MARCH 2002
March 2002
March 4, 2002:
I went bowling with Darrin and Dave tonight. Two of my scores were 73 and 64-haha! No matter, though, because I always have a blast with those guys, anyway. Doug called me tonight, too. Unfortunately, I wasn't home when he called, but he left me a message. I felt good to come home to a message.:) Hopefully, he'll call again, and I'll be home when he calls. We've been e-mailing each other since I met him almost a week and a half ago, and I look forward to jumping online and checking my inboxes. I got a letter from Johnathan on Saturday. He told me how much I mean to him as his closest friend. He said that our relationship runs deeper than friendship and that we have "a connection of the truest kind." I don't know if he realizes what reading those words means to me, but everything that he wrote to me in his letter is everything that I wanted to know. I know that he doesn't know that I cried. Crying felt amazing, though. I haven't cried, really cried, in a long time. Anyway, I'm planning to write back to him, but the time hasn't been there so far this week. I want to send him a hand-written letter because I know that it means more than an e-mail. AIM isn't the same either. I want to write a reply because it's important to me. Our written letters are still my favorite part about communicating with Johnathan. An e-mail is good, and AIM is better, especially direct connection, but a hand-written letter is best.:) It takes time and effort and thought. Plus, coming home to a hand-written letter, especially from Johnathan, on a lousy, should've-stayed-in-bed day reverses everything. Letters may be a slower form of communication, but I love hand-written letters! Work has been difficult lately. "The inspector" is coming, so everyone must be on his best behavior, and the entire restaurant must be spotless, friendly, and inviting constantly. Also, I'm forced to wear a promotional t-shirt and apron. The t-shirt is white except for a hugeass smiley face on its back, and the text "@ BK You Got It!" Sure. Right. Do you expect me to smile, too-haha! Thank God the promotion lasts only until the end of March. Barto dropped in tonight when I worked. I hate that man. He's arrogant and cocky, and he's the cheapest person I've ever met! A very disagreeable old man! Anyway, I don't work on Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday this week! I'm surprised that I don't work on Saturday, though. It's back to the same old routine for me tomorrow, though. School, followed by work, and bed shortly after work. Isn't stability wonderful? I know exactly what I'm doing every day. Of course, I need excitement sometimes. For excitement, I bowl with Darrin.:) Everyone thinks that I like him, but no one except for Johnathan knows the entire story. He's my confidante! I have a blast hanging out with Darrin, though. He's a damn good bowler, too. Kicked my ass tonight-lol! Tonight makes his winning streak six for six games. I'm workin' on it.:) Anyway, check me out tomorrow because I'm sure something interesting will happen at work that's worth writing about. Sign my guestbook, too-haha! Anyway, sweet dreams. Make tomorrow what you want it to be because only you can decide whether it's a good day or a bad day.
March 10, 2002:
I feel so lonely today. Corny, I know, but I need a hug or something, you know? Doug called me yesterday, though, and hearing his voice was nice. He wants me to visit him this summer. He says that a ton of kickass tours hit Virginia Beach in the summer. Sounds like a blast, huh? I told him that I'd love to. Actually, I was planning on spending a lot of time in Virginia this summer, anyway. It's better to have someone to spend that time with, though.:) Besides, Doug's a nice guy. It seems to me that he's honestly interested in getting to know me. I work today 4-7:30pm, too. I hope that the best people work, too. Zach and Renee might be getting together! I'll have to stay tuned to that episode, and I'll let you know what happens, too. Life is crazy, you know? It's just so hard to be alone when you feel like you're the only one. I just wish that I could be okay for a day, you know? I wake up in the morning, I go through the motions and do everything that I'm told to do, and I fall asleep at night, but I'm not really doing anything. Granted, I like stability because it's predictable, but I need excitement in my life. Instead of working today, I'd rather stay home and sleep. Sleeping instead of working is boring! Working is boring, too, but at least working is something. I don't know. I feel so down. Why? I keep thinking that maybe Doug isn't what I'm looking for, you know? Why not? He's sweet and funny. He seems to care about me because he calls and e-mails me. We don't know each other, though. Not yet, anyway. Plus, he smokes, which isn't appealing to me at all. I think that it's disgusting, actually. I guess there isn't a huge age difference, but he recently turned 22, and I'm 18. Almost four years. Besides, he lives in Virginia, and I know that my family lives there, too, but I don't visit my family a lot. I'd hardly see him. He's leaving Virginia in three years, anyway, because of the Navy. I mean, what do I want, anyway? I don't think that I'm ready for a relationship with Doug. I'd be insane! Right? I don't know. It's not like I have my entire life planned and written on a piece of magical paper that can't be shredded. I think that I'll worry about my graduation project and college first. Not that I want to go to college any more. After hearing so many horror stories from teachers and everyone before graduation, I don't think that I'll be able to make it through college. I guess we'll find out, huh?
