FEBRUARY 2002
February 2002
February 7, 2002:
One week and counting until the most romantic day of the year! I don't know why I'm excited, though. I mean, it's not like I have a date. Well, I want to hang out with Jon, but we haven't known each other for long. Even so, we're making the most of the time we spend together.;) Anyway, he's still pretty cool. He's sweet and funny and affectionate, and he knows what to do, too. I guess I'm not completely helpless, but I might learn a lesson or two from such a great teacher.;) I'm not sure what makes me like him so much. I mean, he has really cute brown eyes and great lips-the typically attractive physical stuff, you know-but I love hanging out with him. He jokes around and makes me laugh. We hung out all day yesterday. He found boxes of old pictures, and we sat on the couch looking through his memories for a good, long time. Younger birthdays, baby pictures, the time he burnt down the backyard. It was fun.:) He pointed out some of his family. We watched "Tommy Boy," and I remembered how hilarious that movie is-lol! "What'd you do?" I had a great time. We came here because he wanted to play pool, and I didn't take him home until about 10:45pm. It's about a 15-minute drive, but I didn't get home until after 11:30pm because I stayed for a good night kiss.;) Well, what do you expect from me? I told you that he has great lips. I want to see Jon this weekend. I think that we're officially dating, though, because he asked me, "Will you go out with me?" I said, "Yes," of course, and that happened on Saturday. I talked to Johnathan online a couple of days ago, and it was good to talk to him again. I felt like we hadn't talked for ages and ages. In this case, "ages and ages" only spanned about two weeks' time-lol!:) He asked me about my date with Jon on Sunday, and I told him all about it. Johnathan's awesome because he's the only guy I can talk "girl talk" with. It's great, Dude! He's easing through his schooling in Kingsbay, and he'll be home again in no time at all. I mean, he was just home for his Christmas leave, and it's already February! Where does the time go?
February 8, 2002:
Well, I had a great night at work, but I came home to a disappointing e-mail from Jon. He wants to talk and says that he doesn't know me. He wants to slow down and get to know more about me before jumping into the relationship river with both feet. Reading his e-mail made me feel empty inside again. This loneliness must be the definition of "Hell on Earth" because I can't imagine a worse torment. I mean, I understand what he's talking about and where his doubts are coming from, but we've only been dating for a week. I don't know a lot about him, but I don't think that we need to slow down. Jon wants me to call him tomorrow around 1PM. I'm glad because I like him a lot, and I want to talk, too. I hope that we can straighten out the kinks and settle a solution because I don't want another beginning to end. I'm starting to appreciate small things, like how my car smells like him for days after we hang out for a few hours. The whole situation sucks! I like this guy, Dude! Why isn't this relationship going the way that I want it to go? What did I do wrong this time?...
...Well, it's later, and I talked to Jon. Not as devastating as I anticipated. Of course, nothing ever is. Anyway, I think that we worked everything out, and we're going to get to know each other before dating. Even though I like him, and even though moving faster than I'm used to is cool, I'm flattered at the same time. I wish that I could be a dozen different people sometimes...
...Well, it's later again, and I'm home from work. I saw Jon tonight. We didn't speak much, but being at work with him was fun. Besides, he was trying to tickle me by the time my manager let me punch out, and that's a good sign.:) I won't see him tomorrow unless I decide to stop by and see him at work while I'm running my errands in the morning. He works 11:30am-2pm, but I work 4-7:30pm. Damn. I'm going to ask him if he wants to hang out on Tuesday because I know both of us have off. We'll see what happens tomorrow and all days after, and you know that I'd never disappoint my fans by leaving out the smallest detail.;) By the way, if you like hearing about my pathetic soap opera of a life, let me know by signing my guestbook!
February 10, 2002:
I went shopping this morning and decided to stop by and see Jon at work. He seemed happy to see me, and he talked to me for a few minutes. Unfortunately, he couldn't hang out. I told him that I'd stop by again tomorrow because he works 4:30-6:30PM, but I don't work. Today is Joe's first day at BK. I'm excited. Valentine's Day in four days and counting!
February 12, 2002:
Valentine's Day in two days and counting! How depressing is it that I work 5-11:45PM on Thursday? I'm closing with Zach, though. Closing on Valentine's Day won't be as incredibly sucky with someone cool around to talk to. Besides, it's not like I have a date, right? Double depressing. Anyway, I popped over to BK to request off for next weekend. I'm Virginia bound, visiting my grandparents to celebrate my grandmother's 81st birthday. Damn. It'll be awesome to see Brandy and C.J., though. My kickass cousins.:) I hope that they're free because I want to do something huge while I'm "Goin' South." I can't wait! I wish that weekends were longer. Well, no matter how long or short the trip, I'm always sad to leave, and like my mom keeps telling me, "any visit could be the last one before we're down there for a funeral." Is she morbid or what? I hate when she says stuff like that. It's so depressing, and I can't understand how she can say stuff like that about her parents. Anyway, I'm tired of talking about my family, so I should get going. Tune in next time-same emotional site-for another exciting installment.
