American Bistro. It's a really nice place w/good food. I'd never heard of it before, but I'm glad we picked that place. We had plans to go out and eat, but we didn't plan where or when. And we just left when Phil got home from work and picked a direction, and we drove until we found a place we liked where we wanted to eat. It was so cool to just be spontaneous and play it by ear and go w/the flow. Good food, great conversation, and awesome company makes for a night. Then we came back home and checked out "10-8," this new show on ABC. It was funny, very cool. So I think Phil has a new show to watch now. And I'm really into ER. Brian bought the first season, and I never saw it before, but I've been watching it, and it's really good. I like it. :-D I'm going to watch another movie. I'm just finishing up Identity, and I think I'll watch The Breakfast Club before I hit the sack for tonight. Back to the grind tomorrow. Good night!
September 29, 2003:
Just hangin' out in the room by myself. It's nice and quiet except for the sound of my typing, and it's not cold in here like it was this morning. Damn, we could be in for a bitter cold winter coming in fast. But I digress. Some people just can't stand to see other ppl happy, you know? I mean, I'm not even w/Phil a week yet, and already someone's trying to fuck it all up. Last night Phil and I went out for dinner then came back home and just chilled and watched some TV. He was going to finish up some laundry and get to bed, and it was only around 10pm, so I came upstairs to my room and watched movies. Well, Abby came home around 12:30am or so, and I saw the note when she opened the door. "Kirby-It's over. I never want to see you again. -Me" Well, Phil had gone to bed hours before, and there's no reason it would be his note, so I assume it's Aron [or maybe Scott or Brian, but I doubted either of them because they're not assholes who'd fuck w/me like that]. So I head downstairs. I ask Aron if he wrote on my board or knew who did. And he, after asking me what it said [like he didn't know or something], told me to just erase it and ignore it then. Because I told him that I knew it couldn't be Phil. It's such bullshit that I can't just be left alone to be happy w/something good coming into my life. Someone's always gotta fuck it up and trying to rip it down and tear it apart. I don't know why some people just can't leave well enough alone and go about their lives. Butt the fuck out!
September 30, 2003:
It's been one Hell of a day today. Yes, two of my three classes got cancelled. Yes, everything's just fine w/Phil. No need to worry about that already, I'd hope. I think he's working today, and I haven't seen him yet, but I'll catch up w/him later. He even switched a shift w/me so that I can be a wing rep. and do my job @ Hall Council on Tuesdays @ 9:30pm. He took my 9-10pm shift, and I took one of his, 6-7am on Mondays, and he can get a bit more sleep now, I hope. But I had Spanish today. That's the only class I had. And I got back the first exam on the chapter we're working on. The first part of the chapter, actually. And I got a 62%. Totally bombed this exam!! So I'm freakin' out right now, and I don't know if I should drop the class. Because I'd been planning to @ the beginning of the semester because I didn't believe I could do it. Like I've been saying, though, someone, me, who can't roll her "R"s shouldn't be taking a Spanish class, especially Spanish III in college. This is a mistake, I think. And I'm still thinking about dropping the class. I thought I had decided to stay w/it, but I'm not sure now, and this exam grade makes me second guess and think about it, and I don't know what to do. I went to find Chris just to talk about it, and he's @ class, so he's not around right now. Brian's door was open, so I stopped by that end of the hallway and talked to Brian and told him about my exam grade and Spanish being a mistake and how I should've dropped it to begin w/@ the beginning of the semester. But he's watching baseball on TV and has to go to his bio. lab @ 2pm, and he's not really interested. I mean, I don't really expect him to be into my problem, you know? But maybe I'd like some feedback. Like, what would he do in my situation? I mean, I can drop this class whenever, so I'll probably stay w/it for another few weeks, take the next exam, see if I do any better, and I hope I can bring my grade in the class up a bit. Because I don't want Spanish to be a drain on my QPA, which it is right now. But the teachers may go on strike, anyway, and this whole semester could end up being null and void when it's all over, so I don't know what do really do about this class right now. I could probably look for a tutor or something, Chris said he'd help me out if I needed a hand, and I'm planning to take it w/me to Phila. this weekend when I visit James, and maybe he'll be able to give me a hand and help me out, too. So I'll stick w/Spanish for a little while yet, but I might just end up dropping this class @ the end of the semester, and I know Dad won't exactly be happy about that either. It's absolutely ridiculous. I mean, Brian told me to do what I gotta do, but he's also like, "Here's an idea: who gives a shit?" Not Brian. But it's also, once again, my problem, my class, my 62% on the first exam, etc. It's not his deal or something he should have to worry about, and he's worrying about his own grades right now. Not that he has to because I think he's doing well enough w/the "B"s he's getting in bio., etc., but he'd much rather have "A"s, of course, and I understand that, so it's not his concern, and I understand where he's coming from when he makes comments like that, even though it doesn't help me out @ all nor does it make me feel any better about anything. Matt Burns passed me going to class and gave me a big hug, and I told him all about it, and he said, "Feel better." I told him that I'd try, but I'm not really feeling great @ the moment. So I guess I just have to let it go. There's nothing I can do about it right now, and I shouldn't complain if I'm not going to fix it or try to do anything about it. So I ordered food from downtown, and it should be here soon, so I'm going to go do a little work, wait for my food, and go to this thing @ Old Main when 3pm rolls around for Diversity Fest III about why men and women can't communicate. I beg to differ, but maybe today's not the best day for me to cite as an example. So I'll catch y'all on the flip side l8r. Peace out, Space Cowboys.