March 12, 2002:
Well, work was fun tonight. The computer system shut down about five times in the nearly five hours that I worked. Taking orders by hand isn't exactly efficient, you know? Plus, adding estimated numbers kinda ruins a "perfect drawer." Well, no matter. I'm home now, and I'm almost ready to go to bed. Tomorrow's Spanish club field trip should be a blast. I'm not a member of the Spanish club, but I decided to go, anyway. Chris e-mailed me and said that he almost kissed me at work on Sunday. Interesting. He asked me if all of our flirting is leading to something between us. I don't know. I think that flirting with him, or anyone, is fun. I'm not doing anything wrong. I don't want to give him the wrong impression either. I e-mailed him back and told him that I'm not looking for a boyfriend/serious relationship, but I also said that I'd like to hang out sometime. Maybe I'll find out that he's actually an awesome guy. Who knows, right? Besides, why can't I talk to/flirt with/hang out with a guy and not love him? I can't understand why people make the assumption that I love someone because I talk to him a lot or hang out with him sometimes. I guess some people aren't mature enough to realize that friendship can exist between two people who are of the opposite sexes. Johnathan is my best friend and most trusted advisor, for example. Yes, we dated at one time, but breaking up didn't lead to seething internal feelings of hatred, and he's still my best friend and trusted advisor. Why can't I be flirty and have a little fun without being accused of loving every guy within a 50-foot radius? This concept doesn't compute. Anyway, I don't know what's going to happen with Chris, so I'll keep you posted on that situation. Remember that I'm not looking for a boyfriend, but I want to hang out and have fun, okay? Doug, in the same way, isn't going to be a boyfriend in my near future. He's a cool guy, and I think that he's funny and sweet. He called me a couple of times, and we have a few things to talk about. We e-mail each other just about every day at least once. If nothing else happens, I'll get to know him and make a new friend. Zach and Renee are an interesting couple. Renee visits Zach at work and hangs around for hours waiting for him. They talk on the phone every night for an hour or more. Renee writes Zach love notes. Somehow, though, Zach doesn't seem happy. Renee waited for him all night tonight at work, and he told me that he feels like he's being stalked. I think that Renee is a little too excited about "dating" Zach for a few days now, and she does like him a lot, but I can also sympathize with Zach because she's the way she is. I mean, her fiancee broke up with her twice and broke her heart. She's extremely fragile right now. She should try to relax, though, and she needs to learn to take it easy and play it cool instead of jumping into another serious relationship right after a break-up. I mean, take me for example. Johnathan broke up with me almost two months ago. I'm a lot more sane than I was, and I'm slowly moving on, but I'm not looking for someone to love me, and I'm not dating exclusively. I don't want to. Maybe she should let the pain pass before looking for someone else to love her, you know? She has to make her own decisions, though, and I refuse to be a player upon the stage of her heart. I won't act as the go-between for her and Zach, and I don't want to be caught in a trap in the middle of their differing interests. I'd much rather sit in the bleacher seats and watch the drama unfold. Besides, their relationship is none of my business. I'll do my thing and go my way and make myself happy. Good plan, right? By the way, my foot's asleep. Don't you hate that? For some reason, I just noticed that I can't feel from my ankle down, but that's okay because it's just that my foot's asleep. Anyway, I'm 18 years old, and I want to party! I hope that Chris e-mails me back and says that he wants to hang out sometime because I think that we'd have fun. We flirt all the time at work, anyway, so we should just go to the movies or something. Just to see each other outside work. Besides, he works weekends, so I don't see him a lot at work, you know? Like I said before, if nothing else happens, I'll get to know him and make a new friend. Feel free to e-mail me to let me know what you think about my twisted lack of a love life, and I'll take the time to read everything and respond! Sign my guestbook, too!
March 13, 2002:
Spanish rocks! I had a blast on the Spanish club field trip today! The dances, the songs, the bus-everything was fun. We spent a good amount of time making fun of Senor Hauck because he got so excited about the show-haha! We ate at Don Pablo's after the show, and the food was amazing. Don Pablo's makes awesome BBQ ribs! Plus, I missed an entire day of classes.:) Not too shabby, huh? Chris hasn't e-mailed me back yet. I don't know what he's about. He asks me if our flirting is leading to something between us, but a response from him to my reply takes forever and a day. How does this situation work? Well, it's his turn to make a move, so I'm playing the waiting game for now. I hate guys, anyway. They're indecisive and complicated, and their "logic" confounds me. Right now I'm perfectly happy alone. Anyway, I must away. Things to do, songs to download, sleep to catch up on. Catch you on the flip side!