February 15, 2002:
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! Sure, the most romantic day of the year wasn't a total loss for me. I mean, what day is when you laugh so hard that you cry, right? The romance department, however, left much to be desired. I e-mailed Jon before school to say, "Happy Valentine's Day!" His reply was, "you too." Don't get me wrong. I wasn't expecting a dozen long-stemmed red roses and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. A simple phone call to say "hi" and let me know that he's thinking about me would been nice, though. Am I right? I honestly don't know what I am. I mean, if we're dating, it certainly doesn't seem like it. On the other hand, if we're not, he shouldn't kiss me and send me mixed messages. It's a confusing and frustrating situation. I want to ask him what he wants, and I want an honest and straightforward answer. I'd feel guilty hanging out with Darrin or any other guy while dating Jon. I can't explain why I'm stupid, but I am. Surprisingly, especially to myself, I don't feel like I'd be devastated if Jon told me that we aren't dating or that we're friends. First of all, he asked me out about two and a half weeks ago-not exactly a long term relationship. Secondly, I don't appreciate his mixed signals and the confusion he has caused me. I don't want to set myself up to get hurt. Third, I can't figure out what wasn't cool about our first weekend because I was having a lot of fun. We won't know each other after one weekend, anyway, no matter how much time we spend together. Jon's impossible. Well, whatever happens, I'll deal with it and put it behind me. Besides, I'm not going to wait forever for him to come to his senses. No sense in making a fool of myself, and now that I have Darrin's cell number, maybe we really will hang out sometime. I wouldn't mind Darrin acting like a friend. Of course, I wouldn't mind Jon acting like a boyfriend-if that's what he wants.
February 17, 2002:
Well, I talked to Jon. He and I went for a drive on break the other day. I asked him, "Are we going out or what?" He said, "I don't think so." Fine. No problem. I know how to act now. I don't want a boyfriend. Well, I do, but whatever, you know? I don't need a boyfriend. Besides, how can I be depressed about being single when my cat died last night? I was determined to be strong-a brick wall, an emotionless tyrant. I didn't cry until my mom cried. I know that I sound a little harsh, but I hardly care about the cat. She's lived with my mom since last February, when my mom moved out. She's been sick for years. I'm shocked that she didn't die sooner. I can't handle others' tears, though. My dad buried her in the backyard earlier today. I didn't want to see her. I saw one dead pet in my entire life, my dog, Linus, and I can still see him when I close my eyes and concentrate. I guess it's like having a mild flashback. What a day! I work 4-7:30pm, so I'll be good to go later today. I hope that Zach works, too.
February 20, 2002:
Well, today was a good day. More than two people read Thinking Aloud from now on! About half of my Spanish class started on February 2002 after finishing their final drafts of their autobiographies. Hola, Chicas! Anyway, I promised Marilu a new entry today, and a promise is a promise, right? I'm glad my boring soap opera existence interests someone-lol!:) Since I saw everyone in class about a half hour ago, I don't have anything new and exciting to say, but I work 5-11:45pm tonight, so I should later. Work fuels the fire, I guess. One good thing is that Dan said that he'd go to my Senior Farewell with me, if I don't have a date by May whenever-it-is. No problem. Dan's a lot of fun to hang out with, so at least I know that I'll have a good time. I don't want to not go, you know? Two good things, actually, because Johnathan might be coming home in April! I hope that he does. Me, Dan, and Darrin formed what I'll call the "Tribunal," and the Tribunal's decisions are final and undisputable. The Tribunal has decided that Johnathan's coming home in April-haha! He can't argue, though, and I can't wait to see him again! He may not realize that he's been gone for a long time, but I do, and I miss him! Can you believe that February's almost over? I need to start preparing March 2002 for Thinking Aloud! A lot of exciting things should be happening with the Farewell and graduation coming soon! I can't wait! My Favorite Song Of The Moment is "Ain't It Funny" by J. Lo, and I think that almost everyone can relate to this song. Download, listen, relate. I haven't updated a lot for a long time, but I changed my perspective, and my entire site will look different before February's over. I hope that you like the new backgrounds and animations. Let me know what you think about my site by signing my guestbook! Well, it's that time again, and work beckons, so I must leave you again, but I think that I might write again after work. Depends upon how sucky closing goes, though. We'll see. Thanks for reading Thinking Aloud! Stay tuned!