March 24, 2002:
I just got home from work and e-mailed Doug. He's a cool guy.:) I think I could really start to like him. It's strange because we can be on the phone, not saying anything new or interesting, boring the Hell out of each other, but neither of us wants to say "good night." It's a beautiful thing really.:) We're both night owls, too, so I know that he'll be awake if I want to call him after closing-haha! I'd never call him so late, but I know that he's awake. I like to e-mail him just to let him know that I'm thinking about him. We talk about books a lot because we both love to read. He really likes this one author, but I forgot the name. Damn. In work news, I closed with Chris tonight. He's fun to work with because we flirt all the time. We almost hung out the other night, but he called me after work and told me that he had a headache and just wanted to stay home. Fine by me. Zach and Renee aren't really together because she told me that he plays mind games. I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but she doesn't seem to be interested in him anymore. She had a date with Bill Hausman tonight, actually. Johnathan and I haven't talked for a long time. The past three weekends have been rough without him. One weekend I was visiting VA, last weekend the system in Kingsbay was down on Saturday, and this weekend I stayed at Mom's and worked all night tonight. I'm beginning to think that we'll never speak again! I was going to write a nice long reply to the last letter he sent to me, but I think that the moment to be sentimental and emotional has passed by now. Maybe I'll write him a letter just to let him know what's going on around here. I haven't written a new poem for a long time, too. I wanted to surprise him by writing a reply to the poem that he wrote that brought me closure over everything we've been through ("I used to know exactly what I wanted..."), but my reply has to be perfect. The words have to have meaning and purpose because replying isn't worth the paper unless it has meaning, you know? I just don't know what to say. Maybe I should sleep on it. I finally presented my graduation project on Friday morning. I was so nervous! I'm glad it's finally over, though. I can't wait to graduate! I'll be visiting Kutztown on April 5, too, and I'm really excited about the trip. I'll let you know how it goes when I get home. I guess I should get some shut-eye tonight, though. I know that Dad's going to have me up early cleaning tomorrow because it's Sunday. Plus, his girlfriend always comes over on Sunday morning. At least he'll be going somewhere, though.:) Maybe I'll call Doug tomorrow.
March 30, 2002:
Well, I can't remember the last day I spoke to Johnathan. I'm hoping I'll get a chance to talk to him this weekend. I went to Mom's on Thursday to spend this long Easter weekend with her. She's painting and carpeting my brother's room and needs my help, anyway. The only reason I came home today is because I close tonight at work. I close with Chris again and Chuck this time instead of Seham. I hope we can get it over with and leave before 1am. I've been thinking about Doug a lot lately. I want to call him sometime before the end of the weekend. We haven't spoken for a few days because I haven't been home, but there's always e-mail. Nothing exciting going on here, though. I'm working on a new poem or two, and Mrs. Evans assigned a short story for creative writing. I'm planning on writing a fairy tale/fable about a pig who wants to be a mermaid. Pearl Swineheart is a beautiful name, don't you think? Long story about where my inspiration came from for that idea. I love my grandmother.:) She's just bursting with strange ideas like that one. I'm flattered because she always asks me first, too.:) I'm trying to find lyrics to a few of my favorite songs for Name That Tune, so keep checking back. Don't forget to let me know what lyrics you want me to post! Work awaits, so alas I must away to Burger King-haha! Catch you later!
March 31, 2002:
Home from work again. I honestly thought that Chris was going to kiss me tonight. We seemed to have a few moments, I guess. Call it "woman's intuition." Since Burger King is closed on Easter, Wendy closed with me and Chris tonight. We hung around afterward for a few minutes and talked, but Chris had to leave. He has to be a church to set up breakfast in a few hours. Poor guy, huh? Glad I don't have to wake up before noon-haha! I drove Wendy home, and here I sit typing away because I'm not nearly tired enough to fall asleep right now. I got Easter e-mails from Jessica and Chris. Apparently, he has enough energy to e-mail everyone with Easter greetings but can't hang out with me at BK-haha! Maybe his energy has something to do with drinking the chocolate and strawberry milkshake syrups at work tonight.:) That stuff is seriously awesome! I replied to him and e-mailed Doug to say good night and sweet dreams. Something's wrong with Doug's house phone, though, so he may not be able to read my e-mails for a few days. I'll probably try calling him tomorrow night or something. I just want to talk to him. He's a night owl like me, so I could probably just call him right now-haha! More interesting than sleeping, right? However, he and the rest of the gang I met about a month ago are probably shutting down Sneeky Pete's tonight. Dan used a few of my quotes from Don't Quote Me in his AIM profile. I made sure to let him know that I liked that, too-haha! My new Favorite Song Of The Moment is "Seven Days" by Craig David. I haven't listened to any other songs today-haha! Sexy song, I think.;) Check out Name That Tune for the lyrics! Well, Everyone, I must get to sleep sometime, I suppose. Typing forever will only further prolong the inevitable. Maybe I can dig up a movie I haven't seen for a while. Sweet dreams, Guys, and HAPPY EASTER!