February 25, 2002:
DATELINE: FRIDAY MORNING, APPROXIMATELY 6:40AM-Departure. Virginia, here I come! Slept almost the entire time. Arrival approximately six hours after departure, 12:40PM. Visited with Aunt Linda, Aunt Susie, and grandparents. Brandy and her Navy boyfriend, Chad, kidnap me after she works-haha!:) Dragged to Sneeky Pete's Bar & Grill, Navy hangout and social center of this evening. Meet Chad's Navy friends: Doug; Bill and Holly, who are dating; Kyle minus girlfriend, Candy. And all five of them are roommates. Also, Andy, who seems to take a liking to me quickly and stares excessively, making me feel slightly uncomfortable. Once he tries to make conversation, I find out that Andy has become bitter with the entire military experience and the robotlike state of mind necessary to deal with strict regulations. Andy apparently thinks outside the box. Anyway, the Navy friends make me feel welcome, and I feel secure with my acquaintances. Beautiful, carefree, laid back Navy people. Perfect. Obviously, everyone, except yours truly, drinks and smokes. No problem. I'll drink Coke and dance it up to the DJ with almost every Navy guy in the tight-knit group. I am told that there hasn't been a band in a long time because the band apparently broke up-lol! I take a liking to Doug and dance with him most. Seems like a sweet guy who dances almost as well as me-haha! Lucky him. I had a blast! Stayed at Sneeky Pete's until after 1:30AM, and, yes, Doug kissed me! Cool!;) Sweet guy gave me his jacket to wear because weather was cold. Planning on everyone staying overnight at Chad's place (pillow fight!), but Brandy promised her mom that she'd bring me home and stay at her place. Damn. Didn't stay at Chad's place. No one did. Decided to meet at Bill's to go out for breakfast. Most important meal of the day! Doug tells me to keep his jacket because he'll see me "in a few hours, anyway." Laying in bed, watching a Stephen King flick, falling asleep. Comprehended approximately 20 minutes of the movie.
DATELINE: SATURDAY MORNING, APPROXIMATELY 9:30AM-Shower to remove nasty mixed smell of cigarette and cigar smoke with alcohol, preparing to see Doug and go out for breakfast. APPROXIMATELY 10:40AM-Departure. Arrival approximately 11AM. Bill and Holly, Kyle and Candy lounging/sleeping. The chimney sweeps woke Doug approximately 8:30AM. Poor guy-lol!:) Hang out, watch movies, time passes. APPROXIMATELY 1PM-Doug and I make lunch run to Subway. We feel that a list is definitely necessary because neither of us trusts ourselves to remember four individual orders. Lunch received, we return home and picnic, watch movies. Bill and Doug recount horrifying stories about neighbor's creepy dog. Black poodle with no eyes. Freaked out? Liar-lol! Anyway, almost 4PM, so Brandy and Chad and myself must away to dinner at buffet restaurant. Celebrating grandmother's 81st birthday with family. Decide to return to Bill's for party afterward. Dinner at Golden Corral. Birthday cake, birthday balloons, birthday presents. Family gathered to celebrate special occasion. Return to Bill's for party. Once again, everyone, except yours truly, drinks and smokes. No smoking in the house, however. Smoking is confined in the garage. Good.:) Hang out with Doug and talk about small hometown with not much more than bowling alley and gas station, school, work, etc. Hanging out rocks! Want to stay at Bill's, but Brandy feels that she'd feel more comfortable staying at Chad's place. No problem. APPROXIMATELY 3:15AM-Departure. Brandy and Chad, Doug and me stay at Chad's place. Talking to Doug until starts to lighten outside.:) Very cool. He talks about the Navy. Been enlisted for four years, 16 more years ahead. Damn. Finally fall asleep, but wake up a few short hours later, strangely don't feel exhausted.
DATELINE: SUNDAY MORNING, APPROXIMATELY 8:40AM-Must return to grandparents' for departure at 10AM. Brandy takes Doug home. I kiss him good bye, and we exchange e-mail addresses and phone numbers.:) Slept almost the entire time. Arrival approximately six hours after departure, 3:15PM. Nap at Mom's before Dad arrives. Shower and sleep shortly after unpacking. Disgusted to find that entire contents of duffel bag reek of cigarette and cigar smoke/alcohol mixture. Every stitch must be washed. Repack duffel bag and toss downstairs-haha! Shower. Collapse on bedroom floor and sleep until alarm.
